Newbies Nest

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

It's true almostfree - everybody's got their own set of issues to deal with but that doesn't mean that you should second guess your baring your soul....:| While I sure can't offer much useful advice that might come from being in a similar situation as you or cat or anyone else - I can only hope that it helps some for you to express yourself and let go of some of the burden at least temporarily. And most importantly, if venting about stuff here helps anyone to stay AF - then vent away!~ I loved loved LOVED what RC wrote - so simple but so true. "We're here - real folks behind these words and posts - who care about you and are thinking about you lots just now. "

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

sorry....wanted to say hi and welcome to moni - and thanks to cat for reposting Byrdie's Thanksgiving story and that pic of your son and KC is just about the sweetest thing I've seen in a long time:h)...- and tell Fin, I don't think we will have to worry about you for awhile - I can't imagine preparing for something like that while downing alcohol daily - I'm glad you got the green light.

hi kuya, rc, lav, byrdie, quest, slay, dottie, star, limonata, yogamom (I hear ya on that homework help - I could NEVER figure some of this stuff out if I was drinking!), navasana, pinecone, nanette,...and anyone that I missed....a girl can't take a couple days off around here :H too much catching up to do!

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Hey guys. I was here a while ago but was doing ok moderating so stopped coming here. My drinking has slowly crept back up though and I'm so sick of it. My body hurts and I'm so worried that I've done permanent damage. I keep telling myself that I won't drink any more, then give in after 3 days. Today I feel horrendously hungover, sick and in pain. Took the kids to school, then came back to bed cos I'm good for nothing else. What a waste of a day.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Didnt sleep worth a darn but typical for day 2..need to record this so I remember how bad i feel...
I know it will get better....
Many errands today...glad I am off work...
I will come back later.
Dottie

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Back, Willow:l

And so happy to see Limonada- you are doing great!:goodjob:

Nanette, Stella is looking brilliant! I am so happy you thought of the idea of letting us all watch her grow.

Cat, your son is absolutely ADORABLE (and so is King Charlie)

Dottie- keeping you wrapped in daily prayer:l and Congrats on DAY 2!!

Hi to Kuya, Lolab, RC, Lav and anyone else I am missing since I last posted.

Have been reading the posts from last night between AF and Cat and am so glad you had each other. My heart breaks for you both and I am trying to think of something to make us all feel a little better. It seems like several of us are feeling down right now. I have been struggling too. Like Lola said, we all have our own set of problems and then on top of that, as RC said- we all care about each other so deeply that we hurt for one another also.

I believe it was Slay, last week, who reminded me (when I mentioned feeling down) to think of the Serenity Prayer, and it does help-

I just need to remember to keep saying it.

AF- I know you said you felt as though your prayers are falling on deaf ears, but are you praying for strength for yourself? Are you remembering to ask for:
Serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. I know you can?t change the medical condition that your son is burdened with but, is it possible to change your son?s pot-smoking behavior? This is in no way meant to be hurtful to you, just to maybe get you to look at some options. I too have an adult daughter who lives with me, has a medical condition, and is taking full advantage of my weakness in making her behave the way she needs to behave ? it?s a long story! Just want to help you feel better in any way I can and to remind you that you are not alone. ?We are real people who really care?!:l

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Morning All. Cat, your son is a doll baby. What an inspiration for you. And Af, and Dottite, and so many others on here that just give and give. It is really something the strength that is underneath that weakness foe alcohol. Namaste, hope you get your power and internet back soon. That must be terrilble. And Willow, I have been in your shoes. more times than I care to admit. If it was not for MWO I might be there this am too. You have done it before, you can do it again.

Beautiful day out today. I am going to go live it!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters,

Finally getting a chance to say hello - busy day so far for me!

Cat, you sure could use some family support, church or community support.......
I'm sorry things are so diffcult for you. Your son sure is a cutie

almost free, your situation is rather difficult as well. Since your son is an adult & obviously making at least some of his own decisions, have you ever looked into a group living situation for him? Sometimes as parents the hardest thing we have to do is just give them a push out of the nest. I've been thru the craziness of my daughter leaving home & returning over & over. She finally left for goood when she got married six years ago. I think we run the risk of turning ourselves into big time enablers unless we draw firm boundaries.

Well, I'm off to pick up my grandsons & bring them here for the rest of the day. They are aged almost 4 & 20 months......yeah, I'll be busy

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Tuesday!
Welcome back Willow & Limon.

Lav

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Catbuddy;1414317 wrote: Picture of my son and King Charlie (Zoe) taken tonight. Time for all of us to sleep!

Peace tonight, Almost Free.

Cat, this is such a priceless shot. It strongly reminds me of my boy. Anyway, so sorry to hear of the pain your experiencing these days. I once had a boss that was a real spirit crusher too, but it passed...as most things do. Anyway, nothing will be made any better by caving to AL. In fact, it's your big win right now which you should draw pride and strength from. Hopefully you aren't contemplating a cave, by in case you are... believe me, there's nothing there!

[moni]

Newbies Nest

Today is day 6 and that time of the day is looming again where I'd stop on my way home from work and buy a bottle of wine. I'm having my groceries delivered this evening though so I don't have to go to the grocery store. Also stocking up for at least a week so I can avoid the stores at all costs. I hate to feel I don't trust myself but truthfully, I don't really. I'm afraid that even the temptation to have one drink will happen and I'm back on the rollercoaster again. Not knowing what's around the corner, waking up in hospital (okay, so it's only happened twice but that's twice too often). I'm ashamed of myself and embarrassed with what I've become. I've let everybody down and let the memory of my parents down. They brought me up to be better than this and this is what I've done within months of them dying. I'm pretty down today.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Cat, Almost Free, Dottie, and others in the struggle...

Hello Nesters. I was caught up in a project with my photos and quotes this morning, so a bit late saying morning. Once again, it looks like some common problems here in the nest.

AF: "What a saint you are. So hard when you love someone. And I don't know your upbringing, but sometimes our sense of duty is very strong. And our sense of compassion. To our own detriment. "

**I have had years of struggles with my daughter. Self destructive behavior, cutting, bulimia, suicidal threats, dropping out of school (graduated now), endless bad bfs and friends, etc. etc. (Last marriage was abusive and hell, so that's where some of the guilt came from. I felt I needed to compensate for the damage he caused.) She was able to use my guilt, love and sense of duty in a way that now I see I just enabled her behavior. All those emotions we struggle with inside ourselves all while we neglect ourselves in an attempt to give and take care of others because we can't bare the pain of watching them suffer. We feel we must control it so it works out ok. We do it all and everything except care for ourselves. For me, that led to heavy drinking. It was my way of coping with pain and an overwhelming situation that seemed unsolvable. If you neglect taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs, the results are not positive.

I'm with Star here as the serenity prayer has been something I have been really paying attention to as I try to break free of bad habits and letting go of responsibilities, guilt, etc. that are not my own and working to change myself and take responsibility for me.

"AF- I know you said you felt as though your prayers are falling on deaf ears, but are you praying for strength for yourself? Are you remembering to ask for:
Serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. I know you can’t change the medical condition that your son is burdened with but, is it possible to change your son’s pot-smoking behavior? This is in no way meant to be hurtful to you, just to maybe get you to look at some options. I too have an adult daughter who lives with me, has a medical condition, and is taking full advantage of my weakness in making her behave the way she needs to behave – it’s a long story! Just want to help you feel better in any way I can and to remind you that you are not alone. “We are real people who really care”!

I, also, like what Lav had to say. This is not easy, but we crush under the weight if we don't start digging ourselves out from under it and taking responsibility to take care of our needs as well. Trust me, I have rivers of tears I've filled through this process. It is still continuing, but I feel I am getting a better handle on it lately. The sooner you start, the faster you will start to feel you are controlling what YOU can control. Rivers, I'm telling you.

"almost free, your situation is rather difficult as well. Since your son is an adult & obviously making at least some of his own decisions, have you ever looked into a group living situation for him? Sometimes as parents the hardest thing we have to do is just give them a push out of the nest. I've been thru the craziness of my daughter leaving home & returning over & over. She finally left for goood when she got married six years ago. I think we run the risk of turning ourselves into big time enablers unless we draw firm boundaries."


My heart goes out to you!!!:l:h:l

Love,

Slay

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Oh. Moni :l
Day Six is HUGE :goodjob: you are doing so well!!!
You have a great plan for the day (groceries being delivered) and that is brilliant!
Believe me, I understand about feeling down, but let's try to think of some way to distract you from those negative thoughts please! Can you plan to do something that you REALLY want to do once you get home? Could you stop and get a good movie to watch tonight? Is there a gym you could go to just to relieve some stress? Can you plan a nice long walk?
I too, used to have trouble wanting to stop on the way home. Can you go ahead and get a snack before you leave work (so you won?t be hungry) or else stop some place where they don?t serve alcohol and treat yourself to either a yummy snack or drink? I don?t know where you live, but do you have any ?Sonic? or ?Dairy Queen? or ?Chic Fil A? restaurants where you live? I Absolutely LOVE the Sonic diet limeade drinks, but they also have slushes and of course any of the drive throughs have milkshakes etc. Does any of this sound good? Sometimes, if I just have a nice big cold (soft) drink on the way home it helps me not feel deprived.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Willow23;1414404 wrote: Hey guys. I was here a while ago but was doing ok moderating so stopped coming here. My drinking has slowly crept back up though and I'm so sick of it. My body hurts and I'm so worried that I've done permanent damage. I keep telling myself that I won't drink any more, then give in after 3 days. Today I feel horrendously hungover, sick and in pain. Took the kids to school, then came back to bed cos I'm good for nothing else. What a waste of a day.

Willow, you sound just like the rest of us. MOST OF US fail at moderation. I give up on the idea. It doesn't work for me, but we all have to learn what AL does to us for ourselves. Maybe you should print out your own post and put it somewhere you see many times throughout the day. I'm back on day 13 and it feels good. There's a light tower in the darkness. Keep swimming toward it and don't let the waves overtake you. Day 3 and 4 are pretty common fall points. Try to plan something for those days, so you will be ready for the urges and lies your brain will tell you again.

:lWe all go through it.


Hmmm...having the groceries delivered. How clever. That's a new one I haven't heard.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Clear the negative; invite the positive.

Attached files [img]/converted_files/1987762=7157-attachment.jpg[/img]

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Today's encouragement

Pick a direction and start walking or you'll never get there. Attached files [img]/converted_files/1987763=7158-attachment.jpg[/img]

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Last night my hubs announced that since he is taking Wed off, he will be enjoying a martini tonight. In front of the kid - which goes against everything that I THOUGHT we had decided to convey to him about drinking....that you would celebrate a day off by drinking. I was instantly hurt, angry and scared. At the time all I KNEW I was feeling was anger, though. I was able to say later that I had no say about whether or not he drank but I didn't understand how saying it right in front of kid - was going along with what we had agreed to. And I did say that I sure hoped that it wasn't going to lead to vodka being kept in the freezer...he did say he felt bad for saying it but nothing else, so we will see tonight I guess....

Add to that a phone call today from a dear relative (drinking partner relative) who will be coming to my house Thursday. This phone call was a nearly identical repeat of one from Sunday night - when she had been drinking. She didn't remember any of it and was stumbling around trying to make it not seem that way. So I again told her that she could bring wine/beer Thursday and that I had everything else taken care of....and she said "but YOU aren't drinking wine or beer....?" it WAS a question - she was testing me - hoping beyond hope, I know - that I'd say "Oh, I'm drinking again! Bring LOTS!" But I said "no, but that's ok, we'll still need some." It irks me that people that love you can't see the positive side of this. Instead of seeing that I am a better mother and a healthier person and that I will no longer have to have those conversations trying to cover my tracks for things I don't remember....she only sees that she's lost a drinking partner.

Both of these events have given me plenty of opportunity to think about it today, that's for sure. Well, if he's having a martini, then I guess I could get something too.....or why don't I just drink a glass of wine at Thanksgiving to make everyone feel more comfortable?? AAAAHHHHHH! I am NOT going there. But the thoughts did rear their ugly heads....sucks.