Newbies Nest

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

boozer;1374309 wrote: Litre 2, YES you can do IT!! So many of us have thought we had it covered and convinced ourselves just one drink can't hurt and then Whamo! we are back where we started. But are we really back where we started OR are we SO much wiser having learn't from the experience and better prepared for the next time AL calls us? I gave up for 40 days and thought yeah, I can handle al and took one glass and before I knew it, I was up to my old tricks guzzling down 1 to 1.5 bottles a day!!! The main thing is you are back in the nest ready to take on the beast again and that IS NOT the sign of a loser, but the sign of a fighter!! :welcome: back.

EXACTLY! Good post!! Trial and error is part of the learning process in life. Don't take a defeatist attitude, albeit not winning can be disappointing, but in every situation there are lessons to learn to take with you into tomorrow. Rule that mind...

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

lolab;1374444 wrote: Litre - take Lav's advice and take hold of those feelings of defeat - feel their strength - and make a strong positive effort into turning them into determination to succeed. Take the hate that you're feeling towards yourself right now and turn it towards alcohol. There are lots of self defeating words in your posts - right down to your signature - with "blew it"....I'm not trying to criticize - and I'm sorry if it comes across that way...I just want you to get mad at the right target! Once you make up your mind that you absolutely will NOT go down that road again - and look to the future - seeing YOU as a large formidable opponent - alcohol won't stand a chance.

Yep, yep! I third, fourth and fifth that post!!! It's key!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Stumpy, don't look now, but there are snakes in your hair!
I am so proud of your 7 days!!!! You have conquered every thing the week can throw at you! Now the goal is D13...this is when my whole mindset changed and it all fell into place and got easier!!! If it stayed this hard NOBODY could do it! Stick with us!!

Litre...I 100% agree with Lola, direct the anger to AL. It makes me sick to my stomach what it has done to me and to my friends. I HATE IT with all my might. It is the enemy. The problem IS ALCOHOL. Adopt a policy of zero tolerance....not one, not ever! It is NOT worth it! The self loathing? Been there and got the tee shirt....the G/S/R Brothers were alive and well in me (guilt/shame/remorse). To hell with AL and all it's sweet songs!!! I've had it and you have too. Take your life back! If I can do it, you can too. Byrdie

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, day 34 here. Just wanted to check in and tell you about my evening last night. I guess I had a bit of a realization...

My friend Cathy and I have been pretty good friends for several years now. Yes, she is definitely a drinking buddy, but I have always felt like she was more than that. I've always felt very confident that we would remain good friends, regardless of whether I quit drinking. She's known about my gazillion attempts to quit in the past, and she's always been very supportive.

So, late afternoon yesterday, she texted to see if I wanted to meet at the bar. In her defense, she doesn't know that I've gone this long without drinking or that I'm even trying to give AF life another go. I've told her that so many times, just to screw it all up and feel embarrassed.

So we meet at the bar, and I order an O'Douls (non-alcoholic beer). The first thing she says is "Well, you're no fun!!" Needless to say, that set the stage for the rest of the evening. She seemed very uncomfortable about me not drinking (I could just tell). Every time the server would come around, she would say "Are you sure you don't want anything?" I really felt the pressure.

By the way, she doesn't know that I take Antabuse. In fact, that's the only reason I went to the bar - because I CAN'T drink. No, not a drop.

So the conversation goes on in spite of the "weirdness." We started talking about taking a trip to DC together. She talks about bar hopping and taking the metro so we don't have to drive, etc. She just assumes I'll be over this "not drinking nonsense" by then, and we'll go blow it out.

Well, and part of that is my own fault. She thinks I'm just giving up alcohol long enough to lose some weight. I haven't explained to her the real reason I'm quitting - because it's ruining my freakin' life!!

It seemed like everything we talked about revolved around drinking. But why am I surprised? Alcohol has always been the common thread between us.

I guess I'm just going to have to face the reality that our friendship will probably eventually fade into the sunset. It's sad, but I'd rather that happen than continue killing myself with alcohol. No friendship is worth that!!

Well, have a great, sober day everyone. Don't give in to the beast!!!

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone:

Just woke up and checking in. Litre read your struggle and sending big :l one thing came to mind is in my faith (Nichiren Buddhism) many westerners make the mistake of thinking that 'enlightenment, so called, comes from eliminating desires and things we want but the opposite is true. Enlightenment or our compassion especially for ourselves comes from those earthly desires.

Sounds backwards and took me awhile to get but I have found this to be true. :h

Byrdie I have the tee shirt, the pants, the hat and the underwear

Stumpy congrats on one week. I know lots of people here document their progress. I find that hard for me. Not sure why. Hate looking at myself still I think...
But I do remember one week was very significant and strange in my head. It was big. A big accomplishment..maybe we should have a hat for ONE WEEK Byrdie?? Or maybe a pair of socks...?

