Newbies Nest

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

He will find any excuse to justify the pot. His job is boring, the pot is not a problem, etc. He just refuses to give it up. Unlike us, we may not be able to stop, but we acknowledge that it's a problem. He is very belligerent about it.
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Same here! That's the power of addiction...denial to protect keeping it. Not all alcoholics admit they have a problem. We are here because we have admitted it, but addiction in general is littered with denial. It's not uncommon for an addict to become angry when approached about the problem. The best way to approach the subject is not as if you are going to take away their key to survival, but in a very non judgmental information collecting manner. Not to say that will work either, but I know full frontal assault doesn't work. You get your face ripped off like a lioness protecting her cubs. He has to be willing to accept help though or he is tying your hands. As hard as it is for your heart to take, self responsibility or consequences are sometimes the only way to reach someone. The medical system is a constant disappointment to me. This is why I do a lot of my own research and have learned to help myself. The system continues to decline in value.

Interesting about the mechanism of it becoming like LSD. I'll have to do some reading about it. I know someone else who suffers from the disorder. She posts about it and hates the drugs. If I come across anything I feel useful, I'll start a thread.

Feel a little relief from talking about it? Maybe you can link your hatred of AL to what addiction is doing to your son's life?

Love,

Slay

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks you Slay and Star.

I could stay on here longer, but the situation is unsustainable as it is. Especially as it deteriorates with the pot. And I know my husband is not happy with things and has put up with it for a very, very long time. I owe my husband something, too. EVERYTHING, in fact. He has made it possible for me to stay here and has paid for everything. (rent, food, vitamins....everything!) in the hopes of helping our son. We cannot continue as it is. We have been married for decades but this is not fair, to ask him to just come visit every few months.......We want our life back, too.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

You got that reaction right, Slay, when you confront them head on.

Go to 'doctor yourself.com' and click on 'psychosis, non drug', I believe it's on the left. There is a very extensive interview with Dr. Abram Hoffer. He also wrote a book for the layman. He was director of psychiatric research in Winnipeg, Canada. And started the Canadian Schizophrenic Institute.

Until he started challenging the meds. (Let's see $400/month for meds, vs. $13/month for the niacin). You can see why they discredit him. Btw, in case anyone wants to know, use the non-flush niacin. Very important. 3 grams, divided, along with 3 grams of vitamin C per day. They need to always take them, but there are no side effects and lots of people take vitamins every day. Better than a lifetime of horrific meds, in my opinion. And I was cautioned to wean him off his meds very, very slowly, while I simultaneously gave the Niacin and C. Just relating my own experience......

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Okay, so, AF- with that decision (about you returning with your husband) being made, that is one less thing for you to have to worry about. It is good that he has been supportive of you staying on as long as you have.
So, it seems that some of the things that are worrying you now are:
1) Your husband's reaction and anger about the situation with your son (which you have no control over) but will nonetheless feel sad about. I forgot if you have prepared your husband for this or not. Have you told him about your son’s recent behavior? I know you don’t want to upset him and have been hoping your son will turn things around, but maybe if you just go ahead and discuss the facts with your husband you will feel better about it all. At least you will be prepared for his reaction and maybe get the worst part over with.
2) What will happen to your son if he gets evicted from his apartment and/or loses his job. AF, I am a great worrier myself, but the worry gets us nowhere. Is there anything tangible YOU can do to help out here anymore ? Really, answer that question for yourself. I would bet that you have tried to come up with a solution- an alternative living arrangement for him- and probably have not found a good solution. That unfortunately leaves the ball in your son’s court.
I know all of this may sound harsh and I could take my own advice in dealing with certain problems with one of my children, but I don’t mean to sound harsh –
I just want you to feel at peace with all you have done and to realize when you have done all you can do.
XOXO

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Sometimes the decisions we have to make are painful, but you know you have given it 100% of your effort, so the one thing you should know with assurance is that you should not feel guilt if this goes in a direction you don't want to face. In some ways, your son is being very selfish not giving back in this situation. His mother and father are suffering while he doesn't try to help himself. Take some comfort in the serenity prayer here. YOU can't change others. They have to do that for themselves and YOU have showed him the way and been there for him. I do empathize with your pain. It's a mom's pain, but you have to put some reason into your thinking as well.

BIG:l As mom, my heart is with you. :h

Love,

Slay

P.S. - "A drink will make the ship sink."

P.S.S. - Thanks for the websites. I'll check them out later.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Star, I can't tell you how much better I feel, having gotten it off my chest! Just the relief. And some feedback. Thank you all so much!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Slay, this is good. We are cross posting and saying the same things to AF.

AF- its gonna be OKAY :l

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

I feel less like a drink, now that I've gotten it all out. Also, that quote about never being able to satisfy the urge. I don't have it in front of me, the one I was going to put on a plaque. Thanks for your input!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1424898 wrote: I feel less like a drink, now that I've gotten it all out. Also, that quote about never being able to satisfy the urge. I don't have it in front of me, the one I was going to put on a plaque. Thanks for your input!

