Newbies Nest

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey minstar - and all - I know how you feel.....I am surprised at how close I've come to drinking again and it scares the hell out of me....

Here is the thread...and there are links within it that are excellent also....

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ate-53575.html

I think I'll take a look again too...

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

Happy Monday everyone

DfromCT - that really is a cool avatar. I'm not a Dead Head either, though I do enjoy their music when I listen to it. Regards moderation, I think this site gives you the best tools possible for trying either moderation or AF - lots of info on supplements and drugs, and tons of support. Then you make your own plan and give it your best shot. I agree we are all very different and what works for one may not work for others - it would be easier if it were more black and white.

Gdog - keep the faith, and please don't think of giving up.

Minstar - I have not read Vale's book yet though it seems to get good reviews. I'm reading Allen Carr's book at the moment - not far enough in to know whether I will get anything from it, but far enough to see he has quite a bit of ego (I'm trying to ignore that part).

Lily - I also like what you wrote about a new adventure, and how 99% of your time is wasted (no pun intended) when you're drinking. I'm trying to change my view of being AF from that of deprivation to something awesome. Someone else on here described it like this - instead of thinking of AF as your prison where you are deprived of the freedom to drink, think of it instead as the point where you are released from prison - free of the hangovers and guilt and wasted time - and you now have a brand new life ahead of you to spend as you wish.

Best wishes to all.

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Wildflowers.....thanks so much for sharing that pic and for the encouraging words!! I have 2 barn swallow nests on my front porch and I love watching them. So far two sets of little birds have flown the nest. I had to help the last one out in this heat....3 babies died.... so everyday I gave the last little bird water through a small syringe...I couldn't bear to see that one die too...the other day he flew from the nest! Yay!

[Wildflowers]

Newbies Nest

DfromCT;1348033 wrote: Hi, Wildflowers. Thank you for the inspiration, and support. I wish you nothing but good fortune and sobriety.

You may be right about moderation for you, maybe for me, but certainly not for all people. I was attracted to this site because it offers a chance at moderation, and doesn't force the AA attitude of "all or nothing" with regards to drinking. Certainly there's been many people that have successfully been able to moderate their drinking. I'm hoping I can be one of them, as opposed to failing at sobriety if I am able to have two beers and then stop for the night.

What works for some, doesn't work for all. Again, I'm hoping to be a moderate drinker...after a period of sobriety. If I can't do it, I won't call myself a failure, I'll just admit that I can't do it. Others have tried and succeeded. If nobody has succeeded at moderation, then this whole site, and the hundreds like it are a farce.

Today I'm not drinking.

I am neither for AA or against it!... However, I do incorporate parts of AA in my plan!...Yes, there have been many people that have been able to control their drinking, I am however not one of them! I am not sure where you got this idea about me, "You may be right about moderation for you" ? At the bottom I clearly state Done With Alcohol & my sobriety date. Not sure where you got that from? I'm not assuming anything about you. I have no idea what your drinking history is or your relationship is to alcohol. Yet, we all can interpret things differently. (Just ask my hubs~ hahaha....) I will tell you mine is 30+ years. I've tried modding until I'm blue in the face, also tried harm reduction. They are different. Thus why my goal is AF!...

I absolutely agree that this site was & is created for people who either want to modd or abstain. In fact there is a section devoted entirely to modding. I understand very well, it takes time to figure out, whether or not a person is able to do that or not!... We are all free to post on any threads as we see fit, unless it begins to really ruffle the feathers of the community as a whole, or a particular group.

We are all individuals & what approaches we use & how we tackle this alcohol problem may differ. I'm not a person who believes in a "one size fits all". Nobody here is a failure!.... We are here to support, encourage & build!.... But, as individuals, people will be in different phases of their journeys & also have different teaching styles. Sometimes it is hard communicating via the internet as its a two dimensional world. We may be at a bit of a disadvantage without our other communication tools & senses.

I also wish you success & "good fortune" in your modding goals!....


Namaste,

Wildflowers :h

PS. Perhaps, I should have been more clear. I was putting that part out there about modding for Minstar. Just a tad concerned.

Done With Alcohol 5/23/12

[Wildflowers]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey;1348084 wrote: Wildflowers.....thanks so much for sharing that pic and for the encouraging words!! I have 2 barn swallow nests on my front porch and I love watching them. So far two sets of little birds have flown the nest. I had to help the last one out in this heat....3 babies died.... so everyday I gave the last little bird water through a small syringe...I couldn't bear to see that one die too...the other day he flew from the nest! Yay!

Your welcome!... Thought somebody would enjoy it. Hubs took it from his I-phone. Hoping to get a digital for my 50th next wk. I have an older Pentax out door water camera. Anyway, he sent it to my e-mail & I followed Stirly Girl's instructions on test bed to Photo Bucket & Wa La

Destiney, You are such a beautiful spirit!.... I'm a bird watcher too!... I love animals, plants & nature! I bet you are receiving great pleasure watching those little swallows fly free from their nests! I'm sorry that some don't make it hun!....

