Newbies Nest

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

DAY 3 is HORRIBLE! I just want to go to bed so day 4 gets here! I can't believe I had such a strong craving today while out with my husband. Now that I think about it, we always went grocery shopping together and afterward we would stop at our favirote pub and have a few. This stinks!

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Stumpy, I'm going to bed soon and then I'll be on day 3 so am just one day behind you. Originally joined army thread this time round but am reading lots of threads to maintain my resolve. I'm not too bad but do think my body is getting rid of toxins. Eating loads today, avoiding scales for time being. Lost loads of weight about ten years ago when I gave up for 18 months and when I do manage to stop for a month or so always lose half stone but this time I'm only thinking of not drinking because that is what will make me ill. Have followed your progress last few days. Going to bed soon so know I'll not drink today! X

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Here I go again

Patiricia, Thank you. From drinking and acid reflux, I'm lost 14 pounds and I like it. I've been eating like a pig today. Stay stronge tomorrow, day 3 has been hard for me. Good Luck.:goodjob:

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Patricia, Thank you, you'll do fine. be strong tomorrow. Day 3 proved hard for me but I made it. I hope day four brings me peace. Then I go to work for 9 hours that should make it easy. Keep up the good work, you'll make your 7 days before you know it. :goodjob:

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Patricia, day 3 proved hard on me but I made it. I hope day 4 brings me some peace. I lost 14 pounds in the last year from acid reflux, I can't afford to lose anymore really. Keep up the good work.

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Thanks for your support, day 2 for me, i have to learn to be stronger i know i can do this as i have done it before and my life was great, so that is what i am going to concentrate on, remembering how good i felt with no AL. I have to stay positive at all times.
I love reading all your posts, you have all given me hope and encouragment thankyou
Hope you all have a great day xxx

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

yea!! Rooni, I'm so happy for you!!!!!!

I've had a busy day with my boys....made a superb - if I do say so myself - LOL - dinner - of ribs and bread pudding and greek quinoa salad....and did some fun family stuff tonight compared to probably falling asleep in front of the tv like last year. It's still early but THEY are tiring out before ME! LOL. ah well - another early morning walk for my pups tomorrow...they love having their momma to walk them. :-)

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi everybody -

I'm here. It's been busy. The AB has been a big help. I got swamped by cravings at the witching hour today like I haven't had - but it's Day 13 so the Lizard Brain decided to throw them in play...I had to stop what I was doing in shopping with the kids, take them home - and supplement up like crazy - because I can't drink with the AB - but I had to do something with the cravings because they were horrible tonight.

The AB has me a bit tired - a bunch of people said that will be normal first week or so...kind of ok - if I'm going to get hit with cravings like that - I just want to sleep them off.

I'm a bit too tired to write anything profound - although there are things I do want to say to the newbies - like - really day 3/4 are days I've broken my quit I don't know how many times. It's normal - but don't give in. If you make Day 5 - you have a fighting chance with this quit to do something meaningful with it. Do something meaningful with yours.

Something interesting happened this morning. Last night - the SO had to work until 12:30 am - I told him rather than drive all the way home - 45 minutes out of town - to just let himself in, I'd put out a towel, clean clothes, and he could just climb into bed. Surprisingly - he agreed. Two weeks ago he'd have said no. So healing is happening. I woke up, he wanted to talk about his day and snuggle, also surprising - healing happening because sitting and talking about HIS day hasn't been happening. He let me get up and fix him a late dinner - and we had a peaceable time in the middle of the night - like it used to be.

Out of the blue - snuggled up with me this morning - I caught him looking at me like his heart was going to break into a million bits. And I realized - he's let himself be happy and now he thinks I'm going to take it all away again with the booze. I told him - I promise you - everything is going to be ok. And he just looked frozen. I know it takes time. But I know I'm going to prove it to him. He doesn't know about the AB. And he doesn't understand I'm determined to the very core of my being that I'm taking back my life. He doesn't have to believe me. He just shouldn't leave...because I'm going to prove his worries very wrong.

I've said it before and I'm saying it again. I'm on this path. And I am not turning back.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

That's great news PF, I'm very happy for you!

CONGRATS ON YOUR 30 AF DAYS ROONI :yay:
It's an awesome feeling ~ keep going!

Lola, I had my family here for dinner, good food, everyone had a good time too especially Matilda - she's turning into a real party animal :H


Good night to everyone, have a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

LOL lav that is one crazy table dancin doggy!!!! So cute...

