Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Running...the Voices are awful. Sometimes you just have to tell your head to shut the F up!!! This is Dick Head...the voice of Addiction, trying its hardest to get you to feed it. Remember also, that you are grieving for this thing (AL) and in the stages of grief.. there is bargaining. This is the most cunning of all....it will convince you that things weren't THAT bad..but they were. That you didn't drink ALL that much, but you did. Why are you trying to be accountable to these people you don't even know? Because they are you. The voices will not kill you...try to turn your attention to something else....eat something and keep hydrated. Think of how you are going to feel in the morning when you wake up and say I DID IT! I kicked AL's :moon:!! Dig your heels in and don't give in no matter what and no matter who!!! You can do this! B

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

ugh day....40 for me and it is still sometimes a struggle....today I was leaving work with my two closest work friends....we often go out to lunch together and are planning to tomorrow. They are all excited to order wine...I said nope, not me...and they said, Really? Why? Told them I am trying to lose weight (true) and that I haven't had any wine in well over a month...no booze at all. They couldn't believe it....said they could NEVER do that. So, of course the dickhead AL voice is saying, maybe it was just a bad habit. right.
And tonight, I have to go to back to school night. TORTURE. Most women in my town are stay at home moms with loads of money and time on their hands. I just don't relate to 99% of them....dreading it. It will be the first back to school night I go to stone cold sober.
I can't wait to go to bed tonight!! 40 days. Not even half way to my committed goal to stay sober for 90 days, go to 90 meetings in 90 days....but truth be told, I am feeling better, I have lost a little weight (not nearly as much as I had hoped) and am sleeping like a baby at night. It is just the 4pm to 8pm time period that still remains tough for me. Just feeling a little cranky today.
At the AA meeting today, i was talking about how all of my self pity was WHILE i was drinking but I guess this post is proving otherwise. I also said that what bums me out is that I won't be able to enjoy a glass of wine ever again. Then someone pipes up "I NEVER enjoyed a glass of wine...was always thinking about the next one" Those comments do not help me. I DID THOROUGHLY enjoy my first glass of wine each night. It just so happens that I enjoyed it so much that I never stopped at just one....or two.....or three......(sigh)

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

yep, you know the drill jenniech...you're bound to have days like that...in fact, I have gone through several phases where I was so down that I wondered if I missed something crucial early on...I didn't do the hypno cd's so at times I've convinced myself that my brain is flawed because I didn't do everything I was supposed to do - and that was why I was feeling so bad about my quit, or was so ridiculously wanting to drink after a huge amount of AF time! What the...? But this time, I rode those feelings out - didn't let myself keep thinking that I was doomed...destined to fail....and what do you know? It was just another phase....and when it was over, I'd come out feeling even stronger than before.

So whine away - that's what we're here for.

And I know just what you're saying about the back to school night - but I discovered something - that I was making myself feel more isolated and probably was being standoffiish on those nights and others - because I 'had' been drinking and was afraid someone was going to be able to tell. It was quite liberating to go sober and look people in the eye and not panic of they got too close, and not be afraid to say something stupid. I gained alot of confidence from those types of things in the past year. :-)

thinking of you....
`lola

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hi mamabear...:l

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

I will be out of the Nest until Monday....I am off tomorrow....this weekend we celebrate my parents 50th Anniversary!!

Everyone stay strong and velcro, tape or superglue your butts to the Nest!

xoxoxo
K9

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Prairie Fairy;1380213 wrote:

I am on this path. I am not turning back. It's day 30. There are so many days to go...let them be days where the possibilities brought by being sober are happy and not limited by anger, blackouts and stupidity.

Thank you for walking this path with me. All of you.

CONGRATULATIONS Prairie!!!!!! 30 days is awesome and I am sooooo proud of you! I apologize for being a day late....my bad! Keep up the good work!:h

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1380779 wrote: I can honestly say at 20 months, you won't believe how much better it gets, your mind and your whole demeanor...life is simpler and full of hope and possibility. If I can do it...you can, too!!!
Stay strong, nesters!! Byrdie

Wow....congratulations for being AF for 20 months!!!!!! You are such an inspiration to all of us!!!! :yay:

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Late check in for me -

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest and a big CONGRATS TO BYRDIE on 20 months AF :yay:

Lav

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

I can't remember if I said it or not - I meant to - but I've drafted so many things the computer has eaten in the last 2 days (Mac OS X Mountain Lion - I'm having drift to the right with my screen and then bye bye - hours of typing - all gone...GAAAAHHHHHHH)

So - I've started so many notes - and they've gone poof - I don't know what has made it and what I just tossed my hair back and said WTH - I'll come back in 5 when I calm down...and maybe missed - but in case that was one -

