Newbies Nest

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, well this evening was quite rough. The beast kicked in and I was bargaining with myself that I could have a few beer while cooking dinner. The witching hour has been a bitch the last couple days. I guess these moments will come and go. I battled back and forth and talked with my husband, and bargained that we could just do saturday nights. But I knew deep down I didn't wanna give up my 15 days and that sat nights would turn into sat and Sunday's. Then also the days I am off, and then back to everyday, and I don't want that life again. God, give me strength.

Anyway, I did not give in and I am so glad. I would have been extremely disappointed in the morning, aandashamed , and worthless feeling. So not only can I keep my head up, tonight I can say I fought a really hard 2 hour struggle with AL, and I won. Thank you D for standing by me , holding my hand, and loving me while I ugly face cried my way through.

Bring on day 16!

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Cat Belle:

What A Fantastik Victrory!! :yay::yay: The witching hour is the worst

I was right there with you this afternoon. My girls performed at a wonderful Theatre today, one with a wonderful Full Bar. Holy Shit, seemed everyone was ordering wine or vodkas or some kind of spritzer thing....
I ordered a Tonic with Lime, popcorn and french Fries. I'll be fat but AF for today.

Sleep well,

:h

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Well Done Cat!! You foughgt the beast and YOU one. Thats something to be very proud of!! I to last night,cooking a meal, had that nagging a/l at me!! I to one!! I have a lunch today in about an 0ne hr so will be getting myself a softdrink as soon as we arrive. Don't want anyone to ofer me a drink! Am trying to build on the positives not seeing A/L as a reward. I won't be hungover at work tommorrow,depressed,and all the other crap we alkies deal with . Hope you are having a nice af Sunday

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hey all ...I'm sneaking in and basking in the warmth of cats and kradles victories...wonderful!!! Those little triumphs add up!!!! Sorry...on phone so can't type much ...but I'm thrilled for everyone who is giving their all this weekend!!!! Lol. Just read back - cats and kradles...:-)

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Soo proud of the nest!! Everyone is learning and getting there! :goodjob:

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Up with the chickens again this morning!:H
But what a beautiful morning here. I came in & turned the AC off for the first time in I don't know how long!

I hope everyone is waking up to a fabulous AF Sunday as well
Make it a good one!
Lav

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

Cat and Kradle - WOW you guys are me!! I have a daily argument with my AL self but I have been winning...Last night was not the worst in terms of craving buy psychologically, it was the worst because it was saturday night....Here's the thing I am figuring out.....the more days AF, the easier time I have coping with the cravings....they are not going away yet (although everyone promises me they will) but I am able to use past AF days as reference about how I fought the urge and then woke up the next day down right elated that I had made it....
Feeling good today!!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, I checked the nest late afternoon yesterday for posts, but it was pretty empty. Now I wake up this morning, and so much has happened. GODD THINGS!!

Cat - when I first started reading your post, I was thinking you had given in, and then I kept reading and saw that you had not! Fantastic!!

I, too, am on day 16 AF, but I have to admit that I feel like I'm cheating by taking the Antabuse. Chances are slim to NONE that I would be 16 days sober without it. I would probably be posting a "day 3 sober" and then tomorrow after work, I would probably give in and go have wine with the girls after work...

So, just a word or two (yeah right) about Antabuse. And Dest, if you are back from Florida and want to chime in, feel free! Prairie - I know you are about to start Antabuse, so this will be of interest to you as well....

I didn't start taking Antabuse as a cure for my addiction. It is most certainly NOT a cure for addiction. The reason I started it is to give me a jump start on learning how to live my life without alcohol. With Antabuse, you have NO choice. Oh yeah, the cravings are still there, the strong desire to socialize at the bar is still there, the "why mes" are still there, but the one thing that's NOT there is the tug of war in my head. Should I drink? Should I meet Cathy at the bar? Will I be able to control myself tonight? That fighting back and forth about whether I should give in is null and void.

I need to get a routine in my life that does not center around alcohol. I need to socialize in settings that don't revolve around alcohol. I need to form relationships with people who don't abuse alcohol. I need to get my financial situation stable. I need to lose weight. I need to be productive at work. I need to be available when my family needs me.....

I am hoping that forcing myself to stay sober for an extended period of time will allow me to get a hold of all those wants and needs in my life. I want to feel awkward at a bar. I want to feel disgusted around drunk people.

So I don't know how long I will take the Antabuse. Like I said in a previous post, right now my best answer is "as long as it takes."

I hope everyone has a great Sunday!!

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Good morning y'all!

Thanks for all of the encouragement! And thankfully, today I'd day 16, it was almost another day 1....

Rooniferd, it's not cheating, whatever you have to do to keep racking up those days, I am putting off my morning walk until this afternoon, since that is when the fight inevitably begins....I thought that at this point it would be easier, but I have a string of days off and that doesn't help. When I am working , I don't get home til around 8, so it's no biggie.

Everybody have a wonderful Sunday!

Ck in later y'all!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Cat. Well, maybe "cheating" is not the right term, but you know what I mean. The point I'm trying to make is that I can't take nearly as much credit as you can because I'm not having to fight the beast like you are. You have a choice whether to drink. I don't. You have to deal with that incessant nagging, I don't.

But I will eventually.....

I hope you and everyone else has a SUPER day. I am trying to put my plan together. So glad laying in bed hungover and sitting on a car stool are NOT in my plan.

