Newbies Nest

[middlepathpilgrim]

Newbies Nest

I'm back

Hello All,

Well, I'm pretty sure this is rock bottom. I'm drinking every night and actually have no idea how much since I've started buying boxed wine. I'm totally depressed. It takes a real act of will power to shower every other day (if I'm doing well). My drinking's affecting my marriage big time and I just can't take the looks of disgust and disappointment anymore, from him or the wretch in the mirror. How low...

Lucelastic...I know the feeling! I woke up today and the first thing I thought was "good for me not wetting the bed". Not good.

I've got the topamax, cds and vitamins. I just need the will to start again.

Cheer me along, guys/gals!

Middlepath

[Kaslo]

Newbies Nest

I dont check in here often at all, Im an abstainer now for a year and a half. at times, I wonder if I have forgotten the struggle, and how can I possibly help people trying to quit, if I cant connect with the struggle. This quote from WickedMom is SO excellent. WM you are so thoughtful and so intelligent and have communicated what it takes to be successful so well! This bears reading again. If it were not for MWO I have no doubt at all I would be back drinking and watching myself deteriorate every day. This is a beautifully written description of what it means to succeed in getting past the addicted brain syndrome that AL people have. I have a message below this for anyone who is interested...

WickedMom;1351141 wrote: Man, time whips by! It?s been ages since I?ve posted here, but I?ve been reading off and on (mostly on) the entire time. You all are such a huge inspiration to me. I?m happy to report that if I?ve counted correctly, today is day 302 AF for me -- 10 whole months! Wow, that is hard to believe! Lolab - I know 10 months is coming up for you too!!! What a different life it is, don?t you think?!

It hasn?t been easy to get here but I definitely feel so much more confident in my ability to pass up any drinking opportunities that arise. I?ve had some very close calls, but I?ve pushed through all of them -- oftentimes kicking and screaming. This summer I?ve been hanging out more with friends who drink while they are drinking and forget that it?s even an option for me. Interestingly -- I?ve been having as much fun talking and participating in conversation as I did while drinking. Except for the times when the drinking gets excessive and the whole scene becomes incredibly dull -- so boring that I just excuse myself and either go home or if the gathering is at my house go to bed to catch up on what?s happening on MWO. (I apologize for ?using? you all without giving back. Makes me feel a bit guilty -- but just imagine all the people who are lurking and never post that are being helped by your willingness to share. It?s a very cool thing!)

When I first started reading on this thread I came with the intention of quitting for 30 days. I didn?t have much of a plan other than that. After my 30 days were up I felt so much better than I had felt in years. I couldn?t logically come up with a good reason to begin drinking again. I?ve never made a commitment to myself to abstain for good. (?Never? doesn?t bode well with me.) Maybe some day in the future I will give moderation a try but right now to be perfectly honest -- I?m terrified to give it a chance.

It is such a relief not to worry about remembering what I said or did the night before. I love remembering that I read my 7 year old his bedtime story and kissed him goodnight. I no longer sit around the table feeling my eyes glaze over and my mind drift in and out of the conversation. I swear I used to black out right in the middle of things. I could be happily participating only to find out minutes later I had no idea what was going on. A horrible scary feeling that I don?t care to experience ever again.

I still have urges. I still think about alcohol every day. So far every day I have decided not to give in. Sometimes the urges are just minutes, sometimes it?s a a matter of days.

At times like that I have to come up with a plan to protect myself. In social situations I plan ahead. I know what I?m going to say when offered a drink. (It?s actually pretty simple -- ?no thanks? usually works just fine!) I avoid or remove myself from ?dangerous situations?. When I can?t do that, if I?m home alone feeling the urge to get smashed for whatever reason, I just bully myself through. I refuse to let AL win. I?m pretty sure for me 2 or 3 drinks will not be enough. Like a lot of you here I drank to to oblivion. I?m missing the stupid ?off switch?. Too bad for me, but that?s the way it is. I?m so happy to have my life back! It?s really worth getting through those uncomfortable moments. It?s worth battling through the stressful times without alcohol to numb/dumb you down.

I know some of you are struggling with multiple starts. Over a period of several years I did the same thing. Before this, the longest I went was 11 days. It?s not fun but please know that it is possible. In the end you are in control of the hand that raises the glass to your mouth. If you really want to be done take charge of your body -- sit on your hands if you need to, but don?t raise the glass. I know it?s not easy but I drank very heavily on a daily basis for over 25 years. I can?t help thinking that if I (of all people) managed to quit that anyone can. Really you can do it-- it?s true!!! You have to want it more than you want to drink, and with time it does become easier and it is so worth it!

