Newbies Nest

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Your story Almostfree is so like mine with my son. I don't know if it is caused by the pot or the pot is used to medicate the mental problems.

Like you my son has been the black sheep, legal problems, court appearances.....nothing BAD but constant worry. I had enough when he was 18 and he left home and got into meth for a short time, it was scary but I couldn't cope with his behaviour and lack of motivation. He survived, WE survived but he has a long road ahead. What I won't do now is baby him or make him feel lesser. His path is not what I would want for him but it Is HIS path and I love so many aspects of him.

Maybe I am saying we are friends again. A counselor told me to always keep a photo of him from when he was a child of about 8 in clear sight......it does wonders for reminding us who they REALLY are, rather than dwelling on the disappointment of who they currently are.

That darling child your husband and you adored has not gone, he is just in hiding at the moment.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

I hop eeveryone is prepared for a great AF Thursday!
I see sunshine outside today & I am happy about that

Lots to do to keep me out of trouble today
Have a wonderful AF Thursday!

Lav

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Almost free......will be keeping positive thoughts for you and your son. You have gone way beyond what most parents would or could do to help their child. The rest is up to him. And the advice given about letting him know you have faith in him that he can manage on his own is good advice. Stay close and let us know how you are doing. You must also protect your own well being.

Here's to another AF day!:yay:

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Yay!!! I completed three days AF, and all that damn poison is gone out of my system. It's like magic. I woke up this morning feeling like all that fog had just lifted. I spent the last three days self-loathing - major feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame - but I'm so much better today. I woke up kinda fired up about getting my woke done and planning my trip to the grocery store to get some really healthy food. I'm back on track, and it feels great.

Another thing I did was talk to some folks about changing jobs in my company. I even went to the local university here to discuss getting a certificate that would qualify me for the job I want. I'm so excited! You know, I firmly believe that boredom plays a HUGE factor in my drinking, and I've always drank less when I was busy. I used to be so productive and fired up about work. But over the past few years, those days have gotten fewer and farther between. I think I need a career change.

What a cool idea - I change careers and I stop drinking all at the same time. A major milestone in my life!

Anyway, hope everyone has a great sober day. I plan to!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Congrats on your seven beast-free days, New Day! I'm right behind you! :goodjob:

[nurdl]

Newbies Nest

AlmostFree, I too send good positive thoughts your way. I have been reading your posts and feel your anxiety about this new situation with your son. It does sound as if the best plan is to be positive and supportive. We are here for you.
RC do keep PAWS in mind as your days begin to stack up. My first episode was at 30 days. I was so tired and very depressed. At 90 another deep depression set in. This one lasted a good 4 days. Knowing it might be PAWS helped me get through. Other than that it just keeps getting better in the sober world.
Have a good day all!

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Ronniferd.....what a difference a few days without Al can do, eh? Just keep fresh in your mind how you were feeling the past fees days.....it will be a big deterrent if the beast comes sniffing around again. Glad to hear you sounding so positive. I agree with you that boredom is often a big reason we sink into drinking.
I feel better going about getting things done.....managed to get things done before, but it took tremendous effort because I was in a fog or headachy every day. And when I think of all the effort and time thinking about how I was going to smuggle in my wine boxes to replace the one getting empty, and hiding wine upstairs for when I went up to "read" before bed. I don't think hubby ever knew how much I was drinking, but I think my 30 year old daughter partly did because she told me she was concerned about how many glasses I would pour in an evening......and believe me, she didn't know that half of it!
I just feel a relief from all that sneaking.

So, Rooni....good for you.....stay close to the nest over the next while.....it's what has helped me.

And Nurdl......congratulations on your 100 days......amazing! Any tips for us newbies on how you fought back any urges? Ad what is PAWS, please.....something we need to watch out for?

[nurdl]

Newbies Nest

Well done New Day and Rooni. Those urges are tough, especially at the beginning. I had to change up the way I did things like being out of the house in the late afternoon, a time when I would get started drinking. I drank at home not out. I always had a glass of wine when I made dinner. Well, I didn't cook much the first few weeks. Drinking is part chemical dependency and part habit. We get used to having a glass in our hand. At 30 days I was still very conscious that I was choosing not to drink, ta have a seltzer or soda or juice instead. At 100 days (yay me!) I'm beginning to naturally go for a cup of tea and sometime later I think, wow, I would have had a glass of wine in the past. That just happened the other night when I was on the computer and I realizes I was drinking tea, lol. I hope the next step will be to not think of alcohol at all. That sometimes wears me down. The thinking about it all the time.

