Newbies Nest

[itsmytime]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all,

I had my first drinking dream last night. I am on Day 10 - trying not to count as Jason Vale's book suggests but it's hard not to.

Anyway, I was out at a friends last night and she was drinking AF wine woohoo, so I had a glass as well. I like the NA drinks and I know there are many different views on this. In my dream, we were drinking the NA wine and afterwards I looked at the one of the bottles that I wasn't drinking from and it was 5% not .5% I was so relieved that it wasn't my bottle. I am taking this is a sign that I am going to succeed this time. I didn't feel deprived or wishing to drink, just elated that I didn't drink the "real" wine.

Happy Wednesday All. Let's all embrace a wonderful sober life.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

I am here…and thankful to you and Byrdie – Lav for the pep talk. Sometime I feel like I just go off the deep end! With more social “stuff” coming up than I’ve been faced with since I quit, I really went into panic mode.

Destiniey, I hope the antabuse is your answer – I know it has helped several here…stay in touch here, though, OK?

IT, congratulations on your 30 days – that’s awesome!

Welcome Bananasplit…as Byrdie says – once you hit 3 days, the hardest part is over!

Hi Mick, itsmytime, Litre2, dogwood, kradle, gdog, allswell – wow, and I’ve only read back a couple of pages…

I had a slight meltdown – doubted my ability to do this…and tomorrow will be 10 months since I quit. I have lots of social functions coming up in the next couple of weeks and I totally went into panic mode. So I’m working on shifting my thinking – back to keeping my quit first and foremost in my life. My mind had started to steer in the direction of needing to look “normal” around other people. Ugh. This is life or death for me – and I have to do whatever I have to do to keep a positive mindset.

My life is drastically better than it was a year ago!

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Itsmy- Hello to a fellow Southern Ontarian. After I posted the comment about the weather, it cleared up and remained that way, and still is this A.M.

Dest- My heart goes out to you. If I could I would take your pain away, but all I can do is share it. As a fellow nester, anyone one of us knows your pain, understands it and feels. Hope the meds help.

Banana:welcome: from across the big pond. It has been a hot summer. I have a girl friend in the UK, so I teased her about all the rain and our sunshine. Then it rained, I gotta learn to keep my mouth shut. But we needed it. Day 3 is a great start, you will now be working on your own steam, all the AL will now be out of your system. Good work.

Itsmy-Funny I never had any drinking dreams this time, I sure did 3 years ago, maybe it is a sign for both of us. You dreaming you were drinking from the .5 and me not dreaming at all.

Lolab- Never doubt yourself. Remember how your life has changed drastically for the better. None of us who have chosen to be AF, have ever wished we could go back to that life. You have done so well:goodjob: you are an inspiration to the rest of us.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

It sure IS quiet in the nest! Welcome Banana! We hope you pull up a twig and talk to us as well...the more, the merrier on this lonely journey!
Dest, I hope you will find the AB to be the last piece of the puzzle...like Lola said, so many have found it to be the key to getting off this hellacious ride.
Litre you sound mah-va-lus!! Well done to you! Danged if I didn't have a drinking dream night before last, it scared the Jeebus out of me! I woke up and was mortified and then relieved. So many times that wasn't the case...I was mortified because it was true! UGG.
Lola I've been thinking so much of you! All the pep talks in the world can't take away how hard this is. But I will promise you this: You stay the course, and next year this time ALL of those doubts will be gone. To hell with what everybody else thinks and social situations, this is YOUR life, and there are NO do-overs, only do-betters. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have been here for my family and friends recently when they NEEDED me. I mean, really needed me! I made good solid decisions, and could drive and get people to where they needed to be. I don't want to be part of the problem for others...I want to be part of the solution. Don't give way no matter what and no matter who....it is NOT worth it, all for the sake of a dam drink!!!

I hope the rest of the nest checks in....I get worried when people go missing...we'll have to send out a search party! Hugs to all, stay strong....we ARE winning. (Charlie Sheen....oy) B

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Today is my 44th birthday, and I'm hungover. I just made an appointment with a doctor to get a prescription of Anabuse and get myself on the road to recovering from this awful addiction. Dest - you are my hero. I wouldn't have done that if you had not PMed me yesterday. We will get through this together.

I refuse to live my life like this anymore. I have FINAALY realized that I just cannot do this alone. I need professional help, and I'm going to get it. My appointment is tomorrow morning, and I am planning to go in there and be as honest as I possibly can.

I'm not going to live like this anymore. I'm done.

[BananaSplit]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon/evening/morning all!

:thanks: for the lovely welcome and encouragement.

Day 4 for me - and I'm feeling pretty OK. I've had a drink problem for years - probably about 15 years, drinking at least one bottle of wine a night, but in the last few years two bottles of wine and/or cider every night.

