Newbies Nest

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Well Day 5 down and out, counted to 3 and AL did not get up. So I won this round.:yay::wd:
Congrats to everyone out there who has made it this far also, and those who have gone farther, you are our inspiration. Enjoy your evening

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

Kradle, congrats on getting through the 4th! I too have a son with special needs (autism) so I can relate to how creative one has to get in parenting sometimes!

Litre, congrats on getting to day 5!

Perdida, congrats on day 10!

I was wrong about no alcohol at the 4th of July shindig yesterday. My SIL opened the door, handed me a Big Gulp cup, and told me to try a sip. "What is it?" "Just try it." "Is there alcohol in it?" "Yes." "I can't." "Oh" (surprised look). My family, with the exception of my husband, does not know I sought treatment, so I simply said I was on meds that don't mix with alcohol. It was a bit awkward.

I noticed a difference between myself and my SIL, though. She would take a sip, put the cup down, go do something else, come back and take another sip, etc. I, on the other hand, would never have put the cup down except to refill it.

Hope all of you are well!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Perdida...I was hoping that someone else would chime in and take your question. My answer isn't always so popular. "But I really don't want to quit. I really just want to be able to moderate". Well, my dear....that is what we ALL want when we come here. Every single one of us HOPE that we can get our arms around this thing and be able to drink normally...like other people do. We want to be able to not want it....to turn our backs on it even. We want to control IT instead of IT controlling us. I have been here 2 and a half years...I've seen those words 1000 times....hell, I wrote them myself!
What you want to hear: Sure, once you set your mind to it, you will be able to set limits for yourself and stick to them. If you want to just drink on weekends, or just in social situations, just set your mind to that. Stick to no more than 2 drinks a night? Sure. After all, 2 drinks is better than the NO drinks I'm getting now, right?
Well, someone very wise said around here somewhere, that by the time you decide try and moderate....it's already got you. Here's the thing...when you come here and try to string along your AF days....and you start to feel better...you begin to have 'euphoric recall'. Maybe I didn't have that bad a problem after all!! If I can quit like this, I should be able to handle it again. I will reevaluate my relationship with AL and because I am more self aware of it now, I can just enjoy a few drinks when I want or decide to. My sad realization is this. Before I came here, I did try to moderate. I tried to quit and couldn't. I tried and tried again....and caved. Once I got here and found some support...I actually had better luck quitting for a few days at a time. It was just too hard...besides, I didn't want to give it up totally. Just watch it. Well I watched it all right. I watched it creep right back up to my previous levels and WORSE! Once you start putting rules on yourself....when you finally give yourself permission to drink....you are almost in a panic about it and you drink all you can possibly hold and more! I never drank harder the year I tried to moderate.

I'm afraid that once a pickle, you can never go back to the cucumber. I've had friends stay sober for 9 years and think they had it beat....only to go back to the same levels and then worse. Personally, I say it can't be done. I have seen and followed folks on here trying to do that for years. Many of them are still fooling themselves. Once you have a drinking problem, you can't go back and it be all better. If I knew why I' d have a book out there....it's the power of addiction.

So what do you do? I say give yourself 30 AF. If you hum along and it's no problem for you...you don't even really think about it....you forget how many days you've gone??? Well, you just may be that one person that we all think we are. If, however, you are thinking about alcohol 24 hours a day.. justifying why drinking is ok when you told yourself you were quitting....when you make rules for yourself and then change them...and then break those. When you cannot wait for the day/time you set for yourself to start drinking....if you can't even enjoy the drink you are having for worrying about getting the next one?? Well, pull up a twig, you might be one of us.

This has been the topic of many conversations around here...this is my opinion....God knows I REALLY tried to make it work....but it was too powerful. Alcohol wins every time. The only way to get it off your back is to cut off its food source. You must kill this Beast....and it is hard to do. It makes you think you are the one who is different...you are the one that can do it. My money is on AL. Everytime. It is a sad and sorry tale.....and I wrote it...and I read it right here every day. Cutting off the head is the only way to win. ACCEPTANCE of that is a long time in coming. Byrdie

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone -

Thanks for the congrats on Day 30, and Byrd thanks for the hat - how does it look on me?


I don't believe I've ever gone this long without alcohol, since I've been of legal drinking age that is (and that was eons ago :yukko. I've tried a few times, but mostly over the last few years I've just tried to cut back - limiting the drinks in a night, or taking a break during the week. But inevitably I would start sliding down that slippery slope.

Recently it started to feel like drinking was a second job - worrying about having enough in the house, making rules for how much I drink or how late I start. And of course the hangovers when I couldn't keep it under control. There was no fun in it anymore - it was something I had to do.

