Newbies Nest

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Hi, All,

LG, thanks for the support. I'm abstaining now, and if I can avoid falling off the wagon, at least through my original goal of 30 days. I totally agree that it's irritating and anoying to seek the support here at MWO and be told that there's something wrong with moderation, or worse getting blasted for sharing a fear that I'm not ready to moderate.

Litre, WAY TO GO, GIRL! That's the attitude that will get you over the S.O.B. quickly.

Sausage, thanks for the support. I was reading your story earlier, and again, you've helped me realize (in a non-invasive way) how fine a line it is between abstaining, moderation, and where I don't want to be.

Day 10 is almost over, off to dinner with my wife and daughter.

Dave

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Kradle, congrats on 30 Daysroud::greatjob2:

You will all be happy to know, I have not, or even came close to taking a drink. As I said, I had to go past the Liquor store 3 times today, and did not even get the urge to go in. At first, I was so distraught, that is the first thing that popped into my head, but it did not last long. Maybe when I tripped, the urges got shaken out of me, or maybe it is my determination to improve my life, anyway, I did not do it. Thanks again nesters for your support, I truly, truly an thankful.:h

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

Hi All, I'm going to try to write this quick before I forget everything I wanted to say...

Kradle - Congratulations on 30 Days!!! :wd: :happy: :nutso: :bday3: :banana:

Litre - you go girl! Hope you get that e-bike fixed soon so you can enjoy your freedom with the wind in your hair (or helmet, if applicable).

WickedMom - Nice to meet you, and thank you for coming back to share your experiences, it's so good to hear from those that come before. I too have taken years to get past the 2-week or so mark - I'm on Day 42 and similar to what Kradle expressed, it feels different this time. I'm going to try my hardest to continue that.

Regarding the mod vs. AF debate, the only opinion I want to express is that I think the newbies nest should be welcoming to all newbies. It may be too much to expect someone new to this quest to have it all sorted out regarding moderation, and everyone should be welcome to explore their thoughts on their own progress. If that has the potential to be harmful to some, would a separate thread for 'newbies daily AF' make sense?

I think everyone here has the best of intentions and the biggest hearts, and given one at a time the advice is solid and valuable, but taken together it may be a bit overwhelming at times. We don't realize our own awesome power!

Byrd, I hope your last post does not mean you are leaving the nest - I would miss you. And anyone else who is thinking of leaving.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

DfromCT;1351308 wrote: Hi, All,

LG, thanks for the support. I'm abstaining now, and if I can avoid falling off the wagon, at least through my original goal of 30 days. I totally agree that it's irritating and anoying to seek the support here at MWO and be told that there's something wrong with moderation, or worse getting blasted for sharing a fear that I'm not ready to moderate.

Litre, WAY TO GO, GIRL! That's the attitude that will get you over the S.O.B. quickly.

Sausage, thanks for the support. I was reading your story earlier, and again, you've helped me realize (in a non-invasive way) how fine a line it is between abstaining, moderation, and where I don't want to be.

Day 10 is almost over, off to dinner with my wife and daughter.

Dave

As I told you once before D, and you probably didn't realize what I meant at the time, if you plan to moderate be prepared to also be shunned and outright ignored.

I said before that I would stop posting in here, but I came back because I do have friends in here, AND I didn't talk about modding. I should not have said "dictatorship" because it was disrespectful to those who are only trying to help. That's just how it feels sometimes.

Maybe if I said I "slipped" every time I drank, I would be more accepted. There are those who've drank more than I have, in a single episode, than the entire time since I officially quit, who are not modding. Where is the irony in that? I'm trying to do "responsible drinking". Is that so bad?

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

pixie;1351320 wrote: I too have taken years to get past the 2-week or so mark - I'm on Day 42 and similar to what Kradle expressed, it feels different this time. I'm going to try my hardest to continue that.

I did not mean to discourage anyone by saying "I too have taken years to get past the 2-week or so mark" --

For one, I signed up here and stayed awhile but them took a long break which I regret, and secondly, I am particularly slow. :dunno: Others will more than likely see faster results.

[bluburd]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

:new:

Stumbled into the forums yesterday with an aching head and heart.
I have never been involved with a support community before?a bit shy :anon:
?but I think it is time to give this sort of thing a chance. Reading these forums helped me cope with hell yesterday.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

I've never seen anyone shunned or ignored because they choose to moderate. Those of you who can successfully moderate, congratulations. Unfortunately, about 99% of us here can't, and we can't fathom being able to. Kudos to those of you that can though, you obviously don't need us or this forum.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Bluburd!

