Newbies Nest

[Hope12]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the warm welcomes and words of encouragement everyone :thanks:
I made it through Day 1 and woke up feeling great today! My next goal is 5 days, since I have not made it past day 4 in a while. My plan is to read, read, read the nest postings, keep myself well hydrated and well fed. Trying to eat mostly high protein/low carb since that seems to work best for me. I have some sparkling water at home to drink after work. My hurdle is getting home from work without stopping at the store to buy beer. There is no alcohol in my house. If I can just make it home without stopping, I am pretty much home free. I had thought about leaving all my credit/debit cards and cash at home today, that way, I would not have a choice in getting home without a purchase, but I did not do that, so it will be a struggle, but with your help and encouragement I know I can do it! Thanks again!

Hope

Day 1 - done
Next goal - 5 days

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hope, you CAN get home without stopping....Lav is going to be on one shoulder pecking...and I am going to be on the other!! Stop the madness! Get thru it this time and you'll be so glad you did....just get thru this day AF!!

I see folks that have been here for years and years and continue on the same path of spits and starts...and they wonder where they are going wrong...if you can muscle your way thru and don't give in no matter what and no matter who...you will begin getting control back of your life. One drink only leads to another and another and down we go. One drink feeds it and then it is yours....kill the Beast, and don't feed it!

I attended the birthday party of the 2 year old I made that princess cake for last night...we had a great time and it gave me a real sense of pride that I was able to do something for that little girl...her older brother was absolutely beside himself with the cupcakes I made for him...they had little blue M&M's on top for him. It was a great night...their dad gave me something in return...a bottle of wine. The irony of it all!!!!!!
I just know there's a hidden camera somewhere filming my crazy life!! I'll find it one of these days....

Stay strong everyone...Byrdie

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

One week ago exactly

One week ago, I was just leaving my town to go visit my dad in a town about 1.5 hours away. After a two-day binge, I had been puking all morning and trying to figure out a way to get out of it. But there was no way. My dad had already arranged a visit with my aunt, and she was expecting us. I waited until the very last minute to leave. It was hard to get up out of bed without immediately running to the bathroom to dry heave. The last puke session was the worst. I had already gotten into my car to pull out when I felt it coming on. I ran back in the house and dry heaved until I cried....

Fortunately I didn't have to pull over on the road to puke. I felt like it a couple of times, but the nausea finally went away. I spent the day with my dad and aunt, and actually it went surprisingly good, considering. I still felt pretty yucky, though.

Before I drove home, I stopped at a bar and had two glasses of wine. I remember the taste of that nasty chardonnay. I had a conversation with a young couple who were taking shots of Red Bull and some awful flavored vodka, thinking they were so cool. I remember paying the tab and thinking what else I could have spent that money on....

The next day, I went to a Sunday brunch. I watched the bartenders making bloody marys and mimosas. I drank my coffee. At the end of my meal, I texted Dest and told her I was ready. I popped my Antabuse and haven't looked back once.

I don't know how long I will take the Antabuse, but I will definitely take it long enough to get a significant amount of sober time under my belt. I need a clear head. I need to break the routine of going to bars and hanging out with drunks.

So, cheers to one week of being sober.

Hope everyone finds strength today to fight the beast. But be careful, he's always looking for the right time to plant that thought in your head. Be strong. Tell him to go F himself!!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

rooni, you paint a vivid picture - why would any of us (all of us) do that to ourselves willingly??? sheesh.

Byrdie, I laughed right out loud when I read about the wine...I wouldn't have if I didn't know how strong you are...but yes, the irony...

Hope - you're thinking ahead - and putting some effort into your plan. That's super. Could you take a different route home?

Hi Honeysoup...you're doing great - and destiniey, you are another who made me laugh - well not really laugh but I sure got a big grin on my face reading the beginning of your post - you sound so strong and happy. :-)

jennie, you also do an excellent job of describing that up and down craziness early on in this crazy venture....It seems like a lifetime ago - that my emotions were ALL over the place...I was astonished and excited that I had actually gone a few days AF - but I could also be bitchy as hell and thinking I was nuts. Being able to experience our emotions without numbing them is a very strange feeling...I will never forget - a couple weeks in, sitting at the kitchen table at dinner time with my family - looking down at my plate and making an attempt to join in the conversation - my temper and emotions were all over the place. I said something that was SO snippy - I looked up to see everyone just frozen looking wide eyed at me - like I had 3 heads or something! :H

I will tell you that that hasn't happened in a loooong time!

lav more storms here today....my poor pup gets so scared...:-(

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters!

Rooni - I am so proud of you for getting one week under your belt. It really will get easier from now on. I STILL remember my last puke-fest and it keeps me from romanticizing alcohol. All I know is that alcohol stopped being fun for me a LONG time ago, so whenever I think one or two (or 10) wouldn't hurt, I quickly remember the reality of drinking, not the fantasy.

