Newbies Nest

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Quest for the key;1382435 wrote: Good morning nesters !!!!!

Just thought I'd give you all a BIG SOBER shout out and wish you all well for the day xxx

Day 2 of my battle - praying for success !!!

Take care xxxx catch ya layer xxxx

Morning Quest - Yay to day 2! I'll be thinking for you. Have a really lovely Tuesday.

[Quest for the key]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Running x you too xxx:l

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi RC -

I'm up - I've slept. Today will be a long day picking up yesterday's pieces. It's kids stuff that will have reverberations throughout their entire lives - and through their own children's lives really...thanks to their dad.

So.

Today.

So glad of the AB yesterday. Because the last thing they needed was to see me handle the problem that way. It forced me to cope differently than I would have. It forced me to excercise different coping muscles. So I did. And that's what they needed to see last night.

That's the beauty of the AB. When I don't want to cope any other way than the same way I have done for years - I don't have a choice. I am forced - whether I like it or not - to behave different.

Now - onto today. Whether I want today or not.

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

PR, a wee cyber hug for you for coping so magnificently yesterday and for a little extra nourishing today. :l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday morning Nesters!

I'm at my son's house babysitting for a few hours until he gets home from work THEN i can start MY day :H

PF, i'm happy you are sticking with the AB for now. Sorry there are so many troubles you have to deal with but that's life, right? Stay strong & stay on your plan, you won't be sorry - ever!

Greetings to everyone checking in, wishing you all a fabulous AF Tuesday

Lav

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Drank one day out of the last 53, but before you say how great I'm doing, etc, you have to know that I'm cheating. With Antabuse. If I wasn't taking that little pill "almost" every day, I'd still be drinking. Those of you who are quitting on your own - you are the ones who should be proud of yourselves. Instead of standing up to the beast and being strong, I'm not drinking simply because "I can't." It's really a cop out. I am not learning to fight those urges like the rest of you. I'm just popping a little pill every day. There's no comparison.

Have a great day!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Quest, did you find out anything about taking more kudzu? I’m sorry, I don’t know anything either. Stay strong on day 2!

Next please, I hope you’re well onto day 2, also.

Belles, welcome!

Excellent points Kuya – it’s so true that our brains can seek out people/posts that can reinforce our drinking habits and make us feel that we really aren’t as bad as we thought we were. I remember so many times my brain telling me that if my neighbor – the 60 something year old guy – who drinks like a fish and still functions “just fine” - is doing ok after drinking for all these years then what the heck am I worried about? Or the father of a friend who mixes vodka with his wine to give it more kick – elderly guy that drinks daily…if he’s still alive and functioning quite well, then I can’t possibly have a problem – in comparison. Then I’d go buy more and get drunk.

The truth is, I was drinking at least a half bottle of vodka a day. How in the world could I ever convince myself that it wasn’t a problem???

RunC – awesome job!!! As Byrdie said – take it as it comes, and quite possibly, one day you’ll just decide things are so much better without it in your life. ☺

Byrdie, you missed one….”we encourage you to get those 30 days under your belt” – (drinking joke.) Those used to crack me up. Well, honestly, it took me a few minutes to catch on, but then I’d be laughing!

Freefly – I didn’t have the heart to flag prophetharry last night! While spam is bad, it seriously cracked me up. “We no fear, prophetharry is here!”


Mamabear – thanks for popping into the nest…it means a lot.

Hey mylife – I remember you! Glad to see you back.

Kradle – yeah that’s actually pretty close! They pop into forums with random unrelated messages – trying to sell something or get you to visit a certain website. Usually if someone’s post doesn’t really pertain to the conversation and if it’s their first post, you can bet it’s spam. ☺


Prairie, hang in there….I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know. And not only did your kids need to see you exercising those different coping skills last night, YOU needed to also. Take a step back and give yourself some credit – and realize that these are HUGE steps that you are taking….experiencing turmoil and anger and anxiety COMPLETELY. After doing it a few times, you realize that it IS possible. That not only are you setting a good example, but you are growing. By leaps and bounds.

I’ve said before that I used to seek out turmoil. My alcohol fueled brain thrived on it. I loved getting all riled up about something – and then drinking my way through it. It was fun in its own twisted way. So it made so much sense when in the beginning, I continued to seek out those conflicts – and then threw my hands up in despair when I said “I can’t do this! I need a drink!” It wasn’t until I really made some big changes and started (at least temporarily) to avoid people and situations that were tense or full of conflict – that I began to see success. We’ve got to put ourselves FIRST – and if that means that someone else is going to think that you’re being a bitch…or assume that you think you’re better than them because you walk away from those situations – then, oh well.

I didn’t have an outlet, when I wasn’t thick in the middle of things…I couldn’t mouth off and express my feelings because it all riled me up and made me want to drink. So I started writing things down – typing on the computer. Just random stuff – but I can not even tell you how much it helped. Of course I wrote here – but I kept a laptop “journal” of my feelings when my mother passed – and the family turmoil was HIGH. Instead of swearing at people and immersing myself in it all, I kept to myself a lot, and vented to my computer. It’s how I survived.

Ahhhh! I didn’t mean to write a book this morning~!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd. You are NOT cheating. And I don't think that anyone here thinks that you are, hon.

