Newbies Nest

[windy]

Newbies Nest

DfromCT, I have really enjoy reading your posts lately. You sound as if you have a good plan and are taking control of your drinking. I would strongly discourage you from taking some wine in the hospital with dinner. Two things could happen: 1. You have one glass of wine to celebrate taking the twins home and that is it; or 2: you have one glass of wine and continue until you are bloto. So you have a 50/50 chance. All I ask is to consider the outcome. My experience tells me that one glass of wine might be enough the first time and perhaps the second, but somewhere along the line you are going to go too far and regret it. I hope not, and maybe you can do it and if you need to try, I totally understand too. Just know that one glass of wine will not be any different than having lemonade or any other tasty beverage you can have. One drink of wine will NOT give you the desired buzz we seek, so you create a slippery slope in my opinion. So why not have something non-alcoholic?? If you seek the buzz, you will chase for it. I seriously had to laugh when you doctor said you should check in every week, then suggested your appointment be in three. WTF. Do you trust him or did he forget that part that quickly??? Hmm

Litre, You also sound really good today and focused on your journey. Ahh the emotional roller coaster. I was on that yesterday. A ride we must take and so much turmoil to deal with and it is hard sober, BUT it is worth it. To be able to work through our emotions sober is somehow a beautiful thing. To realize we can get through it and listen to our inner voices rather than blanking them out is refreshing. Keep it up! Oh...I actually live in USA but right across from Lake Ontario...if you remember our conversation regarding Dover and the 13th.

Monique -- Great job on 69/70 days. Especially .... good job on doing the vacation sober. That was my doing in, so I know how hard it is. I will be tested again in a few days as I travel across the US of A to visit family for a reunion and see my ailing mother....BIG GULP. Your success is encouragement for me... Keep going!!

Finally Done, Thanks for checking in...I love to see your smiling face here. Fishing??? Hmmm ...I need to do that too. This summer has not been fun enough YET!! Keep up the good quit.

IT Geek -- For me the headaches were normal and did not go away until I did a 7 day cleanse. Emotions are all over the place. I would suggest trying to meditate for a while or look into it.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Dave, your family is very lucky to have you. You’re working with a solid plan and congratulations on your success so far. The first time I seriously quit – last Feb, I allowed myself a glass of wine at a baby shower. I was able to stop – but it was probably worse than going on a full blown bender! It “proved” to me that I had control. (I was just past my 30 days). Maybe a week or so later, I bought wine and drank some at home. I might have made the bottle last a couple days. It was a miracle! I was cured! It slowly built back and back up – I wasted my summer trying to get back on track – and in September when I faced up to the fact that I had a huge empty vodka bottle hidden in my closet and when I reached under my bed for the box of wine in the middle of the night – (hubby was away – and the box was empty) - well, I just couldn’t live with myself any more. I couldn’t deny that there was no changing me. I used to be able to drink “normally” but that’s never going to happen again. I do know that you have to figure things out on your own, but I also think that sharing stories here helps so much.

Litre, you’re doing great – all that you say is true – those urges lose strength – and our crazy emotional ups and downs do even out. It’s funny – even if we raise our voices in excitement – our little girl doggie gets scared…

Hi Windy. I love your honesty…you always tell it like it is. This is quite the learning experience isn’t it? I am so glad that I faced my mother's passing and all the turmoil that surrounded it - (family drama!) sober...I never woke up wondering if I was the one who was thinking and speaking irrationally. email me from the road if you need to vent - I know I did LOTS of venting. I also started writing my thoughts in a journal on the computer - MAN did that help lots. I hope you're mom's ok.

I had an epiphany the other day. I was walking my doggies and out of the blue I had a thought. Now – I am going on 10 months AF – which in the beginning seemed like an impossibility. ..an eternity– now it seems like such a short amount of time… anyway. This thought hit me from out of the blue. I actually saw myself remaining a non-drinker. That as much as drinking has defined who I was – for 30 years – I “actually” saw myself – in that moment – as a person who was not defined by drinking.

I have struggled because I don’t want being AF – to “define” who I am. I don’t want to be the person who everyone knows “she doesn’t drink” the person that makes everyone uncomfortable…and I am determined to not come across that way…but I did see the other day that it can be part of who I am. I am struggling to put this into words. And I’m not even sure that I now understand the whole significance of that thought. But I know that something that I knew that I was supposed to realize all this time – for the very first time, sunk in through my thick skull at that moment. I still have so much to learn…I think deep down I don't believe that I am fun without drinking. But in reality - I haven't been a "fun" drunk in a very very long time.

