Newbies Nest

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Hey Kradle, long time no speak. Sorry to hear you're feeling down on yourself. Bit out of the loop on Newbies Nest. Don't compare yourself with others hun, just look at all that has changed for you. Bet if you really did take time to do that you'd find loads and see a real shift from where you once were. Hey, you're still not hungover in a tent! Big hug :l

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Kradle,

I know it's discouraging to have that happen. So many feel better and better. It makes you feel even worse, when it's not happening for you. Just keep posting, sometimes it just helps the day go by. I remember at one point thinking that when the high point of your day is going to bed, all is not well. Maybe it passes. One can only hope. You are not alone in that feeling. Sobriety should end up being better, otherwise, where's the incentive. Btw, getting rid of sugar and junk food helped my energy and sense of optimism (but that was during a previous longtime quit.) Stay close.

And thanks for all those sending me encouragement and (another!) warm welcome. Much appreciated!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Kradle...I hit a period of time around 6 months that I felt like what's the use.. Why am I going thru all of this? What is really the point? I think that's why I have remained in the nest here. It keeps me grounded in where I can be again if I drink. I will tell you what the point is! I was at the brink of losing everything! I was existing on wine and barely eating, my liver readings were coming back high, my job was suffering, and I was getting to the point I didn't care if I lived or died. So if you compare that to how I feel today, well...there just is no comparison. As Lola stated so well the other day, the low feelings you get sometimes are still higher than what we had when we drank...There's no comparison to the self loathing, guilt, shame and remorse we had...am I right?

Maybe there is something else that is making you blue? I can promise you this...you HAVE come a long way, if you just stick it out, you will see that this is just a 'spell'. Please don't quit before the miracle happens. I wouldn't trade what I have now for all the wine in Italy.

Sometimes when I get down, I turn my attention to the service of others. Bake something and take it to someone who seldom sees another sole. Call a nursing home and see if you can take your dog over and visit some folks that don't see anyone but workers for weeks on end. Volunteer for meals on wheels....see how grateful people can be when you bring them food when they are hungry. It is an amazing feeling. I hope you feel better soon. You will never regret being sober, but I can't tell you how much I regret being drunk. Hang in....Byrdie

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

kradle, maybe it is the Seattle weather? when I lived there by November I was a mess too.
Need to check out that fun thread, sitting here tapping away waiting for my daughters to get a bite to eat. Not even looking around for a liquor store or however they sell it here. No, not me.

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Kradle, sorry you're feeling bleh.

Byrdie says it well. Compare where you are today to where you were 6 months ago, or longer. Perhaps instead of trying to work it out, maybe just go do something that will make you feel better about yourself? And ... would going back for a beer actually help today's blues? Well, you know the answer to that one methinks. Finally do keep posting, you've shared so much and inspired so many.

:l

RC

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1413098 wrote: Hi Kradle,

I know it's discouraging to have that happen. So many feel better and better. It makes you feel even worse, when it's not happening for you. Just keep posting, sometimes it just helps the day go by. I remember at one point thinking that when the high point of your day is going to bed, all is not well. Maybe it passes. One can only hope. You are not alone in that feeling. Sobriety should end up being better, otherwise, where's the incentive. Btw, getting rid of sugar and junk food helped my energy and sense of optimism (but that was during a previous longtime quit.) Stay close.

And thanks for all those sending me encouragement and (another!) warm welcome. Much appreciated!

I think that the limitation of the written word can be VERY misleading..... Everything is distorted by perception.
When I write that I had a fab time out and about it may convey something WAY more exciting than the reality. For ME it was fabulous because I did not spend even a moment thinking about drinking. In fact it was a NORMAL evening spent out with family. It was fabulous not watching the clock worrying that I must leave early enough to pick up booze.

Almost free ....... Bedtime is STILL the high point of my day......I LOVE bedtime. To slide into my sheets clean and sober and happy tops EVERYTHING!
When I was a child I also loved this time, as an adult it became a thing to avoid because I was unhappy and struggled to sleep. I drank more and more to induce a nightly coma and for years forgot the joy that it brought.

