Newbies Nest

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Prairie Fairy;1366667 wrote: OK - I'm all in.

I had the blow out last night with the SO on the topic - fueled up by AL. Woke up in full on panic attacks.

Felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. Read the drunken texts.

Just knew - this is it. Fix it or else.

Got up. Threw away the wine. Texted him that as scared as I am not to be numb- I'm more scared of hurting him. That I threw away the wine. And please come get all the beer out of the fridge after work.

He called me on his way in. Said I did the right thing. Said it in the way that told me if I hadn't done that this morning - we'd have been over. He's on his way to get the beer after work. I have a long way to go to fix things.

But it is without question ladies and gentlemen - I'm all in. AB or no AB. This won't wait.

PF - you sound like me - DISGUSTED, PISSED OFF, and downright FED UP. It's funny how much crap we put up with before it really hits us like a ton of bricks - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! There's nothing glamorous about alcohol. It never makes anything better for me - ONLY WORSE. I am only 17 days sober, but damn it's so nice already. No hangovers, no lies, no drunk dialing, no blowing money in bars, no gaining weight, no unproductive days at work, no broken plans, no feelings of SHAME and GUILT, and NO ANXIETY. Kick that damn beast to the curb and come to life - YOUR LIFE. You are ready, I can hear it in your words. We can do this!!!!!!!!

I hope you and your SO work things out. If he loves you, he will see how serious you are about getting your life together, and he will wait for you. :l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

PF...it's sad that it has to get so bad before it can get better. I am really pulling for you...it took a long time for me to realize that I just can not drink AL and live a productive life. It came down to one or the other. You can do this...If I can you can too. Dig your heels in and don't give in to the bastard no matter what and no matter who. Stay glued to this site if you have to. Whatever it takes! Byrdie

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Hey everybody!

Having a crap day today! But trying to stay strong. Damn life just gets in the way sometimes! Ready to go back to work on Wednesday!

Ck back later

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Cat Belle...you will never have 2 bad days in a row!! Life does get in the way...but it always will...stay the course and you will not regret it. Making decisions with a clear head is worth the price of admission. NO, HELL NO! AL will NOT take one more day of your life!! Hang in...Byrdie

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Just popping in to say Hello! Thanks Birdie for your inspiration and to all that are struggling at the moment, just think how DAMN good it is when we are not drinking! Others have done it so can WE !!! Thinking of u all. Off to work, have a nice Tueday AF!!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

they're right prairie...some of us have to have that moment of no return before that last tiny bit of thinking we can drink normally - is extinguished....I still remember my hands shaking when I tried to type on the computer...snapping at the cable guy who was here at 10 AM - and I was already drunk...it was several days...no - probably weeks - straight - of that awfulness that made me hit the point of no return. I woke up at midnight - shaking sick heart pounding and sat on the couch til morning - thinking I was going to die. Yes, I had tons of "moments" before then - when I thought I HAVE to stop this...but I always talked myself out of them. This time, I knew when it happened that it was a turning point - if I didn't die...it's just mind boggling.

I wish I had more time to address everyone! Hubby is traveling again - and things are so busy....

But I pop in and read - mostly on my phone - when I can - but it's so damn hard to post from that thing.

~lola - Looking FORWARD to a nice week without all the craziness and guilt and covering up and hiding and stupid decisions that I would have to put up with if i let Alcohol back in my life...

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

I'm staying close today. Because I made the decision and poured it all out.

Only to have some of the biggest personal disasters hit on the same day. Big enough the SO actually left work to come sit on the bench outside Mom's and rub my back while I cried for half an hour before he headed back to work ...even infuriated about last night - he knows full well how horrible I was going to take those body blows.

And he looked me in the eye and said - this is going to continue for the duration of the next 4 months or so. You have to know that. You can NOT let this crush you. You can not cope the way you have been coping. You have to find other ways to manage as he was leaving.

And he is right. So - I've had my kudzu - which I think largely useless. And my magnesium which actually is relaxing. I have to wait until dinner is further along the system before I work on the L-Glut and the Amino's.

My God my head hurts. And I want to cry. Again.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Happy to see everyone!

PF, life begins to improve for us the moment we make that all important decision. It will take time & more work on your part but everything will get better provided you remain commited. I am sorry you are having such a hard time today but maybe this was necessary.....to get you too see the reality of your situation. Stay close & let us know how you are doing :l

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

I just hit 6 months as of now!! Thank you nest!! You made it happen.

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

Hey well done finallydone!!!
How do you feel? I bet great!!
Patrice

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

patrice I feel like I should be. Taking life how it is meant to be lived. Ups and downs. Take the good with bad. But be steady in heart and in mind.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

CONGRATS on your 6 months AF finallydone :yay:
Great feeling, isn't it? Keep going

I have to be out early, watching my grandsons today which is a blast!
Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!
Lav

[itsmytime]

Newbies Nest

PF - sorry you are having a rough time right now. Getting AL out of the mix will help you, even if it doesn't help everything else, you will be in a better place to deal with all the curve balls life throws at you. I asked myself, how badly do I want to be sober? This time, it is so different in that sobriety is wonderful not a challenge as it was in the past as I really, truly want to remain sober. Drinking robs us of so much. Life is precious and I am not giving AL anymore of my time.

Cat - there will be good and bad days no matter what. AL seems to make a bad day better, but that is only temporary and it actually adds on more bad days afterward with anxiety, guilt, shame, hangovers, not being present. Keep thinking of the positive.

Finallydone - well put, you are feeling how you should be - love that. AL masks how we feel and adds unnecessary drama and ill feelings. I was drinking to escape grief and anxiety, once I took AL out, I had some real strong feelings and finally faced them head on. Now I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders and living in the present. Congrats on 6 months!!

Have a great day all,
IMT

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Good morning y'all!

Day 18 I think? Yay! Gonna try to get a walk in if the rain slacks. Doing Jillian michaels 30 day shred and training for a 5 k. I've always wanted to do one. I have an app on my phone for the 5k, I'm in week three of 8, so we will see.....l am pretty sore this am, so gonna try to wrk it out. Lol

Hope y'all have a great day!
Ck in later

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

itsmytime:
Thank you for your inspriational words...they really rang true for me:

there will be good and bad days no matter what. AL seems to make a bad day better, but that is only temporary and it actually adds on more bad days afterward with anxiety, guilt, shame, hangovers, not being present. Keep thinking of the positive.

That is so true!! And I never really believed it until I had a string of AF days under my belt. I am feeling better as each day goes by. I am starting to relax at night rather than obsess about the fact that I am not drinking....I really look forward to the day when the thought of having a drink does not even enter my mind.....or if it does enter my mind, I hope I get to the point where I can easily dismiss it.....

I am feeling great today....hope everyone has a fantastic Tuesday!!