Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Lav...your chocolate cake sounds yummy...have you tried the Duncan Hines glazes in the grocery store? They are delicious and all you do is heat in the microwave and pour over the cake. Yummo.
Welcome new nesters...I always recommend reading back a couple weeks on here to get to know us...
Lori, I quit cold turkey....drank a liter of wine per day, I guess that's a bottle and a half? (more on weekends) I had flu like symptoms the first couple weeks....tired but I never did get shaky. I tried to cut down on my drinking but it just made me drink worse so I just cut it off. For me, one drink just led to another (or 10) I will tell you this for sure....as hopeless and helpless as you feel right now...get 3 AF days under your belt and you will feel like a different person.
Stay strong tonight...heading out to sunny Florida tomorrow and will be back Wednesday....will try and check in while I'm gone. Drinking is NOT an option. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lori35]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdie. I had to quit cold turkey this year on January 1. I had a bad fall after a binge and injured my back. I was off work for a week and didn't move from the couch, but I was also on oxycodone and muscle relaxers so I wonder if that is why I didn't experience withdrawal.

I've spent most of the day reading here and your stories are so moving and inspirational. I have felt alone for so long. I know I'm not alone anymore.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Lola - here's some info you for re alcohol & blood sugar -
How Alcohol Affects Metabolism / Fitness / Weight Loss

Byrdie, the cake I made was a simple recipe from King Arthur Flour. They recommended just topping it with powdered sugar so that's what I ended up doing
It was pretty good, something I don't eat often
Have a safe trip to Florida - lucky girl!!

Wishing you the best Lori!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest, hope your weekend was great
Lav

[Lori35]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Lav for your input. It is greatly appreciated. I have to end this insanity or I know I will lose everything.

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Lori35;1363253 wrote: Hello again, To say today has been rough would be putting it mildly. I went out and bought some beer to start tapering. I had my first at 1pm and have just finished my 4th and don't plan to drink anymore tonight. Feeling horrible and sweaty. Dreading work tomorrow, the kids were away last week and I took a few days off to binge. So ashamed, but I am determined to stop drinking.

AkaMonique - Thank you for your response. I am in the midst of a custody dispute with my son's father, it's been going on for a year and a half now out of court and we finally head to court on Friday. He is also an alcoholic (not that he would ever admit to it) and he hasn't mentioned anything yet about my drinking, but I have a feeling it will be coming to that on Friday. He wants shared custody, 50/50 time split. I am considering giving it to him just to avoid court as I am terrified that if I don't I may lose him altogether. He will be 3 in a month and his father and I never lived together, he's always lived with me and I was sober during the pregnancy and after his birth until he was about 1 1/2. I have two girls who are older and my ex is supportive and he knows that I've struggled with this for years.

The shared custody arrangement would give me more time to work on recovering and time to spend with my daughters. I don't know what to do and drinking just made it so easy to forget about this.

I am going to attend a Women for Sobriety meeting on Tuesday evening. I have never tried a meeting before.

Thank you to everyone for the helpful and kind words. It means alot. I am most afraid of withdrawal right now.

So I guess this really isn't my Day 1 yet, but I hope that by the weekend I can be AF for the first time in a very long time.

Hi Lori:

I apologies for weighing in on your private court battle but I was wondering why you wrote that if you do not agree to 50/50 you could loose them completely?

I have spent the last 5 years with my bestest friend who stepped into the most horrific custody battle imaginable. Long story not for this forum but she did drink and yes he used that against her big time even though he is a complete reprobate - but he had money...

She often says to me that she wishes she had just agreed to joint custody in the beginning because once they landed in court, it all took on a life of its own.... Years in back and forth court and over a hundred thousand dollars...

Just wanted to chime in there. Feel free to PM me if you have questions. Her case is considered one of the worse in this state (wa) but again, she had no idea what was in store...well, none of us did I'm afraid.

Strength and hugs,m
:l

[Lori35]

Newbies Nest

Hi Kradle123, I don't know why I am terrified I will lose my son. So far his father has just been asking for a 50/50 time share. I think I'm just so fearful that I will be "found out" and once that happens his father will be awarded custody. I know it is irrational, I guess I am just so sickened by my own behaviour that I don't feel I could be considered a fit parent. And my thoughts have been so clouded by alcohol that I don't think I have looked at it with a clear head in the whole time it's been going on. As ridiculous as it sounds I worry about his father's drinking around him even though I am guilty of doing the same thing.

I've already spent close to $15,000 and Friday will be our first court date. We've been through mediation and negotiations between our lawyers. My son's father is a person who always gets what he wants and money is not a concern for him. I'm out of money now.

I have had several people tell me they wished they had just given in to a shared custody request and I'm learning more towards this 50/50 time split all the time.

Sorry for the long, rambling posts.