I had a huge blow out on Saturday - drinking 3 bottles of red wine and half bottle of JD, so needless to say I felt quite shit on Sunday. More than shit actually - I felt frightened which is a very basic feeling isn't it, but the enormity of my fright just scared the shit out of me.

I toyed with the idea of ringing 999, but instead rang a good friend of mine who was brilliant. He came and sat with me for a couple of hours, brought me loads of sugary drinks and herbal things and just generally reassured me and calmed me down.

And it just made me realise -AGAIN - that I just can't carry on doing this anymore. I'm 40 years old and I know I *could* just about turn this around to go on to live a fruitful life, but I've got to start putting more effort in and not being so quick to give in to my cravings.

He brought me a couple of Kudzu tablets which I took last night for the first time and I don't know if it was mind over matter or what, but they really seemed to help numb the cravings. They could be fairy dust tablets for all I know, but if they work, I'm buying more!

So here I am, giving it a real good shot. Still feel slightly ropey, very drained, so am just taking it easy for now. Luckily I'm on annual leave at the moment, so the 4am falling asleep and 12pm waking is OK for now.

I've yet to have a really good gander round the site, but am enjoying what I have read so far.

:h to you all. (from a very cloudy north England today! :dang: )

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

Oh how I want to be there to do the right thing. I did that for so long and then threw it all away! I have sick parents, young adult children, extended family and friends that I want to be there for. One thing for sure, if I continue to drink, I will surely disappoint some or all of these important people in my life, not to mention ME! Day 2 for me! My head and heart are still aching so much I can hardly stand the sight of myself. Just want the pain to stop!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

We've all asked the question, "What's it gonna take for me to get serious about quitting drinking? What is the absolute final straw that will push me over the edge and make me get my life together once and for all?"

I know that answer depends on the person. Some people just finally realize they don't want to live their lives in the bottle anymore, and they just quit. Some people seek out a support group, and with the help of others, they also quit. Some people get professional help or maybe go to rehab to get well again.

But some people go as far as losing EVERYTHING - job, friends, family, health - and they keep right on drinking. It's crazy. This beast has so much power. He's running a dictatorship in my head, and I'm sick about it.

I know Anabuse isn't the cure for this awful addiction, but if it will keep me from drinking, even for 30 days straight, I will be so grateful.

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd, i don't want to lose everything. i know life can be so much better than what we have when we are drinking. life in bottle is nothing but a long string of drunks and recoveries. that's how we spend our lives. that's what i did this past weekend up to Sunday night! secret drinking and not so secret recovery! what a waste of a life. there is so much good stuff out there! we've got to figure out how to push this crap aside and move on with living! REALLY LIVING!

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Day three for me. Halfway to my first goal of 4 days. Enjoying the clarity of mind, although not sleeping great yet. Lots of good sharing on this site. A lot of honesty. Change is very very hard. Let us all keep the courage to stay at it.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Dogwood Blossom;1354649 wrote: rooniferd, i don't want to lose everything. i know life can be so much better than what we have when we are drinking. life in bottle is nothing but a long string of drunks and recoveries. that's how we spend our lives. that's what i did this past weekend up to Sunday night! secret drinking and not so secret recovery! what a waste of a life. there is so much good stuff out there! we've got to figure out how to push this crap aside and move on with living! REALLY LIVING!

So true, DB. What a waste of a life. And you made a good point - it's not just the drinking part that's wasteful. It's all the recovery time that goes along with it. Day after day after day. Life just passes you by as you sit there and plan on getting your life together tomorrow, and then tomorrow comes, and you do it all over again. Next thing you know, years have passed you by.....it's really time to stop this madness.

Let's do this!

I am ready to have my fellow nesters be proud of me. I want to get well so I can be in a position to help others. Right now, I can't even help myself. That's why I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning. I've lost all faith in myself.

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

Yes Roonierd! Let's do it! Go to the doctor or whatever you need to do. Let's quit staring at the mess that is our lives, put our focus on some things to change it and move on!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
Doing a quick drop in. I've been home for 2 days with a migraine, still have it, but forced myself into work. I've never really experienced a migraine before. My mom said she started having them around my age. I hope it's not going to be happening often, because it is painful! Not to mention, I can't afford to miss this much work.

Hope everyone is well, I'll catch up on reading later.

K9

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Nearing the end of the work day, and have a few sure stressors tonight. Got to keep moving, and not give the voices any room to plant. Day three: solid. Not going to drink. No chance.

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

That's my goal too! Do not give the voices a foot hold! Keep speaking the truth to myself and stay busy. Gdog and Rooniferd....I know we can.