Newbies Nest

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi everybody - echoing Byrdie - it's just a different fun. :-)

My skin looks about 100% better than it did. I've lost 15 lbs. And go figure - my nails are growing on their own. Honestly - despite periodic PAWS outbreaks that make me really tired - I probably look like I took a good 6 years off my age.

Some random man (WHO WAS SMOKIN hot came up to me at the grocery while the kids were acting up and I made some joke that caused the whole aisle to burst out laughing - LITERALLY walked up to me, put his hand on my waist, WINKED and said I was hilarious AND just wandered off). I almost fainted. HE WAS SO FREEKIN' HOT. And I'm standing there in a t-shirt and yoga pants and two children fighting and doing their best to be the human chastity belt...

Trust me - that did not happen when my skin looked all pruny from AL.

Day 56/6 Weeks today. Raises the glass of Diet Coke and wishes you all a cheers!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Thanks so much, Dogwood and Byrdie :l
Byrdie, I almost spewed my water ("Step away from the dream").

Okay, okay- so instead of Redford, I fantasized that I was eating lunch with a big bottle of booze dressed up like Clint Eastwood. And the bottle of booze said to me- "Go ahead - make my day"!
I took a long sip of water, looked him straight in those beady eyes and said "Feck off" AL. I got a life to live and you ain't invited no more!

Can't wait to get a big cup of Starbucks green tea this afternoon when I go out with my daughter- and yes, Dogwood, that will be a great feeling to know that she will have a sober mom with her this afternoon.

Thanks!

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Evening nesters, just flitting in briefly - it takes me half a bleedin' day to catch there's so many posts going on!

Keep going Star - you are doing great and there's lots of wonderful advise here. Just listen to it, let it seep into the pores that the booze once clogged up and relax.

Allan - GOOD LUCK! You did spanking grand mate - when do you find out? Here's some crossed fingers to you :fingers:

Everyone, please read Prairie's last post. It's an advert for sobriety folks:

Gotta go check what's on in the Big Sober House...

RC

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Day 29 in the Big Sober House

7pm. The housemates are all watching TV in the Big Sober House. There's a new advert on that is commanding their undivided attention...

VOICE OVER: Get sober; get sexy.

(Scene in some non-descript grocery store)

VOICE OVER: Yes, EVEN in your T and yoga pants. Yes, EVEN in your T and yoga pants down your local store. Yes folks, EVEN in your T and yoga pants, down your local store with your screaming kids, yes YOU TOO can be sexy. ... Get sober, get sexy. The new money-saving alternative to becoming the ultimate sex magnet. Ladies, watch those freakin' hot, smokin' men come to YOU.

MR G: G'day there, ladies...

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Allan,
Thanks for keeping track. But unfortunately, I won't be getting any full moon today. I didn't make it to day 7. I've been hanging by a thread for days, every day a huge struggle, feeling sick and shaky. Emotions all over the place, extremely sensitive. Well, towards the end of shitty day #6, some random rude person really got me upset. I'm normally not this sensitive, but I actually put my stuff back and just left the store. Then I stopped and got some wine, instead of going home and crying like some big baby. Back to square one. Again. The only good I can spin out of this entire failure is that at least in the last 20 days, I managed 10 and then another (almost) 6 days AF. Better than where I was when I started here. I hope to join the other day oners (paulywogg and iama) and just keep trying to move forward......thanks everyone, sorry to disappoint.

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Hey AF,

Look, firstly, have one of these: :l

Secondly, I for one, (and I hope i might speak for many, many others), am not disappointed. You are working so damn hard at this. That takes guts, strength, commitment. You and so many are going through SUCH a fecking hard time as it is with dealing with your individual relationships with AF, that to add some self-flagellation on top of that is NOT going to help. Respect yourself. Cos i SO respect you for having the courage to be here.

Thirdly, reflect. What were the triggers? What can you do ease it next time? What's the plan of action? There's many folks here who will give plenty of brilliant advice. Read it. Use it. Keep waking up and fighting the good fight.

RC

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Almost Free, don’t think anything of it. We have all had numerous day 1s as long as you want it, it will happen for you. But learning how to deal with stress without reaching for AL is very important for success. I personally go to the gym and run or cycle to get happy endorphins. Or eat something that I love.

Keep at it and in a week’s time you will get a "Moon".

Hugs

ALLAN

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks so much Allan and RC. Your kindness is balm to my battered and demoralized spirit.