Cheers!
WickedMom
Wow. And Wow again. So here is my message. If you are coming onto this thread and telling people who have come here to find a way out of drinking how its ok to moderately drink, you are in the wrong room. There is a moderation thread here on MWO. Every person who is really struggling in the first 30 days, which are bloody tough, lets face it, deserves to have a place they can go where moderation is not waved around as an option. So, Librarygirl, I know you mean well, but you should not be posting about moderate drinking if you are among people who are freshly trying to quit. There are four stages to alcoholism, and what ever stage you happen to be in, it doesnt help those of us who know for sure its not an option to ever moderately drink again. In fact its a huge hole for some of us to fall into, and you may be responsible for a few who have fallen into it. You are not helping. You may be making yourself feel better but you are not much different than the normal person w/o a drinking problem who is dangling a drink in front of us.

Having said all of this, I am always aware that people get set off by what they read on this site. It cuts to the core to be dressed down here. I know I have experiened it on the abstinence thread. It smartened me up. So there by the grace of God go I. But please, maybe offer encouragement but dont offer moderation to people trying to quit. Its especially hard for newbies to see this.

Thats my two cents. I tried to quit many many times. I really did, but I didnt take it seriously until it was almost too late for me. This site has been enormously helpful. Keep going all of you, it is so worth it in every way. There is no down side to it.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

LibraryGirl;1351339 wrote:
P.S. The same could be said, if you go with that thinking, if you can abstain successfully, you don't need us or this forum either. I would never say that to anyone.

I choose to post here in the hope that my support or experience can help someone successfully abstain from alcohol. If I were drinking, even in moderation, I would not feel comfortable doing that.

I agree that this discussion about moderation has gotten a bit out of hand. It's even being discussed on other threads. This is not the impression I want to give to the Newbies that are just joining us. This thread has been my "home" for a really long time, and I hate to see it turning in this direction. I do understand that some members will try to moderate, and that is their decision. But I think we're giving the wrong impression to new people that are coming here looking for a WAY OUT of alcoholism.

I won't be run out of the Nest. And I won't change my mind that the majority of us here cannot moderate. Sorry, but that's how I feel. If anyone wants help in going completely AF, I am very happy to help!!!

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone !

Wow I am 31 days now..don't know what to do with myself !

Washington & Luce Congrats on Day 3 and 2 respectively. Together you ave almost one week!!
Washington, I remember so clearly those days of being alone in my little apt and just drinking myself into further loneliness and isolation with the occasional bell curve of excitement and activity. I have such a clear memory of being AF after a DUI for a few weeks (this was in 1995) and sitting watching TV with my dog and suddenly thinking a beer would be great so I went down to the store , bought a six pack and was astonished that within 2 hours it was completely gone !! Why that didn't set off the alarm bells...well, I under stand now from reading/researching that I had already significantly changed my brain chemistry and attitudes towards AL so common sense didn't stand a chance at that time.

You Really have great fortune to have found MWO at this stage. It doesn't feel that way most likely to you because you are still in the apt with the TV , when you move away from AL with lots of support, your ship will go a lot further than the apt ...hang on
Oh and I was dating. it didn't really help because my problems, my pain were so internal: dating was like drinking- it satisfied surface needs but that was it and in some cases made it worse...

Hi Luce- I know you're upset and I am so sorry. I think it does make sense though , the cycle of alleviating the boredom/loniless with something that in reality only intensifies it. I think that's how AL has rewired our brains all these years sort of like The Matrix- well no maybe not like that because when those guys woke up it was pretty scary. :egad:
Never again does seem bleak but 31 days was doable - lots of peppermint tea and lemons, juicing and Netflix ! Stay close.

Litre: Your posts are always so Thoughful and compassionate. I was really struck by your brother's asking you to forgive him. I'm sorry but to someone like me whose family has been less than kind over the years with NO clue , that is so huge!! Puts Mr. FlimFlam man on the back burner. I do disagree with your brother on one thing however and I'm sorry I can't cut and past cause I'll loose this post no doubt, but I don't think forgiving this man Shows how little he was worth but how much he was worth in your life. forgiving someone especially someone who screws us over is Huge, IMHO . For me , the hardest person to forgive for this mess I've made is myself . I am trying to look at forgiving or letting go/detaching - maybe that's a better word at this point, as TRIAL RUNS to that very end.
Sort of like , " Well , if I can forgive Joe and Agnes over here for Suing me for thousands of dollars, maybe I'm a little closer to forgiving myself for systematically screwing up my life and taking a few people along with me" kind of thing... Does that make sense?