Think of your sobriety as a gift! It's your freedom to live a healthy & happy life!... Fly Destiney Fly!... :lilangel: Thank you for taking care of that barn swallow baby!... :l :h

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Moving into the evening zone. Always the super hard challenge. Feeling ok at the moment for tonight. Going to change out of work clothes, go for a walk, brew some decaf, maybe watch something with teenagers, and go to bed early.

Thanks for the constant encouragement. I am staying in the battle. There were many many weeks and months that I never missed a day of drinking last year. This year has been at least engaging the enemy. I think I may go count up my total for the year of AF days to cheer me up and give me some positive thoughts.

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

LillyE;1347733 wrote: I'm glad that resonated with you IT - it did for me too. I have been thinking a lot lately about how much time was actually fun when I was drinking. Sometimes it was still, to be honest, but I'm quite sure that "fun" time was actually pretty fleeting if you could really pinpoint and measure it and that much more of the time I was anxious, depressed, hungover or craving both while drunk and sober. What a waste of time, hey?

Hang in there hon, you're doing well. About two weeks now, right? I don't know about you but I definitely start to see a boost in how i feel around then. Sure, you'll have bad days, but you should be starting to reap the benefits physically and mentally, right? :h

Hey, are you an IT Geek Chick professionally or just personally? Just curious..

Yep, two weeks yesterday. Sometimes I still want a drink at night, but it is nice to wake up in the mornings without a hangover. And you're right, most of my "fun" time was spent hungover, recovering, craving, and getting ready for that next drink, which provided maybe an hour of "relief."

I am a professional IT geek chick. I try to keep the computers up and running in three state offices. At home I keep it simple and stick to Macs.

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

"If you think, you can still Modd, read Nicey life's story, in the tool box. It doesn't take long & your right back in the egg again"

Wildflower, I wasn't clear in my post! I was really saying "you might be right about you, and maybe about me" w/r/t the quote above. In other words, your statement (see above) seemed to be saying that NOBODY can moderate. I took it personally, and was a bit taken aback. I had no idea that was directed at Minstar.

I have a 33 year relationship with AL. It has been more severe since the late 90's, and I've probably had something to drink every day since then, and had at least 5 or more drinks almost every day for the last 15 years. I'm attracted to the idea of moderation, and have a lifelong friend that's been in AA since the late 80's. When I told him earlier today that I've started MWO, he of course wanted me to admit I have no power over alcohol, start meetings, and never think that I can drink responsibly again. That's where he comes from as a 25 year AA vet. I was somewhat dissappointed that he couldn't just be happy I'm doing SOMETHING!

So I read that original post that I was responding to from a place that was still feeling that upset after speaking with my friend. I was actually lashing out at you saying "Maybe you can't be moderate, but I'm going to try." I'm glad I didn't come across stronger, though. This way we could have a conversation rather than the arguement I was probably trying to start.

You know Minstar better than I do. I wish EVERYONE here reaches their goals, whether it be moderation or abstinence.

I really REALLY enjoyed the bird story...the reason I'm on this journey is to become a sober and responsible parent. This is my second time around. I have a 17 year old daughter from a previous marriage and want to be a better father to the twins my wife will give birth to on August 9 (assuming she makes it to week 38.) Why did I agree to go down the path of having kids this late in life? Because my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know it's worth it, and I have an opportunity to be present in my latest children's lives more than I was the first time around since I didn't have primary custody of my daughter after divorce. Had I kept drinking as I was, I was sure to end up in the same boat!

Wow, this was starting out as a short post to clarify. Thanks for making me take a look, once again, why I'm trying to take control. I want to get to 30 days. I know I must. I appreciate your support, and send a hug for what you've done for me tonight! I'm also going to look up "Namaste"!! :l

It's almost 9 PM here. I'm thinking I might make it to day three...

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Thanks again, Wildflower! I went to dictionary.com, and found this: namaste: a conventional Hindu expression on meeting or parting, used by the speaker usually while holding the palms together vertically in front of the bosom.

Your teaching me in many ways my friend. Thank you!

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

DfromCT, you will find that most of the long termers on MWO do not support moderation as a rule. Not that they are heartless or can't see how somebody could want to moderate, but because they have the advantage of having "been there, done that". Most people who get to the point with AL that they need help quitting (i.e., coming to this site), cannot just quit for a month and then start a new relationship with AL. As you know, if you read around this site, some people have quit for much longer than that and tried to moderate, and still found it impossible.

