Newbies Nest

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

I hear ya Byrdie. I'm embarrased to not drink, but I was okay mooning the guy at the liquor store? Jeesh.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

K9, I just spewed my coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one!! (MUI)

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

LOL Byrdie! Let me de-code for the others...MUI = Mooning Under the Influence. I'm also famous for GUI = Grooming Under the Influence. Ask my poor cocker spaniel how that went. HA

[Mumof4]

Newbies Nest

ha ha omg K9, seriously just reading some of this stuff actually puts things in perspective!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

It does put it in persepective doesn't it Mum? The sad part is that this was my (our) reality for so long that nothing seemed wrong. It's only after you can step back and look at it from a bit of a distance that you think "What the hell was I doing?". The insanity of my drinking is way too much to sum up. I still have flashbacks of stories that I had forgotten about!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

hi everyone, just checking in after my trip to the doctor today. I was a bit disappointed, but I guess it went fairly well. I made it clear that I was there for one reason - to get sober and get a prescription of Anabuse to get this show on the road. Well, the doc was a little hesitant about the Anabuse at first and immediately blurted out "Have you tried AA?" I wanted to get up and scream YES! I have been to AA and several other support groups. I've participated in multiple online forums, read numerous books, gone to therapy, made bets with myself....you name it, I've done it. Well, I convinced him my reasons for wanting Anabuse, and he finally "got it." Honestly, I don't thik he thought I had much of a problem until I broke down crying uncontrollably in his office.

Another thing that kinda irritated me at first was that he kept asking about depression. I kept trying to explain that I was not a depressed person normally, but that alcohol had turned me into one. I strongly believe that if you take alcohol out of my life, I will be happy again. He wasn't so sure about that and says he wants to explore the reasons I drink. I want to explore those too, but my first reaction was to say "because I like getting f'ed up! that's why!"

Anyway, I kept redirecting the conversation back to the fact that my main objective right now is to get an extended period of sober days under my belt - 30 days at least. I want to start veering away from the bar scenes and the drinking buddies. I want to start getting in the habit of doing things other than live in bars. Right now, that world is foreign to me. My familiar place is on a bar stool, shooting the shit with some other drunk who keeps talking about what he can't do and have - of course, he could have those things if he'd get off the bar stool and get motivated to live his life!

So, in the end, he agreed to give me Anabuse, but not until I can go one full week without drinking and go to a couple of AA meetings. Damn, I was hoping he would go ahead and give me the prescription, but I understand that all the alcohol needs to be out of your body before you start. I think he wants to confirm that I'm really serious about this too.

I almost cried when he said I would have to wait a week, and immediately I started doubting how I could do it. I also don't particularly like AA (some of those people are kinda cultish and creepy). There's a Smart Recovery group who meets a couple of times a week here. I might start with them. Or maybe I'll just go to an AA meeting and lurk in the back....

OK, so here goes. I need to stay off the booze for the next 7 days, and then I will have the drugs to keep me from drinking until I am ready to try on my own. I know I will be major tempted, since I'm going through some stressful things right now (trying to get a new job and also trying to rehome a dog who I love dearly but can't keep because of my other dog).

Dest - any side effects of the Anabuse yet? How many days had you gone AF before starting it?

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Well done Rooni on keeping the doctor on point. You've got all the time in the world to examine the "why" behind your drinking, but you need to stop drinking first! How could you possibly intellectually examine anything if you're half shit-faced?

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Exactly! I still don't understand why he was so hell bent on AA (and not any other support group). Not everyone fits in at AA.

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

AA would not be a fit for me. I don't want to knock it since it works for many, but it's not an option for me. That seems to be a doctor's rote answer to drinking issues. I don't think they're even aware of other support groups.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

been reading but from my phone most of the day as there have been bad storms....it's hard to post from there. :-)

I was thinking...there must be a reason we're all scattered all over the globe...can you imagine if we all lived together a few years back? the trouble we would have gotten into? God, I would have loved some of your antics K9- LOL.

But all joking aside, when you described your reaction with the wine, it struck a chord with me. That's exactly what I had 'planned' for myself for last weekend...I saw it as an opportunity to stand up - in a very small way - and say "I don't drink"...and then I saw just how quickly that can change when you aren't well enough forearmed. But I feel very strong and I know that I have lots of opportunities in the next couple of weeks to make my debut as a non drinker - and I will make myself proud. :-)

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lolab!

Yes, it would have been something to see quite a few of us together back in our drinking days :H

Last weekend was really the first time I said "I don't drink alcohol" out loud. I said it in front of my sister, mom, and 2 aunts (and the lady offering, who is like family). Nobody even batted an eye. Nobody said "Why?" The only comment was the one I mentioned of "Good Girl! I shouldn't either". They all went about their merry way passing the bottle. I've realized people don't really care what YOU are doing after all.

On Sunday I freaked out a little because I was devouring (or should I say inhaling) the best homemade Tiramusu dessert I'd ever had in my life. Well it hit me that there was a strong taste, and I asked my sister "Does this have alcohol in it???"...she said "Yeah, A LOT"....I calmly pushed my plate away and gave my left overs to my dad (he'll take any scraps you throw at him...lol). Anyway, no reaction between the Antabuse and the Tiramasu...but it was funny how STRONG the alcohol tasted to me. I bet there weren't many other people that even noticed (since they were downing wine at the same time).

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

oh my! A group of us together?? That wouldn't be good!! Rooni, you hang in there.

My head is playing mind games with me this evening, the end of my 3rd day. It started this afternoon. Lots of conversations going on in my mind. There's the part of me that knows what Al is really doing to me and then there's the part of me that wants to convince me I can still do this. If I could only be as strong in the evenings as I am in the mornings!

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

BTW...what is Smart Recovery? Never heard of that. Only have dealt with AA till I found MWO. I don't want to go back to AA. My boss sort of runs that show and I've been standing around and heard him at work as he shares information that is suppose to by Anonymous! If I want people talking about me drinking I'll hang out at the bars!

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Smart Recovery is an alternative to AA. It's not a 12-step program, but I believe they do have meetings. It's not as widely available as AA. There's also Women for Sobriety, and I believe a few others.

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Dogwood those conversations are just thoughts, nothing more. Think about how you'll feel waking up tomorrow if you choose to drink tonight. Think about the disappointment in yourself.