Newbies Nest

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1414262 wrote: I was born and raised in the U.S.A., but am currently in another country (which I'd rather not name, here) to help my son deal with his ordeal.

Was gonna suggest searching support where you live. It is amazing what is out there if you dig into it.
You sound too tired to help yourself ATM but I can't help if I don't know the approximate location.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks so much, Kuya.

I actually just attended my first AA meeting (here) last Friday. This group meets on Wednesdays and Fridays at noon. I also was put in contact with an alcoholic/addiction counseling group, which meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I am actually trying to line up some support for myself. I have attended AA on and off for many years, so I wasn't too nervous to walk in cold turkey, on my own. They were very welcoming. There are also other meetings I can look into.

Tomorrow will be my first addiction counseling session. Not sure what to expect. Or even if it includes everything in addition to alcohol. You know, drugs, gambling, etc. But I plan to go anyway.

I also have some pamphlets for contacting groups supporting families of schizophrenics, but haven't gone there yet. Wasn't willing to invest my little bit of free time to that, when I needed it to relax with my old friend AL. Besides, we were making so much progress, I didn't feel the need for support. Things seemed to be getting better and better, until recently. Perhaps I will look them up, too.

So, I have Tues., Wed., Thurs., and Friday covered. And more if I need it. It's been hard to commit to anything beyond what I absolutely had to do, because of my AL problem. Lots of juggling going on, to meet all of my obligations. Now look how much freedom I'll have as an AL-free person!

Thanks for listening. I feel much better now. (the giant chocolate bar didn't hurt, either) lol I'll say goodnight, now. Thanks so much for staying with me for so long this evening. Thank God this day is almost over. Bless you Kuya.

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

[QUOTE=kuya;1414198]Hi to all,

We are just human beings with problems with alcohol, not alcoholics with problems caused by drinking.

/QUOTE]

I want to tattoo this somewhere.

Cat

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Cat,

I was hoping you were feeling better, but judging by your mood---'sick', I doesn't sound good. I know you were having a pretty low day, too. What's going on? Something specific or just blues?

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Almost Free, that is a ton of pain and demands on you. I'm so glad Kuya was on site to lend support. I would encourage you to explore the support for families. You may find it unneeded, or it may be fantastic. Nothing to lose, and so much to gain.

I'll send my best healing energy your way tonight.

Cat

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

It's Monday, and I think thats the trigger. I'm worn down by my job. It's demanding, but that's not the issue. I have a very tough relationship with my boss that eats away at me. It's so hard to gear up for a week of bad feelings. So I'm guessing that had everything to do with it. And we are buying a company by the end of the year, and completing a financing round. I'm in the middle of both. I'm just exhausted even thinking about it.

AF, we have some deep experiences in common. I'll be brief, but share. My ex-husband is disabled from a brain hemorraghe. It happened when we were engaged. LONG story short, I stood by him, married him, and spent my 30s (eight years) as caregiver to him. He is brain damaged and partially paralyzed. It broke me. I have never recovered from it. I'm working on it, but sometimes trauma is so deep you only grow scar tissue over it, it doesn't really heal. And I still see him most days (we have a son), and am financially responsible for him. And every time I see him, there is a beseeching look in his eyes - won't I come back? F*ck. It makes me hate myself.

I fear for you. Go get some help from the agencies. I did that, and it made a difference. Just don't lose yourself to this.

Cat

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

To be truthful, I'm a bit at odds with most of the schizophrenic groups, in that the meds they had my son on were the worst thing that ever happened to him. Just go to 'ask a patient.com' and look into some of them like zyprexa and paxil. He had every horrible symptom and was unable to function at all. They guarantee a lifetime of dependence on extremely expensive meds, which leaves them practically catatonic.

I decided to follow the works of Dr. Abram Hoffer, with his niacin therapy, and was getting phenomenal results. I weaned him off his meds over several months, to the point he was back to normal and even landed a job. The big trouble was that as soon as he got a paycheck, it was back to the pot, the very thing all the docs warned could trigger another 'episode'.

The non-med approach is heresy, but Dr. Hoffer has been getting great results since 1952. It's the pot smoking, which is getting worse, that is putting everything in jeopardy. And he's extremely hostile when I try to remind him how far he has come and how much he has to lose. We all have to lose. And hubby is going to hit the roof, when he finds out. I haven't said anything because he is still managing to get to his job every day and the problem is what is going to happen when hubby comes here for the holiday and finds out. He has managed to get to this job, but everything seems in jeopardy now.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Sorry, we just cross posted, will continue in a second......

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Got Cat,

What a saint you are. So hard when you love someone. And I don't know your upbringing, but sometimes our sense of duty is very strong. And our sense of compassion. To our own detriment. What a burden you have carried! And continue to carry. I at least don't have a full time, high pressure job to deal with as you do. I'm older and was able to do the books for my hubs business for years, with flexible hours, which enabled me to catch up when I needed to and allowed time for, well, we know whatever else.

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Yeah, it's pretty crushing. Tonight I think I'm deeply hurting, too. I need to stop. Shut it down, cause I can't handle all that pain at once.

I'm just very, very lonely. And very alone. No family nearby, and little social life. There are some wondeful spots to my life, but given a draining job environment, I'm not sure I can keep this up.

AF, I wish I could take that pot away from your son. It would drive me crazy to see that unwinding your hard work. I think you are brave, and I hope your son can see your wisdom. Being AF has got to be HUGE in helping you now. Hang onto that!

A BIG reason I gave up AL is to set a better example for my son. He has AL genes on both sides, and our society pushes it on all fronts. So to be a role model, I wanted to get my life together. I imagine your son may see that in time.

Cat

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Picture of my son and King Charlie (Zoe) taken tonight. Time for all of us to sleep!

Peace tonight, Almost Free.

Attached files [img]/converted_files/1987588=7152-attachment.jpg[/img]

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Yeah, He just tauted me today, not to lecture him. I told him, hey, at least I admit I have a problem and at least I keep trying. Ten days here, six days there, ten more days.

It used to be 'just on his day off'. Then, it became two 'bowls' before work and two bowls after work. Now he comes home on his lunch hour (15 minutes walk)every day as well. I said, don't knock my ten days until you can go a whole day!

I had been hoping that now, with a job, the next step would be to rent a room nearby, to see if he could attain some measure of independence before my hub gets here,(also, the issue of the 'bud' won't come up in a 'kicking him out' sort of way) but who wants to rent with someone who is such a pot head? And how long will he keep his job?

Where and when will it all end? So far, he has continued to take his niacin and so far, no return of any psychosis, but I keep holding my breath and waiting for the worst to happen.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

What a beautiful son, Cat. How lucky you are. Have a good night. Thanks for all your kind words and understanding. Bless you and your son.

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Monday night and Tuesday morning blessings

AF, Cat, I read your posts this morning and just want to say how much admiration I have for both of you. You may not believe it on some days, but the moto,

"No fear"

I would attribute to both of you. Even when you do feel scared, weak, low, the fact that you continue to resiliently battle with what life deals you, the fact that you take it on - however much you may hate it - and don't holler and hide away, I... well... I just have so much respect for.

There are many sager ladies here than I, but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you both and sending you make of these: :l:l

RC

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks so much RC. I was beginning to feel Cat and I were the only people up in the world. And here we are baring our souls and our lives! Oh, well, aren't so many other people suffering from similar, never ending problems. Look at poor Dottie and what she is dealing with. And how many others keep their suffering to themselves. Glad you are up. And thanks for your kind words.