Newbies Nest

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1380598 wrote: That wasn't aimed at you Slay cos I don't know who does and who doesn't. All I know is I haven't had any craving and I am trying to figure out why. I think resting during these early days is important, that's all

Kuya, no worries. I didn't think it was aimed at me but a generalization. I understand your thinking and I may find that the additional exercise does overdue. I am just adding in things I feel will give me more confidence, better health and strength, but alas, I sure do have sugar cravings and this week a real urge to have a drink. It's been tough.

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, I have been off and on this website since 2008.. Never successful for more than a few days.. Things of course, have gone from bad to worse. I go thru 2 5 liter boxes of wine in a week.. Im tired of the nightly process, of thinking i can have a few glasses of wine and go to sleep like a normal person. Instead i pass out each night, without knowing how my children got dressed for bed the evening before, knowing i probably didnt kiss them good night.. I am ashamed that i have started asking them questions about the evening before. i think i am being subtle.. They are smarter than I think... I decided this morning to end it. i poured out the 2 half bottles i had, and cut and drained the wine out of the bags into the ground. I really like this website.. People really seem kind and sincere and really wanting to help.. I joined an AA online meeting earlier and wow! was i surprised, what a turn off.. ( i hope nobody here gets offended if you are a member of the AA online meeting community) but some of the people were actually rude, i had a question for one of the speakers and I whispered ( as suggested by the members of the community) and rather than "whisper" back she called me out on the community, saying i was rude! so i said im new here, excuse me, and get shushed "dont interrupt the speaker" by some members, I disconnected at that point... When i first started chatting on the AA chat, it was open chat and i asked if anyone there had success with just online meetings, and they said "that its frowned upon" to not go to the Face to Face meetings. I responded that it was hard to find time to go to the meetings ( since i have kids and its hard to find a sitter etc) they responded with " well you found time to drink" The whole experience was really negative, and they talk about walking the talk..... they act as if its some elite club, hypocrites if you ask me It left a bad taste in my mouth.. Im staying here with you all!

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Hi Whitemarshmom! :welcome:

If you have a peek at my join date you'll see I'm not that far behind you in finding this site and then lurking and then backing away for years to exactly what you described as things going from bad to worse.

I got it together enough to come back last April and I have 4 months today!! (no laughing:H ) I'm only saying that, WMM because I tell people I don't know how much AF time I really have because I have 2 start dates...long story

Anyway, clearly this place is incredibly unique as I'm sure you know while reading around. And to be honest I didn't think we had an AA chat unless I misunderstood if that 'room' was on MWO. I know we have an AA thread?

Anyway, not important. However if ANYONE tells you NOT to use a certain recovery avenue or tool or person or strategy, then say thank you so much and RUN to the nearest exit because that is simply someone with a very personal agenda which has nothing to to with you or your well being but is completely driven by that person Ego.

So, Well done for seeing through those shenanigans :goodjob:

And well done for coming back here in earnest. I can say with no hesitation that posting posting reading reading reading is the big key to all this. I have an iPad now which means I can read and post in the bathroom! You'd be shocked at how helpful that is.
Well, you have kids too so maybe you won't be too shocked! :H

So welcome again. I'm off to Costco because we are completely out of syrup and that is a federal offense over here come pancake time.
Hugs, :l

[mommyKW]

Newbies Nest

Today is day one... yet again. Stumbled into the nest to read what you all have to say. I like this place and its good to not feel alone. I love my kids too much and am crawling out yet again for for them. I am so ashamed of the black outs and hate to think of the impact / impression it must make on their young minds. Thank you all for the encouragement and kindness.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

welcome whitemarshmom and mommykw - kradle's right - this is a great place! Byrdlady will tell you she owes her life to this forum, and I have to agree with her. I can't even think about where I'd be if I hadn't found it.

I have to run right how but be back later. Read back a couple weeks in this thread...youll most likely be amazed at how much we all have in common. And visit the toolbox...the link is in my signature.

Here is the thread I was talking about in an earlier post. I got soooo much inspiration from Guitarista's words on this thread. Love the 12 strategies, the saying about the butterfly, and this 'Timely reminder that time does not stand still waiting for you to get your act together. Where would you be today if you had started 12 months ago???? Where will you be in 12 months if you don’t make that big decision and start whatever it is you wish to accomplish TODAY! Start that course, next year you could be qualified. Dig that garden, next year you will be able to relax in it or enjoy your own yummy fresh veggies. Look for that job/promotion, next year you may be happier and more fulfilled in your career. BUT if you don’t make the decision to start RIGHT NOW, in 12 months you will come home from a crappy job to a crappy garden with only crappy supermarket veggies in the fridge looking at your alcohol ravaged, red, bloated unfit self wishing if only I had started last year. That sounds like fun doesn’t it?'

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Kradle Thanks for the giggle about the Ipad!, I need to get one, and lock myself in the bathroom for some undisturbed computer time.. Congratulations on your 4 months! I hope to get there myself this time! How do you handle the daily stresses? The AA website i referred to isnt on MWO, its a separate aaonline.net its basically AA online meetings.. but i wont be going back from the initial turnoff that i described earlier. We have a Costco here too, and I hear ya' about the federal offense for not having pancake syrup!