I feel great today. Every day I spend sober is truly a gift. Hugs to all! :huggy

[lagataloca]

Newbies Nest

Yesterday when I was looking for something else I discovered a 1/3 bottle of rum I had stashed a long time ago and had obviously forgotten about. I dumped it down the sink. Granted it was Palo Viejo and not Don Q which would have been harder to dump , but still... ??WEPA!!

[itsmytime]

Newbies Nest

Happy Sober Sunday All,

The bargaining voice is very strong the first months, we need to remember why we choose not to drink. The voice is getting weaker for me every day and every event we attend where alcohol is flowing.

We were at a wedding yesterday for my dearest friends daughter. I was with my closest friends who love me so very unconditionally and I love them with all my heart. My not drinking did not and will not make one bit of a difference with them and for that I am so very grateful. There was wine at the table, and to be completely honest I did not have one craving, not one!! I could jump for joy. The music came on and I was on the dance floor without any hesitation - I do love to dance so AL never played at part in that. But still, I was 100% me without feeling any deprivation at all. We had a great time with no anxiety today taking that joy away from me.

This is something I always remember K9 saying - You never wished the next day that you drank - so true, I woke up clear headed and anxiety free.

Well, I truly feel that this is my time and for those struggling, you can make it your time as well. Letting go of feeling deprived is the key for me this time. I feel free and alive, not nursing another hangover and wallowing in shame/guilt/anxiety.

Have a great day!!
IMT

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1366282 wrote: Hi everyone, I checked the nest late afternoon yesterday for posts, but it was pretty empty. Now I wake up this morning, and so much has happened. GODD THINGS!!

Cat - when I first started reading your post, I was thinking you had given in, and then I kept reading and saw that you had not! Fantastic!!

I, too, am on day 16 AF, but I have to admit that I feel like I'm cheating by taking the Antabuse. Chances are slim to NONE that I would be 16 days sober without it. I would probably be posting a "day 3 sober" and then tomorrow after work, I would probably give in and go have wine with the girls after work...

So, just a word or two (yeah right) about Antabuse. And Dest, if you are back from Florida and want to chime in, feel free! Prairie - I know you are about to start Antabuse, so this will be of interest to you as well....

I didn't start taking Antabuse as a cure for my addiction. It is most certainly NOT a cure for addiction. The reason I started it is to give me a jump start on learning how to live my life without alcohol. With Antabuse, you have NO choice. Oh yeah, the cravings are still there, the strong desire to socialize at the bar is still there, the "why mes" are still there, but the one thing that's NOT there is the tug of war in my head. Should I drink? Should I meet Cathy at the bar? Will I be able to control myself tonight? That fighting back and forth about whether I should give in is null and void.

I need to get a routine in my life that does not center around alcohol. I need to socialize in settings that don't revolve around alcohol. I need to form relationships with people who don't abuse alcohol. I need to get my financial situation stable. I need to lose weight. I need to be productive at work. I need to be available when my family needs me.....

I am hoping that forcing myself to stay sober for an extended period of time will allow me to get a hold of all those wants and needs in my life. I want to feel awkward at a bar. I want to feel disgusted around drunk people.

So I don't know how long I will take the Antabuse. Like I said in a previous post, right now my best answer is "as long as it takes."

I hope everyone has a great Sunday!!

Rooni-

I've had several run's at quits and this is exactly why the AB now - your post above.

I need to get habit under my belt. The habit of saying no. The habit of "knowing I can't". The habit of being with people - without. The habit of hitting a crisis and NOT turning to a bottle to numb it down.

Right now the habit of AL in my life is so strong - that some small variable tips it - and I never know when. And my quit goes poof. And I've let everyone down again. A lot of times - I actually didn't even want it. It was a habit to reach for it and I did.

Well - not this time. No choices. I am going to use the AB as long as it takes for a habit of an AL free life to form. And feel glued in. As long as that takes.

I need to face the cravings with a literal - no choices, no options mentality. I know myself - If left an out - I will cheat. There can be no out. That is how it it is.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Prairie - exactly. I have lived in the habit of drinking and surrounding myself by drinking friends and activities for so long. It's not just an alcohol thing for me. It's a WHOLE WAY OF LIFE thing. I have to change my whole way of thinking and viewing the world. I have to think about MYSELF in a whole different way.

So, that's why I think the Antabuse is a good fit for me. I am so tired of the quits/relapses/quits/relapses. If I can just stop that damn cycle for an extended period of time - long enough to start replacing those old habits with new ones....

I think you will have a lot of success with the Antabuse as well. I don't think it's for everyone, but it's working like a charm for me. I can finally relax some. The damn beast pops his head up often, but when he does, he sighs, "damn, I forgot about the Antabuse," and he moves on to his next victim. I haven't shut him up completely, but at least he doesn't nag me as much.

I've been doing some reading about Antabuse online, and I'm amazed at how many people try to drink on it. The stories are awful. That's not something I intend to do!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Well done EVERYONE! THAT'S how it's done....one craving at a time. One victory at a time...don't look too far down the road, worry about today and saying NO, HELL NO! AL will not take away one more day of my life!

The only people that I have discovered who want you to drink are those with problems too. So don't fall for this! Misery not only loves company, it loves miserable company....you will NEVER regret not giving in! Hang strong....we can do this! It's a HABIT! Byrdie