There was boredom in the beginning- when I first stopped drinking. After the initial euphoria of “I can do this” wore off. Then I went through a kind of frenzied mode of trying to do everything – and I think the boredom continued through that. Now, finally I might be coming to peace with all of this and really understanding that it really doesn’t matter – if I make others uncomfortable – because this is who I am. It isn’t always easy – and there are times when my mind runs off on its own and I am tempted to get buzzed before a social setting or when I am pissed off. I guess that’s my next hurdle.

I only read the last page of posts before I wrote – I will go back and read more, now.

[Didz]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, have been catching up reading now no time to post..but one -

Hey Dave , really excited for you, such an amazing time. Just a thought- it sounds like you are giving yourself permission to have that glass of wine to celebrate which I can totally understand- goals can be easier when you see a light at the end of the tunnel- but just think how empowering it would be if on the night you decided not to have it and had an amazing mock tail that you and your wife could share. For starters she would think it was really romantic if you brought in an amazing colored drink in really nice new glasses to celebrate, secondly you would feel SO good and strong that you would be motivated to go a lot longer- you'll need that to get through first few weeks of twins! I really battle with making the mind shift that we don't need alcohol to celebrate and that I'm missing out if I don't have it but it's all lies we tell ourselves. You could put the babies names on the glasses even- so corny I know but if your wife is supporting you on this she would see how much youre trying- mega brownie points!!! Sausage has inspired me- "AF 8 months, one drink and it took 3 years to find the courage to start again"

Sorry, enough rambling- I'm overtired sorry!!! All the best,

[Didz]

Newbies Nest

Hey lolab- just read your post, can so identify with what you said about it defining you - thank you, I think I too deep down think I'm not fun anymore.!!

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Lolab, thank you for your story. I think i could moderate, it is so tempting. But, is it worth it?

Dave, good luck at the doctors. You sound so motivated.

Litre2....sorry for the family drama you are going through. My older brother also has cancer. It is very tough for me as we are very close. It is great that you can keep in touch with him

Kradle..you were smart to not be home alone. I am worse than a teenager!!

I was so glad last night that i didnt give in. My meeting ran late and on the way home dh texted me that he was also on his way home. What? He was supposed to be away over night. In the past i would still have rushed home and downed a few glasses and then brushed teeth, chewed gum, etc and hopped in bed. But last night i waited up and was able to actually give him a kiss hello without any paranioa. And i feel great this a.m. Too. And we had lots of rain last night and things are just beautiful this morning. Thank you all for being here.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Picture waking up on this kind of day....

After a long night of sleep, you slowly gain consciousness and realize that you are awake. You glance over at the clock and are a bit surprised that you slept this late. You lie there for a minute and gather your thoughts. You remember the movie you watched the night before, and you get a little smile on your face. You look over and see your puppy dog all curled up sleeping beside you. He looks up and gives you a big yawn. Then you start thinking about the upcoming day. You start dreaming about that nice big cup of coffee you're about to have. You snap out of bed, excited about getting so much done. You are happy to be alive, and you are planning to have a great day....

Now picture this....

You wake up in a sheer state of panic. You immediately jump up and try to figure out how you ended up in bed fully clothed. You start trying to piece together the previous night. Bits and pieces come to you....fragments of conversations at the bar, paying your tab, stumbling home....but you still really don't know what happened. Terrified, you walk down the hall into your living room. You see several boxes of to-go food all over the floor. The dogs have obviously gotten into them, because they are ripped to shreds. A container of sauce has spilled all over the carpet. Speaking of dogs, where are they? Outside. You left them outside all night in the freezing cold. Oh no, where's your wallet? You desperately look for your purse. Oh, and where's your phone? Probably in your purse. You search the house frantically. Nothing. Finally, you go out to your car and fling open the door. There's your purse on the front seat. Thank God. And your wallet is in there. Obviously you started digging into your food while driving because the steering wheel is greasy. You can't believe you actually drove home...OK, now where's your phone? No where. You go back inside and use your home phone to call it. You walk all over the house. Finally you hear it ringing. It's under your bed. How did it get there? Oh, you must have been drunk dialing someone....

I think I'll take the first scenario. How about you?

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

wow, rooniferd...you paint a pretty clear picture. Why in the world would we keep going back to that? Thanks.

Monique,, congratulations on day 70!

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Hello, again!
Windy, thanks for the kind words and support. I know that's not a lot of "hot air" you're blowing at me (sorry, I crack myself up sometimes!!)
Didz, Windy, lolab and everyone else that cared enough to suggest alternatives to the glass of wine my wife's last night in the hospital: I understand and REALLY appreciate your concern that it could lead to more, and a slippery slope of thinking I have it conquered. I'll take your advise, and make that decision at the appropriate time. Believe it or not, I drink wine more for the taste and feel that it enhances the meal. Strictly red wine for me, but with a good steak and lobster dinner...YUMMY!

