Newbies Nest

[Hypernova]

Newbies Nest

7 Days

I've finally made it a week AF after being sober Jan. thru May of this year. I did well during the summer drinking some beers here and there but when I got back to Scotch things changed and in short order I knew moderating or whatever you want to call it was not working. So here I am a frequent Newbie w/a lot of experience in quitting and the tools and plans from past 'quits' to see me through the tough times. Hopefully I will stay stopped and will figure out why it is that I think that at some point it will be different if I decide or just think I can drink w/out returning to where I am now. I have ideas and a list of things to look forward to of things I would like to do that are absolutely impossible to accomplish if I were to drink. Thanks to all on the board for their posts that when I read them help me to realize
~~ there is another way.

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

Thank you AllenKay and Lolab, for the words of encouragement. I am hanging on everyone's thoughts and posts today! I NEED every single one!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Lola...You are so right in your posts about overstepping bounds, and lord knows I've had that 'sign' taped on my back. I will try and remember that we are trying to help folks get thru those first 30 days... I will try and remember that we are trying to help folks get thru those first 30 day....I will....well you get it. Us old newbies have been around the block. In fact, we have been around that block so many times that we have portions of the road named after us. "Byrdie's Rabbit Hole"....Lola's Ditch...K9's Kaverns. If we hadn't tried 1000 times to control AL, we wouldn't have a leg to stand on with this subject. We have walked that mile. I've been around ...right here in this nest for 3 years...I have seen people finally rid themselves of AL, start to feel better and then go back to the very lover that abused them. Time and time again. I do not want to come across as a zealot, but as Lola points out, it like watching someone you care about walk into a propeller...I know where this story goes. I believe that your relationship with AL is as good as it's ever going to get the day you google online about help with AL. Notice I say it's as GOOD as it's ever going to get....because it can get worse. I didn't lose my job, or land in prision, or end up in a homeless shelter...but I was in the team photo. I was on a path. ALK is progressive and if you don't believe that, have I got a bridge for you. The 30 day lull is a PHASE!!! Just like the 13 day euphoria....it is a phase that must be addressed and recognized. It is the 4th stage of grief. Remember: Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Depression in so much as you think "Is THIS all there is?" If you can push thru this final test of wills...you will be AMAZED at acceptance. After all...aren't we ALL trying to get AL OFF our minds? Aren't we trying to become indifferent to it? Instead of it controlling us? From where I sit, the only way to do that is to break loose from it. As long as it's in your life IT will have its say. BUT! We here in the nest will help you in any way you need. But I would encourage you to give your AF self a chance. AL brought me Guilt/Shame/ and Remorse.....and THIS is something I want to KEEP??? NO, HELL NO! AL will not take ONE MORE DAY OF THIS LIFE! No thanks, I just don't want to play that game any more. It is Russian Roullet....there's a bullet in there, and only a matter of time before you land on it. You can trust me on that one.

I would have never imagined that this would be such a journey of self discovery. It sounds so cliche... But I was buried under an AL grave.....going thru the motions and just existing, not really caring about anything but making sure I had enough AL. I was really good at that, but my standards on everything else were in the toilet. I just had no pride of a job well done and lowered expectations were becoming my new standard.....once you dig out of that hole and see that there is so much more to life than getting a buzz, or hiding in a bottle...life has amazing possibilities. Life is worth fighting for. We may have a disease, but by golly it is curable...and all I have to do is get thru this day. AL is no friend of mine...not one, not ever....but that is me. I just can't allow those thoughts of having "just one" to creep in. They multiply (the thoughts AND the drinks).

Allan, I have plenty of stories but being in a lake with ducks isn't one of them! I vaguely remember reading that one! I DID fall in a ditch full of water at a company meeting in a cocktail dress. Classy, huh?

I am so proud of everyone for pushing thru these hard times.....just like Star says, you will never have 2 bad days in a row (mercifully!). You CAN break free of this....and you are in the RIGHT place to do it!

Byrdie

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey Dogwood - you could try writing down what's been going on with you? Sometimes it really helps me to just ramble on - might be your "own" thoughts and posts that end up being the most helpful.:h

no worries if you aren't up to it though. Just do what feels right.

[odat1234]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, her I am, on the other side of day one, 24 hours. The depression is starting to lift, however the sleep sucked! I think that is a right of passage though. Yesterday I slept for 4 hours in the middle of the day and got no exercise, I will change that today. I will not take a nap and I will go on a walk with my ipod today. I have a million podcasts to catch up on since I no longer have to drive to work. Also I will catch up on the apply for jobs on craigslist. No I am gonna go find that tread Allen was taking about. Thank you for all your help guys!

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Starfish1;1391783 wrote:
And cat buddy- love the story about the meat. I can see me doing that too except I would have had to be drunk to do that !

Hey Starfish,

The full story on the meat.......I'm working from home with my son, who is sick and not in school. The doorbell rings, and a nice young man who has pitched me before stands there, with a truck behind him "Sonoma Meats." Would I be interested in some fresh from the farm, organic meat?" Normally, no. We don't eat much meat. But the latent Texan carnivore in me says, "GDmt, we gave up wine, give us something nice, how about a big juicy steak?" And I'm feeling deprived, and thinking about the money I am saving, so I say, yeah I'm interested. He hauls out a case of meat, every cut from T-bones to filets, and my son is there dancing around saying, we have to buy this mommy (he probably wants more meat than I serve him). So I wind up with the ridiculous case of meat, stuff my entire freezer top to bottom, and think, I must have just lost my mind a minute there.