We're glad to have you. No need to be shy, we've all been where you are, and can probably help! Share as much as you're comfortable with, and let us get to know you!

K9

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Welcome bluburd. This is a great place to start here in the Nest. You can track your days and take it one day at a time, or set a goal of 30 days (or however long you want). You'll find that there are lots of others here who share your same experiences and goals!

Hey K9! Although I respect your opinion, I respectfully disagree. Roberta Jewell started this forum to help people learn to moderate. She found that she could not, but she did realize from the start that moderating does take effort and support.

Hope everyone is having a great day/night!

Lg

P.S. The same could be said, if you go with that thinking, if you can abstain successfully, you don't need us or this forum either. I would never say that to anyone.

[pixie]

Newbies Nest

Welcome bluburd!

I'm more than a bit shy myself, and I can understand your hesitancy. But the great part about this place, aside from the fact that everyone has so much in common and so we all 'get' each other, is that you can share as much or as little as you want. No pressure.

And when you don't feel like participating in the conversations, just sit back and read - there's so much good advice and lots of familiar stories.

[washingtonstreet]

Newbies Nest

This is my Day 2 sober...for the first time in probably 2 years. My drinking first started to get out of control 3 years ago...as a coping mechanism to deal with an emotionally abusive husband. When I finally gathered the strength to leave him, he made the process incredibly difficult (he's a lawyer) and I continued to drink as a way to avoid healing myself. I'm getting to the age now, though, where i think it's going to really start to affect my health. So want to reverse course. At the same time, kind of curious and anxious about how to do this...particularly as a gal in my early 30s....when so much of dating revolves around 'meeting for cocktails.' Any advice?

[bluburd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for making me feel welcome,

Ok... heres my little long story:

I've been a problem drinker for about 10 years. I started drinking in my teens as my social anxiety was very high. I have a history of chronic alcoholism in my family, and also a good dose of Native American blood. By the time I reached college I was a definite heavy drinker. I weighed 130 lbs and was drinking two 750 ml bottles of spirit every weekend, and at least two 40 oz beers most nights of the week. Somehow I sustained this lifestyle until my 3rd year of college when I was disqualified due to poor attendance and grades. Drinking was totally ruining my life, but still I couldn't stop. In November of 2011 I had become so unbearably sick that I forced myself to withdraw. I gradually tapered off the alcohol (as prescribed by google), and managed 30 days of total abstinence. Thinking I had it made after 30 days I tried to moderate. It wasn't long until I fell back into the cycle.
The blackouts started back up again, same old story etc....:crazymonkey:.
During my most recent binge I had my best friends tell me they didn't want to see me anymore if I continued drinking (these are they guys I drank heavily with in college ). My family is also nearing the intervention point. Meanwhile I've been trembling in delirious agony trying to appear calm as I sober up again for them. I've made it through the first 2 days of taper 9 units and 6 units respectively, and today I'm down to 3 units before bed. The pain is still here, but I am finally feeling the worst subside. I have done this taper before so I am confident it will work so long as I don't slip. I am aiming for 30 days AF starting after a few more taper days.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

KRADLE!! OMG, 30 Days, hooray for you!! I am so proud of you - the first Boot Camper to make it to 30 days!! What are you doing to celebrate and reward yourself? It has been so wonderful to see you struggle but overcome and share your struggles and I think you're amazing for doing this despite the life stressors you've been under. *does a big party dance for Kradle* :goodjob:

(((((((Litre)))))))))) Don't drink. You won't feel better - you will feel worse. Hold onto your pride that you are fixing your life for the better in many ways. It's easy to say and much harder to feel - I know, been there - but you are better off without someone deceitful and callous. Drinking to dull pain always results in more pain. What an A-hole. I am very sorry. Stay strong. :l

WickedMom - well you just made up for your 'lurking' in spades What a terrific post. I find stories like yours tremendously encouraging and congratulations on almost 10 months! I relate to not wanting to say never - I'm not an absolutist - but instead choosing to keep going because it feels so much better. I really like that way of looking at it and I hope that's where I'll be in 10 months too.