My point is, and this is @ Kradle also, when you read that someone feels happy try and remember they may be finding JOY in things you are taking for granted as ORDINARY. I am grateful for these ordinary moments that some would take for granted.

That very gratitude makes happiness and contentment a self fulfilling prophesy, I believe

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

good day shopping..got dad some new clothes, now we need to see if they fit before putting his name on everything..he is still mad and expecting me to come take him home....I am not going to visit him just yet...he needs to adjust and that is going to be hard....but this is best for him and I have known this for a long time..mother covered for him more than I had thought...
Dottie

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Kradle123;1413063 wrote: There is no doubt now that the more AF time I get, the worse I feel about myself....
This seems completely assbackwards to me as I read everyone's steady progress and increasing happy quotient.. Maybe this is just more of the self absorbed narcissistic part of my personality that lead me down this road in the first place....I don't know.

I do know that it feels as though nothing has changed....

I am happy however that Penis Thread has restored the good humor back onto the boards...that is a good thing.

Anyway, want to still post so I don't go completely over to the dark side....

?

Evening Kradle. You've been struggling with this for awhile, and I can empathize at times with you. Considering I wrestled with depression myself, I have to always go first to the bipolar issue because the depressive side can make you feel as you do. The answers are not always obvious, so we have to start taking the puzzle apart into bite size chunks to analyze. That can be hard when you are in a depressive episode.

1. Is it an episode of depression?

Depression may include the following:

Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
Fatigue and decreased energy
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Irritability, restlessness
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
Overeating or appetite loss
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

*Many people who suffer with depression self medicate with alcohol because of that empty hopeless feeling and/or loss of interest in life while sober. If so, maybe a medication adjustment is needed.

2. Is it the fact that you haven't found acceptance in who you are? In other words, you don't like or love yourself? Do you suffer from low self esteem? Are you berating yourself?

3. Do you have unresolved issues you haven't dealt with yet? Changes in your life or attitudes that you haven't addressed? Are you still avoiding things or hiding from them? I've had to really go through the ringer lately with pain to deal with some things both externally and internally. I've been taking a really REALLY honest look at myself lately. I've had to take some responsibility for my own malfunctioning behaviors that have been an issue in some matters and stop all the finger pointing and also, let go of some responsibilities that weren't mine. That's a really tough one...letting go of control and allowing people you love to fall on their faces if they make the choices that lead them there. I've been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders because I fear the pain of watching those I love suffer. Whatever it is, there may be some underlying things you used alcohol to cover up or help you get through that you haven't addressed yet.

4. Are you doing anything that makes you happy? Something for Kradle? It's so hard when you are trying to take care of everyone else especially when you have young children. You can even begin to resent it and the loss of freedom and turn to alcohol in that unhappiness because you are so busy doing for and giving to everyone else, you forget to give to yourself.

5. Are you feeling unloved? Do you feel like there is a hole inside? Are you missing something from your husband? That type of thing.

6. Are you dwelling on negativity? Have you come to the point where you just automatically go to the negative? This can happen because of all of the above. Part of this is in the attitude and thought processes. We can choose to find joy or unhappiness in our lives. You know, that pity party we can sometimes throw for ourselves. We become too self focused and victimized in our situations.


I know this getting sober stuff opens up a whole other closet full of things to deal with. Sometimes it's confusing and absolute hell, but you have to walk through the honesty and reality to get the understanding before you can really heal, imo. So, if it isn't number one, you have work to do and maybe some of this...:upset:

:l:h:l

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1413061 wrote: Cat, I love to cook, too. It was sometime before I could comfortably get back to preparing a meal without my sous chef (wine). It comes back to you, once you get thru that first set of FIRSTS .... you will find YOU under there. My cooking is actually much better now because I am not half crocked. I actually had a party once and left one of the appetizers in the oven all night. A wonder I didn't burn the house down.

