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    Newbies Nest

    Surrender is difficult for us.

    The True Nature of Surrender in Quitting Booze

    Sections:

    * Denial and the struggle for control

    * Can positive motivation lead to surrender?

    * Hitting bottom as a method of release

    * Discovering willingness and massive action as a means to sobriety

    * The reward for surrender

    I have written in the past about how to stop drinking, but I wanted to take a closer look at the mechanics of breaking through to sobriety. It is one thing to be living a great life in recovery, but how do we actually get there? This is the great struggle of the newcomer to recovery, and it is this attempt to cross the barrier that keeps so many alcoholics stuck in a miserable state of being.
    Denial and the struggle for control



    Denial is all about trying to stay on the hamster wheel and appear somewhat normal. The alcoholic tries to maintain and stay somewhat happy through being self medicated all the time. This becomes a difficult balancing act because the alcoholic will realize that they cannot really enjoy themselves with their drinking unless they let lose completely and drink as much as they want. But at the same time, they know that they have a tendency to get into trouble when they do so, and so they struggle to restrict their drinking in order to maintain control.

    This struggle for control plays a central role in the life of the alcoholic and it cannot be overcome without complete surrender. The surrender is defined by the absence of this struggle for control. Once this is dropped, then recovery can begin. But if the alcoholic is still trying to maintain this struggle, then they are not ready to stop drinking. Until they do let go of this great struggle, they are still trapped in denial, believing that they might somehow both enjoy and control their drinking at the same time.

    Surrender happens when the alcoholic transcends this struggle for control and accepts the idea that they could abstain from alcohol entirely.

    This is not so much an action step. It is sort of like the opposite of action. Surrender is a release. The alcoholic is letting go of something.

    Read on:

    The True Nature of Surrender in Quitting Booze
    Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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      Newbies Nest

      Hey... I'm here too. RC I've written half a dozen replies to posts of yours over the past couple of days and stupidly deleted them as I've been interrupted and unable to continue with my train of thought...and I guess also they weren't leading fast enough to any real destination? I just wanted you to know that what you're experiencing-well it's so familiar to so many of us...and it honestly hurts my heart..to see you going through it... And it's exactly why we a try soooo hard to try to keep others from testing and going through it-even though we know its pretty much a given that people have to see for themselves...

      All we can do is wait here with open arms waiting to catch you if you fall...and that's what we're doing...standing you right back up on those two feet and giving you a strong push in the right direction.....you're right back in the middle of a bad habit....you know what you did before so make up your mind that you want to do it again-and do it. Whine all you want along the way-til you see the logical light of day....and we'll just listen and tell you to keep pushing through
      ~

      Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

      Sobriety date: Sept 26, 2011

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        Newbies Nest

        And don't worry for now about entertaining us... In the beginning you need to just take...
        ~

        Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

        Sobriety date: Sept 26, 2011

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          Newbies Nest

          I'm here, too, RC,,.. you know what brought you here all those months ago...
          I have a wonderful post by KTab...I posted it a few weeks ago...but timing is everything...Let me run and get it. B
          All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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            Newbies Nest

            Here it is, RC....it's the best...and so are you..

            By KTAB:
            Letting go.

            Acceptance and denial seem to me to be key elements of moving on. How many of us have truly 100% accepted our alcoholism and let go of the niggling doubt that maybe somehow someday the clock could magically be turned back to a time when we were 'normal'?

            As I see it, it is very simple, we have two choices, accept our problem, make the life changing changes necessary or continue to skirt the real issue. I have been clean now for a little while but a couple of weeks ago the friday night feeling hit and the thoughts of how nice a beer or two would be in the local and the cravings of course started. Two beers would have been nice and I am pretty sure I could have stopped at two but it would just have awoken the beast in me again and I would drink again the next day. Maybe its only me but food is somewhat similar, when I get in the mood for say a pizza or an indian meal and dont have it that night, the thought will sit there semi dormant but I will end up eating that food at some time over the next couple of days. I wonder if this is indicative of how the craving and reward centers of my brain are programmed.
            Anyway I digress, I didnt drink on the friday but of course the thoughts werent far away and on saturday afternoon I was in the supermarket and found myself in front of the mountain of wine bottles, I picked one up and put it back down, I had allowed the thought to come to me 'hey about a bottle of wine to have with dinner?' I ran with it and then it came the 'maybe you should get two just in case' Then it hit me like a sledge hammer who was I kidding, this addiction wasnt going to go away, the alkie thinking was still there, the lying, the hiding the sneaky drinks were only a breath away. I stopped and bought a bottle of coke.

            So I got to thinking about this, was there some part of me still clinging onto the idea that I can drink again? Obviously there is. So what do I do about it? I am back to the two choices, either I accept this or I dont. I believe it is very hard for us to accept that this is our life now and I think that is why so many here keep failing time after time, because they dont give it over totally, I am probably one of the biggest offenders.