I am concerned, and have WAY more fear now than I did when I started this that moderation may not be a sustainable goal. We'll see.

For now, however, I'm going to get through day 9 without drinking, building each day, learning more about who I am, who the real Dave is, SOBER.

Rooni, I like the first scenario a whole lot better, too!

Thanks again everyone.
Dave

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Reporting in from the exhausting move front. 3/50 on the AF front. Felt solid yesterday. Our new neighbors (old friends) took us out to eat after the move, and everyone save me had wine with dinner. I felt at peace about it. My internet connection at the new home might be some days away so posting will continue to be off and on. Looking forward to another AF day.

Sounds like most eveyone is doing well. Dave - way to roll.

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters:
Sunny Seattle greetings here.

Dave: Here comes that unsolicited advice. As the deliverer and mom of twin girls please believe me when I tell you that YOUR a wife is about to go though THE most Exhausting , Scary, Emotional, Pivotal and Meaningful experience of her life and SHE needs DAVE alert and oriented TIMES TEN for at least the first Month...
If there is even the slightest chance that one glass might turn into ten, then I am really asking you to hold off because you are all about to become The Walking Dead.

Now you may have a ton of money and several nannies and maids, I don't know but what I do know is that you do not have another CHANCE to be completely present and accounted for during this very unique experience. And I don't mean just that first night with the dinner. Also if she has a cesarian, food and a morphine drip dont mix. You may be eating alone.

Twins are different. Period. My first was a singleton and he was a breeze compared to the girls. We had to keep a journal that first week of feedings and the amounts to make certain they got enough food - and I breast fed! Madison also had a medical problem and landed in the NICU. :egad::

If you are not there for YOUR WIFE, you will not be her favorite person and I am betting you won't be your favorite person either. So at the risk of pissing you off and going against my usual grain of never telling people in our situation what to do about their situation...I am pleading with you to stay AF for as long as you possibly can... As much as I have fucked up my life, I was absolutely there for every joyous, miserable moment and I really want you to be there to for you, your wife and your babies.

Okay, I' m off the soap box now. Where's the smily ?:soapbox2::

Oh there it is

Hugs to you
:l
PS : I recommend Chinese food for your wife right before going into labor...NOT!! :H

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Rooni -

What a great post! I'll take the first scenario also! The terror of scenario 2 for me would continue after I found my phone and looked through it at all of the drunken texts I'd sent and phone calls I didn't remember making...some lasting an hour or so that I'd have no recollection of! I am SO glad those days are over. Thank you for the reminder. That's where I would be if I ever take that first drink....

Hi LG, FD, Lolab, Windy, Yoga, Litre and everyone else! Hope everybody has a great Monday!

K9

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

NIGHTMARE, Rooni!!
i never want to be there again. never ever. with a pounding headache and bile in the back of the throat. yuck. thanks for posting that. i love waking up looking forward to a coffee.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1350656 wrote: Rooni -

What a great post! I'll take the first scenario also! The terror of scenario 2 for me would continue after I found my phone and looked through it at all of the drunken texts I'd sent and phone calls I didn't remember making...some lasting an hour or so that I'd have no recollection of! I am SO glad those days are over. Thank you for the reminder. That's where I would be if I ever take that first drink....K9

Yep, and if this was a workday, I'd be scrambling to figure out how I could get out of work and go get a hair of the dog - and that hair of the dog would start the binge cycle...

What a crappy way to live....

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hello again Nesters

Rooniferd I love your 2 scenarios, have you thought about putting them on the Tool Box thread?

Dave, now for some advice from me ( you did ask!!) Firstly, I want to say that I agree with every word Kradle has said, I don't have twins ( 2 births 14 months apart, but very difficult childbirths both of them).

The birth of your twins should give you one of the biggest buzz's / highs of your life. Why would you need an artificial one one out of a bottle?

How many people stop after one drink ( even normal drinkers here) on an occasion to wet the babies head? And here we are talking about a self confessed not normal drinker, who is celebrating the arrival of not one but two babies!!

One of the lovely things about your personal circumstances is you have so much to look forward to, the arrival of your twins, 2 new lives, surely you want to stay sober for them. 2 new lives, a sober / new beginning. Wouldn't it be great to be able to say to them when they are older eg teens, I was a drinker but I gave up alcohol for you, I haven't touched a drop since just before you were born - I did this for you How proud will they and you be?

If you still have any doubts, read my story in the story section to read how my half glass of celebratory champagne (after 257 days AF ) led to a 3 year nightmare.

Right, that's my two cents, for what it's worth, back later !!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Rooni......love your post! I will definitely take the first scenerio!!!!! Thanks for the PM....I sent ya one back!