Here's something you might try...turkey breast in the crock pot, 2 cans chicken broth and one packet of Good Season's italian dressing mix. Cook for about 6 hours and you have THE most moist turkey! I drain out part of the 'renderings' and pour a couple jars of turkey gravy in there. It is awesome (and easy!) seasoned perfectly. B

Thanks Birdie. That is very easy. I wrote it down and will definitely try this in the future. Anything that makes cooking easier and yet still tastes great is on my list. Looks like it's time to get another slow cooker/crock pot unless maybe cooking it on a lower heat for 6 hours in a roaster would work. My turkey breasts usually come out dry, so I've stuck with the whole bird. Sounds great.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Saturday night & here I sit with two dogs - the larger one snoring of course

Dottie, glad your shopping day went well. I just remembered the day I went & did all that for my Dad back in 1998. He too was entering a nursing home & his clothes were in sad shape. Kind of typical I think. Just know that he will settle in, just takes a bit of time.

Kradle, I wasn't happy taking Rx ADs but I have managed myself pretty well on OTCs. The anxiety & depression are history & I am grateful. Give it some thought

I hope everyone has their butt velcro in place for a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Alcoholic]

Newbies Nest

Nava: welcome!!!! Good to have you! Post often so we will get to know you!


Kradle: we don't all succeed. Yesterday I drank and felt horrible but this morning I said "see stupid me!" And I go on. We are just human beings we fall And climb back on. But the thing is, be ok w the human part of you. Do not expect perfection out of yourself because you will fail! I don't care who it is, no one is perfect. Instead, just do the best you can and you will always succeed!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Sunday morning Nesters,

Clear skies, chilly air, Stella & her girls up at the crack of dawn ~ all is well

Heading out to gather supplies (chicken feed & dog food included), will be back later.
Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Navasana]

Newbies Nest

Oh gosh I wrote a long message and it disappeared. I am struggling with emotions and frustrations. I am not handling the little things well. Like losing an earrring and coping with the ipad since we still have no internet and verizon wont say when they are coming. I look forward to encouraging others and responding personally. I just went to see all your names so i could respond on an individual basis to comments and lost everything i wrote. We went to a 50th a party last night for my sister in law. I drank a lot! ; ) a bottle of tonic and a bottle of seltzer. I feel exhausted today. Like a drank two bottles of wine!! Anyway. Trying to stay positive. I slept late but wanted to get up bright and early. We have another party today but that's in the afternoon for a little niece so should be fine there. Tonight is night 7AF. I will be back. Thanks brdlady, alcoholic and others!!!

[Alcoholic]

Newbies Nest

Hi, nava:
I know what you mean about using that iPad to type. I actually use my Iphone to do all my posting and so it's so hard to go back and read all comments!!! Happy 7 AF days and congrats on saying no at the party!

i didn't do so well this Friday (drank 2 glasses of wine, and didn't even enjoy them!) but Saturday restarted getting back on the wagon and today I'm going to exercise 5 minutes as I promised myself. I am also going to promise myself that in January I'm going to force myself to get my blood drawn to check my liver enzymes.

let's have another happy AF day!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning nesters! A yucky day in the southern part of the nest. Cold, sideways rain. Brrrr. Stella (the chicken) will need to wrap in layers today! Sounds like the beginnings of a meal! Oops...

Nava, on behalf of the Newbie's Nest, we'd like to bestow upon you a major award. It's just a little something, but it takes Herculean strength to achieve. Please accept this: :moon: A Full Moon, you have conquered every day that a week can throw at you and succeeded! You have kicked AL's ass for 7 days! Well done!

SOMETIMES...when I'm typing a long note and suddenly lose it I can hit my right mouse key and hit UNDO, and I get it back!!!! Losing a note is maddening, it has happened to me a lot (which accounts for a lot of things, ehehe).

Looking to give out some more moons today!!!

Slay, I always enjoy your thoughtful posts! You have well-organized thoughts and a top notch way of presenting them, in my opinion.....stay close with your bad self!

Have a lovely AF day!!! Byrdie