I believe a lot of the over-the-top emotion is part of feeling so bad physically. And the desperate need for a drink, day after day, being constantly thwarted. That's why I really feel lilke crying. Frustration that I can't have the drink I want and need so badly.

All the lemon water, l-glutamine and niacin don't seem to be helping this time. I'm just not bouncing back like I used to. If I could just start feeling stable, it would be easier to deal with these minor stress incidents.

I think Byrdie was right, I shouldn't look at it as being deprived of something, but rather be happy at becoming free from an addiction that is killing me. Thanks again to all of you.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

almost free - you hit he nail on the head when you mentioned that you just don't bounce back like you used to
That's the thing with AL ~ it just gets worse & worse. Take a great big deep breath & go for the gold!!! There is no losing when you kick AL out of your life because you are back in control, you are the boss once again Make the commitment, take a leap of faith in yourself, you can do this & I promise, you will never be sorry

RC, Stella is going to look around for more Halloween costumes

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Lav, I would like to see Stella in a Pilgrim outfit!

AK

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

nurdl;1392674 wrote: Kuya, thanks for all your info on supplements. I'm on day 40, oh hey... 40 days cool. I think I'm getting episodes of PAWS. Very tired, fluish, achey, but the thing that's making me crazy is the random muscle spasms. Any suggestsions? I'll have to try the Glutamine at night too. I need some sort of boost at the end of the day.

be well, love your devilish avatar
nurdl

HI Nurdl, muscle spasms are often Magnesium and potassium deficiencies. Don't take Glut too late it will keep you awake.

KY

[iamaquitter28]

Newbies Nest

AF: There is no disappointment being felt here. I have, countless times, fell victim to that nagging voice in your head telling you to just have the damn drink already and stop fighting it. I hate that voice! You can do this! Hop back on board and try to remember how much you hate the guilt you feel after a night of drinking. Hopefully that can help keep you from giving in to the cravings!

[Alcoholic]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Ima! Kuya!and Almost Free!

How are you all doing today?

I'm on my day 1 and so far, doing well. 6 hours of no drinking.

Ok. if I want to calm down, and really want a drink, what is the one thing you could take or drink or do that is not addictive but can make you feel great like a drink can?

Alcoholic

[iamaquitter28]

Newbies Nest

Hi Alcoholic. Glad to hear that you are doing well so far. I am also hanging in there. Day 1 is always the easiest for me though, it's day 2 that starts to kill me and the cravings really start bad. For me, drinking a can of coke helps. I think it helps because it gives the impression of drinking a beer and it also raises your blood sugar like AL would. It seems to get me through rough patches sometimes. Hang in there and congrats on your decision to quit!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

WOW! This is a very long post and it was originally posted in the "What We Believe" thread by Cinders in Feb. It was bumped up today and I wanted to share. If you have time, please read. I think everyone should be able to find some piece of wisdom from this.

:important:

This letter is for the seven Monkees who wrote to me last night. For the Monkees who decided last night to try to swim.

Dearest Drunken Monkee Friend,

I have been where you are this morning. I?ve lived through this day. This day when you wake up terrified. When you open your eyes and it hits you . . . the jig is up. When you lie paralyzed in bed and shake from the horrifying realization that life as you know it is over.

Quickly you consider that perhaps that?s okay, because life as you know it totally blows. Even so, you can?t get out of bed because the thing is that you don?t know how. You don?t know how to live, how to interact, how to cope, how to function without a drink or at least the hope of a future drink. You never learned. You dropped out before all the lessons. So who will teach you how to live? Listen to me, because I am you.

You are shaking from withdrawal and fear and panic this morning, so you cannot see clearly. You are very, very confused right now. You think that this is the worst day of your life, but you are wrong. This is the best day of your life, friend. Things, right now, are very, very good. Better than they have ever been in your entire life. Your angels are dancing. Because you have been offered freedom from the prison of secrets. You have been offered the gift of crisis.

Kathleen Norris reminded me last night that the Greek root of the word crisis is ?to sift.? As in to shake out the excesses and leave only what?s important. That?s what crises do. They shake things up until we are forced to decide and hold onto what matters most. And what matters most right now is that you are sober. You owe the world nothing else. And so you will not worry about whether the real you will be brave or smart or funny or beautiful or responsible enough. Because the only thing you have to be is sober. You owe the world absolutely nothing but sobriety. If you are sober, you are enough. Even if you are shaking and cursing and boring and terrified. You are enough.

But becoming sober, becoming real, will be hard and painful. A lot of good things are.
Becoming sober is like recovering from frostbite.

