Newbies Nest

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

stumpy;1372992 wrote: Thank you Lolab, LOL about McDonalds, I grow my own veggie and usually eat very healthy, NOT this week. Yes, my head hurts and my stomach has an acid feeling to it and I'm tired = flu symptoms. I just want to get past 7 days. MWO has helped so much.

Stumpy, I felt the same way. On day 5, I believe, I was on the couch all day and even looked up West Nile Virus as there have been cases in my area. It was a full blown flu like day for me. If you can just rest through it and not push yourself. It's a normal reaction to the withdrawal.

Don't worry about an apology on the irritation from my quotes. I perfectly understand and took no offense. You'll make it through. Don't allow yourself to think you have any other choice. There simply is no choice. I won't even allow the thought a moment in my brain and fortunately I don't want to at all at this point. I'm still arming myself daily in case that changes.

Hip, hip, hurray. We will all win!!! It simply is so!! How's that for positive thinking?

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Slay, Excelent. I'm spending the day on and off cleaning around the house. Just trying not to think of it anymore. I know I'm in control but my body keeps say OH NO YOU'RE NOT GIRLFRIEND! it's a fight. I'm not one who likes to lose and that goes for this battle as well. Thank you.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

stumpy;1373058 wrote: Slay, Excelent. I'm spending the day on and off cleaning around the house. Just trying not to think of it anymore. I know I'm in control but my body keeps say OH NO YOU'RE NOT GIRLFRIEND! it's a fight. I'm not one who likes to lose and that goes for this battle as well. Thank you.

Just send some curse words toward that voice and then chop its head off. Hell no I'm not going to lose to you!!! Imagine it like the enemy it is and you are armed to the teeth. You are the terminator!!! LOL!! Hey whatever works. I'm going to audition for the next Avengers movie. I'm superchick with her bad ass sword and spunky personality. I don't lose.

Have a productive day. It's no match for your determination. :goodjob:

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi Stumpy -

As to Day 5 - like everyone else said - I felt like I had the worst flu. I had headaches, body aches, I couldn't *think* and it was compounded by feeling like I had the worst PMS ever. I was so irritable, angry, emotional - I was a joy to be around. Yes - I was.

I would say this was the worst withdrawal yet - but I actually think they are all like this - and our brains protect us of the memory - much like child birth - and wipe the worst of it from our memory banks.

In answer to the question about writing - I do not write professionally. On a long term hobby - I do write under a Pseudonym, I blog rather regularly - and have several hundred people that pop in and out of my stuff over the course of a week - some registered a the current site I write at and many who are just visitors.

A lot of my friends have bugged me over the years to start attending formal writing training - and I've thought about it - I may do that now that I've dialed back my work schedule. I have to journal a lot over the next year as part of the Celebrate Recovery step study - I suspect I'm going to dig up a lot of things that will be hurtful and hard. But as I uncover them - they are likely to make the best core to polish for writing. So maybe I finally will do it. It's the first time I've thought about it more than just half heartedly.

As far as the SO adoring me? Funny that you say that. He's not one for showing his deepest emotions often. He's very reserved. And I know he's calling frequently out of the blue at night - to see if I've been drinking. I'm ok with that. Because everytime I prove him his worries wrong, I steady him.

The funny part is - out of the blue - he called me at lunch today just to see what I was doing. I told him last night what I would be doing. He's busy today...He hasn't just called at lunch on a day off where he's stacked up in tasks in forever - he's been altogether too aggravated at me...so I'm whittling away at things...and he said the last night how glad he was to have come over after his late night shift and stayed...so yes - I'm making a dent into the wall that's built up.

I'm going to tear that wall down. He just doesn't know it yet.

Because with the AB's help - there isn't any - snap/impulse trips to the wine shop - call me at 11 pm when at 9 pm I was fine and at 11 pm I'm smashed anymore. But he doesn't know that. So he can test all he wants. I *can't* break. I'm just plain going to have to learn to cope. And ride the urge. There is *no* snapping.

So - let's see how repetition and time do in making this better.

As far as the kids? They aren't flinching. It's early enough for them - they just accepted and moved on. And that's a good thing. I haven't done that much damage with them yet. Turns out - they are the easy ones - even though they live here. They were in bed early enough to miss my antics.