Oh shoot! Gotta get everyone up,
Lots a love and hugs for a good happy day,
:l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Kradle, I want to give horn toots for 7 days, but I can't find one without the hat attached....and everyone knows, you don't get the hat until day 30.....:day5:

So how about a full moon for 7 days?? :moon: B

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, good for you. It's sad but sometimes you need to shed some "friends" in order to grow. This should be a time of reflection for all of us. Keep up the good work and thank god for AB it seems to work for you.
I have to count my days, it makes me stronger. I feel if I made it to 7 days, I have to do 8 and so on. No way would I want to go through the past week again BUT if need be I would because I'm done with that monkey on my back. I have t admit, it's been a fierce fight the last 7 days.

Byrdlady, no worries, I gave myself a new hair style for my 7th day. Snakes and toads lol

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, I can identify with your story. I had the exact same situation. However, that girlfriend moved about six months ago to another state. Everything in your post was like my story with her and part of my success today is not having that temptation around. I lost the battle every time when the dynamic dual were within reach of one another. I would venture to say you are correct in your views on parting ways because until she is ready, she will be a real source of temptation and she doesn't want to be alone in her alcohol problem, so will try to trip you up. I have given up a couple other friends now because of the same problem. Most of my friends were drinking buddies I found after my divorce. I don't live where I grew up and lived for years, so old friends aren't close by. FWIW, you aren't alone. It's part of the new life we are creating for ourselves, the better one. (Hugs)

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Slay and Stumpy. Yes, you are both right, and I appreciate the support. I've always known that quitting drinking would mean losing friends, and that has always been a huge hurdle for me. But I'm also really trying to focus on the "what am I getting" vs. "what am I losing" attitude these days. I imagine I will eventually make new friends - friends who don't dwell in alcohol and drinking.

One interesting thing about yesterday, though. I really feel like the tension at the bar last night was radiating from her, not me. She seemed to be very uncomfortable that I was NOT drinking. I really didn't feel weird about her drinking (of course the Antabuse has a lot to do with that).

Interesting too....I was recently speaking with a friend who has been sober for 18 months now. She said she ended up losing quite a few friends because THEY couldn't handle her NOT drinking - not that she couldn't handle them drinking.....

Oh well, either way, that's just the way it is....

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, they can't handle us not drinking because it forces them to see what they have become, I know, I was one of them so I have been able to look into myself and realize that. Rooni, find new friends better yet , hangout with yourself and enjoy you. You are shinning!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!!

Rooni - People do get uncomfortable around non-drinkers sometimes. I have to be very careful because I have been accused of being "overy righteous" about other people drinking, my dad even made a comment once about "there's nothing worse than a recovered alcoholic"....um...I didn't even say anything, but whatever! If it had been anyone BUT my dad that made that comment, I would have really went "off"....but my dad gets to say things other people don't. LOL Anyway, my long-winded point is that we have to stop caring what other people think (or say). Focus on YOU...you deserve a happy, sober life!

Lav - NOOO!!! I still don't see Stella's "gift"!!! Darn it, and I know it was wonderful too. Tell her I say Thanks, and give her a little chicken squeeze for me!

Stumpy - I have to say that your hair-do is amazing! I love it...where can I get that done? I've never had a hairstyle that requires feeding. LOL

Byrdie - I like your "moon", reminds me of quite a few stories I have...the guy at the liquor store must be missing me by now! I actually had on my famous "liquor store pants" last night...I guess it's time to kiss them goodbye...it's the end of an era....

Well not much to report today except I AM 11 DAYS SMOKE FREE!!! :happy: I get a craving two times a day...that's not bad. I am sure that will go away soon....please tell me that goes away soon! LOL

Take care everyone. Superglue yer butts into the Nest...we need each and every one of you!

xoxo

K9

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hola - am running crazed today - but wanted to say HI - will swing by longer later - and Day 17 here. And yes - I TTDP. :-)

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Prairie Fairy;1374541 wrote: And yes - I TTDP. :-)

Awesome job PF! Now you can't drink....so don't even spend another second thinking about it! You are rockin' it....keep up the good work. :yay:

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

K9 Congrats on 11 days smoke free, that's my next hurdle but not today. I know you love my new hair style, don't hate me because I'm beautiful. lol
PF, Wonderful-17 days. tell me when does it get easier?? enquiring minds want to know?
P.S. is there a spell check thingy on here?

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

I feel really good - I still get cravings bad - but knowing I *can't* give in helps - so all I have to focus on is getting the supps in me and waiting them out.

And every craving fit I ride out gives me strength - because of the AB - I know I don't have a choice - I am going to have to white knuckle through it and not give in. So when I face another one down - I know I can take it. I know I'm learning how to distract myself and ride through them...and you are in them in the moment - because there is no monkey chatter about how to relieve them if you just drink....there is not going to be any relieving them.

It's a long standing habit with long standing triggers and I'm not going to ditch those cravings overnight. The lizard brain is trying hard to get me drinking again. The lizard brain has been trumped while I learn other ways to deal. Suck it Lizard Brain!