Byrdie - congrats on 20 months. Every day I've been here - from the very start - you've been here. You give selflessly - and it's appreciated. Thank you - for everything you do. And congratulations. You deserve all good things. XOXO

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

BYRDIE OH BYRDIE ! :h

MY CAPTAIN OH CAPTAIN ! :l

20 Months Oh My! How many Years is That?? Can you belive I said YEAR!!!
You are such an inspiration. I cant wait till I can use the Y Word

Forive me for my late congrats. Lots of weird kid stuff today

Hugs to you
:l

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1380825 wrote: ugh day....40 for me and it is still sometimes a struggle....today I was leaving work with my two closest work friends....we often go out to lunch together and are planning to tomorrow. They are all excited to order wine...I said nope, not me...and they said, Really? Why? Told them I am trying to lose weight (true) and that I haven't had any wine in well over a month...no booze at all. They couldn't believe it....said they could NEVER do that. So, of course the dickhead AL voice is saying, maybe it was just a bad habit. right.
And tonight, I have to go to back to school night. TORTURE. Most women in my town are stay at home moms with loads of money and time on their hands. I just don't relate to 99% of them....dreading it. It will be the first back to school night I go to stone cold sober.
I can't wait to go to bed tonight!! 40 days. Not even half way to my committed goal to stay sober for 90 days, go to 90 meetings in 90 days....but truth be told, I am feeling better, I have lost a little weight (not nearly as much as I had hoped) and am sleeping like a baby at night. It is just the 4pm to 8pm time period that still remains tough for me. Just feeling a little cranky today.
At the AA meeting today, i was talking about how all of my self pity was WHILE i was drinking but I guess this post is proving otherwise. I also said that what bums me out is that I won't be able to enjoy a glass of wine ever again. Then someone pipes up "I NEVER enjoyed a glass of wine...was always thinking about the next one" Those comments do not help me. I DID THOROUGHLY enjoy my first glass of wine each night. It just so happens that I enjoyed it so much that I never stopped at just one....or two.....or three......(sigh)

Jennei I LOVED your Post. I feel exactly the same way and I'm four months...how many days is that? Mr. G from another Post said something I have been thinking about and that is that he got complascent when he stopped working on himself. His interests, his spirit, his intellect- stuff like that. I wonder if I feel stuck becasue of the same thing. Just not working hard enough at gettting better so to speak. Just not drinking isnt enough unfortunately...Damn!

As for the AA people. Forget it! I LOVED to Drink And I am happy to say that- just like I loved to smoke. But I don't smoke anymore. I am honest about it. I tell people that unfortunately smoking was killig me so it had to go before I did. And really it's the same with drinking. I loved to drink. But it was killing me. And the people around me weren't having to good a time either so...it has to go as well...

Everyone's relationship with AL is different of course but i love that we can all find our common threads here.

Glad your here!

Hugs,
:l

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Kradle123;1380901 wrote:

I LOVED to Drink And I am happy to say that

- I loved to drink. But it was killing me. And the people around me weren't having to good a time either so...it has to go as well...

Everyone's relationship with AL is different of course but i love that we can all find our common threads here.

:l

You are so right on that Kradle, I HATED to drink. I did not enjoy it but was compelled to drink it to avoid the feelings if i didnt drink it!

Every morning I would wake up and say I am NOT going to drink tonight, I am going to quit. And all day I would be fine until about 4pm and for the next 3 hours the battle would begin..... Sometimes not even a battle ..... Just a whimper of 'maybe tomorrow, I'm too ( insert excuse here) tonight'.

The next day the same thing, day after day after day after day after day........

I have worked out that I have been 'trying to' quit EVERY day for 23 years, out of which I have had some alcohol free nights due to work commitments but NEVER EVER a night when I could drink that I didn't.

I have just worked out that I have woken up with a promise to quit today over 7000
Yep SEVEN THOUSAND times and failed.

SO ..Any of you out there thinking you are weak and can't do it, cos you fell a couple of times...... come up to my office ...cos we need to talk!

[MissTipsy]

Newbies Nest

I failed.

I walked to the store and bought my favourite Chablis. I drank one glass short of the whole bottle. I am starting again. This demon is a cunning adversory. I WILL win. I feel so ashamed

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

MissTipsy;1380960 wrote: I failed.

I walked to the store and bought my favourite Chablis. I drank one glass short of the whole bottle. I am starting again. This demon is a cunning adversory. I WILL win. I feel so ashamed

STEP INTO MY OFFICE MISSY, COS WE NEED TO TALK.

Back on the horse tomorrow , stop beating yourself up, it is hard, but possible

[Quest for the key]

Newbies Nest

Kuya

Can I come into your office too ?

(Hangs head in shame)