Day 17 here - the day I failed my last 30 days attempt. Sometimes I despair it's been a year of 'trying' and still I have not gone 30 days. So it's great to hear success stories from those who did that too but then got there.

Byrdie, your support here has been utterly invaluable to me and many others. I think it would be a crying shame if you were driven from the Nest by some unnecessarily defensive and ill-chosen comments. What you have to offer here far, far outweighs that IMHO. :h

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Hi, and welcome Washington and Blu. Sorry you seem to have joined us in the middle of a disagreement over whether or not it's ok to discuss moderation, or in my case fear of failing at moderation (after my first ever 10 day and counting period of abstinence) in a thread created for newcomers. As LibraryGirl pointed out MWO and the forums were started to help people trying to moderate their drinking find their way. Whichever path you are on, consider yourself welcome. :welcome:

As far as dating goes, if you're making a big change in your life by addressing your drinking issues (whatever they may be) you might want to wait until you're a few weeks, if not months getting used to your new lifestyle. In your early 30s you have PLENTY of time, and IMHO getting a grasp on your drinking will put you in a better place to start a relationship. Otherwise you will likely attract someone that will be equally prone to drink, and you will find yourself back in the drinking trap you are trying to escape from. Be single for a little while, take care of yourself. If you truly commit to making a change, it will be way more important than anything else you will do in that time. Consider it a gift to your future and any future relationship or family you may dream of.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

DfromCT;1351125 wrote: Lilly, sorry you felt that I was vehemently attacking you for your advise. That being said, I am astonished that people pass judgement on my feelings or plans. Some simply try to tell me what to do when I express a fear, thinking I'm expressing what I've already decided will be my path. I am a true "newbie" with all my frailness and exploration of moderation still in front of me. I didn't realize the nest was for newbie's only looking to abstain. I thought it was for newbie's to MWO, regardless of their chosen path. Perhaps we need a "Newbie's Abstaining for Now With a Goal of Moderation" thread. .

Dave, I still feel you are not hearing what I'm saying. I was NOT passing judgement on you or your plans to potentially moderate. Nor have I ever said moderation or fears around it shouldn't be discussed here. Again, I was making a suggestion about the timing of when you might choose to drink. Like all suggestions here it is one that could be taken or left - just food for thought. I genuinely thought I was offering supportive and caring advice that would be welcomed - from what you'd said previously. Not comments that might warrant 'ignore' for goodness sake!

I never said the Nest was a place for total abstinence - I agree with Pixie that it should be welcoming to all - though I do believe its intent is a place for those committing to at least 30 days AF. I don't believe alcohol is an all or nothing proposition either. I am just coming to see it is FOR ME. I don't want to come across as some kind of abstinence Nazi and if you knew me you'd realize this idea is almost comical, as I'm one far more inclined to see things in many shades of grey than black and white.

I thought about this all a bit more last night and realized that I could see how it could be frustrating for people who came to MWO specifically because of the moderation focus of its philosophy. To be honest, I have not read the book and I have not delved into the founding philosophy. I came here because I was seeking support and solidarity with others with drinking problems and MWO had the most attractive and intelligent people…

But seriously, it was the people that attracted me here, not the philosophy, so I can see how if it was the former, then coming here and feeling shouted down about attempts to moderate would be disheartening. That said, I don't think you or LG have been "shunned" or judged for that as far as I have observed. To me the defensiveness seems a bit out of whack with what's been said and I'd like to respectfully suggest you may want to examine why that is?

Personally, I suspect most people who truly just need to moderate their drinking aren't desperate enough to seek out online forums. It doesn't mean there aren't successful modders out there but they do seem to be the minority here. And there are certainly plenty of scary stories to the contrary.

Still, I don't want to be discouraging or unhelpful to people hoping to moderate or who are slipping - as god knows I've done that plenty. BUT, I also don't need or want to come here and have debates about moderation. Why? Not because I believe no one can moderate but because currently I have to have this argument with myself every day! Fighting those constant voices about whether I'm being too extreme thinking I need to stop altogether and really it's all ok to drink and etc is hard enough of a battle right now as it is.

So *waves goodbye* I'm going to take a break from the Nest. I will keep reading along to see how you're all going and pop in time to time to say hi but I think the Ab threads are a better place for me right now.

Love and strength to you all and so happy to see everyone making such great progress. :h

Lilly x