Newbies Nest

[Ishybit]

Newbies Nest

Hi rooniferd,
That's a doozie of a story to come back and bite you! I think you take the high road, if it comes up, you admit you were going through a tough time and made some poor judgement calls (even if Lindsey is an evil person ), apologize and move on! If you remain bitter, it only hurts you. I know it's easier said than done, but you have grown so much she's not worth your energy!!
Have a great day.
Ishy

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Ishy, yes you are exactly right. Yes, Lindsay is a bad person (actually I think she's an alien), but I am planning to do what you suggest. I WAS going through an awful time, and I most definitely overreacted to her sudden shunning of me. Another rejection was almost too much to handle. I was a very fragile person during those months. It was pure hell for me. A very dark place that I never want to be in again.

Oh well, life goes on. I just hate that my alcohol-induced rage that night has come back to bite me, but I must deal and move on....so glad I am sober now.

12 days!!! WOOT!!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hey Rooni ~ that is quite a story! Here's what I received from the DailyOm today re difficult people

August 15, 2012
Sweetening a Sour Apple
When a Bad Apple Spoils the Bunch
by Madisyn Taylor



When dealing with negative people we can choose not to respond to their behavior and allow our positive behavior be an example.


Because life requires that we interact with different personalities, it is not uncommon for us to encounter a situation where there is one person whose behavior may negatively impact the experiences of others. Someone who is loud and crass can interrupt the serenity of those who come together to practice peace. A disruptive worker can cause rules to be imposed that affect their colleagues’ professional lives. A team member who is pessimistic or highly critical may destroy the morale of their fellow members. And one “bad apple” in your personal life can be a potent distraction that makes it difficult to focus on the blessings you’ve been given and the people who love you.

There may always be people in your life who take it upon themselves to create disruption, foster chaos, stamp out hope, and act as if they are above reproach – even when, in doing so, they put a blight on their own experiences. But you don’t need to allow their negativity and callousness to sour your good mood. Often, our first impulse upon coming head-to-head with a bad apple is to express our anger and frustration in no uncertain terms. However, bad apples only have the power to turn our lives sour if we let them.

If you can exercise patience and choose not to respond to their words or actions, you will significantly limit the effect they are able to have on you and your environment. You can also attempt to encourage a bad apple to change their behavior by letting your good behavior stand as an example. If your bad apple is simply hoping to attract notice, they may come to realize that receiving positive attention is much more satisfying than making a negative impression. While you may be tempted to simply disassociate yourself entirely from a bad apple, consider why they might be inclined to cause disturbances. Understanding their motivation can help you see that bad apples are not necessarily bad people. Though bad apples are a fact of life, minimizing the impact you allow them to have upon you is empowering because you are not letting anyone else affect the quality of your experiences. You may discover that buried at the very heart of a bad apple is a seed of goodness.

Hi Ishy!

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Lavande, K9, Byrdie, Kradle...who I am forgetting here lol! 6 more days to 6 months. I am having a party that day. A AL free party with my family. I feel like I have finally reached a point in life where I am okay with everything. Good or bad. It's too bad it's took soo many ups and downs and nearly killing myself to get there. But I am there. Thank you nest for getting this little birdie to fly again.

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, lets hope if your co-workers are adults, they will keep their gossip to a bare minimum, and let Lindsay handle her own battles (sort to speak). Wish you well.
I also have an-ex-friend like that. My first impression of her was (Wow what a crazy lady) I was not too far off. Now I live in the same area, and pray our paths do not cross. The same thing, I know I left a few rather slurred messages after she pissed me off. We were good drinking buddies. Now, I do not miss her or the drink.

Itsmytime-congrats on your hat, Byrdie is right, the next 30 days are easier

Prairie-all you can do is pick yourself up dust yourself off and start over again. We have all taken that swim unfortunately.

Finally-congrats and wish you well

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1364459 wrote: Hey Rooni ~ that is quite a story! Here's what I received from the DailyOm today re difficult people

August 15, 2012
Sweetening a Sour Apple
When a Bad Apple Spoils the Bunch
by Madisyn Taylor

Thanks for that. This message rings loud and clear for me today. I am SO glad I'm not drinking my way through this....

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Oh Rooni...how awkward! The way I look at it the bitch got what she deserved! lol...if she is going to be that mean and spiteful to you then hey. Fair game, and by all rights you were just being an honorable employee...lol

Point is - she's not worth the awkwardness. You did what you did and can't change it. We can only embrace what we have done and learn from our mistakes.

It's like we are all getting a do-over. Drinking makes us think up weird bizarre shit and are emotions makes us brave with ol' AL...boy aren't we glad he's is gone

Today is day 11 and I am feeling SO much better today. I still have no desire to drink at all. I think my big blow up with the husband has taught me a few lessons myself! Like, don't take people's shit!

