Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Gosh, lots going on with this morning's check ins. Rooni I'm so glad you are back...Rainy, what can I say? AL IS the problem. It's a bitch to get rid of, too. You will just get to a point where you despise the thought of what it does to you. I HATE AL, and I hope you are getting there, too. It's just NOT fun anymore. My heart goes out to you.

Nurdl, you have already woken up to a better day! You will never have 2 bad days in a row! But if you will humor an old Newbie, may I give you my take on yesterday's post?

As I mentioned to a response to Allan yesterday in his thread....he'd reached his 30 day goal and then felt like a bride coming back from her honeymoon...NOW WHAT? I was explaining to him that breaking free of alcohol is, in effect, ending a relationship. And I mean a long-standing, hard-core, abusive, solid relationship. In essence you are going thru the 5 stages of grieving. Anger (what brought you here..."I'm SICK of this crazy life!"), Denial (Maybe I'm not all that bad! What was I thinking? Other people drink as much or MORE than I do' I think this is where the biggest Pity Party is thrown...it comes after the first 2 weeks and before day 30), BARGAINING ( why don't I try to moderate? Other people are able to do it...if I could just have one precious glass of _____ I'd be ok, THEN I'll get right back on track..), Depression (Is THIS all there is? Where are the balloons? Is this as good as it's ever going to get? ' Well shit...'.) and finally, acceptance. Let me tell you, this is where it's at. You finally are able to accept that, NO, you CANNOT drink ....AT ALL. Not one, not ever.....and you are ok with this. This is the stage where you can see AL for what it really is....a DRUG. Some people abuse drugs and some people don't. We do. Each stage in grieving is very important. Once you can see what is going on and that you aren't going crazy, it helps...at least it did for me. What you are going thru is the natural stages of loss. If you stay the course, I promise it will get better....I can also make a promise the other way, too....if we stay on the path we were on....well, you get the picture. I can assure you there will be a day where you don't even think about AL! As hard as it is now....it seems hard to believe. As hardcore as I was, I can now come to the end of an evening and think...I'll be dam, I didn't even think about it. THAT is amazing! You will get there...it just takes some time. Please hang in with us...you can do it! If I can do it, you can too!!! Byrdie

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hey Rooni - did you see this? https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ble-68357.html

you're not alone.

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for listening. Right now I just feel drained. Cried in the shower for about an hour last night after he went to bed. Wanted to let the water fall over me and I really wanted to die. Hoped the water would drown me.

I don't want to die this morning. But I hurt. My eyes are swollen. My voice scratchy. My arms hurt. My neck and shoulders hurt. Have to wear a long sleeve shirt and I'm hot.

I'm remembering my husband (who is not typically violent) coming at me. It was very scary.
I know I don't want a drink. I just want to go to sleep.

[belles]

Newbies Nest

Rainy, it is so hard to drink and be in a positive relationship. That's one of the things that finally got my attention - my husband and I were fighting all the time when I was drinking. Miraculously, when I don't drink those arguments never happen. He can still aggravate me, but I'm not blowing a small argument out of proportion anymore. My wish for you is that you will use this as a catalyst to stop the madness.

Lav - I am really working on developing an attitude of gratitude this time. I'm happy that I don't have to drink anymore. I remind myself daily that I'm not missing anything. Every time I see a post by someone who drank it reminds me why I never want to go there again.

Byrd - thanks so much for the post full of stages. I will go back and read it whenever I'm feeling that I'm in one of those stages and realize that it will pass. I want this to be my last quit.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Belles, great job. At first it's a struggle to change that mindset - but only until it becomes second nature to see things that way.

Rainyday - I hope you get some rest today - and have some time to reflect on what happened and what's going on with your drinking and your life. You learned that it's not going to work - having a last send off to booze - by finishing off what's left. It might be what some people needed but you learned that each time you let it back into your life, you risk something terrible happening. If you were both blacked out, how are you sure your children didn't hear you or see you? Or worse yet, that some of the violence has never been aimed at them?

This is uncharacteristic of me - to speak out so strongly here - but I really do believe that you want to stop this, and I think it's crucial that you not wait any longer...your kids deserve that. If your husband won't stop, then you at least have to so that you can be sure that your kids are taken care of and safe.