I have decided that I have changed my relationship with AL, after first 39 days AF, and then 47 days AF. I never thought I could quit my nightly habit before I joined here, and it's an empowering feeling (now that I have). However, I have been reading around the site (again) about moderating, and I know it's a gamble. But, like you, I need to try it. I also may have to admit that it didn't work for me, but also like you I don't want to say, "I am a failure."

By definition, a Nest is meant to hold a newbie for only so long. All of us have to find our wings and learn to fly. Whether we fly the AF path or try the pot-holed, rocky path of moderation that tripped up so many before us, we still have to fly. I wish you success along with myself, and I'm grateful there is a safety net if I choose to use it.

Lg

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

pixie;1348074 wrote: Lily - I also like what you wrote about a new adventure, and how 99% of your time is wasted (no pun intended) when you're drinking. I'm trying to change my view of being AF from that of deprivation to something awesome. Someone else on here described it like this - instead of thinking of AF as your prison where you are deprived of the freedom to drink, think of it instead as the point where you are released from prison - free of the hangovers and guilt and wasted time - and you now have a brand new life ahead of you to spend as you wish..

It's times like this I wish there was a LIKE button for posts. LikeLIKELike Pixie. It's not easy every day for sure but that's totally where I'm trying to go with this too. It's got to be better/easier than the wringing-our-hands feeling-sorry-for-ourselves alternative, right? Which isn't to say I expect we'll all be springing out of bed every morning dancing and singing about how free we are - I woke up SO sad today about all the regrets/wasted opportunities of AL - but we can try to hold that mind set in place as an ideal vision of how to approach this.

DfromCT - not a Dead Head here either but I was living in SF when Jerry died, which was a pretty amazing time. Oh the tributes in Golden Gate Park.

As far as moderating, I think what ALL the long-termers on this site - and all the medical literature - will say is that if you are truly an alcoholic you will find you CAN NOT moderate. It's pretty much the definition of alcoholism. Byrdie put it well "The first sure sign of alcoholism is wanting to quit and not being able to. The second is thinking you can moderate." Did I get that right B? Love that quote - I certainly related. But, if you are the exception, the problem drinker that can learn to moderate then whoo hoo, happy times (because that's what we'd all secretly love to be), and it's still great to spend some time here figuring that out and getting a better handle on your drinking. And by being here, sharing and reading, I reckon you will figure that out. Just be alert to the signs you are the former and not the latter - far more of us here are than not, frankly. But I'm not telling you what kind of drinker you are. I have no idea other than you would not have found your way here if there wasn't something important you needed to learn about it all. (And I don't mean that in a touchy-feeling new agey way but in a "you wouldn't have searched for 'quit drinking' sites otherwise" way.)

MinStar, I liked Vale's book more than I expected to. It can't hurt, right? Or try something new? Have you been to the Spiritual River site? I keep harping on about this site just because I'm getting a lot out of it at the moment. Loads of great articles. Well done on your AF time. I really hope you stick with it as I'd hate to see the follow up filled-with-regret posts post a relapse that one does more often than not see here when someone has had a good long stretch then relapsed. I have yet to read someone say they had an AF period, went back to drinking, and a few years later it's all still well and good. But then again, in all fairness those people probably wouldn't come back and post again. I am still wary that there's many of them out there though. Keep going. The fact you came here and asked questions before you drank suggests to me you know at heart what the best choice for you is. I hope you can find happiness and solidity in your ongoing sobriety.

ITChick - well DONE on two weeks, that is fabulous! Just keep going! As for IT Geekdom, I've used/owned both PCs and Macs over time but I seem to have turned into a Mac tragic with almost every Apple product you can get. I have mixed feelings about this but I do love my iToys...

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Also, be prepared to be outright ignored and shunned if you do decide to moderate. Could be why you don't see many successful moderators here too. Just sayin.

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Hey LG....I missed seeing you around today! I thought of you this morning having to go back to work after some days off...ugh! Have a great night.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

LibraryGirl;1348153 wrote: Also, be prepared to be outright ignored and shunned if you do decide to moderate. Could be why you don't see many successful moderators here too. Just sayin.

You may have a point LG and it may also be that those who are happily modding - like some who are happily longterm abstaining - no longer feel the need to come here. This is clearly a VERY fraught issue on this site which is, by definition, primarily for people with serious alcohol issues. I can fully sympathize with how it must suck to be trying to find a happy, healthy path to moderation and be told you can't or shouted down.

I do see the other side completely too though - because, as you've noted, there are countless stories here of those who've tried to moderate to disastrous consequences. So I know - and I think you do too - that people's hearts are in the right place when they react this way to modding. They just don't want to take the risk of encouraging someone to mod when it could be deadly to them.

Think of it this way - the potential risks of that are much, much worse than a modder not getting the support they need. Sorry, I know it sucks, I do, but if you can mod successfully then not getting sufficient support for it here ain't gonna kill you, it's just annoying and disheartening, whereas the flip side...

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Heading off to bed after making it through day one.