Newbies Nest
ODAT:
I am coming up with a plan but I have a couple of questions and I think K9 can help me with this because I know she has a daughter. I have two teenagers, a boy and a girl, and most days they make me so angry and it hurts so much to see them struggling and not letting me help them with it. The won't listen to my advice, they won't help me around the house. I have begged, cried, yelled, screamed, left the house for 2 or 3 hours and nothing works. Any ideas on how to deal with this without drinking it away? I can ignore it and just do the cooking and the chores myself but what does that really teach them besides if you don't do it long enough someone will do it for you. Anyway, here's my plan.
WOW! What you have described is probably half of the population. I used to say "If it was just my kids then there wouldn't be so many books and movies about these exact same things." What would you do when you were drunk? Ignore it? Well try that when you are sober?
My children are now 24 and 21. We have talked about this alot since they were teenagers. They have assured me in uncertain terms that they did not notice any of it so they didn't even think about doing it or not. I would say you just stepped over that and didn't see it? "No, I didn't even think about it for one second." The other thing to remember is that none of the things that are important to us are important to them at this stage of the game. My daughter will come home and complain how her room mate leaves her stuff all over and won't do her dishes and has a mess everywhere. I respond with the look that says, "Really? Now you know how it feels." She says it is different, you are my mom. I say, "Well it felt the same." My mom did everything for me because she was a stay at home mom. I would eventually clean up after my daughter because I couldn't stand it and she is figuring it out, slowly.
Another good one. Calmly and very matter of factly pick up all their stuff and put it in a box. They probably won't even question it because they will think that you are just cleaning up after them once again. Once this is done and the box is put away tell them, calmly and very matter of factly, they can get it back when they do something. Then walk away, do not engage in the question and answer period that will follow. Every time they leave it out put it back in the box. This box could be kept in your car so they can't just go in the box and take what they want when you are at work etc. Oh my that is a good one, if you are up for it. LOL I would love to be a fly on the wall, to see the looks on their faces, when you tell them you have their stuff.
Well you asked for it. I hope some of these things will help. Let me know how you make out. I look forward to seeing how things work out.
ODAT:
I am coming up with a plan but I have a couple of questions and I think K9 can help me with this because I know she has a daughter. I have two teenagers, a boy and a girl, and most days they make me so angry and it hurts so much to see them struggling and not letting me help them with it. The won't listen to my advice, they won't help me around the house. I have begged, cried, yelled, screamed, left the house for 2 or 3 hours and nothing works. Any ideas on how to deal with this without drinking it away? I can ignore it and just do the cooking and the chores myself but what does that really teach them besides if you don't do it long enough someone will do it for you. Anyway, here's my plan.
WOW! What you have described is probably half of the population. I used to say "If it was just my kids then there wouldn't be so many books and movies about these exact same things." What would you do when you were drunk? Ignore it? Well try that when you are sober?
My children are now 24 and 21. We have talked about this alot since they were teenagers. They have assured me in uncertain terms that they did not notice any of it so they didn't even think about doing it or not. I would say you just stepped over that and didn't see it? "No, I didn't even think about it for one second." The other thing to remember is that none of the things that are important to us are important to them at this stage of the game. My daughter will come home and complain how her room mate leaves her stuff all over and won't do her dishes and has a mess everywhere. I respond with the look that says, "Really? Now you know how it feels." She says it is different, you are my mom. I say, "Well it felt the same." My mom did everything for me because she was a stay at home mom. I would eventually clean up after my daughter because I couldn't stand it and she is figuring it out, slowly.
Another good one. Calmly and very matter of factly pick up all their stuff and put it in a box. They probably won't even question it because they will think that you are just cleaning up after them once again. Once this is done and the box is put away tell them, calmly and very matter of factly, they can get it back when they do something. Then walk away, do not engage in the question and answer period that will follow. Every time they leave it out put it back in the box. This box could be kept in your car so they can't just go in the box and take what they want when you are at work etc. Oh my that is a good one, if you are up for it. LOL I would love to be a fly on the wall, to see the looks on their faces, when you tell them you have their stuff.
Well you asked for it. I hope some of these things will help. Let me know how you make out. I look forward to seeing how things work out.
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