What can we do to help? You have to make the decision - with 100% certainty - and I really don't see how you could figure that you have another choice...but then once you do - we will help you see where you have to turn to come up with that rock solid plan - with no loopholes...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rainy...this is hearbreaking...and Lola's post is so true....I can tell you what happens to kids with abusive parents....they end up like me! I watched my mother pummel my dad and he sat back and took it...we all did. He watched while she beat me...is THIS living? Alcohol was NOT a factor in my parents relationship, but the result is the same...children that CAN'T cope with life!! I am the result! This is why I did not have children of my own and I can tell you I have deep resentment in my heart over that! What my parents did was rob me of a childhood....and children! I didn't have kids becuase I was afreaid the cycle would continue through me. Please take a look in that mirror today, and see what is happening. Please give those kids what they need...stability and parents who are THERE...who will be there for them physically and mentally. Who don't tear each other down in front of them. Please grab hold of yourself and get control of this before another day passes. Please don't scar your children ....please let me be the walking poster child for abuse! Fast forward 40 years and you've got me! As Lola said, if your husband can't get it together, you may have to do the job for both of you. If those small children could speak...I wonder what they would say? Please get some help and get off this roller coaster....I mean in reality, how much longer can it go on? Until someone really gets hurt? We are here to do what we can...I will do whatever I can to help you. For me, this one's personal....Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Cool and rainy here today..we are waiting all day for the dishwasher repair person..our was on the recall list so they will come to fix it..hate sitting here all day but what can u do???
Plan to start putting the rest of the stuff from the family room remodel away today...need to find a new home for some of it..
Belles I am the same way..when I drink, like Saturday night, I let all the anger at hubby out and I am sure some of it is the crap from work I cant control...he does make me mad with his low contributing thingy since he retired but he is a good man and I dont want to start over at this point..so I really need to stay sober so I know what I am saying.....if we have an argument I want to remember what I said....
Off to get some things done....
dottie

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

Nurdl - I was a grumpy butt yesterday too...I know when we quit drinking we think it's going to be rainbows and butterflies every day, but it's just NOT...that's not real life. The good thing is that when we're sober, we don't make it worse. It passes, we move on and things improve. I'm glad you're feeling better today...I am too

Rainy - Your post was devestating. It's scary that your drinking turned into physical violence. Toward the end of my drinking, I was becoming violent and just plain MEAN...I didn't like that version of me. I hope you and your husband can work this out, it sounds like he may be ready to quit too since he was pouring the AL out. I hope you can tackle this problem together. I know the "day after" is the worst time...so I hope you can get through today. Please take care of yourself and know that I'm thinking of you. :l

Hi Lola, Byrdie, Lav (tell Stella "Hi!"), Dottie, Belles, Quest and everyone else! Hope you all have a great day!!!

K9

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Hi K9Lover and All,

Today is Day 1, and I'm all in. Anyone else here in Day 1, I wish you strength and peace today. I'll be checking in later to get the warm fuzzies here I usually get from AL.

[techie]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Catbuddy. Reach for the stars!

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Catbuddy! You'll find pleanty of warm and fuzzies here.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Lola - you are right. I started thinking about using Antabuse as a backup, not a solution. I really thought I could stop taking it long enough to have a couple of drinks at the football game and then just start taking it again the next day. WHAT WAS I THINKING???

OK Beast, you got me. You got me again. You won that one....

Back to day 2 and determined as ever to get sober again.

K9 - no more taking the pill "as needed." Every day, from now on, I will just TTDP (take the damn pill).

I learned my lesson.....

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

I'm being a little bit naughty and writing this at work. But everyone's gone home, so it's not as if it's in full view of the boss

Catbuddy - welcome! Good to have you here, you'll find a shed load of support, and all the very best with day 1 and day 2 and day 3...

Nurdl - glad today you're feeling better. Give us a shout anytime you need a cyber hug or a good ol' rant.

Rainy - I think Byrdie and Lola are giving solid and supportive advice. I shant try to add my own, only that I honestly think the first thing to do is get the booze out, then that will hopefully help make clear other issues that need resolved. One of these wonderful wise ladies in another thread recently (something about what it was that kick started this AL addiction), said that whatever issues may be the cause of drinking, it was drinking that was now the issue. In other words whatever issues any of us have in our lives are not going to be resolved first - deal with the AL and the rest will follow ... sorry Rainy, just said i wouldn't add my adive and then dumped some there.

Anyway - thinking of you and hoping you'll be real fine soon. :l

Evening a'body else :hallo:
RunningC

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Introducing myself a bit: origin of Catbuddy

Hi All,

A long-time member encouraged me to share details of myself to get into this community. So why is my name "Catbuddy" in this forum?

It's a nickname my sister had for me growing up - we were cat buddies. I got a card from her last month using the name for the first time in many years.

She is a dear and lost sister. About eight years ago, she checked into rehab for AL abuse. She had been getting bad for a long time, and was in danger of (our!) family intervening on behalf of her children. Long story short and 100lbs weight loss later with a new lease on life, she got sober for the next five years.

Three years ago, she had a fight with our Mom during the holidays. That was it. She starting drinking, and never stopped again. I know she wants to drink moderately, but not give it up again. That's my desire, too; but I have to admit I can't do it.

So I identify in this forum as a metaphysical cry out to her - Catbuddy is here getting sober, and hopes to give you the strength to do so as well. I will see her over Christmas this year; maybe I can reach her then. Last time I saw her (April), the pain was immense and showed in her face. Catbuddy, I'll try to succeed for both of us, then help you.

With love...

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Rainy, I am so sorrry to hear about your weekend. I've been there, going to work on Monday's with bruises all over my arms, husband going to work with scratches/black eye. Thank god he was in the construction business. It's hard to face ones self in the morning however, once the fist fights started so did my AF days! It hasn't been easy at all. I've also found that it is so much easier (FOR ME) to not drink if my husband is sober. I'm thinking of you. If you ever want to PM me feel free. (Hugs)