You need to stick around here - and not feel that we don't think you're walking the walk just because you are taking it. Talk more here - with PF and K9 and anyone else who is taking it - what you are gaining from taking it is the experience of dealing with life without alcohol. If you don't see it that way, then I'm afraid that you might go right back to drinking when you stop. Talk to K9 about what it was like in the beginning, OK?

YOU were willing to do what it takes to stop drinking. Period. We all know that there is no ONE way that works for everyone and in no way think that you are LESS because you use antabuse.:l

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hey Rooni -

Here's my take on why AB isn't cheating...

I feel every craving. I feel every tidal wave of longing. I feel every last one. And I *CAN'T* Break. No matter what.

So when the devil comes to call - no matter how hard he calls, no matter how pretty the song - I *CAN'T* answer.

That's not cheating. That's forcing me to learn control by holding my hand in the fire and saying NO. You CAN NOT HAVE IT. YOU WANT and YOU CAN NOT have it.

I feel the same thing everyone else feels - I just have zero change of assuaging it with AL. No matter how raw my nerves, no matter how bad I want to break - It's not an option. It's at LEAST 5 days away - because I take the whole pill and I take it every day to make sure that is true. I'm giving myself no wiggle room.

This isn't cheating. This is enforced coping 101.

I will learn to do better. But this is a habit learned over years - and a habit I have to unlearn over time as well. So for now - this is my best solution. For everyone.

[belles]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all. Thanks for the welcomes to the nest.

I'm here and on day 2. I didn't sleep too well last night - partially because we got a 3am phone call about my father in law and partially because I didn't have my usual sleep aid. Anyway, I'm here and still determined to make it a new sober lifestyle.

rooniferd - I don't know much about it but in my mind any way you stop drinking is a valid way - with or without help. And from what I've heard the longer you get under your belt the less you want Alcohol - so you're racking up the days can only be a good thing. I agree with Prarie - it takes time to unlearn a bad habit. Especially when it's an addiction.

Lolab - the journaling is a good idea. Thanks.

Have a great day all.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, everyone. You are right. Alcohol has been front and center in my life for many, many years. I have to remember the whole reason I opted for the Antabuse in the first place - to get used to living without alcohol. To get a significant amount of sober time under my belt so I could start forming healthy AF habits. And yes, I am doing that. I still think about alcohol A LOT, but I don't seem to be consumed on a daily basis anymore. And I am forming new habits. Experiencing these sober days has been one of the most rewarding things that have ever happened to me. I'm finally seeing the world in color, not in black and white (I stole that from Byrdie, I think!).

However, in spite of all that, I still don't think I would be here without the pill. But you know what? WHO CARES how I got here - the point is that I'm SOBER.

You guys are so great. Love you!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, I'm so glad to see you! I agree with the group, AF is AF....we all have different ways of achieving that. However! When you are able to get AL out of your system and exercising those 'deciding' muscles...it becomes habit! You become aware that you are making GOOD decisions! With a clear head! Domadda how you got there, once you see it, you know that using AL makes it all go away. It takes some TIME to learn your way....but every AF day you have is better than the one before it. I promise!

Lola, I was afraid my "under your belt" (drinking joke) line was getting old compared to K9's always fresh material!! Bahaha...

This is not easy, and if someone says it is, I'd like to refer them to the Prophetharry.
Love, Byrdie

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1382559 wrote: Drank one day out of the last 53, but before you say how great I'm doing, etc, you have to know that I'm cheating. With Antabuse. If I wasn't taking that little pill "almost" every day, I'd still be drinking. Those of you who are quitting on your own - you are the ones who should be proud of yourselves. Instead of standing up to the beast and being strong, I'm not drinking simply because "I can't." It's really a cop out. I am not learning to fight those urges like the rest of you. I'm just popping a little pill every day. There's no comparison.

Have a great day!

You're cheating? By using a TOOL that is available? Some people go to AA, are they cheating because they are not doing it on "their own"? Rooni, you ARE doing this. You choose to take the pill, nobody is forcing you. You ARE doing it....please remember that! I take Antabuse, but I am still standing up to the Beast...and so are you.

xoxox
K9

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Hello, everyone. Just want to check in and share my new best friend in a fight against AL. I used to be able to drink 3-4 litres of beer a night, that’s a lot of liquid. So recently I started substituting my intake with Diet Coke. When I am hungry I drink it, when I get cravings for nicotine or alcohol I drink it and I have noticed that it provides instantaneous relief. I eat less calories and able to deal with cravings at the same time.

ALLAN

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

I took Cuckoosnest's list (revised it slightly) and added a 13th, something that K9 said. Printed this out to keep in my car!

SCENARIO OF A DRUNK

1. Wake up bleary eyed and shaking
2. Swear it won't happen again and I will no longer do this to my body
3. Get showered go into work hoping I'm fooling people but knowing I'm not
4. Work my eight hours but around 4:00 the chatter starts
5. Get in my car to go home constantly thinking about drinking but promising myself I won't
6. Get off exit where I buy my liquor and promise myself I will have one and then pour the bottle down the drain
7. Have one drink and feel relaxed but also realize I need to freshen up my drink
8. Freshen up my drink and then realize 2 won't hurt
9. After 2nd drink, slight buzz on and decide 3 will be the stopper
10. End up drinking until I am drunk and stagger up to bed
11. Repeat from step 1
12. Need to stop this madness
13. Compare that to my evenings now...make dinner, take a shower, watch some TV, read a book...yeah, might seem boring, BUT it's safe and I'm not hurting myself or my kids. And I'm happy.