Newbies Nest

[gingersnap]

Newbies Nest

Today is Day 2, have been reading Kick the Drink Easily and getting some very clear insight from that. It is very thought provoking. I plan to come here 2 or 3 or more times a day. I have no other support system. My husband at times, mentions he is concerned about my drinking, but he drinks so doesn?t want to say too much for fear I will mention his drinking. My daughter or sons might kind of suspect, maybe 1 friend?.but I am very sneaky, or so I think??and don?t drink around them?.just alone. I go to work every day, take care of our home, run a small business, take care of kids and grandkids issues and go to all their sports, etc. I want to be FREE of AL. I have wasted so much time, money and self respect, that makes me ill. Thank you all, for listening to my ramblings?.I like to write, so feel free to tell me to STOP when it?s too much

[matchee]

Newbies Nest

Hi all- day 1 for me again.

I was doing very well but it all fell apart over the weekend.

But I'm picking myself up and starting again for the last time!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

G’day everyone!

RC and Patrick- thanks for starting my day off with a laugh! My mantra for today is Chroist! Just Stop it!

Priceless!

So glad to see all the “new” newbies (Change, Dorothy, Ginger, P.J.),Please hang in there. It is tough to get past those first 3 or 4 days. I tried like a million times before I was able to do it (again). But it is well worth it. Stick with us and In no time at all you will have 30 days under your belt and be feeling on top of the world!

Welcome back- Quest, Audrey and Irie! Glad to have you hangin with us. The more the merrier. This is THE BEST group of nesters.

Hugs to Cat Buddy, Fin, Alco, Kuya, Dogwood and yogamom- Fighting the good fight!

As always, thanks to Lola, Lav, Byrdie and K-9. I honestly don’t know how you gals do it. Keeping up with all of us and lending your wisdom and support day in and day out. Seriously, what if y’all acted like Bob Newhart in the you tube video- charged us five bucks and yelled at us “Just Stop it”- Thanks a million for not doing that! Your support is priceless and always served with concern and a smile. You’re the best!:l

Iama- I “ama” prayin' hard for your little kitten. Poor baby and poor you. You have done a good deed in caring for the poor little thing. Continue to care for yourself. You are doing great!

Dottie- I am so glad you have a plan to get out of your work situation. Just look to the future and don’t let the present worries drag you back into drinking. She (the boss from HELL) is NOT WORTH it! Who is she to ruin your health? Don’t let her do it!

Roonie- Good for you for sticking it out. Look, Byrdie’s got work to do in making lots of hats here in the next few days. You, Dottie and me (the three amigos :threesome on the 30th and then Fin and Catbuddy on the 31st. Hey, maybe we should get Halloween masks instead of hats. :bagdude:

I hear she’s got snicker bars too!

Seriously, all. Just this morning, during my drive in to work, I was thinking about the moment I realized that I had "fallen down the rabbit hole" again after my three year quit (which was 41/2 years ago). It was HORRIBLE. Three years of absolutely Wonderful Sobriety and I let it slip for no particular reason and it has taken me 41/2 years to get back to this point.

Nesters-please don't drink- no matter what, no matter who :notlistening:- Just Stop it!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

X-post

Welcome, Matchee- good for you for getting back in the saddle. You will learn a lot from the folks here.

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Starfish did an amazing job recognizing one and all - thank you for taking that time! I'm late to get ready for work, but reading through the early posts made me committ to facing my day. Lav, I'd love to sleep till noon with your chickens. I am SO tired.

Star, I'd like to ask for your thoughts on something that scares the beejeeses out of me. You had three years of sobriety, ended abruptly, took a long time to come back, ALTHOUGH you wanted to. This is exactly my sister's story. She had five years of sobriety, ended it over an argument with my mother (I have to sympathize there), and is now two years into serious drinking again. I can see in her eyes everytime I see her such despair.

WHAT IS IT that makes that slip become enduring? Why do people not just start again with sobriety the next day? Does something click in the brain? Any sharing is most appreciated. I am quite scared of a slip that puts me back on a serious drinking path, and steals the remaining time I have to raise my young son.

Catbuddy

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

"She (the boss from HELL) is NOT WORTH it! Who is she to ruin your health? Don’t let her do it!"
TRUE!! Trying now to "LET IT GO"...
Dottie

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Catbuddy;1398568 wrote:

WHAT IS IT that makes that slip become enduring? Why do people not just start again with sobriety the next day? Does something click in the brain? Any sharing is most appreciated.

Catbuddy

Great question my quitmate. Indeed, what is it?!

[Habsfan]

Newbies Nest

Day 1....... Again

Hello to everyone in the nest. Good to see there are still so many helpful folks here.
I'm starting at day 1, again, having fooled myself for the past year or so that I could handle a few drinks. Wrong. The Beast reared its ugly head and took over. Again.
Today is my new Day 1.
My plan is to banish the beast forever - I know I can't handle a few drinks anymore. Or even one.
What really upsets me is that I have so many positive things in my life, why am I risking everything? This makes no sense.
Anyway, I'm glad I checked in to MWO and am looking forward to the support of the nest.