Hope - You CAN make it home without stopping at the store, it may seem hard at first, but it will get easier. I now enjoy being able to go straight home without feeling like I have to stop somewhere, or figuring out which store I went to the previous day. I had my liquor stores on a rotating cycle...didn't want to look like an alkie ya know?

Dest - Thanks for remembering about Charlie...I'll go pick him up at lunch, then I can finally feel some closure, if that makes any sense. At least I'm at the point where I can talk about him and look at his picture without blubbering all over the place!

Jennie - You're doing awesome...keep it up! Like you said...never quit quitting!

Lolab, Byrdie, Lav, Monique, Cat, FD, and everyone else...have a great Friday and a super sober weekend!

K9

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

lolab;1362219 wrote:
my eyelids are closing...I hope this thunder stops soon so I can sleep....it's been going on for hours.

~lola

Lola, what a great line - should be song lyrics. Was it the storm in your head or actual weather?

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1362363 wrote:
I think, in the 22 years of our relationship, this is the first time he is hungover and I am stone cold sober. In the past it was either both of us (rarely) or just me.
Its weird, I feel so emotional right now....not really sad, not really happy, just teary....like I am sick (well, i guess i am - alcoholism is a disease after all) I am just kind of overwhelmed once again and i am only on day 6!!! I guess the feeling of relief is what it is - something I have never really experienced before......anyway, happy AF friday everyone!!

Jenn, I think part of that is physical, our minds are readjusting and all the cylinders aren't firing 100% and we feel things that have been tamped down for so long, so it is overwhelming. And full of revelations. It will continue to be a ride - stay buckled in. You're doing great!

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey;1362370 wrote: Good morning peeps! Day 19 for me today!!!! YAY! I can't remember going this long without AL since I was pregnant with my daughter 19 years ago. I am loving being a part of this thing called "life" and everyday I enjoy getting to know the real me that has been pickled in vodka and tucked aside in a jar on a shelf. I have been busy the last couple of days working on getting my daughter ready for college next week and what not...

Wow, Desti, you sound great. I'm so happy that you found your way. My son is home this week and he goes to college next week, too! He's all ready so there's nothing for me to do other than keep him and his friends supplied with pizza and chips. We are going to do something today, just the two of us, maybe go for a hike somewhere neither of us have been. Which, of course, wouldn't be happening if I was hung over. It is great to be participating in life instead of drinking on the couch!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Having a break in the storms right now - good thing too because I'm not looking forward to having the 99 lb. Swissy jumping in my lap again anytime soon Lola :H :H

Hope, you should know......
I'll send my girl 'Stella' (the freaky looking hen in my picture) out looking for you if you don't go directly home from work today. She's a bit formidable looking but actually very nice
Keep you mind in the positive zone today, OK?

Hi Destiniey, K9, Monique & everyone

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Cat - Congrats on a whole week! I love the rewards concept, I saved up for a big treat...eyelash extensions at 90 days. Both were life altering!

Rooni - thanks for sharing! You're doing so well. And have come so far in such a short time. It made me think of my last lost weekend; at that point I was under Dr.'s orders to continue maintenance drinking until I started my detox ... which meant my then-normal 2 bottles of wine a day. All day. By that time, just knowing the date, knowing the end was in sight was such a relief. But no, I didn't quit until right before - wine that morning, possibly even in my metal "water bottle" on the way to the clinic, I can't remember for sure. "When did you last drink?" he asked at 10:00 a.m. "This morning," I responded, shakily, Grade A Alcoholic that I was/am.


Byrdie - glad your cakes and your thoughtfulness were so appreciated! We appreciate all your sweetness and support here, too!

Lola - our emotions do get the best of us at times as your story about dinner with your family reminded me. I'm usually pretty even-keeled (or maybe I just store things up) but a week ago, my BF had dropped me off at work (he's using my car, part of the stress) and I tried calling him a minute later because I wanted him to turn around and come back and have breakfast with me (I had remembered that our cafeteria serves eggs benedict on Fridays - it's pretty amazing). By the immediate 'ding' I could tell he was on the phone, which pissed me off because you're not supposed to talk while driving in Idaho, esp. MY car, but of course he does all the time. So I called right back. And still, he doesn't pick up. I call a third time, because any sane person would look at their phone to see who's calling so insistently, and maybe it's important, right? So I assume he's purposely ignoring my call and who could possibly be more important than moi? This time I leave him a message and just say don't even fucking bother calling me back. We never swear at each other or yell even so this was pretty out of character but I just snapped! Later, he swears that he was not on the phone, but that someone was leaving a message for him. (I still don't believe that.) Regardless, it was definitely an overreaction. Because I was hungry and momentarily rejected and simmering with longterm annoyance that we've been sharing my car for months until his ship comes in and he can buy something! Dangerous emotions. Thanks, I guess I needed to get that off my chest