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Heading off to bed. AF today. Big smile. Thanks for everyones input. Did not yet make that AA meeting, but did speak on the phone with a close friend who is very aware of my struggles. Going to call him Friday and hopefully report 5 days AF by then.

I do recognize on the good side that it pisses me off when I drink (did not last year), and that I have many many more AF days this year. That is progress. Not enough, not even close. Just feels a bit more like hope than earlier today. It may take (hope not) more failure, more breaking. Yet I am convinced that this is a path towards the light and freedom ultimately. Yes moving towards and not away.

Let us all keep moving towards freedom and not away from it. Some of you have gotten there and can keep waving your arms in big circles and saying come on to the rest of us who are scrambling up the slope. We are coming. Lori35 is coming. Jenniech is coming. I am coming.

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lori...Welcome to the nest! Hope your doing well kradle!! Hey byrdy...love your posts as usual. Hi akamonique....soo glad to see your doing well. Another good sober day here! Two weeks from my last year in college..at 37...lol and I more excited than I ever was back when I was a kid. Funny how sobriety and life changes your whole mind set on how you see life. Hope my Nesters are doing good and a big welcome to everyone new!!

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Gdog;1363325 wrote: Heading off to bed. AF today. Big smile. Thanks for everyones input. Did not yet make that AA meeting, but did speak on the phone with a close friend who is very aware of my struggles. Going to call him Friday and hopefully report 5 days AF by then.

I do recognize on the good side that it pisses me off when I drink (did not last year), and that I have many many more AF days this year. That is progress. Not enough, not even close. Just feels a bit more like hope than earlier today. It may take (hope not) more failure, more breaking. Yet I am convinced that this is a path towards the light and freedom ultimately. Yes moving towards and not away.

Let us all keep moving towards freedom and not away from it. Some of you have gotten there and can keep waving your arms in big circles and saying come on to the rest of us who are scrambling up the slope. We are coming. Lori35 is coming. Jenniech is coming. I am coming.

You are gdog!!! Great job!!

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1363189 wrote: I am a failed quitter. But, starting again today. I didn't even have that much to drink last night but the pressure was unbearable. So here I am at square one again but with an arsenal of experiences that will hopefully take me further than before. I have been going to AA but last night's slip wont' stop me from going again. There is no rule that says you can't slip up....my sponsor is actually mad at me which i resent....I don't think I should stick with her because our experiences are so vastly different. She was a high paid model back in the day and has never had a 9 to 5 job....she was in glamour, vogue, etc. so lead quite a different life than me who worked ass off through college, grad school, working full time while having children, etc.....anyway, now i am rambling....Today I will start new...:bang:bang:bang:bang:bang

Sounds like you hit a light bulb moment...resentment is the mother of all al...you know what's....keep posting....and i hate cliches..so just keep talking about what's going on.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Double digits sober! 10 days, and I'm trucking right along.

You know, you really don't need weeks and weeks of being sober to start feeling great. Like Byrdie said earlier, three days is really the magic mark. If you can get three days in, the fog really starts to clear, and your body starts feeling much better. And then, every day after that gets better and better.

I know that suddenly life does not become perfect when we stop drinking, but if we can get rid of that beast in our heads, at least you can deal with everything else with a clearer head.

I also firmly believe that lots of other problem areas in our lives will improve. For me, those areas are health, weight loss, productivity at work, financial stability, and relationships. All of those things have ALREADY improved considerably in only 10 days.

Now, off to repeat another 10 days two more times so I can get my hat!!!! :crazymonkey:

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Yay Rooniferd ! You and I are on the same day 10! Double digits baby! I am so proud! I know I have a long way to go, but each day gets a little better, by that I mean that time between 6 and 8. That gets better by infinitesimal amounts every day, thank god. Because that is my hardest time of day, the time where I seem to close down, lash out, melt down. Etc.

Everyone have a great Monday ! Ck in later!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Monday is not so bad when you have a clear head, right?

Congrats on double digits Rooni & Cat!

FD, my daughter-in-law is starting her last year in college as well. At 27 she is going to do her Master's right away to get it all done once & for all!!

Off to get my day started. Wishing everyone a great AF Monday!
Lav

[itsmytime]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all,

Yes, Lavande Mondays are great with a clear head.

Well, Day 29 and the awful anxiety, PAWS has lifted. I got up early today, went to the gym, came home and meditated. It feels good to start feeling like myself again. For those struggling, take care of yourself, do whatever you have to do to make your life what you want. It's never too late to change the path we are on.

I still have fleeting moments of shame when I ruminate about my past drunken episodes, that is part of letting go - feel it, deal with it and let it go!!! The past is the past, it's done, finished, gone...time to live in the moment and be present.

Have a great Monday all.:l

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Day 2 is on. Sleep was spotty, but I understand that now. It will be a few more days before that settles down. Heading to some time of prayer and meditation.

Blessings to all.