Newbies Nest

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

Hopping into the nest

Hi all, I've been perched on a branch watching the activity in this nest, and I'd like to maybe settle in for awhile.

I'm on day 26 today, and I'm completely surprised at myself for that, as that's my longest stretch in probably 20 years. So while I'm happy about it, I'm also scared. It's all new territory.

So many of the posts here have hit home, especially the 'can I moderate' debate with myself, the 'becoming a hermit', and the reality of relationships that may not be that great when looked at with a sober eye. But these are all things that can be dealt with, given patience and time to work them through. I spent decades drinking too much so I can't expect everything to look peachy that quickly.

That said, I AM feeling better than I have in years - I'm sleeping better, my blood pressure has improved, and I'm less anxious. Looking forward to even more benefits.

Pixie

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

Gdog, I love the star trek theme - I wish I was good at creative writing so I could join in.

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Pixie - head to your nearest transporter room and we will beam you aboard. My ship is only leaving the gravitational pull of planet A. You are approaching the 30 day horizon. Keep blazing a trail.

Planet A has not sent any storm troopers yet tonight. Probably laying low for tomorrow night. They may be in stealth mode so I am keeping force fields on high for the evening.

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Omgod Gdog....you are too funny! I wish I knew more about Star Trek so that I could join in!!!!!!

Pixie....welcome.....26 days is awesome!!!!!!! Keep up the good work....any secrets you care to share that have helped you remain AF?!

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey - Just use google for endless amounts of Star Trek material. I feel all galactic shows are fair game in this journey. To infinity and beyond!

Pixie - I was just thinking you said longest in 20 years. Wow and way to go! That is very very cool.

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the welcomes! I thought I was going to feel very awkward posting here, but I like this place.

Sausage, I hope you're right about it getting easier. Enjoy your travels!

LillyE, how does the boot camp work? Sounds interesting. I think you are much stronger than I am at this point, if I went into a bar, I'd probably be under a table within an hour. Good for you for staying strong!

Pixie Hi from another newbie! Congrats to you on 26 days! I'm 7 days in today, and I'm already having the "Will I be able to moderate" inner conversation. Deep down, I don't think it will be possible. Once I take the first sip, I want more until I pass out or do something incredibly stupid (or both!). Like you, I'm trying to focus on the positives: Waking up without a headache or cottonmouth, being better rested, just feeling better in general. I keep telling myself that the hour or so of relaxation I get from booze isn't worth feeling like crap the entire next day.

I have to say that having the Antabuse on board makes my days a lot less stressful. Before, I'd spend much of the second half of the day debating whether I was going to drink before ultimately giving in. One less thing to stress about is nice. The craving is still there, but I can't give in to it.

Hope you all are doing well.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi again Nesters. Just checking in tonight. We were without power for about 5 hours this afternoon and tonight. To break up the boredom, we finally went to Walmart (I put on a little powder in the dim light left from the windows, lol, and ran a brush through my hair--fit right in!). When we got there they were out of power as well, and we had to wait about 15 minutes to get in, and couldn't shop for any cold items as they had also been without power for 5 hours. Major intersections were without traffic lights, and that was scary! The storm was so bad that a huge tree on the other side of our fence (in a wooded lot) crashed through our fence and landed on our deck and took out the hand rails.

So, that was my excitement for the day. Boy did it get boring fast without electricity. Whew, never been so glad to see lights on in the house.

Welcome Pixie and all of the other newbies. Hi again Dest, Fin, Gdog, Kradle, Byrdie, Lav and anyone I missed.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Humpty Dumpty

So? I'm here after a pretty big and bad fall. And right after saying - feeling - how great I was doing too.

*Sighs*

:upset:

I'm too upset - and hungover - to post about it all in-depth right now - but just wanted to do what I've been urging others to do. To get right back in here rather than just slink away in misery, as part of me wants to right now.

I thought about not saying anything; I was/am worried I'll negatively impact the great boot camp vibe (I'm so sorry guys.) But I just can't be that dishonest here. It's the only place I'm totally honest about my drinking - so much so I've been feeling a bit paranoid lately about anyone IRL somehow recognizing me, I've shared so much - that what would be the point of lying, really?

This does clarify for me once and for all I cannot drink, not even a little bit. The consequences are too big. I AM an alcoholic. And I feel so much better without it. And even a whiff of it just triggers massive cravings, even more so after an AF stint it would appear. (I've experienced this before but last night was particularly bad in that respect.)

I've deleted all goals from my sig except today's date because I'm hoping to fuck (sorry but I'm in a swearing kind of mood) this is my last ever day 1. And I hope to &^%$$* I'm here on July 31st celebrating 30 days. Byrdie can you order up an extra large party hat in advance please? I'm gonna need it.

If I ever start talking about moderating or drinking just a little can someone please just remind me how I felt today. Just say 'July 1st, 2012' and hopefully I'll remember it all in crystal clarity.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

On a less self-absorbed note (which may be all I'm capable of today, sorry) that was a wonderful post GDog. Have to admit the Star Trek theme went right over my head though...