K9, love your advice to Hope - I now enjoy being able to go straight home without feeling like I have to stop somewhere, or figuring out which store I went to the previous day. I had my liquor stores on a rotating cycle...didn't want to look like an alkie ya know? In my small town, there were 3 drive through "sanctuaries" where I could buy wine, plus the innumerable other places. And yes, I rotated them so they'd all think it was just an occasional thing. Because we really care what others think! At the grocery, I'd never buy just wine, so I had lots of toilet paper and cat food stocked up. Toward the end, something happened that was one of the proverbial last straws for me, one of those tipping points that helped me finally get to a place where I knew I wanted to quit for good. I was driving through one of my usual places, and had become quite chummy with a gal who worked there; I even gave her a hat that she admired on me. Anyway, this time I used my debit card. When she was bringing me my bottle(s), she said, "oh, are you Jackson's mom?" Turns out she was a high school friend of his and had been over to my house. The thought of her seeing my son when he came to visit and saying, "Oh yeah, I see your mom a couple of times a week at work. She always gets the same thing, a couple of bottles of wine and cigarettes" just made me sick and embarrassed. Jackson didn't know I was drinking again, you see. So that was the last time I went there. I do feel a little triumphant now when I go to these same places and all I ask for is cigarettes - and I'm so grateful my mind doesn't go to that awful autopilot place. Before the end of the year I'll be off the cigarettes as well. And the sugar, and ...

Greetings to Itsmytime, Honeysoup, Lav, Litre2, Gdog (where are you?) and other new friends I'm just getting to know on this thread.

And to everyone reading these trials and tribulations, everyone who's struggling, everyone who's celebrating victories large and small, have a great Friday and think about where you are right now ... is this where you want to be a week from now, a month from now, a year from now?

For me, I'm going to get off my ass and go for a walk with my son and enjoy the sunshine on my day off.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

wow, monique - you're right - that IS a great line! I wish I could take credit for being so cryptic - but it really WAS storming for hours...:H although, I love your interpretation and have felt like that hundreds of times without being able to put it into words...

and Lav - mine is only 25 lbs but when a huge crack of thunder hits and she is airborne landing in my lap - she FEELS like 99 pounds!!!!! Poor babies...

hey K9, Roonie, Byrdie, Hope...all the others on previous pages....I hope everyone's doing great this Friday night. Nothing too exciting here. I wonder if I'll be up til 10?

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

All is quiet here for now Lola :H
Thank God because when an overgrown piggy swissy flies ~ it ain't pretty :H :H

I hope everyone is having a relaxing & peaceful evening. I am actually still in my shop getting some work done but that's OK
Wishing everyone a safe night in the Nest!
Lav

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Had a perfectly wonderful day, the hubby took the day off so we had breakfast at Panerra, yum! Then off to Michaels to ponder around and ended up with a sketch pad and charcoals, something I use to love to do but haven't in a long time. Then I bought a big, floppy wide brimmed Hollywood hat, which I suppose is all the rage now and wore it home with the tag still on...lol. Got some smell goods from B&Bworks too!

Came home and the dog had pooped on the floor. Without even thinking I shampooed the carpet in Hollywood hat and sunglasses on.....lol....what a sight. Everything was great until at 6:00 I just lost it , grabbed the pillow and cried like I baby, asking my husband, why can't I just be normal? I was so deliriously happy all day, acting like a goof, having fun, and then it all fell apart. I am all over the place! WHAT THE HELL?

DH grabbed me and said lets go for a walk, grab your shoes and lets get a change of scenery. Bless him. When do I get on a more even keel. Mornings are great, nights suck and sleep is a relief. But I am sober today and for that I am thankful. Night all.

[itsmytime]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone,

Nice to be up bright and early feeling refreshed instead of waking up because of dry mouth, upset stomach, anxiety, shame, headache, wondering what I said/did and generally crappy.

Cat Belle - I can relate, i've been all over the map emotionally but really do not want to drink. Sober , we are being "normal" and I know my AV kicks in at certain witching hours and then I start to feel off but it passes.

Today is Day 27 and I am getting myself to the gym for sure today. It's time to focus on getting healthy again.

I am feeling good, no cravings, don't miss drinking but there is still something going on emotionally. I am retraining my brain to not think because it's the weekend we need to be busy all the time. I've been running away from my emotions and numbing my pain for a few years now, it will take time.

Have a great Saturday all,
IMT

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

K9 I love your daily changing mug shot...:H

itsmytime, I sure hope Byrdie's getting your hat ready! 27 days is awesome!!!!

I've got food to prepare for annual party today. Last year, I'm pretty sure I took a Sigg water bottle filled with vodka....ugh. Today I will have a cooler full of selzer. And maybe a regular water bottle - with WATER.

Have a great AF Saturday!