Newbies Nest

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Oops, my counting is off again......really need to keep better track.....day 9 here, not 8 as posted above....YEAH!

[JingleJo]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1426409 wrote: Jingles, those thoughts come outta nowhere and are STRONG! This is Dick's last gasp! He hits you hard thinking he can knock you off balance. This is to keep you humble...(and mindful). They still happen to me, too, but we are armed and ready. They are ONLY thoughts. You are giving yourself THE best Christmas present ever!

Armed and ready - I like that

Feeling much more stronger today after my wee scare yesterday lol. Going to my works Xmas party tonight, but I am taking the car and am only staying for the meal and leaving early. Have made an excuse. Not really in the mood for sitting there whilst they all get pished!

Hope everyone's weekend is a good one xxx

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,

Good luck with that exam RC. Thanks for the Purple Drink link. Hilarious!

Big Congrats to Shezzie. Well done! Wow, 6 weeks, bravo!

Morning Kuya, Lavande, New Day, Dottie, Jingle,

Welcome Missy, Overit!

Yesterday, the day from hell, but still sober. Very busy and very emotional about son's move tomorrow. Last one to leave (for him, pushed out of) the nest. Trying to get all the basics, bed, etc, arrange to get them delivered......More money spent, probably all wasted when he loses it all....... These things shouldn't be MY problem at all, but ANYTHING to get him out. Don't think it's going to go well, but can't go back any more. So stressed, frustrated, angry, almost broke down in tears while shopping yesterday.

Things seem to be getting worse, he's too stoned to manage anything, very hostile. Don't know were this will end, don't know how he will keep his job, or his new room. He has blown through hundreds of dollars in the last two weeks. All on substance-related stuff. So sick of it all. Realized I can't prevent the worst from happening, have tried for years........so .very hard to accept it all after investing so much time, money, effort, only to see it all come to nothing........ it's going to be one big train wreck, and won't/can't do anymore to prevent the inevitable. Sorry to go on and on again......just an emotional wreck about it all and need to talk. Thanks for listening.

I was sure I was going to drink yesterday, but felt a little calmer when I got home. Thank God for that, because I could see I was really getting myself worked into such an upset and emotional state.......just felt sure I was going to drink when I got done with everything yesterday, but still here, still sober. Day 13.

Thanks, all for listening to my tale of woe. Things are going to change, whether I like it or not. Unfortunately, I don't think they are going to change for the better........

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Today's encouragement

Wanted to part the daily encouragement with the lyrics from a song by Alicia Keys titled, 'Brand New Me'.

It's been a while, I'm not who I was before
You look surprised, your words don't burn me anymore
Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it's clear to see
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame
Had to grab my heart back
God know something had to change
I thought that you'd be happy
I found the one thing I need, why you mad
It's just the brand new kind of me

It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, don't be surprised

If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller
I've been on to you too long
If you noticed that I'm different
Don't take it personally
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Oh, it took a long long road to get here
It took a brave brave girl to try
I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
If you were worth a while
You'd be happy to see me smile
I'm not expecting sorry
I'm too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me, yeah
I don't need your opinion
I'm not waiting for your ok
I'll never be perfect, but at least now i'm brave
Now, my heart is open
And I can finally breathe
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free
That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me
Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me, yeah


You can be who you want to be as Byrdie says, 'no matter who, no matter what'!

Love you all,

Slay

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Slay, I wonderful lyrics. We all need that attitude. I know I sure do. And it sure applies in your situation, too. Very inspirational.

Did you ever get my PM? I'm not very good on a computer and it was the first time I tried to do it.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1426888 wrote: Thanks Slay, I wonderful lyrics. We all need that attitude. I know I sure do. And it sure applies in your situation, too. Very inspirational.

Did you ever get my PM? I'm not very good on a computer and it was the first time I tried to do it.

Yes, I did. I'm short on time. About to log out and go take care of business here, but I did shoot out a quick reply to you with my email. I'll be busy this weekend as explained on my weaning off post, but I wanted to shoot that off to you because I know you are really in a struggle right now. I want you to know, I understand and do care. Don't feel like you are completely alone. I care. Just not sure if I'll have much time to check on it until Sunday afternoon or later. Usually I do, but this weekend is different.

Love ya,

Slay (gotta run)

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Slay, got the PM. I really appreciate it! How is everything going with you. How are you holding up and how is that tooth?

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Is anybody out there? Feeling really afraid and need some support.......

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

yes we are here...

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Good morning! Hi Almost-I'm here, again today. you sure have a lot on your plate. Do you have any support? I'm here but at work so I just pop in every once in a while.

I got through day 2 but thank god for my Antabuse or I would have pitched the whole thing. Not because of the physical but the habit. It was football night, pasta cooking, fires roaring, snow on the ground, good laughs, etc. Everytime that fridge opened I felt myself leaning in for a bottle. BUT!, because of my little pill, I did not. I told my husband about it last night and just like I knew, 100% support and proud. (even though he is a Bud Light fan) So, here I go!

[Munro]

Newbies Nest

I'm here. Not sure how much help I can be as I just joined yesterday and this is my second day AF. But I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Dottie, Overit, Munro,

None of us is very far into our sobriety (this time). Dottie and I have 13 days. Good for you Overit. Proud of you. It can be sooo hard! Munro, look how you have so kindly jumped in to help me having just joined only yesterday. Thank you all, and so glad you are all here. Just having a major panic attack. Dreading tomorrow, dreading everything right now. Fearful as hell.......trying to maintain my sobriety........ Thanks everyone, for your support! Hugs to all of you.

[Munro]

Newbies Nest

Sounds like its going to be a tough day for you tomorrow. I dread the day my son leaves the nest. Try to stay strong and come here for support and I'm sure you will get through.

I have dinner plans with my girlfriends tomorrow evening which is always followed by dancing at a club and doing copious amounts of shots. I am almost certain I will cave and drink, telling myself I will just have a couple.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Munro-why are you already planning to drink tomorrow? Are you not in this for AF but for moderation? What plan/steps are you taking for your AF?

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi Munro,

Whatever happens, stay close and keep posting. It's so very, very hard. If my last withdrawal hadn't been so hellish, I think I would have already gone off the wagon again. This last withdrawal just went on and on. Lasted over 8 days. It will be a disaster for me to drink right now, but I am afraid that after the move tomorrow, coming home to an empty house, the exhaustion, both physical, mental and emotional.......

I have a lot of earlier posts, laying out the whole scene of what is happening with me, but I have already had my older two leave the nest uneventfully. They are much older than this son and are both very successful and independent. The youngest has given us years of drug abuse, violence, car wrecks, destruction.......Then a psychotic episode and a diagnosis of schizophrenia. Not only is it emotional for the youngest to leave the nest, but there is every indication that it is all going to be a disaster, when he is on his own, and he will end up in the street.

He was doing so well, with 24/7 care and support from me, but with the job and the first paycheck, back to heavy pot smoking, which can trigger another psychotic attack.
I see nothing but disaster looming, and everyone helpless to stop it. So tired, so very, very tired. Afraid about tomorrow evening, when I come home and collapse, in exhaustion and no doubt, lots of tears.