Newbies Nest

[itsmytime]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

HoneySoup - I have lost both parents and it is very hard around their birthdays and angelversary's. Staying sober through these hard days helps us to cope rather than drown our sorrows, because you can't drown them, they know how to swim.

ITGeekChick - Sorry you are going through this. I find myself getting stronger without AL and not putting up with stuff I have been ie: drinking it away or too hunover and self loathing to care.

Lori35 - welcome to this wonderful site, you will find lots of support and I am true believer that if you really want something you will make it happen.

Happy to be hangover free on a Sunday morning enjoying my delicious coffee rather than being too sick to have one. We went to our friends last night and I was the only one not drinking and it did not make one iota difference to myself or my wonderful friends. We had lots of laughs and it is truly freeing to not think about AL. I did not feel deprived, sorry for myself or anything. I just felt blessed to have such an amazing group of friends who know and accept my choice.

Life is good

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

I feel like such a fraud. Stop. Start. Stop. Start. Heavy sigh. So dang quick to throw in the towel. I want pleasure and will not be denied.

Just the restart gets so hard to do again. I feel like such a hypocrit. Telling my wife how many days I am not going to drink, and then breaking that committment quickly.

As you can see I keep reducing my goals. This time it is just 5 days. 5 silly days. I guess that would be the longest stretch since probably March. I would have to go back and look.

Ugh. I keep thinking I am ready to stop all together. Feel so close, but some corner of me just will not lay it down. I did meet with a prayer guide yesterday, but that program does not start for about a month. Hoping adding that will be a part of the AF path.

Oh well here I go again on day 1.

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Further intel: Went to bring my dear wife a cup of coffee. She said no thanks I went to a birth last night. Never heard her leave or come home because I was passed out. She probably tried to wake me to tell me she was leaving.

That is really depressing.

Stumbled upon a 100 day challenge thing and signed up for motivation, but making the 5 days will be a miracle.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Gdog - I don't know how many "day 1s" you've had, but I'd be willing to bet I've had just as many (if not more). Everyone on this thread knows exactly what multiple day 1s feel like. The broken commitments, the whole notion of starting over, the shame, the remorse, the embarrassment....

We all know the feeling - all too well.

I think your 5-day commitment sounds like a great plan, but if this helps, try breaking that down even further. Maybe just concentrate on being sober for one day at a time? Make other plans during the time that you would drink. Reward yourself for every day sober, and if you make five days, do something SUPER special for yourself.

If you weren't really trying to do something about this, you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be posting, and you wouldn't feel guilty. But you ARE doing those things. You are getting very fed up with the beast, and just like with any crappy relationship, you will eventually cut ties and never look back. You will get there. Just please keep trying. That's the most important thing - keep trying!!

I hope you don't beat yourself up too bad on day one. Just think, tomorrow is day 2, and you will feel SOOO much better!

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Roon-
Thanks so much. Need that encouragement. Look forward to the day I can give some on this site.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Gdog,
When and only when you get sick & damn tired of disappointing yourself will you work up the fortitude to break the cycle. You are the only one who can make that choice for you. I believe you are getting there so why not just do it? You have lots of support here, you can do this

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Lavande,
Great idea. Really want to. Hope I am fully sick and tired of it.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Gdog, I had a 'little helper' push me into making my decision. The arrival of my first grandchild.
My kids did not have a drunken mother growing up. my drinking started after they left home. I want my 3 grandkids to have a sober granny
Quitting entirely was the BEST decision I have ever made ~ no regrets

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Lav,
Keep it coming. I looked up AA meeting location and time. Walking distance from my house. Drove by to scout it out. Maybe I can sneak up on it. Just so damned scared I will get in there and change my mind again. I guess I could go and be honest about that. Certainly must be other failed quiters.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I am a failed quitter. But, starting again today. I didn't even have that much to drink last night but the pressure was unbearable. So here I am at square one again but with an arsenal of experiences that will hopefully take me further than before. I have been going to AA but last night's slip wont' stop me from going again. There is no rule that says you can't slip up....my sponsor is actually mad at me which i resent....I don't think I should stick with her because our experiences are so vastly different. She was a high paid model back in the day and has never had a 9 to 5 job....she was in glamour, vogue, etc. so lead quite a different life than me who worked ass off through college, grad school, working full time while having children, etc.....anyway, now i am rambling....Today I will start new...:bang:bang:bang:bang:bang

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Gdog;1363164 wrote: Lav,
Keep it coming. I looked up AA meeting location and time. Walking distance from my house. Drove by to scout it out. Maybe I can sneak up on it. Just so damned scared I will get in there and change my mind again. I guess I could go and be honest about that. Certainly must be other failed quiters.

Gdog, you don't have to sneak up on (or into) an AA meeting "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

Clearly, you have that. And that is not a failure; that is a starting point to a new life. You hold the key. You can choose never to have to feel this way again. This lost and full of regret and remorse.

Good luck, we're all pulling for you.