I'm not saying this is easy or simple or fast. It's not. I'm saying I can't take this anymore. That on the days I want to break and give up - I need you to grab me by the shirt and shake me and ask me if I want to go back to where I was in despair, where I hated myself, to where I was going to lose everything important to me including my own self respect? Because even one glass of wine is going to lead to that. And I can lie to myself all I want - but that's a fact. I'm going to want to mod. I am going to want to be normal. I can't mod. I can't be normal. It's a fact. And you are going to have to grab the other post and this post and shove it back in my face.

When I want to buckle and back slide.

Because that's the big part after Day 14 - the head games. It's all head fakes and learning how to live a life without the beast...and the beast wants you to bargain...

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

And now - I have to run - the kids go back to school tomorrow - and I have about 9 million last second errands that I'm going to be running at Mach 5 with my hair on fire or tomorrow morning's 6:45 am bus will find me woefully unprepared....aggghhhhhhhhhh

:eeks: :no: :racer:

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Sorry i had a power cut all last night so no internet and i have not had time to read back, i will do tonight. Day 3 and going strong for me im off to an AA meeting tonight and i am actually looking forward to it.
Right off to work i go xxxxx

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Good for you Ronnie! I'm going into day 5, it's hard work but at the end of the night, I'm proud. I'm proud of you too.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I remember those busy days getting the kids ready for school PF - good luck

ronnie & stumpy, great you are both hanging in & making some AF progress!
Your confidence will grow with each AF day - it's awesome!

I had a quiet day, got caught up on a bunch of things. Tomorrow I will be putting in a 12+ hr day watching my two young grandsons ~ wish me luck :H

Wishing everyone a safe AF night in the nest!
Lav

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

PF, it shows. I remember a post about you not having a purpose at one point, so as I read that last post I thought, I know a purpose for you! Good luck in your endeavor if you choose to pursue it.

Keep on track. You're going to win this time!

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters! Heading off to bed...hope everyone is doing well! I only have school tomorrow so I might have some time to catch up with the nester crew! School starts tomorrow here for the kiddos. Hope everyone is safe and has a great first day....kids and the moms...LOL!!

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters, Haven't been posting much lately.............been really superbusy !!! Have been reading all your posts though and still learning from them, so thanks everyone!!! Day 4/5 is still a huge problem for me, this time round I might be able to get my Alkie mind to say NO, NO MORE and actually do it !!! :thanks::thanks:

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, The summer holidays have flown by - back to long traffic jams - it takes me 15 minutes (max) to get to work in the summer holidays and up to 1 hour 30 minutes each way during school term! Oh well - such is life. Day 4 for me and I'm edging closer to my first short term goal Hope all are well? Px

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday morning Nesters,

Hope everyone had a safe night in th enest
Rain, rain & more rain here, oh well!
I have a marathon day lined up for myself, grateful to be sober & ready for anything!!!!

Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Tuesday!
Lav

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi all -

Been up for hours chasing the children around...it's going to be an early night tonight. And in happy news - it's the SO's birthday, he's out of state this afternoon and tonight - so he came over after taking his kids to school and had breakfast, held hands, out in public even - LOL. (The horror - a public display of affection - NOT THAT.) Two weeks ago - he'd have dropped them and run - trying to get frantically ready. Progress - ever progress.

And yes - I have TTDP. :-) I smile every time I do. I look at the blister pack - and think - even if I was dropped on my head - I have five full days from tomorrow before I can drink. And I count that those days and I say - Prairie - even if you were totally stupid - you can't physically get drunk again until XXXXXX.

The best part is? It makes me really happy. Because all I have to worry about is the head fakes. Which is A LOT. But I don't have to worry about breaking. Because I *can't.* The lizard brain can't win on impulse. OMG - this is so freeing for me. And that is a good thing.

That stupid pill stops all the garbage that was going on in my head every night. It doesn't exist anymore. I just take the kudzu and Glut and ride it out. I wish I'd done this earlier but I think I wouldn't have been ready.

I think I was only ready - when I was desperately ready.

Anyway - I'm up. I am moving. I'll be in bed early that's for sure. Sending love to all of you.

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone, I made it to day 5, very proud of myself. I know I can go the long run.
Patricia, you can make it to day 7, only 3 more little days left.
I find it odd that I slept 11 hours last night, real sleep! I guess my body and mind needed it.