MomKW-- looks like you joined before i did. I too am struggling, today is day 1 for me too! lets do this thing together, I am also tired of the blackouts, there were clothes folded and on the kids dressers this morning, and I dont recall folding them! I'm so scared in the morning, i wake up and my kids are curled up beside me, im not sure who dressed them in their PJs, knowing i didnt read to them, or probably kiss them good night, some mornings, i have to check the dishwasher, to know whether they ate dinner.. God! Typing this makes me feel absolutely like the worst most horrible mother in the world.. which is enough to drive one right back to the drink... But NOT THIS TIME! NOT TODAY! Hang in there with me tonight, and lets not drink together, i read a post earlier from i think K9, saying nobody wakes up in the morning and wishes they had gotten drunk the night before.. that sticks in my mind, and I think its going to help me. I hope it helps you too ! Feel free to message me anyone

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Forgot thread link. Will get that!

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Lolab, thank you for diggin up that post from the archive. Wow, talk about inspiration. Thank you for taking time to re-post it. Gave me huge amount of much needed energy and motivation.

AK

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

You're welcome Allan - here is the entire thread. Take a read - it's some good stuff!

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ter-53022.html

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1047582 wrote: Jollie, you and I started about the same time last year! I am still struggling, but am now on day 5! I saw something you said that has really helped me....and it was when you commented, 'besides, what's 1 glass of wine going to do for me anyway?' Wow, how true is that? Why bother? Thank you for that, you'll never know how much that has helped me for some odd reason. xxoo, t

Found this post for you Byrdie - must have been the first one after your last quit.....thought it would bring back memories and remind you of just how far you have come now that you are celebrating 20 months today. Well done you!!!!!!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Whitemarshmom,

Wow, your posts have really hit home with me. I was blacking out nightly...some worse than others, meaning some mornings I remembered snipets of the night before, some I remembered NOTHING. Oh God the anxiety of remembering nothing was crushing me. Like you, I would walk around the house looking for "clues"....did I eat? I'd look in the trash for wrappers. Did I drive for more beer? I'd look in the car and if my wallet was just thrown on the seat, that was a YES. Did I call/text/email anyone? I'd scramble for the phone at 3am to check the log....then when I saw it, I wouldn't remember what was said. Finally it all just became too much. I knew it was time to quit when drinking became harder than not drinking.

I called in sick with a hangover (yet again), laid in my bed and cried all day. I just KNEW I couldn't do it anymore. My beautiful daughter had recently been getting very upset with me, she was writing me notes (splattered with teardrops) about how she was afraid I was going to die. One night I went out walking the dogs, without my cell phone, and I was gone for like 2 hours...she was PANICKED....the sight of my (then) 11 year old putting on her shoes to go out looking for her mom at 11:30pm crushed me. I could tell you many horror stories, we all have them....I'll spare you all the sordid details right now, I just want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We can relate.

My signature pretty much says it all for me. I got sober for her, but I stay sober for me (which benefits us both).

Stick close to us...we can get you through the difficult times!

K9

[mama bear]

Newbies Nest

lending my support to anyone who needs me!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Daisy, thank you for finding that post...yes, that was my last quit, and Jolie was exactly 2 weeks in front of me. Her posts and thoughts mirrored my own, it was so great having her wisdom and foresight just 2 short weeks ahead of me. This was my last quit...the one that stuck, and that saying 'what's ONE drink going to do for me, anyway?' got me over that 12 day mark, once and for all. Thank you for posting that.. I can honestly say at 20 months, you won't believe how much better it gets, your mind and your whole demeanor...life is simpler and full of hope and possibility. If I can do it...you can, too!!!
Stay strong, nesters!! Byrdie

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

MissTipsy;1380638 wrote: Day four - craving my wine like you wouldnt believe (of course you do). *sigh* None in the house and just hope I can make it through the night. Struggling big time right now. :upset:

Hey MissTipsy - hang in there! Lolab and K9's advice are on the nail.

Quest - hope you're fine. Thinking of you both.

I'm battling with the voices in the head - so, day 4 done and one voice in my head says "ehm... maybe i've misconstrued things, maybe my evening drinks were just a bad habit - habit, not addiction - isn't it a shame that you feel the need to do this - abstain?" and the other voice saying, "ehm...don't you think it was sad that you did drink alone, that you left gatherings early, so as you could drink alone, that your wardrobe was half-filled with plastic bags of beer cans and wine bottles. Ain't that a sign something's a little wrong?"

Tonight the latter voice won the argument. I am glad. *phew*

[mommyKW]

Newbies Nest

Day one seems like the longest day. Congratulations to all you who stuck to it and made it so far... Byrd, 20 months seems like infinity at this point.

mama bear, your support is welcome and K9 thanks for all your encouraging posts. I too identify with White and you... stories scarily similar. I'm staying close to MWO.