Welcome Pixie! :welcome: So nice to see you delurk and congrats on your 26 days. I know just how amazing that feels after 20+ years of drinking. And how much effort it takes. So good for you! And right in time to get your special 30 day hat and Boot Camp honoree induction too. Happy to have you here and glad to hear the posts have hit home. (Well, not that they have had to but that they have helped.)

I relate to what you've said too. Firstly, even after two weeks sober I feel SO much better, especially the depression/anxiety. Secondly, that while that feels great we can't expect everything to be fixed super quick. I've been telling myself of late that I spent years drinking too much & being self destructive. My fledgling sober time is a drop in the bucket so far compared to all that.

And THANK YOU Mark for creating this fantastic place. So lovely to see you pop in and say hi. I cannot tell you how glad I am you built the Nest. Even, maybe especially, the day after I've fallen out of it.

ITGeekChick. Well, I don't think going to the bar was such a great idea after all, sadly. I had a sip of my friend's cocktail while there. I didn't mention this in my previous post because I didn't even think to! I didn't think I was being dishonest - it truly seemed totally insignificant compared to not drinking and feeling so great about it all. I don't think I even thought about it when I posted. Kind of forgot I had. I was just 'tasting' a drink I'd never heard of before (I am a food and wine writer after all). But, I wonder if it contributed to my cravings last night - I reckon it did, both physiologically and psychologically. Then, my friend came over for dinner and brought a bottle of wine. I had NO plans on having any. Even when I'm drinking I don't really drink red wine anymore. I love it but it makes me very allergic hayfever wise.

But somehow, over the course of dinner, I decided to have 'just one or two'. Fast forward to me probably drinking more than my share of the bottle - was very aware how fast I was guzzling it once I started and how slowly she was drinking in comparison - and, and I'm so ashamed to admit this as I adore this friend and had made us a lovely dinner, but I really just wanted her to leave so I could get more By the time she did the local bottleo was closed. I went to the seedy scary pub nearby that I never go to - because it's seedy and scary - and begged the closing up bartender to sell me a bottle. No dice. I got in a TAXI and went and got one elsewhere. Drank it all and clearly vomited at some stage. Don't remember that at all but when I woke up there was red-wined stained vomit on my white bathroom wall across from the toilet. I can't even quite work out how this happened except I must have projectile vomited while sitting on the toilet.

Lovely, huh?

Oh the shame.



I need a virtual hug and some words of encouragement guys.

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

{{{{{LillyE}}}}}}

Girl, I have been there, right down to the red vomit stains (only it was cinnamon schnapps instead of red wine). If I have a drink, or even a sip of a drink, at a party, it just makes me want more. I will drink until I'm bobbing and weaving around, or I'll bail and go get a bottle and bring it home (I prefer to drink alone after everyone has gone to bed).

Sorry you are having a rough time and hope you can bounce back quickly!

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Putting all systems on autopilot for the night. Made it safely through day one. Tomorrow we go deeper into space searching for life AF.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

ITGeekChick;1344357 wrote: {{{{{LillyE}}}}}} Girl, I have been there, right down to the red vomit stains (only it was cinnamon schnapps instead of red wine). If I have a drink, or even a sip of a drink, at a party, it just makes me want more. I will drink until I'm bobbing and weaving around, or I'll bail and go get a bottle and bring it home (I prefer to drink alone after everyone has gone to bed).

Yep and ditto.

Thanks IT, I needed that. I am feeling so sad today.

The only good thing I can see from this is it resolves any question I had around whether I can drink "moderately" - nothing moderate about that behaviour at all.

*Sighs*

Yep, I'm going to get my ass back in the Nest and hang tight til July 31st and beyond.

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

:lLillyE....LillyE...my dear sweet LillyE......big hugs to you:l I am so sorry that you had such a shitty night and haven't felt good today. I don't know what it is that makes us think we can have just 1 or 2 drinks and be done with it. Grrrrrrrrr! I also took my countdown off my signature....I am just so tired of having to put day 1...again and again! I am so glad that you took your own advice and didn't run and hide from us. I fell out of the nest too but now my ass is back in it and I have Crazy glued myself in here. I have plenty of glue for you too....so come back in and glue yourself next to me! :hallo: It's hard to come on here and admit defeat....but this is the only place that I can be brutally honest about my drinking and for that I am truly thankful. I feel as though wth each quit I get a little stronger in my desire to conquer this once and for all. I am just so tired and exhausted of AL and everything that comes with it! I do think it is helpful to post on here when we do fail and hopefully others will learn from our mistakes. :h

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

LG...it sounds like you had one hell of a day.....love your Walmart story! Ha! 5 hours without power in this heat must've been brutal.....yikes! Thank God the tree didn't fall on your roof or something.....that would've been horrible...it's bad enough it took out some of your deck...ugh! I am glad you have power now....hopefully tomorrow will be less exciting! Ha!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

ITGeek.....I am the same way! I start off with every good intention of having just a few and I only end up waking up in the middle of the night and wondering how the hell I got to bed! Ugh! I did all my drinking at home...alone. I had my bottle stashed in the pantry behind a big bag of dog food. I would walk by and drink it stright out of the bottle so I could get buzzed quicker....why the hell waste precious time mixing the vodka with soda and risking getting caught. Stupid...stupid!!!!!