In response to Michelle's question / observation (and Cat's and probably the majority of us), my past energy level at night has been on the low end as well. Not having access to all that IPA sugar is definitely noticeable. Like Cat, I also started a B-12, L-Glutamine regiment. I also got some milk thistle. I think the B-12 is definitely helping as last night I felt really good.
We went to my boy's elementary school for an outdoor fall carnival and fund raiser. Normally I would have dropped 2 or 3 IPA primers before even leaving the house before such an outing. And this is REALLY bad...I'd even sometimes put a 4th in my bike water bottle to keep the buzz going once at the event. God, that's so horrible.
Anyway, I was so happy to be 100% in the moment and present with my whole crew last night at this event. I can't begin to explain how awesome if felt to be rid of all the shame. I was also more vs. less confident reaching out to other parents there. Crazy. The night sky was clear and warm and now at Day 11 it is oh so clear to me That:
This is Worth Working for...
Sure, it may sound like I'm on some hippy trip, but boy it rocked. Lots.
Eh...Actually...
It rained.
Lots.
And, picking up on what Fin said, there are points too when i feel more confident being AF than when i'm living with the daily weight of guilt ("if these people saw what i did each night, they'd thing i was SO sad" ... "wait, am I SO sad?" ... "Perhaps I am" ... "Yes, I must be... oh feck, i feel SO bad... cos i feel i am SO sad")... That myth of AL being the source of confidence, of Dutch Courage, is I think a bit of a misnomer.
RC
Comment