Newbies Nest

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

I made it 1 day AF.... and i plan on doing it again today. I dont really get hangovers from the Chardonnay and White Zinfandel i alternated each evening.. Usually consuming 2 5 liter boxes in a week. I have a physical tomorrow with my regular Dr.. I know my BP is thru the roof, i have alot of anxiety and drinking wine and smoking cigarettes, negate that feeling... or are the wine and cigarettes creating the anxiety.? Hope everyone is having a great day!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Lola, I see your holiday point, and raise you 2! You are so right about all the memories and the commercials. The past few years of Christmas's I couldn't tell you what I did if there weren't pictures of them! The pictures of me with my eyes half closed, a glass of vodka/diet coke or wine ALWAYS beside me or in hand. The holidays were a study in how far I could push myself, in every way. There at the end, Christmas 2010...I don't remember much at all. I found myself praying that I could control my drinking in order to attend parties and not look too drunk...until I totally missed one, passed out on the couch. When I woke up, my appetizer was still on the counter, and my hubs had gone on to bed. What a way to live...the sick feeling in my stomach knowing the confrontation that would happen the next morning... knowing that I was going to have to do something...I knew I was out of control and in water that was over my head.

As this Christmas approaches, yes, there are big changes around here. I'm not plotting how to travel with wine stuffed in the lining of my suitcase. I may collapse on the couch, but it will be from putting in a big day of working, not drinking. Today, I look at those commercials with liquor and wine as I do the ones with seafood in them. (I don't eat seafood of any kind) that is just something that other people do. I tune it out. I don't let it take a foot hold in my thinking...To me, drinking is not romantic anymore. It is something that is out to kill me and everything I've worked for. It wasn't very romantic the night I passed out on the couch in my festive clothes and missed the neighborhood holiday party. Those days are long gone for me...and good riddance! This holiday season promises to be one of the best...because I am 100% present and accounted for. AL will not rob me of one more holiday! It took right at about half of the ones I've had so far....and it will get no more. I hope you hate AL as much as I do. There is nothing wrong with a little heathy hate when it comes to playing a game where the winner takes all.

I hope these holidays will be ALL of our best ones! Ho Ho Hope everyone has a great sober Tuesday!! B

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi WMM - you hit the nail on the head. The anxiety is usually a result of the alcohol...I am still DAILY amazed at how much differently I look at every single little thing in life. I just don't see things as so gloomy...I hate to go on about Christmas but it really was a pivotal time for me in terms of stopping drinking. Two years ago I was at my absolute lowest. It was that Christmas that I was looking around and feeling so trapped - and unable to see a way to get out of it. I was starting to lapse in my responsibilites...the very lives of the people and doggies that i love. I wasn't able to help with homework, I trudged around in a mix of hangover/drunkenness - and no, I didn't really feel "hungover" much either - but looking back on it now - I had no motivation - no interest in much at all, except continuing to drink. I had a new puppy and I watched her with tears - knowing I should go outside with her and make sure that she couldn't escape my yard - but I just didn't have the energy...I teared up every time that song came on the radio - the one about the new shoes - "if momma meets Jesus tonight"...and I'd angrily turn it off....I saw myself in that - and not in a helpless - she's ill - kind of way - but an angry way - knowing that I was killing myself - alcohol was going to end my life early - and that my family would pay the price.

It took me awhile after that - a few starts - but now I'm over a year AF and I don't even know who that person was. It scares the hell out of me that it was ME. And while quitting seems like the hardest thing in the world to do - in the grand scheme of things - it was very simple. I just had to come up with a plan to deal with temptations and cravings - and make up my mind that I was done. I've had my moments - that's for sure, but when I think about the reality of the situation - that we get one chance at this life - it's very serious - so read the toolbox - come up with a plan - seek out support here - like your'e doing! :l And do it!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Cross post, Lola!!! Same message, different people! Every word you wrote was me....hugs, B

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

gawd - Byrdie - we were quite a pair that Christmas....I do hate it. the boys still talk about a movie that they watched that Christmas eve, while snuggling with the new pup - while I snored in the chair. it makes me sick to my stomach.

[DorothyFree]

Newbies Nest

Dropping in quickly to see you all before work, yesterday was 3 weeks with no drinking, feeling better and keeping myself much busier. Welcome newbies, AmostFree I'm so sorry about your son's diagnosis, I work in Mental Health and have worked a lot with people with schizophrenia, it is a very painful illness, and I will refrain from throwing hope at you when you're grieving.

I've learned a lot on this site, and one of my favorite sayings here is "a craving never lasts as long as a hangover". You all have a way of talking about quitting that is encouraging and nonjudgmental, a way that invites people to an AF life that doesn't kick in my resistance. I went out with coworkers who were all drinking without cravings, had a ginger ale and then a carafe of iced tea, was able to have fun with those people I love and know I didn't go too far w/my teasing or sarcasm, awake enough to see where they were. I feel physically better than I have in years.

Love you all and thanks for being here.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Lola quote: "I don't even know who that person was."


That's a big one, Lola. I've hated this drunk person for a long time. I lost who I was before I started drinking and then continually erased her with alcohol and the resulting bad choices. It saddened me that others didn't really get to know the real me...and yet...on it went. NO MORE! It's time to let her back out of the box flaws and all, but real and not intoxicated and wasting life in a blur making bad decisions.

ODAT the transformation back to her has begun. I'm beginning to feel her again under all that weight. I like her.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Dorothyfree - congratulations on your 3 weeks and on that very enlightening experience of going out with your friends - sober...May I ask - and sorry if someone else already did...what is your avatar?

Slay - I like her too...I'm glad your'e here. :l

[Alcoholic]

Newbies Nest

Congrats, dorothyfree and whitemarshmom!

Another cold dreary day. Back to work away from the cozy bed. Going for another AF day. I think my weight did go down 3 pounds....finally!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nestmates :l

So good to see everyone! Welcome, WMM :l we are so glad to have you with us.

I must admit that I had a few struggles over the weekend, complete with A LOT of pesky drinking thoughts. They made me SO MAD :stomper:!!!!!

Made it through by:

Paying attention to HALT (realized that my trigger was Anger and I was really angry at things I had no control over)

Checking in on the nest as often as I could

Not allowing myself to dwell on/romanticize drinking thoughts

Sometimes having to make it through 15 mins at a time

Thinking the situation through from start to finish and realizing how the whole thing would end up (me feeling like SHIT, disappointing myself and others and starting the game all over again AND realizing how long it could (prolly would) take me to get back on track

Thinking of how many improvements I have made in my health over the past few weeks

Trying to make myself feel better by doing nice things for others

Realizing the few minutes of relief/pleasure I would get from drinking would be overshadowed by the hours/days/years of guilt/shame/remorse/ from failing AGAIN.

Hope this isn't too depressing this morning...just wanted to document.

Back later, have to go to a funeral now :upset:

:h Star

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Day 2 and can't get my mind off the Grand Canyon - I'm considering this Briggs for my ride

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

I am finally, finally feeling better. I was sick for at least SIX days!!! UGH! There is NO WAY I can catch up on everything I missed around here...so I just want to say hi to everyone, newbies and oldbies and I'll pay close attention from this point forward.

Stay strong everyone!

xoxoxo
K9

[joanna_d]

Newbies Nest

can anyone tell me how to delete a thread?

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

DorothyFree, CONGRATS on your AF time

Greetins Slay, Ally, Lola, Star, Fin & everyone!

Welcome back K9!!!!!!
You have been missed! Hope you are feeling better now - did you have the flu or what?

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Kudos, Star. 'Nough said.