Im glad you gad a nice weekend...:-)

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Gads phone again...HAD. goodnight.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

SIGH....had a big day today. My family, we all drove into soho in NYC to walk around and take in the sights. We had a wonderful lunch with my two nephews in their 20s...They had bloody marys and beer with my husband. I had a VIRGIN mary and diet cokes. It really didn't bother me that they were drinking and I wasn't....my kids were there so that made it easier...Then we went to some bar and they ordered a pitcher of beer. I had my diet coke. Then drove to sister's house with my brood of boys for dinner and to see my 3 month old grand niece....they all drank beer (thank goodness there was no wine there) I drank water and held and carried that precious baby the whole time while everyone else had beer...No one was getting drunk but it was very present. I had a WONDERFUL time. And then I DROVE HOME...I havent' been the designated driver in YEARS. It felt great!! And now I am going to sleep and look forward to waking up tomorrow with no hangover. Life has been good for me today

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

i just counted. Today is 22 days for me!! I am shocked! Wait, can that be right? wow

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Jenn, Good for you. It had to be alittle hard to watch everyone drinking but you made it through, that's Awesome. Congrats on 22 days.:goodjob:

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Today was Byrdie’s magical day 13 of my 9 millionth quit – and my last one – so help me God.

I’m on my way to bed…when I get up – YEAH BUDDY – I start Day 14.

And how far have we come?

Here’s where I was on Day 1:

#23430 (permalink)
08-20-2012, 12:16 PM
Prairie Fairy
Member Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 606
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My Mood:



OK - I'm all in.

I had the blow out last night with the SO on the topic - fueled up by AL. Woke up in full on panic attacks.

Felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. Read the drunken texts.

Just knew - this is it. Fix it or else.

Got up. Threw away the wine. Texted him that as scared as I am not to be numb- I'm more scared of hurting him. That I threw away the wine. And please come get all the beer out of the fridge after work.

He called me on his way in. Said I did the right thing. Said it in the way that told me if I hadn't done that this morning - we'd have been over. He's on his way to get the beer after work. I have a long way to go to fix things.

But it is without question ladies and gentlemen - I'm all in. AB or no AB. This won't wait.



Byrdie reminded me the other day – that a lot of people read what is happening to people ahead of them. So I decided – since most quits fail on Day 3/5 – to write something to help people hang in here – stay longer than Day 3/5 if you can do it.

It’s going to feel a bit like War and Peace – so either pull up a coffee or feel free to move on.

I lurked for what seemed like forever on MWO before I actually screwed up the courage to get an account. Getting an account here was like a formal admission “I HAVE A PROBLEM.”

Hello. NO DUH PRAIRIE. It’s the big elephant over in the corner…you know – the one all your family and friends won’t talk about…everyone tiptoes around the elephant, periodically cracks a joke about it – before when the elephant was a baby elephant and still did cute tricks – it was funny. But now the elephant is big, and ugly, it has a hairy trunk that get’s in people’s business uninvited and Dear God – can that elephant take a DUMP in the corner. It can. A massive, mind boggling mess that stinks to high heaven – someone has to clean it up, and in the meantime – everyone pretends it didn’t happen while wishing someone would come along with a bottle of Elephant Shite Strength Febreze to deal with it.

So – getting an account here was admitting – there is indeed – and elephant in the corner. Now – getting an account here and telling no one – is admitting it only to me. That’s the beauty of it and the bad part of it. I’d never have admitted there was an elephant of any kind if I had to admit it to anyone else – but on the other hand – my other quits fell apart because I didn’t reach out for on-the ground support.

At least for me – finally telling someone else – face to face – I have an a problem – and there is an elephant in here – was part of my solution. I avoided that like the plague. I didn’t ever want to do it. I came here because I was going to be Super Modder – complete with Cape and CFM Boots – because if you are going to be Super Modder – you may as well be stylish and sexy doing it. After all – what’s sexy about being a tee-totaler.

Well – that Modding thing? Guess what….I’ve been up on that horse – and fallen off that horse spectacularly so many times – I can no longer lie to myself that I’m capable of modding.

If I could mod – I would have figured it out by now. Because I have practiced and practiced. I bought hypnos about moderation from I don’t know how many different hypnotists. I even paid to have it done – 10 sessions - in person from someone famous enough to do it regularly on TV. Don’t ask how much that cost – it’s crazy.

Guess what – didn’t work. She told me it wouldn’t. She said abstinence could stick – but she’d never seen drinking moderation work in hypnotism personally. She even did custom Neurolinguistic Programming anyway. Bombed. Bombed utterly.