In Buddhism, someone like this is considered a Sensho Sheiki or A best friend because they forced you to become more than what you are today. Doesn't that just suck.. I hate that part! It hurts! So perhaps Mr. Move closer so we can be together is really just someone who is going to force you to face yourself, ready or not. Of course feel free to punch him in the face first. You have my blessing
PS : what is an e-bike?

Wow! I have rambled!! this IPad is dangerous. I have more but better stop while I'm behind. Great day to all with at least one adventure,
Hugs,
:l

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Wow. And Wow again. So here is my message. If you are coming onto this thread and telling people who have come here to find a way out of drinking how its ok to moderately drink, you are in the wrong room. There is a moderation thread here on MWO. Every person who is really struggling in the first 30 days, which are bloody tough, lets face it, deserves to have a place they can go where moderation is not waved around as an option. So, Librarygirl, I know you mean well, but you should not be posting about moderate drinking if you are among people who are freshly trying to quit. There are four stages to alcoholism, and what ever stage you happen to be in, it doesnt help those of us who know for sure its not an option to ever moderately drink again. In fact its a huge hole for some of us to fall into, and you may be responsible for a few who have fallen into it. You are not helping. You may be making yourself feel better but you are not much different than the normal person w/o a drinking problem who is dangling a drink in front of us.

First of all, WOW is right!!!! I am floored at this. I have NOT BEEN POSTING ABOUT MODERATION OR HOW TO STILL DRINK IN THE NEWBIE'S NEST. All I have ever said is that I am moderating, period. AND I DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT. I defended a person who said they felt like they were being beaten down for even talking about maybe moderating in the future. HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME SOMEONE WHO IS HURTING NEWBIES WITH DRINKING TALK?????????????????????????????????????

This whole thing is so crazy and overblown, it makes me sick. I have tried to contribute with an open mind, and I really thought I'd found a place where I belonged. I see the mob and bullying type of mentality that takes over here to drive out anyone who has a conflicting opinion from the group. That is scary and this is somewhere I don't want to be anymore. I thought I had found a place where I could express myself without criticism, but clearly that was an illusion. AS LONG AS YOU AGREE WITH US, YOU ARE SAFE. That should be the motto here.

Shame on you, and what the hell did Wickedmom's post have to do with me, Kaslo?? Why not quote me directly? Oh, that's right, I've not been talking about moderating outside of the LONGTERM MODERATORS thread!!!!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Oh my.

I wish we could all just calm down. I really just want to help people who are trying to quit drinking, that's why I am here. Well, that and the support I also receive...it goes both ways.

The last thing ANY of us needs is one more irritant in our lives, so why are we creating one here? I want the best for all of you, whether you abstain or moderate.

Please everyone, think of the new people that are reading this thread. Do we really want to portray ourselves this way?

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Nope. Enough said, I hope my point was made. Carry on, and be well. Good luck to all of you. I had a lot of fun here, and it changed my life.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

I never thought I'd see the day where I have to DEFEND being alcohol free, especially in the Nest of all places. I've been here a long time. I won't bend over and change my opinion on the AF vs. moderation topic. The word "moderation" is open to so many interpretations...what does it mean exactly? Having only 12 beers when you really want 15? Getting drunk only 4 nights a week as opposed to 7? That's where my issue arises. At least I know where I stand when I commit to being alcohol free. That means no alcohol. Period.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

good evening, Newbies!!
Kradle, you write such thoughtful, supportive posts--i always get something out of them, regardless of who they're written to.

for anyone interested (if you haven't already seen) there's an AL free drinks thread and Mario just posted the most amazing list of drinks!! i'm very excited to try some out.

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

So more drama, Mr, I met someone else called me this A.M. to explaine. This person is only a friend, and I am still very important to him. He wants us to be friends and more by what I picked up. If I fall for this line I am still green behind the ears, and yes I would love to buy that piece of lake front property with all that wildlife around. YEA right. I really do not need his type of drama in my life right now, or in the near future.

Washinton- Good Luck on Day 3. Sounds to me like you are making a plan, good for you and stick with it.

Luce:welcome: Day 2 is a great beginning. We all have wondered WTF at one time or another. We all agree on one thing, it is wonderful to wake up with a clear head, no shakes and most of all no regrets.