Happy Humpday!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Honeysoup;1364555 wrote: Oh Rooni...how awkward! The way I look at it the bitch got what she deserved! lol...if she is going to be that mean and spiteful to you then hey. Fair game, and by all rights you were just being an honorable employee...lol

Thanks HS!! Well, I certainly wouldn't have behaved like that if she had not provoked me, and yes, she IS A BITCH! LOL

Anyway, what's done is done, and we must move on. Mistakes are made to be learned from!!

By the way, congrats on Day 11! You are are only a day behind Cat Belle and me. Byrdie, you better you hats ready. I know Dest will need one in about 7 days or so too!

Jenni (and anyone else still struggling), get back in the nest and barricade the door. The longer you shun the beast, the weaker he'll get. He may have a strong hold over you now, but ignore him for a few days, and he'll be starving for sure. You can do it!!!

FinallyDone - six months is right around the corner for you. You sound so great! Wow, SIX months!! COOL!! :wave:

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Sorry I've been MIA this week - super busy at work. "When Deadlines Collide" would be the title if it were a movie (though not likely to attract much of an audience.) And I haven't read back so no novel-length post today!

I'm happy to report 100 days today - ta da! No more counting days for me. It's time to stay focused and carry on. And almost as importantly, I'm weaning myself from the ice cream/cake/cookies nightly binge I've been on. Plus, I'm sleeping well and through the night, though this has been going on for some weeks now. Such a simply yet profoundly wonderful, wonderful thing to look forward to, all of you who are still tossing and turning (I was for quite some time.) This too shall pass was never more true.

BTW, I'm about half way through the book I mentioned before, Staying Sober, and really really liking it. You know how before we quit drinking and after we give it up, and after we slip, we're always asking why, why, why do I do this? Well, this book is helping to put it in perspective for me. In clear, clinical terms that are layman-friendly and shed a huge light on the various stages that are common to alcohol (and other substance) addiction/abuse. And doesn't make me feel like such a lousy shit with overwhelming character defects (though I have those in abundance) and absolutely no willpower. It espouses a very wholistic approach to achieving a balanced lifestyle that's not centered around addiction, and is somewhat intimidating as you realize that means changing pretty much every thing else in your life. But not everything all at once.

I'll be catching up on everyone's trials and tribulations (hopefully more of these) later; possibly not till this weekend. Hang tight all!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Roon...I had to laugh....I have a Lindsay in my life too. But mine is a man. I have learned one thing: An asshole is an asshole is an asshole and nothing you can do will change that. Bah! Words to live by!! You will handle it with grace I'm sure...

Back home at last!! I'm beat! Stay strong everyone! Byrdie

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Roon-

That's some shizz....

And how many of us sat at our computers and thought there but for the grace of God go I?

Raises hand....

Sheepishly.....

And Monique - I'll look up Staying Sober - I'm interested in that conceptually. Of course I'd have to be sober (AF - I'm sober right now) for that to be an issue...but conceptually - adjusting to a life not revolving around an addiction is interesting. What would one do with all ones time? I waste an unbelievable amount of now...

Huh...

Ponders the thought.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see so many here today

Byrdie, you are so right......an asshole is an asshole, no doubt :H

I have my 3 1/2 yr old grandson here for the night. He's amusing himself with the iPad of all things. Kids are so damn smart these days :H
I am grateful for my sobriety or these overnight sleepovers would never be happening

Wishing everyone a very safe night in the Nest. Think about all the things you will be grateful for in your lives very soon

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

so right Lav....last night I had extra 14 yr olds here all night...I had to stay on my toes for that - LOL

I was up a few times in the night and have had a very busy couple of days helping a family member that needed me...so I'm grateful to be sober - I don't know if I would have felt it was my problem or obligation to help her if I was still drinking....:-( sad but true.

I'm tired and headachey - I hope it's from too much work - so I'm off to try to get some sleep.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

Roon - thanks for your words of encouragement!!! You are right .... today's cravings not nearly as bad as yesterdays.....but I am so new to this so am taking it hour by hour....and going to bed EARLY...so tired!!
goodnight all!!

[Lori35]

Newbies Nest

Roon - I understand completely where you are coming from and I think it's awesome that you have faced it and remain at the same office.

Jenniech - I hope you get a good sleep!

I made it through my first day! I feel horrible though, headache, and just feeling like I've got a hangover. No shakes, so that is good. Much easier to apply mascara now!

I had a hard evening and am proud I made it. My kids are away tonight so I was worried about getting through today. I went shopping after work and spent too much money. Came home and realized I needed to get out again so I bought myself a Big Mac Combo. Not the best choice, but I didn't drink. I worked on my court case for the rest of the evening and am now off to bed.

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement! Good night.