Newbies Nest
Thank you Lolab for this......I had a dream last night - it wasn't a "drinking" dream exactly - but it was interesting that I DID experience that "moment"in the dream....that moment of KNOWING that I AM going to drink. Even though at times, in the past - it felt that my body was acting on its own - driving to the store - in my soul I know that before that, I had that "moment" - where a tiny little nurdl (
) of a thought was allowed to take root in my brain - a thought that maybe I could have a drink or two....or that today might be a good day to get some. In my dream, it was - if I remember correctly - a thought about the holidays - damn dick head is invading my subconscious while I sleep. And I was just slowly formulating a plan to drink. My conscious brain has NO plans whatsoever to drink - ever! So I think that this was just the voice making an effort - and I already knew that even now, I will have to step up my strength over the holidays....
ah well....there's my cloudy post this morning....I hope it made sense.
:new:
This too could be me writing this. For me this is a waking dream, walking, living, 'functioning' inside of theis dream & those "tiny little nurdl of a thought" poke & prod. Yesterday was an exasperating day for this. I had to leave a class early because i was so on edge & ready to tear into a classmate for being so 'hostile & judgemental' during a class leadership exercise....irony huh? geez, she is just a 21 yr old kid, iam 40. what kind of example is that? It didnt make it easier that non stop ppl have been telling me how tired i look. ya no crap, if they only knew. It is funny, in the winter with my job & school schedule & kid stuff, I sleep about 2hrs a day, making up a bit of sleep here and there. noone ever told me how tired i looked, only worried and wondered how i did it. i guess i did not drink as excessively then. i spent 10 hrs driving a SnoCat, which is like a big snow tractor that smooths out snowmobile trails. I worked the grave yard shift. i love it, very meditative & iam not going to be drunk doing it, alot can happen & there is alot of tech & awareness things to control. Then get off, get kids to school, i go to class, then kids home, supper, homewrk, bed, & i sleep 2 hrs then back at it. It is invigorating. no time to drink, except i did make up for it on days off. Spring thru Fall drink nonstop. now that iam quitting, ppl tell me how bad i look...geesh.
It is only day 5 after faultering when i had 3 wks down. Need to silence those nurdl thoughts. Happy to say I did last night
Does anyone else feel like tearing into ppl? My anger is immense.
Thank you Lolab for this......I had a dream last night - it wasn't a "drinking" dream exactly - but it was interesting that I DID experience that "moment"in the dream....that moment of KNOWING that I AM going to drink. Even though at times, in the past - it felt that my body was acting on its own - driving to the store - in my soul I know that before that, I had that "moment" - where a tiny little nurdl (
) of a thought was allowed to take root in my brain - a thought that maybe I could have a drink or two....or that today might be a good day to get some. In my dream, it was - if I remember correctly - a thought about the holidays - damn dick head is invading my subconscious while I sleep. And I was just slowly formulating a plan to drink. My conscious brain has NO plans whatsoever to drink - ever! So I think that this was just the voice making an effort - and I already knew that even now, I will have to step up my strength over the holidays....ah well....there's my cloudy post this morning....I hope it made sense.
:new:
This too could be me writing this. For me this is a waking dream, walking, living, 'functioning' inside of theis dream & those "tiny little nurdl of a thought" poke & prod. Yesterday was an exasperating day for this. I had to leave a class early because i was so on edge & ready to tear into a classmate for being so 'hostile & judgemental' during a class leadership exercise....irony huh? geez, she is just a 21 yr old kid, iam 40. what kind of example is that? It didnt make it easier that non stop ppl have been telling me how tired i look. ya no crap, if they only knew. It is funny, in the winter with my job & school schedule & kid stuff, I sleep about 2hrs a day, making up a bit of sleep here and there. noone ever told me how tired i looked, only worried and wondered how i did it. i guess i did not drink as excessively then. i spent 10 hrs driving a SnoCat, which is like a big snow tractor that smooths out snowmobile trails. I worked the grave yard shift. i love it, very meditative & iam not going to be drunk doing it, alot can happen & there is alot of tech & awareness things to control. Then get off, get kids to school, i go to class, then kids home, supper, homewrk, bed, & i sleep 2 hrs then back at it. It is invigorating. no time to drink, except i did make up for it on days off. Spring thru Fall drink nonstop. now that iam quitting, ppl tell me how bad i look...geesh.
It is only day 5 after faultering when i had 3 wks down. Need to silence those nurdl thoughts. Happy to say I did last night
Does anyone else feel like tearing into ppl? My anger is immense.
we start to take care of ourselves and everybody thinks we're sick...
Comment