The process of defrosting is excruciatingly painful. You have been so numb for so long. And as feeling comes back to your soul, you start to tingle, and it?s uncomfortable and strange. But then the tingles start feeling like daggers. Sadness, loss, fear, anger, all of these things that you have been numbing with the booze . . . you start to FEEL them for the first time. And it?s horrific at first, to tell you the damn truth. But feeling the pain, refusing to escape from it, is the only way to recovery. You can?t go around it, you can?t go over it, you have to go through it. There is no other option, except for amputation. And if you allow the defrosting process to take place, if you trust that it will work, if you can stand the pain, one day you will get your soul back. If you can feel, it means there has been no amputation. If you can feel, you can hope. If you can feel, you are not too late.

Friend, we need you. The world has suffered while you?ve been hiding. You are already forgiven. You are loved. All there is to do now it to step into your life. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? This is what it means. These are the steps you take. They are plain as mud.

Get out of bed. Don?t lie there and think - thinking is the kiss of death for us - just move. Take a shower. Sing while you?re in there. MAKE YOURSELF SING. The stupider you feel, the better. Giggle at yourself, alone. Joy for its own sake . . . Joy just for you, created by you ? it?s the best. Find yourself amusing.

Put on some make-up. Blow dry your hair. Wear something nice, something that makes you feel grown up. If you have nothing, go buy something. Today?s not the day to worry too much about money. Invest in some good coffee, caffeinated and decaf. Decaf after eleven o?clock. Read your daughter a story. Don?t think about other things while you?re reading, actually pay attention to the words. Then braid your girl?s hair. Clean the sink. Keep good books within reach. Start with Traveling Mercies. David Sedaris is good, too. If you don?t have any good books, go to the library. If you don?t have a library card, apply for one. This will stress you out. You will worry that the librarian will sense that you are a disaster and reject you. But listen, they don?t know and they don?t care. They gave me a card, and I?ve got a rap sheet as long as your arm. When practicing re-entering society and risking rejection, the library is a good place to start. They have low expectations. I love the library. Also church. Both have to take you in.

Alternate two prayers ? ?Help? and ?Thank you.? That?s all the spirituality you?ll need for a while. Go to meetings. Any meeting will do. Don?t worry if the other addicts there are ?enough like you.? Face it ? we are all the same ? be humble.

Get Out Of The House. If you have nowhere to go, take a walk outside. Do not excuse yourself from walks because it?s cold. Bundle up. The sky will remind you of how big God is, and if you?re not down with God, then the oxygen will help. Same thing. Call one friend a day. Do not start the conversation by telling her how you are. Ask how she is. Really listen to her response, and offer your love. You will discover that you can help a friend just by listening, and this discovery will remind you that you are powerful and worthy.
Get a yoga DVD and a pretty mat. Practice yoga after your daughter goes to bed. The evenings are dangerous times, so have a plan. Yoga is good for people like us, it teaches us to breathe and that solitude is a gift. Learn to keep yourself company.

When you start to feel . . . do. For example ? when you start to feel scared because you don?t have enough money?.find someone to give a little money to. When you start to feel like you don?t have enough love. . . find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated, unacknowledged . . . appreciate and acknowledge someone in your life in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. And then find a tangible way to make today somebody else?s lucky day. This strategy helps me sidestep wallowing every day.

Don?t worry about whether you like doing these things or not. You?re going to hate everything for a long while. And the fact is that you don?t even know what you like or hate yet. Just Do These Things Regardless of How You Feel About Doing These Things. Because these little things, done over and over again, eventually add up to a life. A good one.


Friend, I am sober this morning. Thank God Almighty, I?m sober this morning. I?m here, friend. Last week, my son turned nine. Which means that I haven?t had a drink for nine years and nine months. Lots of beautiful and horrible things have happened to me during the past nine years and nine months. And I have more or less handled my business day in and day out without booze. GOD, I ROCK.

And today, I?m a wife and a mother and a daughter and friend and a writer and a dreamer and a Sister to one and a ?sister? to thousands of monkees? and I wasn?t any of those things when I was a drunk.

And I absolutely love being a recovering alcoholic, friend. I am more proud of the ?recovering? badge I wear than any other.

What will you be, friend? What will you be when you become yourself? We would love to find out with you.

Love,
G


When Jesus saw her lying there and knew that she had been there for a long time, he said to her, ?Do you want to be made well? . . . Then pick up your mat, and walk.? ? John 5:6-8