            If there is a big grey animal in the room with a tusk and a trunk it can only be an elephant. If I am still here posting on an alkie forum after nearly three years looking to help my problem drinking then I am an alcoholic, so if I am born 4 foot 6 with a one ear, green eyes and a big conk I cant change that can I? no more than I can change the fact of my alcoholism either but I can accept the fact. Ok, thats sorted, so without being over dramatic I can stop drinking or I can continue which would undoubtably take years off of my life and result in the quality of the years I have left a hollow shell of what they could be.

            After true acceptance comes a sense of relief, a sense of peace and the first step on the path to gratitude for finding however we did the true escape and the right to lead a full and proper life without the ball and chain of AL chaffing the skin on our ankles.
            Letting go sounds good to me, how about you?

            Take care,
            Johnny

            __________________
            All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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              Newbies Nest

              UpNorthGirl...I am so glad to see you!!! Wow, your life has changed and all for the better! It is so good to hear about the good things that an AF life can bring. Don't be a stranger!! So happy for you!!! Byrdie
              All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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                Newbies Nest

                lolab;1420330 wrote: And don't worry for now about entertaining us... In the beginning you need to just take...
                Great point, Lolab! It's added pressure to keep up with the created image. Best to let the human frail side out. We tend to love and relate more to human beings in their frailties even though we seem to be taught not to show that side of ourselves...our weaknesses. WE ALL have them. Especially here where we have a common coping mechanism to deal with them.


                Sometimes we climb up on a shelf and then we are afraid to come down...what will people think?
                Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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                  Newbies Nest

                  Right on, Ktab! Thanks for posting that Byrdie. I guess this message is meant to be received tonight. I just posted this link which basically says the same thing just below Ktabs summary.

                  The True Nature of Surrender in Quitting Booze

                  That sneaky little thought that we can somehow control it that trips us up. WE ALL have that in common. The wisdom of the elders are very aware of that fact. Our minds are amazing. RULE THE MIND or it will surely rule you.
                  Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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                    Newbies Nest

                    You've got that right, Slay!!! After the physical withdrawals are long gone, it's all between our ears. That's when the hard part begins. But I am living proof that it can be done! (and I thought I was a lost cause). XO, B
                    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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                      Newbies Nest

                      I am also living proof that it can be done Byrdie
                      Three months from now I'll be throwing myself a big 4 year AF anni party & I want all of you to help me celebrate. That includes you RC!!!

                      UpNorthGirl, so glad you dropped in, please make yourself comfy!

                      Slay, I agree that staying positive & truly grateful for the changes we make in our lives are the keys to maintaining long term sobriety

                      Greetings to all & wishes for a safe & cozy night in the nest!
                      Lav
                      AF since 03/26/09
                      NF since 05/19/09
                      Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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                        Newbies Nest

                        Day 3

                        It appears I don't know how to post a reply correctly . Rather than retype what I thought I just posted, I'll just check in to say I made it through day 3. It was touch and go twice and could easily have gone the other way.

                        Anyway, more tomorrow and thanks so much everyone! Brand new and old hat success stories and everyone in between!

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                          Newbies Nest

                          Good morning all. Chilly baltic here in Glasgow today brrr.

                          That's me 15 days AL Can hardly believe it. I've noticed already that thoughts of alcohol are reducing slowly but surely, with the occasional sudden craving, but I've been managing to divert away from those quite quickly. Visualising myself suffering those horrific hangovers usually does the trick. Tbh the benefits I've felt already are outweighing the want for alcohol and I feel a strong sense of relief that I have broke free from it and on the road to recovery. Feels pretty damn amazing tbh.

                          I didn't really believe people when they said life would be great without alcohol - I was sceptical and thought it might work for some people, but not necessarily for me. But, already I can hand on heart say that life is GREAT without it.

                          Have a great day all xxx

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                            Newbies Nest

                            JJ .....that is so good to hear :h

                            Well done you

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                              Newbies Nest

                              EmbracingIt;1420413 wrote: It appears I don't know how to post a reply correctly . Rather than retype what I thought I just posted, I'll just check in to say I made it through day 3. It was touch and go twice and could easily have gone the other way.

                              Anyway, more tomorrow and thanks so much everyone! Brand new and old hat success stories and everyone in between!
                              Just saw this post...... Day 3-5 are the hardest so hold fast. In no time you will be writing Jingles words an feeling the way she does. :goodjob:

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                                Newbies Nest

                                Good morning Nesters,

                                Thanks goodness the heavy fog is outside this morning :H
                                Warm weather pushing in for the coming week.

                                EmbracingIt, congrats for getting through those tough first 3 days! You are on your way now, just keep your eye on your goals.

                                JJ, so happy to hearing your are already enjoying the benefits of an AF life. Remember this feeling & keep going

                                Greetings Kuya & everyone visiting the nest today.
                                Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!

                                Lav
                                AF since 03/26/09
                                NF since 05/19/09
                                Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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