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Catbuddy, I've often asked myself the same question. My three slips were just that, little slips. I have not drank in almost two months or is it two months, I don't count. Some people can't slip because then it turns into a full blown relapse. I guess we are all different when it comes to the AL.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Ima - I hope the kitten pulls through...you're a special person to be loving and nurturing towards it...I love people who love animals As others have said, be sure to look out for yourself first...but I also think that the little guy will give you even more motivation to stay sober!

Cat - Good question. On my MANY slips and restarts, I noticed that my relapses originally spanned the length of a couple of weeks, then towards the end they got shorter. My last slip was a one night bender. I think because at that point I was SO TIRED of that crap...drinking was not fun, not relaxing, not a treat, not a reward...it got to the point where I was forcing down beer even though I didn't want it. Some demon in my head was telling me I HAD to finish the 12 pack. Well I did, and the very next day I decided I wouldn't put myself through that again. That was 303 days ago. It finally "clicked". Not to say it's been easy breezy or I don't still crave once in a while...I do...BUT I can now see the truth about alcohol, not the fuzzy version. I always say that for me drinking is not rainbows and butterflies, it's handcuffs, DUI's and a cellmate named Diablo.

Audrey - Hang in there with the drunken boyfriend (husband?)...That would be a very difficult situation. Stay strong, and do this for YOU. Who knows, he might follow your example one of these days?

[stumpy]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Habs, Glad to have you here, I'm sure someone will be along to offer you the toolbox link.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1398594 wrote: I think because at that point I was SO TIRED of that crap...drinking was not fun, not relaxing, not a treat, not a reward...it got to the point where I was forcing down beer even though I didn't want it.

Thanks, K9! I can so relate to this one. I would go on total autopilot and just pound the beers one after another. My reasonable self just had no power against the momentum built up by my compulsive self. I'd open my fridge knowing full well I didn't need another one, grab, open and slam...repeat-repeat-repeat-repeat and repeat. It's a vicious, negative feedback loop!

PS: Thanks for the eye candy yourself! Ha!!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

WHAT IS IT that makes that slip become enduring? Why do people not just start again with sobriety the next day? Does something click in the brain?
Catbuddy

Cat- First of all, I want to commend you for being such a great sister and for realizing the desperation in your sister's eyes. I feel for her and I hope she finds her way out. Also for being such a great mom yourself and thinking of your son's future.

Honestly, I have been working on a response to your question, but it got out of hand. I actually started writing my autobiography (of sorts) in an attempt to help you understand what happened to me, but as I was coming up on page 3, I realized I need to post that somewhere else. So I will try my best to just answer the one question - What makes that slip enduring?

I would give anything if I knew the real answer. I think someone said it the other day. It is called addiction and I am powerless over it. Cat, whether it is some kind of physical or chemical or emotional imbalance- I don't know. Believe me, I have tried to figure it out, but I totally agree with K9 and Fin. Once you take (or I took) that first drink even after 3 years of sobriety, I lost all power. Something clicked in my brain alright. It switched itself onto "autopilot" as Fin said and I became robotic. It didn't happen all at once. I think it took a couple months for me to go back into full mode, but I believe I was doomed after that first drink. Just like K9 and Fin said, you have no control whatsoever of yourself and you just HAVE to finish the beers or drinks or whatever. It's crazy. And as much as your sane mind wants to stop- it just can't. I would be driving to the store to get more beer and crying to myself to please stop- just don't do it. It's a demon- I agree- and Cat, it should scare the BeJeesus out of you and out of all of us. It sure does me!

I may post my lovely "autobiography" in the "My Story" section. It explains a lot more about how/why I quit for 3 years, why I think I started again and how I feel I am doing better now. I know one thing for sure is that I can't say enough about the power of this site and the help I get from all of you. Cat, do you think your sister would like to join us?

:h:h Star

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Matchee, Ginger and Habs! Welcome back! You will find the link to the Tool Box in my signature line below. There are tons of tips and coping skills there to help...as well as what you can expect along the way. We are so glad you found us. We have LOTS of success here.

As the new newbies can clearly see, this is an opponent the likes of which most of us have never seen. It is an opponent that says 'black' when we clearly see 'white'. It tells us things you know aren't true yet we follow. It makes us think that drinking more IS the way out, and it really only gets you deeper into the rabbit hole. I will give AL all his dues...because he is a cunning BEAST and I respect that like never before. Each day that I put between myself and AL is a win. It is hard to look down the road and say never again...and I couldn't do that for a long time....that had to come with time...but I can sure say it now. Not one, not ever! I do not need AL in my life...it WAS out to get me!

It is hard and we all here know it is...there are times that I struggle, but like K9 says, those are just thoughts, we do NOT have to act on them. They pass. I consider my quit to be my most prized possession, because without it, I'm back to dispair. All I have to do is get thru this day....How do you tackle such a big task ahead? Well, it's just like eating an elephant....you do it one bite at a time. B

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

It is an opponent that says 'black' when we clearly see 'white'. It tells us things you know aren't true yet we follow. It makes us think that drinking more IS the way out, and it really only gets you deeper into the rabbit hole.

Xpost Byrdie- couldn't have said it better myself!

Believe it!