So while I religiously take my supplements, and have lots of tools I learned on here, I think it was a change in my view on what drinking is for me, that got me to 30 days (and will get me further on this journey). But I remain on high alert - it's still early days.

Kradle - I have that aspirin if you want it.

Gdog - I'm thinking of you and your family.

Perdida, Litre, and everyone else - congrats on your AF days.

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

I cross-posted with Byrdie, and I think I also without knowing it agreed with what Byrdie said.

I think it's possible that a rare few can successfully moderate, as we're all very different physiologically and mentally. But I also think that you have to work that through for yourself - someone else telling you it can't be done is not going to seal the deal. (Not saying it shouldn't be said - just the opposite I think we need to hear it, as part of the process.)

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Why, Pixie, I do believe that is the purtiest hat I've ever seen!!! Do stay clear of bee's nests, won't you?:H

Well, Nesties, we went out for a little day trip today and had a good time. I was even joking in Walmart about buying AL. I asked my bf, right next to an older lady in the produce isle, "Honey did you get me that case of beer?" And he said, "No." I said, "Well, did you get that jug of wine I like?" :H:H I had fun acting like a child in the store, lol. I was skipping at one point. Thank god ya'll don't "know" me. I might embarrass the hell out of you!

I made some potato, squash and corn chowder for dinner. It was delish! Just took a long, hot shower with my new coconut shampoo (thank you walmart), and I am going to watch a little Netflix. Life's good.

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Kradle - Your son knows what you are trying to do with boundaries and healthy choices is right. Same with mine. I talked with him tonight on the phone and he said he was not ready to come home and agree to our rules. Told him I loved him, we will welcome him back when he is ready to do it our way.

Your son will adore you someday for being in the battle and not caving. Same with mine. Today they want freedom, but this does not help them become men. Hang in there.

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Gdog;1346442 wrote: Kradle - Your son knows what you are trying to do with boundaries and healthy choices is right. Same with mine. I talked with him tonight on the phone and he said he was not ready to come home and agree to our rules. Told him I loved him, we will welcome him back when he is ready to do it our way.

Your son will adore you someday for being in the battle and not caving. Same with mine. Today they want freedom, but this does not help them become men. Hang in there.

GDog:

I agree completely. Deep down they both know we are on their side. After posting I felt better. I am so glad you connected with your son and know he is safe.

On a happier note...tonight was the first night to DROP THE POTS!! Yes ladies and gentlemen we are officially open for crabbing! :happy::
I had a blast with my dear friends whom I have spoken of before and who do drink alot and I drank alot with them. I was fine tonight...They dont drink on the boat and we cut bait, did round-about donuts, watched the seals, rode the ferry wakes. The kids had such a good time. It was a ton of fun. And I did it all sans Alcohol.
Imagine that.

Pixie I love your hat and I love that you crossed the finished line. I'll take that aspirin though. 2 hours screaming my head off in the boat! :H It's a speed boat...

Hi LG: Haven't talked to you in awhile and you sound SO GREAT!! I am in AWE. :wave:
A senior no less. I feel like I need to make an appointement now to PM you! I want to go shopping at walmart with you. We could load up the cart with beer and wine and leave it near sporting goods.... just kidding. Congratulations on your promotion

ItGeek: Nice save with your SIL. I loved your saying that you would only put your cup down to reflll it. One of the things I love about MWO is our dear members like you who can shed great light on things I did that I didn't even realise I had been doing. I would have my glass glued to my hand the whole evening or find a special spot in case I lost it... God help me if someone took it and put it in the dishwasher. Shudder!:upset:

Well, Feet up and watching Voyager. 7 of 9 has downloaded too much info into her Borg implant while regenerating and is now in danger of a paranoid overload which can tear the crew apart ...sounds like my life.

Hugs,

:l

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

LG you crack me up. And I want to see that become your personal life motto! Hey, it beats the hell out of crappy and boring, right?

I'm still struggling to type on the iPad and there's so much I could say to all these great posts...

Firstly, Gdog, Kradle, and IT - my heart really goes out to you all. My nephew is autistic. I so admire parents who can deal with kids with disabilities with good grace and humour - it's a very tough road!!!! GD, I hope your son returns soon and I'm sorry he mocks your efforts to quit but know that you will be a better dad to him in the long run if you beat this.

