Newbies Nest

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon friends!

Hi Dottie, good to see you. The nest has been very busy this weekend hasn't it! Hitting the gym is an outstanding idea.

JingleJo, I have to agree with Byrdlady 100% about changing directions when strong urges hit. Have you read anything about "urge surfing?" This was a really fundamental concept to me when I first quit. I used to panic when I had strong urges, kind of say "AAAhhh!" and just flail around mentally, which almost always led to failure. I'm no expert, but I think urge surfing is about sitting still, watching yourself, acknowledging that it is a strong craving, and then letting it pass over, like a thunderstorm on its way somewhere else.

It sounds hard, and it kind of is hard at first because it is not the way we are used to doing things. Like Byrdie says, we have to stregnthen those muscles. Just realize that it will pass over your head and go away.

I have never liked the "trigger" concept; the idea that some event can make me drink. The only thing that makes me drink is me, and only if I allow it. I'm not trying to bash the concept, or anyone that uses it if it is useful for them, I just don't see it that way.

Counting comes up alot too. My thoughts are just to be 100% brutally honest with yourself about this. This problem of ours is all about deception and infected thinking.

Sorry I'm long winded today! Have a great AF evening friends!

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

It sounds hard, and it kind of is hard at first because it is not the way we are used to doing things. Like Byrdie says, we have to stregnthen those muscles. Just realize that it will pass over your head and go away.

My thoughts are just to be 100% brutally honest with yourself about this. This problem of ours is all about deception and infected thinking.

Infected thinking. Like that pinecone :thanks:.

Byrdie put up one of the best posts on this thread earlier - I think Saturday when I went and had that - what i would dearly love to be - last ever blow out, from KTAB. I never thanked you Byrdie for that. :l But I've read it repeatedly and think it is, simply, one of the posts that has so far got into me. And it is partly about that - infected thinking.

Years of lying to myself, or of avoiding speaking to myself harsh enough and not listening, have meant that i both thought that a) i am actually OK and b) I fully believed all the advertisements for booze were positive and what it will give me (refreshing, or thirst quenching, or MUST BE HAD if celebrating, or to accompany food - WHAT ELSE would you have with yer sirloin?! Diet coke?! Good god, that's sacrilege to the steak!) was good. But both thoughts are infected. And both can be cured. It just takes time.

Mental muscle. Need to build the mind muscle. To believe - more than that... TO KNOW - that what I was doing was dangerous. It was not ok. And those advertisements could not apply to me. Ironic considering that I am a perfect candidate perhaps for these advertisements (who here's in marketing?!)

And hey Embracingit? You have begun the fight. It's hard. It will be. But yet it is so simple. (I used to hate it when folks write things like that, I'd be like, "Oh for fucks sake, not it's fucking not. Don't say that. Bloody hell. Humph.Humph.Humph" And then sulk off like Mr Grumpychops.) BUT, Embracingit, you gotta find just one wee kernal to get you started. One wee reason to hold onto. And help yourself - make plans and use the boards here. Ask, ask, ask...

And doors will open. They have for me. And I'm only on Day 2.

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

EmbracingIt;1421206 wrote: Well, I knew it when I thought about logging in last evening then did not. Then, it was getting my son off to bed a half hour early. Then, the drink. It is so strange. I start to think I deserve it and that I will strictly limit myself to 3 oz., just enough to "relax" but not enough to be HO. I forget that I do not want to do this at all.

It is like I lost my momentum.

At the point when you knew you were avoiding logging in you MUST log in!

First of all, eat, loads THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. MOST CRAVINGS ARE HUNGER! Then Read, read, read, post,post post.......and if all that fails cry your eyes out.

The situation we are ALL in is sad, very, very sad. Sometimes it deserves tears.

It is sad that perfectly healthy human beings have become so alienated from their true selves that they have been committing a slow suicide.

It is sad that so many of us have lost so much of our lives to this poison.