Anyway, the beef came with bonus chicken, fish and pork. I've given some away, made one ribeye steak, and had a good bit of the chicken. Now it is there to remind me, I'm better for you than a bag of m&ms. And I say, as long as there is no colonoscopy (Byrdie!) in my future.

:H
Catbuddy

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Happy Saturday morning everyone. I slept in until almost 9:00 today. It?s really looking like fall around here. Wish someone would send a Yard Boy my way -- I could use some help turning my very untidy compost pile today.

Day after photos -- Uggh! I agree with Lola -- everyone should have one. I have one of me on the morning of my oldest sons 3rd birthday (7 years ago next month). I?ve wanted to get rid of it but every time I see it I think ?No, that?s what I what looked like the day after?. I look miserable -- I was miserable. Pale, hungover, overweight, my hair a stringy mess, tired beyond belief, but trying to smile and look happy as he sat on my lap unwrapping his present. Poor kid -- on top of the great looks I know I smelled like hell. It?s painful to look at now but such a good reminder!

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

WE NEED A MOON HERE

Hypernova;1391863 wrote: I've finally made it a week AF after being sober Jan. thru May of this year. I did well during the summer drinking some beers here and there but when I got back to Scotch things changed and in short order I knew moderating or whatever you want to call it was not working. So here I am a frequent Newbie w/a lot of experience in quitting and the tools and plans from past 'quits' to see me through the tough times. Hopefully I will stay stopped and will figure out why it is that I think that at some point it will be different if I decide or just think I can drink w/out returning to where I am now. I have ideas and a list of things to look forward to of things I would like to do that are absolutely impossible to accomplish if I were to drink. Thanks to all on the board for their posts that when I read them help me to realize
~~ there is another way.

Hi Hypernova,

Congratulations - that is a milestone. You get a special moon to celebrate, but I don't know whose job it is to hand them out. I'm sure they will check in soon.

Catbuddy

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

odat1234... I am right behind you. I'm still smack in the middle of depression, guilt, remorse AND I feel like something someone scaped off their shoes.

Thank you Byrdlady for shooting straight!

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie -- all I can say is Wow!!! Thanks for that -- I hope people will people will listen!

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

RC, I think the number and length of responses to your post are proportional to the love you have captured here.

Catbuddy

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to Dogwood. And congratulations Odat! I didn't think I would make it through yesterday, (day 4). Got a bunch of pressing stuff done, thanks to being sober, and realized I had a few days before I had another round of stuff to take care of. Then the thoughts started......'hey, I deserve a 'break' after all I just did. I have a few days to pull myself together before the next round......it's Friday night, with a weekend ahead...etc etc.

On and on, all day long, wrestling with myself, passing the liquor store, not going in but regretting it. Should I, shouldn't I, I will probably go back later anyway, then they will be closed.

I didn't even want to post roll call, because I probably wouldn't make it through the day. And I didn't want to post with anybody, because I would feel bad for people to spend their time encouraging me and then I went out anyway.

Well, I finally posted roll call, late in the day and spent time posting with paulywogg about kudzu. Finally got through until almost bedtime and decided to just call it a night. Thank God. How glad I am now. I remembered the words 'you never have two bad days in a row'. Hope that's true. Anyway, I'm still here and just posted roll call. Day 5.

It reallly helps a lot to read all the words of wisdom from people like Byrdie, Lolab, Allan Kay. Good luck to you Hypernova. Glad you are all here and glad that I still am, too.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Almost Free. Thank you for your Roll Call entry. Look at that list and remember everyone on there is on this roller coaster ride. You are NOT alone.

Me, I'm now sicker than a dog with a cold. Ick. Normally that would never have stopped me from slamming 6 or more IPAs, but this time around is different thanks to you all.

Be good today/tonight,
-Fin

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1391897 wrote: Hi Everyone,

Welcome to Dogwood. And congratulations Odat! I didn't think I would make it through yesterday, (day 4). Got a bunch of pressing stuff done, thanks to being sober, and realized I had a few days before I had another round of stuff to take care of. Then the thoughts started......'hey, I deserve a 'break' after all I just did. I have a few days to pull myself together before the next round......it's Friday night, with a weekend ahead...etc etc.

On and on, all day long, wrestling with myself, passing the liquor store, not going in but regretting it. Should I, shouldn't I, I will probably go back later anyway, then they will be closed.

I didn't even want to post roll call, because I probably wouldn't make it through the day. And I didn't want to post with anybody, because I would feel bad for people to spend their time encouraging me and then I went out anyway.

Well, I finally posted roll call, late in the day and spent time posting with paulywogg about kudzu. Finally got through until almost bedtime and decided to just call it a night. Thank God. How glad I am now. I remembered the words 'you never have two bad days in a row'. Hope that's true. Anyway, I'm still here and just posted roll call. Day 5.

It reallly helps a lot to read all the words of wisdom from people like Byrdie, Lolab, Allan Kay. Good luck to you Hypernova. Glad you are all here and glad that I still am, too.

Hey AlmostFree, good to read that. I'm haein' a wee bit o' a struggle today. Pickin' up on not posting your roll call "just in case" you wouldn't get through a day, I did the complete opposite this morning, i think cos i knew i was feeling weak for a drink (or the weakest i've felt since flying into the nest) (tho' can i add, i have NEVER wanted a drink first thing in the morning!) (Lucky me) and anyway, feeling confused, confudled, conflibbled, conflustered, and generally discombobulated i stuck my roll call up. Cos it's only a day. Just another day. Get through this day. And when i call it a night, I, like you last night, will be glad.

RC

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Catbuddy;1391895 wrote: RC, I think the number and length of responses to your post are proportional to the love you have captured here.

Catbuddy

:l Wow.

Thank you Cat. Really, that means SO very much.

:huggy