Newbies Nest

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Catbuddy;1391673 wrote: Hi Almost Free,

I'm a newbie, as you said, but I want to offer you something: unconditional acceptance; no recrimination if you do or don't drink. I too feel the embarrassment of what if I ask for support and then drink anyway? That is all I wanted to do tonight, to feel physically better (I had minor surgery today). And then how would I deal with Fin's rollcall?

Anyway, support is always here. I hope you sleep well. I've been going to bed earlier and earlier - about the bedtime I had in middle school. I hope this is temporary.

:l Catbuddy

:yeahthat:

Absolutely. Our relationship with AL is a unique one to only us as individuals, our battle with how we deal and work through our individual relationship is one only us as individuals can truly go through and know. WHATEVER the journey you have, the great and wonderful thing about this site is that there are so many of us who are having similar (but not necessarily identical) challenges, and we are here to support you, as Catbuddy says, unconditionally and with no recrimination.

Lovely to see you here AlmostFree,

RC

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Hey Cat -

How you feeling after your minor surgery? Hope you're doing ok friend.

:l

RC

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

PAWS for thought - day 27

Prairie Fairy;1391555 wrote: The cravings last about 13 - 14 days. I found I hit feeling like crapola again closing in around a month. There is this PAWS thing you can look up when you have survived 30 days...but I promise - day 53 (edited - 53 - counted again...so hungry for lunch I can't count) - it starts to get less often...

.

Cuppajoe anyone? :cupajoe:

Hope the nest is feeling chipper and warm this fine Saturday morning. Odat - you'll be on at least 24 hours by now. Now, by my reckoning that's a FULL DAY! Yes, so well done! :goodjob:

I was just reading the posts here and found one from Prairie to, I think, Odat. And you mention, Prarie, that crapola feeling at around day 30... and i'm wondering whether it is seeping up on me.

At day 27, I am compelled to get to day 30... indeed, I am compelled to get PAST day 30... but the honeymoon period is fast fading. This is my first stint being AF since I tried 2 weeks 12 years ago as a student (I only got to 1 week, though cut down the second... and with ALL INTENTION of getting right back into beer!). I have, in all honesty, had about maybe 50 individual AF days in the last 10 - 12 years (and that, i think, is being generous). And now, after nearly 30days, I am both wanting to allow myself to have a drink - BUT ALSO, not wanting to break my initial stint of being AF. HOWEVER, not wanting to break the stint may be more to do with my, at times, all-or-nothing personality rather than not wanting to drink per se.

Of course, there are times when i crave drink. 5pm is the worst. And I have to look at the lights of the off license only yards from my home every time i come home in the evening, or go out to the coffee shop. I have to pass AT LEAST 4 bars to get to said coffee shop. I crave too "falling into a bottle" (drinking a whole wine bottle + some to get tipsy, to get that halcyon glow, that numbing sensation) BUT THIS is the dangerous part of the drinking. THIS was what brought me here in the first place. THIS was what was scaring me, really, about my health, both physical and psychological.

Unlike others, I did not have the severe withdrawal symptons when i stopped drinking. The first night or two's sleep were a bit fitful, my body not used to it's nightly dousing of 10 - 15 units of wine or beer to sooth itself to sleep. But it has not been the same, sometimes horrific, anguish that some here have had to endure. I've only experienced the sluggish, heavy tiredness, and the supps seem to help that anyway. So, with the help of you all here, I have taken to these first AF days with relish.

Whatever i choose, whenever I decide, wherever the next chapter of this journey takes me I am not at all sure. But can i ask about this PAWS thing? I've read a little about it online, kinda get it, but is that something that I, as one who was, say, a problem drinker (I was doing physical and psychological damage to myself, but my drinking was such that i never had black outs (well, that's a lie, but they totaled about once a year and I never blacked out when nightly drinking on my tod), I never drank in the morning, I never shook/had DT's, it did not affect my work (inasmuch as i did my job, though i feel better doing my job with a clear and increasingly confident head), it did not affect my relationships with my family and friends etc) would get... or is it something that more serious/much heavier drinkers get instead?

I would really appreciate folks' thoughts on this. As day 30 approaches, I'm not sure where I am going thereafter. For now, i feel i will just keep going one day at a time.

Thanks folks for reading. More light-hearted Big Sober House entries on there way

:l
RC

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Morning all. It's 5:30 am here and I am already checking in (briefly). From phone. Just wanted to say. I don't know what it was about yesterday- but I am glad it's over. So many had such terrible struggles but held tight. I am in awe of Dottie, odat and almost free- I struggled a lil bit too but nothing like that. Y'all are amazing. And skendall, I agree that the devil seems to try to throw a few monkey wrenches at us when we are in early sobriety too- like Dottie and her Pringles chip can mishap. I swear that is just like something that would happen to me! Well here's to a better day everyone. We just can't have 2 bad days in a row - Gotta finish my cuppa joe.
Haha I am a poet and didn know it!