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Lori35;1363067 wrote: hello, this is my first post. i woke up today and decided to stop drinking. i've been drinking on and off, mostly on for 25 years. i am terrified of the withdrawal i may go through, i'm a single mom and noone knows i drink. i drink 1 -2 bottles of wine a night on average. i am going to attempt to go to a meeting on tuesday (women for sobriety).

i would like to do this cold turkey, but the idea of serious withdrawal is terrifying me. i won't go to a doctor or clinic for help as i have children and don't want to risk losing them.

i feel like i had better try tapering. i'm terrified and so ashamed that i've thrown most of my life away and have hurt many people in the process.

Lori - welcome, and all you have to do is go back and read through this thread to see that there are many, many of us who were/are in your shoes. You will have to find your own path, so start with whatever resonates with you. Other nesters here have great advice on tapering if that sounds most palatable to you. Others are doing AB successfully, going to AA, using the MWO tools, and countless other approaches. Unless you're in some nasty divorce proceedings, I've never heard of a mother's children being taken for seeking medical help for alcoholism, which is classified as a disease. I found a small clinic with a Dr. and counselors who specialized in addictive treatments and did a medically supervised outpatient detox. This approach allowed me to only miss a single morning of work; the morning I had my first appointment with the Dr. And that was just over 3 months ago, after years of trying to quit on my own with varying degrees and lengths of sobriety. At the end, I was usually drinking 2 bottles of wine a day, like you, and no one knew except my BF. Good luck to you, and keep checking in.

HoneySoup - hope your hand's OK; that sounds like a traumatic fight. Relationships are definitely the biggest trigger for me; don't let him become an excuse. Stay strong for your family.

ItGeekChick - Sorry you're going through these challenges; glad that you sound strong and committed to your AB plan. We're here for you.

Jenn - One of my biggest stumbling blocks with AA was finding the right sponsor and the blind acquiescence that some demand. You don't even have to get a sponsor right away, or you can get a "temporary" sponsor so you don't feel locked in. Supposedly there are no "rules" in AA, though they try to make you think so, and almost set you up for failure if you don't do everything exactly as it's laid out in The Program. And as I said to Gdog, you don't have to think of yourself as a "failed quitter." Think of yourself as someone who is sick and suffering and trying to find a cure, a way out of this hellhole. Don't dwell in the past. Even if it's only yesterday. Today is a new day.

I was pretty down yesterday, no one reason in particular, part of the emotional ebb and flow of the recovery process. I didn't want to go, but my boyfriend and I had been invited to work at a friend's food booth at our local music festival, and he pressed, so we went and I actually had a good time, though it was harder work than I expected and the others in the booth were partying with shots. But it was a good step for me to go out and be social. I'm trying the "act as if" approach.

All of my fellow nesters and co-conspirators on this journey, enjoy the rest of the weekend and report in with your progress!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Gdog, I heard over & over here that you are not a loser until you give up trying............
So keep trying, try AA if you want, try anything & everything you can until you do find your way out. I keep repeating myself but I firmly believe the MWO Hypno CDs made a huge difference for me. Learning to relax w/o AL was a big thing for me. Changing my thinking about AL was huge!!!!!

jennie, why did you decide to drink again?
Figure out the answer to that question so you don't repeat.
I don't judge anyone elses level of stress. We are all subject to stress regardless of our educational background, job, family circumstances, etc. It really doesn't matter if you are the guy who sweeps the streets or the queen of England ~ we all have to deal with stress.

Hi Monique!

I just took a chocolate cake out of the oven - now where is Byrdie, the resident cake decorator??

[Lori35]

Newbies Nest

Hello again, To say today has been rough would be putting it mildly. I went out and bought some beer to start tapering. I had my first at 1pm and have just finished my 4th and don't plan to drink anymore tonight. Feeling horrible and sweaty. Dreading work tomorrow, the kids were away last week and I took a few days off to binge. So ashamed, but I am determined to stop drinking.

AkaMonique - Thank you for your response. I am in the midst of a custody dispute with my son's father, it's been going on for a year and a half now out of court and we finally head to court on Friday. He is also an alcoholic (not that he would ever admit to it) and he hasn't mentioned anything yet about my drinking, but I have a feeling it will be coming to that on Friday. He wants shared custody, 50/50 time split. I am considering giving it to him just to avoid court as I am terrified that if I don't I may lose him altogether. He will be 3 in a month and his father and I never lived together, he's always lived with me and I was sober during the pregnancy and after his birth until he was about 1 1/2. I have two girls who are older and my ex is supportive and he knows that I've struggled with this for years.

The shared custody arrangement would give me more time to work on recovering and time to spend with my daughters. I don't know what to do and drinking just made it so easy to forget about this.

I am going to attend a Women for Sobriety meeting on Tuesday evening. I have never tried a meeting before.

Thank you to everyone for the helpful and kind words. It means alot. I am most afraid of withdrawal right now.

So I guess this really isn't my Day 1 yet, but I hope that by the weekend I can be AF for the first time in a very long time.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

well, I've just had a day where I barely accomplished a thing! And I can't even blame it on a hangover!:H I've just been lazy.

Hey, I was talking with someone yesterday about alcohol and weight and now I'm looking for either a thread or just a post - some one wrote about how it's not simply the calories in alcohol that cause weight gain, it's the blood sugar changes...it was very clearly spelled out and obviously written better than I can come up with...does it sound familiar to anyone???

Gdog was there a meetnig tonight?