I've had a tough week physically and emotionally but I think it's ultimately good because I'm getting to that acceptance place Byrdie talks of. I've been doing that dance of "moderation" (ha!) for a year and it has only made my drinking far WORSE! And it wasn't great to begin with. I am FINALLY accepting I have to quit for good and I know that's a good thing but right now it's still sad, scary and a little lonely. Thank god for you all. And listen to Byrdie peeps. She knows of what she speaks and it's the truth 100% though sadly I think addicts almost always have to learn this the hard way. I know I have.

I've been hermiting all week, cancelled various plans, but tonight I have to go out... To a bar. Sigh. and yes, I have to and NO, I absolutely 100% will not drink. I do plan to start avoiding bars/pubs/heavy drinking friends as much as possible but sometimes it just isn't possible. From here forward I do plan to minimise these occasions as much as possible, however but Jesus that's hard in a country where bloody everything revolves around booze!

Anyway

YAY Pixie, our first boot camp hat. Who's next?

FIN,
I'm worried about you and I hope July 4th didn't trip you up? Let us know how you're going buddy, ok?

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Day 5 today btw and I can't wait for Monday cause I know how much better I start to feel after around a week AF. I'm buying myself some fancy tea on Sunday to celebrate a week. note that's a WHEN not an IF

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Also, Perdida, I missed your moderation question before but, as above, 100% what Byrdie said, at least for, oh, just 99% of us... And, hon, if you haven't learnt to drink 'responsibily' in 10 years why do you think you will now? Unfortunately, if you are here your brain is probably just not wired for moderation. Have you done much reading on alcoholism beyond that? try 'Under the Influence' as a good starting point or just google your heart out. even those 'one drink' days will keep the craving alive sorry to say. For those of us who are truly addicted we can no more moderate reliably than a former junkie could shoot up 'just a little bit' 'just every now and then'.

KRADLE, isn't it an AMAZING feeling to do something we formerly associated with alcohol and find you can still have a terrific time AF?! YAY FOR YOU. you are growing in leaps and bounds this week my dear.

Speaking of reading, again I recommend Spiritual River to everyone. I've been reading back through the articles and finding it very helpful and inspiring.

ok, I may not be on much this weekend as much going on but will be peeking in and thinking of you all.

Go well all,

Lilly x

[heartily]

Newbies Nest

:welcome: here. new here too

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Well Day 6, bring it on. I am primed and ready.

Perdida, Byrdie could not have said it better. I have been on this site for a few years. My last account I cound not remember my password, so I started another profile. I was told exactly what Byrdie said, if I could moderate I would not be here. If you decide to try, we will pray you are the one who can. I know it is not in my cards. I drank more when I tried to moderate, I even hide it after away.

Kradle, Koodles to you coming to the nest instead of a glass.

Geek, I also know how difficult it is to tell people about our drinking and wishing to stop. Good for you to check and ask questions.

Byrdie, Very good strong advice. You may have been the one to talk to me about moderation back then. Like you when I tried to moderate I drank more and even began to hide it.

Pixie, a BIG CONGRATS on your 30 days:goodjob: and yes the Hat so bee comes you:H

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

This morning feeling very settled about the reality of it all. The mystery is I need to go to a deeper well for my joy than Alcohol. I think I am ready.
My son may come home today or never. My bills may get paid today or never. Fighting it all is a waste.
Today I want to be ok with it all. Ok with the reality that I can not drink. There is pain in that, but a bigger freedom.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Well, back from my night at the bar and even had a great chat with a supportive friend about it who opened up about her own drinking concerns. (frankly I spotted her as one of us a long time ago but I'm sure not pushing that on anyone unless they ask me for help directly. We all know there's no point if people aren't ready and I don't want people to fear I'm judging their drinking all of a sudden.)

Part of my newfound determination is that I'm going to start telling good friends I have quit. No more of this 'I'm just taking a break' shit - I want to make it official. I've quit. End of story. That doesn't mean I need to spill my heart about all the ins and outs to all and sundry but I want to start drawing that line in the sand externally as well as internally.

Though that said, for those who've asked about what to say about why they're not drinking... I've also said:
"I'm just finding I feel so much better for not drinking."
"it just doesn't agree with me anymore."

All true, really. I don't think we need to do some major disclosure unless we want to with good friends but, frankly, fuck anyone who gives you shit for not drinking. I have learnt over the last year that the people who do are either alcoholics themselves and/or clueless insensitive dicks I have no more time for. I've had friends who I am pretty certain are alcoholics themselves be amazingly supportive. likewise, I've had friends who totally aren't really try hard to understand and be supportive. Those are the people that count and screw the others. Seriously.

Can you all tell I'm feeling feisty at the moment?

Night all.

L xx

p.s. still getting used to the iPad so please forgive the increased typos!