ItGeek-What a wonderful post.
As far as my "man" I held my tongue, I refuse to give him more ammunition. He knows the kind of person I am. He does not know of my challenges, that is something I am happy I kept from him.

Middlepath- I too used to buy wine by the box, I would go through 3 boxes and sometimes a few bottles a week. I was not a light drinker. I also did it alone infront of the TV, and the people who knew did not know the extent of my drinking. I began to disgust myself.
One way of looking at it, if you feel you are on rock bottom, there is only one way to go, and that is up. So you go girl.

Kaslo-Hello, I am a relative newbie, but I began posting regularily July 1. I really enjoy reading all the success stories, it gives me hope and inspiration. 1.5 years is something to be so proud of. I am also pleased you mentioned the Moderation Thread, I knew it was there, but was unsure of how to direct others who wish to mod. Oh by the way, I think your 2 cents is worth a thousand times its weight in gold.

K9- Way to go, I enjoy seeing your posts, and to me you are one of the backbones of the nest.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Litre...oh man, do NOT fall for his excuses and lines. "My" David was married and wanted to have me on the side. Excuse me, but no thank you, asshole! I am worth more than being your piece of side meat. We were engaged, so I earned the right to his last name, not just being his fling. You stay strong! These guys only do what we allow them to do...so put the brakes on this whole thing right now. I'm only offering advice from my own experience, I should have shut my ex down long before I did, and I regret dragging it out. Please spare yourself the heartache! I'll be thinking of you. Remember what you are worth...more than he is willing to offer. In the words of Beyonce, since you're not his "everything...how about you be his nothing"...as in he gets nothing from you!

Lordy lord, these assholes get my blood boiling! HA

Stay strong!

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

I'm done with the Nest. Thanks for all that supported me and gave me advise. Even when I didn't like the message, I read it all and considered all. I have a whole lot more to say, and wrote a tirade that I'll post elsewhere, and send directly to the person that's run me out of here.

Out of respect for the TRUE newbies, I will not post it here, as I think there's a lot of validity to those that suggest our arguement may scare off someone in need of help. I'm on day 11 of my first ever attempt at 30 days.....I think I qualify as a newbie, but I guess I'm wrong since I someday plan to attempt moderation.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT, YOU REALLY HAVE HELPED.

Dave

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

DfromCT;1351700 wrote: I'm done with the Nest. Thanks for all that supported me and gave me advise. Even when I didn't like the message, I read it all and considered all. I have a whole lot more to say, and wrote a tirade that I'll post elsewhere, and send directly to the person that's run me out of here.

Out of respect for the TRUE newbies, I will not post it here, as I think there's a lot of validity to those that suggest our arguement may scare off someone in need of help. I'm on day 11 of my first ever attempt at 30 days.....I think I qualify as a newbie, but I guess I'm wrong since I someday plan to attempt moderation.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT, YOU REALLY HAVE HELPED.

Dave

Your always welcome back! The Nest might get tense at times but were in this here together!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi FD!

You're closing in on 120 days soon arent you? That's so awesome! Keep it up...people like you are really inspiring to the Newbies and are living proof that it CAN be done.

I'm sorry people feel the need to jump ship. Life is full of things we don't agree with. Drinking used to be my escape. Now I just face reality as it comes, and it turns out, it's not such a big deal after all.

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

So I'm not around alot here. I do love the Nest. I have one very good friend here who I owe the world to because this caring and loving person was there for me during my first days of quitting drinking. There is also many others who are supportive and loving as well. Which leads me to this. Sometimes you have to take it on the chin and listen to others. It's part of life. We are used alcohol to soothe away problems and not handle the truth. We need each other here to call out each other at times. I need a big kick in the pants at times. It's okay to be frustrated. The first year of being AL free is riddled with every emotion under the sun while at the same time you feel great physically. The nest and will always be a place where us like in the early days weeks and months have a safe haven to be frustrated to get honesty from others. It's not about moderation. There is other places and threads to talk about that. The newbies nest has evolved into a place where the moderation dream or myth is now DEAD. We are no longer chasing something we know we can't do. I believe the nest is a place of being AL free. It's a place for us to let out our early frustrations. Maybe I just need to post more and be a person in MWO that can and will be here for others who want to be AL free. That is my ground rules. I will help but you have to be willing to listen and I will be will to listen. Sorry about the rant but it had to be said today.