"I have the urge, but I won't satisfy it; I can't satisfy it."


"If you dont take care of yourself, the undertaker will overtake that responsibility for you."

~Carrie Latet~

You're welcome, AF. Happy to be listen and that it helps.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Any time, dear. We are here for each other!

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Hey peeps

Almost - Thinking of you. So many peeps here have said how they were with my tonight - and that was a synch compared to your own battles. So just know that I and others here are all rooting for you. Slay and Star have a wealth of advise and support, (guys it's so inspiring and uplifting to see these three people interweave their posts on this thread with support, help and love).

Got through the party - THANK YOU for your posts of support. Day 9 near complete. It was hard. Wont bore you here with it, it's all on the Stella thread. But it wasn't a "wow, going out sober is awesome" experience. But I'm looking at the long term goals, not the short term fixes.

Stay safe peeps

RC

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi RC and thanks. Congrats on getting through the party. You gave me such a laugh, and God knows I need one, with the "It wasn't a 'wow, going out sober is awesome' experience" Talk about an understatement! It was like the first AA birthday party I attended. The first thing through the door and someone asked me: "would you like something to drink?" I had a week sober at the time and almost fell down laughing. Are you fecking kidding me?! How about a litre of wine? Got any handy?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Almost, how frustrating for you. It is a helpless feeling....I bet my own husband had those same thoughts about me during my high addiction. It wasn't until he physically left me that it began sinking in to me. He came back the next day to get some clothes, and told me to be thinking about how to split up our assets. That was a harsh reality...but I NEEDED that to make a choice...and it was a HARD decision...sink deeper into addiction or find a way out and stay with my husband of 24 years. He kept telling me he was going to leave if I kept drinking, but it wasn't until he actually did it that got my attention.
My second thought on this subject is that my brother is in desperate financial straits...his wife in unemployable (like Ernest T. Bass on the Andy Griffith show) and he has had spinal surgery and is limited as to what he can do. He is 63 years old. I have been helping him for as long as I can remember. In May when he had surgery and I went up to help him (they are 5 hours away), they had 21 cats. I know, I couldn't believe it either. Overwhelmed, he said, if I could just find homes for some of them, it'd make things so much easier...his crazy wife called me from the home (which she can't leave...yes, another story there) just overwhelmed and in tears with all the cats and doing everything herself. So I got online, and once I got him home...I was able to find 7 of them permanent homes.I was hoping that this relief would cause him to find the other cats places......Called him yesterday...guess how many cats they have? 21.
I guess the moral of the stories is that you can't help someone unless and until they are ready to help themselves. All the cat placements in the world isn't going to fix the problem when they keep feeding it (literally and figuratively). And all the talk from my husband about leaving didn't make me do anything ...until he did it.
I don't have children, so I am not going to offer advice on that...but I will on this...get yourself better before you can help anyone else. You are on the right track!!
It is a helpless feeling of wanting so deserately to fix someone you love....but I have found that I can't fix the world...I can only do what I can do and that's it. At some point you have to cut yourself some slack. It sure does sound like both you and Slay have done everything you can do to make things work....sometimes they just don't anyway.
Sorry about the cat story....it is just nuts...my whole family is NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm the most normal one of all and I'm a dam ALKIE!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for listening....as you were. XO, Byrdie

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

I am very embarrassed to come on here with my sob story while so many of you have much worse situations. I don't have kids. My family is "almost" wonderful, I have a great job, I am healthy, etc.

But I sit here today feeling like a complete loser. I'm a wreck. For some crazy reason (oh let's get real, it was Mr. Dickhead), I decided to take a little break from the Antabuse in December to kick back with my friends and enjoy the holidays - a little pat on the back for being so good over the past few months and losing 14 pounds. As of last week, I had only drank 10 days of 100. Pretty good, huh?

So I stopped the Antabuse (temporarily of course), and next thing I know, I'm drinking like a fish - missing work, avoiding family - you know, all the usual suspects. I went on a 7-day bender that ended up with me spending lots of money I don't have and missing three days of work. I told them I had a family emergency - yeah, right.

My little trip to moderation world sidetracked to drunk-as-hell world. What is it about me thinking I can moderate? What a joke!!

Every time I attempt to moderate, I get even drunker. And with the long boughts of sobriety, I feel like I have to make up for lost time.

What an idiot I am.

I am back on Day 1, and I feel awful. I've been here many times before, so I know tomorrow will be better. I took an Antabuse earlier, so I CAN'T drink - thank GOD.

Thanks for listening, and again, I'm sorry that I am taking up the board when others have it so much worse.

:upset:

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Right there with you Rooni; back today too! Let's just get through today and then we will do it all over again tomorrow.....