It is sad that we have to battle our way back to a place that most people take for granted.

SO , FOR FUCK'S SAKE, TAKE PITY ON YOURSELF AND CRY

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone.....just a quick check-in before dinner here. Yes, RCA....I went back and reread byrdies post too. Very good.
Have had a pre-dinner snack with my cranberry juice and soda......so think ill be fine. Will check in later....just to keep myself on track.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Most disappointing news - the Grand Canyon is off. Long story short, one of my three colleague's wife has been diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. The news has turned our collective worlds upside down especially now that chemo has started, etc. When I announced that I couldn't possibly go under such circumstances many tears fell as an expression of relief. I had no idea how afraid they all had become.

It was the right decision to make and in the grand scheme of life, sure puts what we're doing here into perspective -- we are ALL so fortunate to even have the chance to fix whatever problem we might have with our demon vs. those that find themselves literally facing death straight in the face with little hope of winning. Whoa...

Gratefully yours,
-Fin

[MinStar]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdlady! I really need the boost at the moment. Ill go looking for that thread as well. End of the day here and didn't succumb to it. But had three cans of coke zero. Will have no teeth left soon. I'm on my phone just reading at the moment. Absorbing and once again. Thanks xxxx

Byrdlady;1421064 wrote: Min, check out the Tail between the legs thread for starters. And #2, and this is my laser guided bullet...STICK CLOSE TO US! I check in here religiously morning, noon and night...it keeps me honest. I can see that an awful lot of nesters who come in on Day 1 are nesters who have been here before! It is amazing how quickly AL will take us down. DO NOT GIVE IN! No matter what and no matter who!! Don't even smell AL!! It is the enemy and it is AT THE DOOR wanting to get in. If you stick close to us, you will be ok!!! DON'T FLIRT with the DEVIL! We are not Mother Theresa!! No sips, no tastes!! It's not worth it. If we could get right back up on the horse after a weekend binder, none of us would be here, but I see it every day that it takes a long time to recoup from a fall! Get those thoughts out of your head...concentrate on staying sober!!! Don't allow the other thoughts to take root!! You have done the right things all this time, so back to basics! Get all the AL out of your house! Surround yourself with things you like to do and eat! Set yourself up for success!!! You can do it! I have seen you in action! Stick close! B

[MinStar]

Newbies Nest

Oh thank you Starfish! I am pleased you shared your story. I definitely think I am feeling relaxed and complacent about the whole thing. To hear that after three years it is easy to get back into old habits is scary. Please stick close. I want to beat this!!

Starfish1;1421072 wrote: Oh, Minstar- we had a cross post! Please, please do not let that devil back in. Even a sip here and there. I had a three year abstinence back from 2005- 2008 and I let it all go to hell in a hand basket and it started with just one night (celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary) and it has taken me over 4 years to get back on track.

IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!

We are here to help you in any way we can. Please let us help you. You know all the great support and tools here and you know the right thing to do. That is why you asked for our advice.

Stick close please. I am afraid if you let yourself go over the holiday season you will have a hard time committing again.

xoxo, Star

[MinStar]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lolab - I would be lying if I said the thought of drinking in Pwrth hasn't crossed my mind. To the point where I have thought 'hey it will be fun I let go a little' or that meeting old school fiends and a few drinks would be ok'. But on te other hand I have thought how proud I would be saying I do not drink at all. :/

My sis in law was asking about going to a vineyard. I said I don't sink and she said ' what not at all- not even a bit' and I thought - well I can have a little- I know I can stop.

I think that explains I am sub consciously thinkin it is ok. But I know it can be a slippery slope. I keep reminding myslef that I won't enjoy it- the constant looking for more alcohol, wondering when the next drink will be coming form, and sneaking in a drink here and there so no one really knows what I've drunk. I have to come here and keep writing how I felt when I woke up after passi g out. How horrified I am that my daughter was asleep in the same room- if anything had happened I was too drunk to hear her!! That is horrific in my mind!