And cat buddy- love the story about the meat. I can see me doing that too except I would have had to be drunk to do that !

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning All!

Congratulations on enduring Friday night. It’s very common to have elevated cravings and emotional swings on Fridays. We wired our brain to believe that after a hard weeks work we deserve a reward - a drink to relax. And now we feel like we are being deprived. It’s like that experiment with two dogs. Both pets are trained to do a trick and are given a treat if they perform the trick. Some time into the experiment one of the dogs stops receiving a reward but still sees the other one getting a treat every time that dog performs exactly the same trick. So what happens? The first dog gets depressed, stops performing and becomes lethargic. Remind you of anyone?

Hang in there our brains are amazing things. Given enough time they will re-wire themselves.

ALLAN

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Allan (Pavlo) & all nesters

I took the advice of the elders here when I first joined & replaced the deprivation feelings with an attitude of gratitude ~ it really works
Sit down & actually write out your gratitude list, add to it often as you begin to realize what the freedom from AL really means to you!

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Saturday!
Lav

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

I'm starting over.....AGAIN! Feeling a lot like crap today. I know there is a better way, so I'll begin today living AF!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

RC - I'm glad that you're being honest and expressing the feelings that most of us experience. And I know that you've always been up front about the possibility of going AF not being forever. If you have made your mind up to try it, I'm not sure that anything said here will stop you. I know that if someone makes up their mind (even if they don't know it yet!) they will tend to seek out information that supports that decision. And focus on facts that support it. It's kind of like byrdie's "bargaining" stage. That's when you'll tell yourself that you really weren't that bad ....that you didn't get blackouts, and no real withdrawal symptoms....etc. I know at that stage, I wasn't even aware of what I was doing - but i looked for a reason to start back up again. I can say it was the stress of a family illness, or it just "happened" to be that one glass of wine at a baby shower! But in reality, somewhere in my brain, I had already made up my mind - the bargaining had won.

And I am one of the lucky ones. I only wasted 5 months before I was able to successfully start again...I sure tried more times - all last summer (2011) was back to the same cycle of wanting to quit and not wanting to quit...the whole wrestling back and forth. There are so many others who have had significant AF time and decided to try and just never returned...maybe once or twice to say they were trying to get back on track but found it very hard. These boards are FULL of posts from friends who were committed to not drinking....and slipped and never found their way back....it's very sad to witness - like watching a train wreck and knowing it's going to happen before it even does - and that is why we might sometimes be a little overzealous in our attempts to stop people from trying to mod.

I also know that at 30 days, I wasn't even close to feeling that I could do it "forever". I wish I had interpreted that uncertainty as just uncertainty - and not "I can't do this forever". And even the time that "stuck" last Sept - it was a long time before I started to think along those lines - it's seems like still -every single day - I get even closer to understanding and embracing the possibility of living my life without alcohol - and being totally comfortable with it.

So, as much as I wish I could just say "nope - you're not allowed - ever!" - we know that you're a big boy and will make that decision for yourself. And we'll be here for you - ever trying to discourage you - because we don't want to see you go through anything difficult.:l

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi Dogwood - it's nice to see you again......settle in - drink some lemon water...treat yourself kindly today - and in a couple of days you'll be on a roll...:l

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Was going over some of the older posts by our more senior members and have come across two that are very inspiring.

This one is by K9.

"Funny" how we do tend to forget the "day after" feeling after a while. I force myself to remember it. Anytime I romanticize alcohol, I fast forward to the reality of it. I always say: Drinking for me is not rainbows and butterflies, it's DUI's, handcuffs and a cellmate named Diablo. DON'T let the alcohol beast sugar coat it...remember the REALITY.

AK

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie I was trying to dig up your story about the time you parked your car and fell asleep. When you awoke you saw the ducks floating by and realised that you were in a lake. It was in the "whats the worst thing that you've done drunk" thread. Did you delete it? I really wanted to share it with the Newbies.

AK

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

Well, the day after is very fresh for me today! Gotta remember this, gotta remember this! How do we drop this feeling from our mind? I want a life with no damn hangovers!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

It's so hard here lately to get a point across without thinking your'e stepping on someone's toes...RC - You gotta do what you gotta do. And we'll be here for you.:l I was going to refer you to Marshy's post but see you've already been there.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Allan, that's a Byrdie story i never heard!!!

And dogwood - I always wish I had taken a photo of myself the morning after. It might be a start? I know it doesn't make you remember how you felt, but I know I looked about a thousand times worse than I do now - and I've got a cold and look like hell!...:H

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

DG, I re-posted K9s thread as a reminder to RC and also to encourage you to stay the course. There is a wonderful thread in the general discussion section called "Whats the worst thing that you have done drunk" every time I fantasize about alcohol I take a look at a few peoples stories and get scared silly to the point where I get back to a clear state of mind.

AK