So – I’ve been round and round the modding Merry Go Round – and when I fall off the ride – as I always do – I leave the amusement park altogether and go to a dark place. That dark place is a place where I drink. And drink. And drink. I go from drinking moderately to drinking like a fish. And I swim in it…my misery growing daily – along with my family, friends and SO – who just watch me getting better, happier, stronger – and then watch me devolve just as suddenly.

I had known I was on a bad path – worse than ever – and had started putting the pieces in place to put myself on what I wanted to be my last quit. I was doing the research – for real this time – on what successful quitters did. Why do what I’d been doing? That wasn’t working…

And it turned out research showed successful quitters had a number of things happening – 1) they were truly at the end and 100% ready to make the change 2) they made nutritional changes to support the giant chemical changes happening in their body as a result of withdrawing the AL from their system 3) they sought counseling that addresses their psychological needs 4) they addressed spiritual needs that gave them an answer to what are they living FOR, who are they accountable TO, and what do they hope to ACHIEVE with what’s left of their life

Well – I’d worked on #2 whole heartedly, #3 sort of half heartedly, #1 had sometimes been there, and #4? You must be joking? I’d never given it any thought at all….

#1 took care of itself. My best friend, my SO – basically laid it on the line. Get it together – or else. He couldn’t take anymore. I had become my worst fear – the angry drunk. I had always been the fun one – but events in the last year got ugly for a lot of reasons in my personal life – and I got MAD in my subconscious it seems – and I would wake up in the morning to a panic attack – knowing something was wrong – not remembering – only to find out –I’d said something hateful that he wouldn’t repeat to me. And he’d had enough. He said – I know you don’t remember but I can’t live like this. Get better – or else.

#2? Please I’ve read everything I can get my hands on regarding nutrition and Alcohol I think and if I haven’t read it – I try to find and read it. So I am in good shape there.

3) I’d signed up and was on the waiting list for that – and finally start next week.

4) I sought pastoral counseling at church in addition to finding a local Celebrate Recovery Group – since my church doesn’t offer it – and started attending. I have to say – my heart is a lot lighter to be going to that. There is 60 other people every week who understand where I’m at, several of whom have given me their phone numbers – and if I am overwhelmed I could call…Sometime in the next month Step Study will start and I’ll end up with my sponsor and my accountability partner – and I will work my way through my issues in depth over the next year.

Beyond that – a PART of getting better was recognizing I have failed time and time again because I have little immediate impulse control when under pressure. So I ordered the Antabuse. Now – I have a 5 day buffer. Every night when I go to bed – I wake up to a different mood. My down fall most failures before was getting hammered by the days events and heading to the wine shop at 10 pm for a bottle. Quit gone. I can’t afford that this time. There can be no failing. It’s not that I can’t crave it – I can’t act on it. *No acting on it. *

So – here’s to the Antabuse. TTDP. No matter how shitty the day was – it’s five more days at best before I can have a drink. And I promise – I’ll come to my senses again before those 5 days are up. I always do. I only have to look at the kids and the SO and think – nope – not worth it . I might not have had any sense at 10 pm at night – but I will in the morning. The AB just needs to carry me through to tomorrow.

What I’m saying is – this is not a quick fix. This is a determined action plan to get better. It’s a determined action to take back my life from AL. I’m stealing it back from the lizard brain.

See the definition of the word determination:
1. the act or an instance of making a decision
2. the condition of being determined; resoluteness
3. a resolute movement towards some object or end


I don’t know how to tell you when something is different about Number 1. I knew it the other quit that lasted a long time just as I knew I wasn’t as committed to the other short quits.

I am committed heart and soul to this one.

I am all in.

I’ve been here before – committed, partially committed, not really committed and wondering what the heck I was doing here.

This time. I can tell you I’m here, I’m fully committed.

I’m sick of the Elephant. The Elephant has to go. She and her pile of Elephant shite are being evicted from my house. If I have to get behind her and shove on her big ugly butt with both feet – she’s getting the hell out of my house.

And that’s that.

I’m Prairie. I’m DETERMINED to walk this path. And I am not turning back.

And you don’t have to either. You can walk it with me. I can use the company.

If you can make it past Day 3/5 - you've made it past where most people break. KEEP GOING. Make this count.

If you make it past Day 14 - you are now past all the physiological stuff. The AL is out of your body. It's now only the Lizard Brain telling you to drink. KEEP GOING.

You *can* do this.

Do this with me. Walk this path with me. Because I am DETERMINED to walk this path. And I want you to come with me.

Let's keep this batch of Newbies in the Nest - Together.