PAWS is scary if you don't see it coming. That's happened to me twice. I've gotten very very depressed, very lethargic wanting to crawl into bed and just stay there. I've not felt well, achey, flu like, kind of like early detox days. There isn't much to do but to rest and take good care of yourself. It will pass. Post on MWO even if you don't feel like it. The love and support is amazing.
Keep on doing that thing we do peeps!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Good morning....I'm a bit overwhelmed after taking a couple days away from the nest...but it does look - at quick glance - as though everyone is doing a great job of working through the junk in their lives that has so far been fuel for alcohol use...

I've had some moments in the past few days....looking for things in the attic and finding things of my mom's...and coming to her name on my Christmas card list...things that bring up "junk" in my heart and mind. The types of things that I would always use as an excuse to drink. At least now, I can just look at it all honestly, and realize that yes - it makes me feel very sad....and I can cry...but I don't have to drink. So I'm letting myself have little episodes - it's a tough time of year. And at this stage, pushing thoughts out of my head is not the right thing for me - although it has been at certain times. For me, right now, I have the ability to reason with Dick, and I am way more rational than he is....he slinks away every time.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Almost free, it's perfectly understandable. I actually feel a bit of a bond with you and your son through these latest posts and look forward to following your story and progress. Plenty of us have had to deal with some unpleasant and sometimes terribly difficult to manage situations with our children. You have friends here who understand and who have been there. Sending you positive vibes, girl. POSITIVE always gets better results then negative...even if not exactly what WE want. He has to be allowed to be his own person and gently guided back to some survival strategies where he feels he has control, but he will still be just who he is. They will not be who WE feel they should be. They will be who THEY feel they should be...unique as another creation. Don't let the world or the family define exactly what he should be. I know he has some wonderful things inside him as the individual he is. Try to see those things and let him know they are wonderful.

You worked two projects that went very well in your eyes, then you were given a third and you tried to do the third one the same way. Well, this project is different and requires different methods. This project can still be a success but its success will look different than the other two projects. Not bad, just different.

Big :ls

Love,

Slay

P.S. - Another thought (oh god, does this lady ever shut up), as you continue to be AF it sets an example for him that a person does not have to use an escape route. Maybe some motivation for mom's AF stint.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Nurdle, congratulations on your 100 DAYS!!!! I'm telling you, once I made it to that club, I felt as if I had arrived! I could relax at last, because I had such an investment in my quit that nothing short of Chinese Water Torture would make me drink again. I hope you have developed a healthy hate for AL like I have. Believe me, you will get to the point where the only time you think about AL is in composing posts to Newbies...it is such a relief to get to the end of an evening and think...'dam, I haven't thought about AL at all!' THAT'S where it's at! You are getting there! Well done, I'm so proud of you!!! Byrdie

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Nurdl - 100 days BEAST-FREE. That is truly awesome! I will be there in approximately 96 days LOL

:goodjob:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Lola...your post hit a note with me...back at Thanksgiving making that trek to my hometown and being with family you may remember I said that all of it was a REMINDER of why I drank...but no longer a REASON or a trigger. This year was easier than last, and I supposed next year will be easier still. Tough time of year for so many, but we ALL still have so much to be thankful for. You and I have spent our first FULL year AF in, what, 25 years? That is BIG! AND, I am thankful for you and Lav, K9 and THIS nest. This place literally saved my life. Hugs to you, B

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Support group was great last night. Now I know my dad is not the only one mad and confused and all the normal things that go with Alzheimer's. He can never go home and I am not taking him out of the facility for now. Sad but true...they say that it is harder on the higher functioning folks because they are more aware...sure hope I dont end up in the same shape....

2 more days then off for 2 weeks...need to go work on dads house. So much to go through over there. I am going to pack up some plastic bins and fill them so I can bring home to sort and shred. I can only do this in short spurts.

Dottie

[nurdl]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdie. After this last episode of PAWS gone and now celebrating 100 I'm feeling really really good. I do hope that I can get away from thinking about Al all the time. That does bring me down but it seems I can go longer and longer thinking of other things. I'm proud to be in the 100 club and Rooni you WILL get there too because we are going to kick your butt good getting you there!
~n