Hi. I'm new to this forum stuff, and new to my committment to stop drinking every night. I will check in daily to get inspiration! I certainly need hope to get through this. I tend to be fine during the day, but come 6:00 pm the bell in the back of my head starts to ring and that feeling of "have a glass of wine, yea, it'll make you feel gooooooood" hits. And I look for opportunities where I can socially drink, with friends, or at events. I look forward to them. I don't feel guilty then. But, at home, alone with just my kids, I still drink, and then feel like a loser. My plan was to make sure I was busy in the evenings. I have decided to train for a half marathon. A few weeks ago I started running with a group at 7:30 M, W. & F evenings. Perfect because there's no way I am going to have a glass of wine and then try to run, and by the time I finished my run I didn't want to ruin it with alcohol. But, kids' homework has gotten in the way and my knees are acting up so I have had to skip alot of the evening runs, leaving me vulnerable to that creepy bell in the back of my head again. I'm a single mother, so there's no one else to oversee the homework, showers, bedtime routine. And I was feeling guilty about taking off to do something for myself and leaving my kids at home (they are 11 & 13). But what's worse? That or plopping myself down on the couch with endless glasses of wine, watching mindless tv and still not helping with homework. