Newbies Nest

[Nanette]

Newbies Nest

New Day;1420131 wrote: Byrdlady.....thanks for your suggestions and support. No, nothing dramatic happened last night for me to return here.....I've just been wanting to quit for awhile, and the kids and grandson are away for a week, so I had some time to myself last night and decided it would be good to start my AF while they are away. This way I can focus on myself instead of everyone else's needs. It gets crazy busy around here living with an 8 month old again! My daughter is extremely fortunate to have me as a live-in caregiver at a moments notice! I love spending time with him, but also seem to be doing the bulk of grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.....and it's exhausting.

So the next 5 days are for me to take care of me!....about time, right?!

Some of the greatest blessings can also be the most work. Enjoy your week.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends, just checking in to say hi!

Nanette, you sound so good right now. It's a big change from when we first come here to almost 30 days, isn't it!

RC, thinking of you and sending you some support.

Embracing it, great job on 3 days!

Have a great AF night everyone!

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Just got a supply of l-glut and kudzu. I've just taken some of each, as this is the start of my witching hour. Going to have some dinner and then head out to the movies ....at least they don't sell alcohol there. Should help me through my first day.

[nurdl]

Newbies Nest

Good plan ND. Once you get past the witching hour it will be easier. I hope you have a good night's sleep. Good thoughts to you.
~nurdl

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

OK. Here goes...

I am in tears. I am struck and and breath struckingly struck by Dr Dick whats the fuckisface.

Yet your support is awesome. as are so many.

I don''t really know where to go, but I know where I want to go...

Perhaps just need a royal arse to kick me there...

[upnorthgirl]

Newbies Nest

1.yes, still here thanks for thinking of me. Have not checked the site in a long time as life has been hectic. But judging from the last message I was really down. Things are much better. I have not had a drink in a very long time, over a year and a half with one exception that lasted two days. Life is much better. The job is good because the evil boss is gone. My parents have received help and my mother is on meds so she is not as crazy mean and has almost eliminated her drinking and rages. But I have learned to distance myself and it is what it is--can't help her, just myself. My daughter is pregnant after years of fertility treatments and due in two months so I will be a super sober grandma. My husbands illnesses were a stressor--he was literally dying and required so much care--but he received a double transplant two months ago and is so much better. Still a long road to recovery but it is awesome. I see a therapist and I won't kid you, I ocassionally want a drink, but for the most part don't even think about it. I take an Antabuse every few days just in case though Things are good but I will start checking the site regularly as backup and support for myself and others. Hope all is well with you.

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

RunningCourage;1420277 wrote: OK. Here goes...

I am in tears. I am struck and and breath struckingly struck by Dr Dick whats the fuckisface.

Yet your support is awesome. as are so many.

I don''t really know where to go, but I know where I want to go...

Perhaps just need a royal arse to kick me there...

RC, I'm here, we're here, and let us know how we can help. You're not alone, let's start there.

Catbuddy

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Today's Encouragement

How to Stop Drinking

Far too often, the traditional wisdom for how to stop drinking is plagued with useless relapse prevention tactics that try to pinpoint our problems and triggers in helping us to prevent relapse. My experience has shown this to be ineffective.

Better than tactics for recovery are strategies. Strategy is more useful because it is more encompassing and can affect larger areas of our lives, in such a way that we can affect massive change. Using tactics is more short term and leads to smaller, more incremental changes. In addiction recovery, we need massive change. We need to change everything. Strategies are the way to do that, because they give a broader sense of guidance for all of our actions and decisions.

* Click here to see the visual guide *

Strategy #1: Take massive action. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The scope of what you are trying to do (quitting drinking) is truly massive. You are trying to change your whole life. This takes a huge effort. Do not underestimate it. Go big or go home.

Strategy #2: Blast through your denial. See your drinking for the crutch that it really is. Honestly see how it controls you and dominates you, even though you ?enjoy? it. Measure your time spent being ?happy? while drinking, and notice that you are almost always miserable, but hanging on to happy memories of drinking.

Strategy #3: Seek professional help. Alcohol detox can be dangerous. There are huge benefits to inpatient treatment. Seeing a counselor or therapist can be a turning a point. Getting any form of help is action, which is always good.

Strategy #4: Build real self esteem. This is the strongest form of relapse prevention: if you truly value your life, you will not throw it away on a relapse. Take care of yourself. Push yourself to grow. Help others.

Strategy #5: Pursue holistic health. Recovery is about living healthier. Extend this in new directions to enhance your recovery from addiction. Quit smoking, start exercising, make nutritional changes. Seek emotional balance. Etc.

Strategy #6: Create a new life. You have surplus time and energy now that you are in recovery. How will you use this surplus? Find outlets that match your talents and strengths, while allowing you to help others and create real value in life. Experience growth.

Strategy #7: Seek balance as you progress. Watch out for extremism. Recovery is about living, not about recovery. Balance growth and acceptance. Stay active in pursuing new things. Stay open to growth opportunities.

Strategy #8: Push yourself to grow. Do not get lazy in recovery. Do not justify laziness with self acceptance. Do not close the door on self examination. If you stop growing, you relapse.

Strategy #9: Get physical. Fitness is huge in recovery. Most people disregard fitness due to inherent laziness. Push yourself to exercise regularly and reap huge benefits. Some recovery programs are based on exercise alone?that is how powerful it is.

Strategy #10: Embrace gratitude. If you are truly grateful, relapse is impossible. Gratitude is the mindset for learning and growth experiences. Practicing gratitude enhances recovery and leads to more learning and thus more growth.

Strategy #11: Avoid complacency. Our natural state is to be drinking. Therefore, we have to keep pushing in order to avoid reverting to our natural state. We can only do this through the push for personal growth. Seeking holistic health gives us a broad platform for growth experiences.

Strategy #12: Explore a new vision. Take action first, then reflect on how it has helped your recovery. Seek growth based on your strengths. See how you can use this to help others. Start becoming the person you were always meant to be.

Strategy #13: Discover your purpose. Your vision made real. Helping others in a profound way based on the personal growth you have experienced. Achieving dreams that you once thought were blocked forever by your drinking. True contentment and joy.

Stop drinking today?.how many reasons do you need?

As a recovering alcoholic, I know that this is a difficult decision. Even though there were a million reasons for me to stop drinking, I had a million reasons why I should continue. These reasons of mine to continue drinking were because of something called perceived benefits.

The tricky thing is that there are some real benefits to drinking alcohol for most of the adult population. But for the true alcoholic, those benefits are largely illusory, and become less and less valid as their disease progresses.

In other words, an alcoholic might cling to the ?benefits? of drinking, rationalizing that these are important reasons for them to continue to self medicate, but in reality those reasons are no longer valid, and they are just fooling themselves. This is called denial.
The perceived benefits of drinking

The perceived benefits of drinking will be a bit different for different people. Just to give you an idea, here is what I thought alcohol was doing for me:

1) Fixed my shyness ? Before I started drinking, I was naturally shy and found it difficult to speak in groups larger than 2 or 3 people without any anxiety. Alcohol fixed this. The problem is that, even though alcohol fixed this, it was not a viable long-term solution to the anxiety problem. This is because my tolerance increased and I had to drink more and more in order to overcome my shyness. Eventually it stopped working altogether, and I would remain shy even in a complete blackout. But I stubbornly clung to the idea that I had to drink in order for this personality flaw to be corrected.

2) Celebration and passion for living - I believed that life was a party, and that you were not celebrating life unless you were living it up and getting wasted every day. Somehow I believed that the only way to live passionately was to drink heavily. These ideas were obviously from the ?good old days? when drinking was still fun, and hanging onto this illusion was just another part of my denial.

3) Drinking = happy ? I truly believed that the only way that I could be happy in this life was to be drunk. This was a twisted mindset. I really looked down on other people who didn?t drink and pitied them that they were not able to ?get happy? like I was. The truth of the matter was that I was miserable for 99% of the time, and it was a rare moment when I could find the right level of toxicity where I could even claim to be ?happy? in my drunken stupor.

So these were my main ?benefits? of drinking. I call them perceived benefits because this is what I truly believed, but looking back we can see that I was in denial about my drinking and therefore I was only fooling myself. These benefits were illusions that I clung to; they were actually false 99 percent of the time.

The denial exists because alcohol used to work as described. At one time, these perceived benefits were real, and my life was not screwed up yet from excessive drinking. In other words, there were some good times that I had with drinking, and my mind stubbornly clung to those ideas. This is just one mechanism of denial. All of these perceived benefits became false as my alcoholism continued to progress, but my denial kept me from seeing the truth.

When you really analyze the perceived benefits of drinking, it almost looks like a belief system. I had established the idea firmly in my head that alcohol was wonderful and those who did not drink it were missing out in life in a big way. I really believed this. Not only that, but I believed it at a very deep level and it had become part of who I was.

So in spite of these perceived benefits, eventually we have to see the illusions for what they are and break through our denial. It is only then that we can have any hope at even caring about a reason to stop drinking in the first place.

But once we become the slightest bit open to the idea, the tide can turn, and we can start to get excited about a sober life again:

continues here:

How to Stop Drinking

Is it possible by yourself?

Overcoming Alcoholism All By Yourself – Is it Possible?

Other links within first link.

Love,

Slay

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Catbuddy;1420290 wrote: RC, I'm here, we're here, and let us know how we can help. You're not alone, let's start there.

Catbuddy

Thank you cat.

:l :l

Argh .... this is fecking hard!!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Welcome to all the newbies. I've been a bit busy the last couple days. I definitely need to stay away from the sugar free thread...too much baking going on here to make Christmas cookies. Last year I was scrooge. I spent Christmas drunk! This year, I put my tree up and I am baking and putting some joy into the occasion. It really is how we choose to look at something.

ACTION gets results. First comes the thought, then the action. Without the action, nothing changes.

RC, what's up champ?! There has to be something bugging you this time around or thoughts that you really don't want to quit. Somethings in that mind of yours? Lonely? Bored? Life seem meaningless? What's up?

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

RunningCourage;1420292 wrote: Thank you cat.

:l :l

Argh .... this is fecking hard!!

Yes, it can be. It's even harder when we KEEP programming our minds to think that it is hard. Look behind the curtain. What's behind it? What's that mind saying to you?

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Slay, thanks for the great posts, as always. It's good for me to focus on what comes next, moving forward.

Cat

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

You're welcome Cat.

Hey, RC. I'll be perfectly happy to put my boot up your arse?! Don't be the victim here, babe! How about we put you in the role of a mercenary? It's your job to take AL out. He's causing havoc everywhere. People are dying; he's a terrorist. Take the bastard out! That's your job and if you don't perform it, I am coming after you!

GET GOING SOLDIER!!!! Don't just sit there and let the commie f*ckhead win this war!

P.S.
Love,

Slay

[Catbuddy]

Newbies Nest

Hey RC,

I just checked: Slay and I are online, and a bunch of other peeps - Nurdl, Cantoo, Porquoi.......

So, we're here. To me, it feels like you are ready for your first stand up in a group setting, to really let it out. Are you hitting the angry stage? The "Wow, I actually may have to give this up, and I'm fecking pissed off" about it stage? I was angry for several weeks, and as I face new experiences (like the business dinner where I was the only one abstaining) I'm still angry. Are you finally ANGRY? Are you UNABLE TO MODERATE? Can you live with that? Can you face it yet, or do you need a few years? I am being hard here, I've got my big girl pants on, because you are my friend, and I would see you come to peace sooner rather than later.

Cat

[nurdl]

Newbies Nest

I'm in. This isn't fun and games here. It's hard work. I'm still pissed off that I'm on antabuse and I have to prove to my husband and my therapist that I'm serious about this. I've got almost 90 days. I'm in. Let's talk.