Lolab- you have hit it on the head with monotony- I think some of it is that and then getting into holiday mode! First big holiday since quitting.

Sorry for te typos- I'm on my phone.

Thanks!!!

lolab;1421092 wrote: Hi minstar - are you kind of subconsciously planning on drinking in Perth? It's so strange how many decisions get made in our heads without us even realizing it....

I DO think that new goals need to be set...and they might not be goals such as 30 days or 6 months or 1 year....they might be running a marathon...or just completing a 90 day workout regimen....or maybe not even closed ended goals like that....maybe just to learn something new. Life can get predictable sometimes...and if we're not growing and changing and making an effort to do new things, we can fall back into old habits. And I do remember how easily it can get predictable with a toddler. It was the most amazing time in my life - to have a little one - but you can definitely get to the point of craving a little something different.

I hope you're going to stay close this week - and contemplate this...it's not only helpful to you. We all need to learn from your honesty in admitting that your'e tempted. :l

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

ha minstar - I had a very similar experience when I first made the big leap to mention to a friend that I don't drink anymore...she said "well, just not much, right?" like it was so hard for her to believe that I don't drink at ALL. Keep posting - working through this! You have phases - of it seeming more tempting....it's all about riding it out - it will pass...but not if you give in - you're doing a great thing - working through it - and no doubt helping others, too.

Fin, I'm so sorry - what a sad situation...

Hi new day - glad to see you! Where's Next?

Hiya Kuya...:-) And RC...Byrdie, Lav,...oh there were others on the previous page - I'm sorry! I'm spitting out a quick note before going up to help with homework!

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Hi minStar.....seems like you've worked it out in your head now that you will be staying AF while on holiday. Good for you

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1421355 wrote: Most disappointing news - the Grand Canyon is off. Long story short, one of my three colleague's wife has been diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. The news has turned our collective worlds upside down especially now that chemo has started, etc. When I announced that I couldn't possibly go under such circumstances many tears fell as an expression of relief. I had no idea how afraid they all had become.

It was the right decision to make and in the grand scheme of life, sure puts what we're doing here into perspective -- we are ALL so fortunate to even have the chance to fix whatever problem we might have with our demon vs. Whoa...

Gratefully yours,
-Fin

Hey Fin,

Sorry about the news. Admire your sage succinctness in how you put it in context "we have the chance to fix whatever problem we might have...vs those that find themselves literally facing death straight in the face with little hope of winning."

Thinking of you, bud.

RC

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Fin....I'm so sorry to hear about your friends wife. One of my best friends was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in June .....no symptoms up until she went to hospital with a stomach pain. She went so quickly....passed away towards the end of October. We were all in shock. Part of the reason I am here now. I have a chance to take care of my health.

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

I don't know what time zone everyone is in.....for me it is almost 7:30 pm, and "next, please" is 3 hours behind. We were going to try and help each other, but I'll probably be in bed by the time Next is heading into the dinner hour.
I'm sitting with a nice cup of peppermint tea instead of my third glass of wine. Tea after dinner used to be the norm for me.....I can't remember how many years ago that was.....at least 15. Going to try and re establish that habit.
I did have to run up to the bathroom and brush my teeth right after dinner and toss down some l-glut to help fight a craving. Seems to have helped. ......as has reading some helpful posts.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

made it to the gym then a huge salad for dinner. crazy warm here in ohio for December. it is past the witching hour and am drinking lots of water.Dottie

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Dottie belle...well done on the gym, salad and water. I didn't get to the gym this morning as planned. Christmas is fast approaching and I haven't done anything about it as of yet, other than take my MIL to start her shopping.....don't know when I'll get mine done. Must start baking soon too, as I'm hosting the pre-Christmas family get together this year, as well as having the Christmas dinner

My witching hour continues until I'm safe in bed, but the strongest time has passed. Just poured more ice water.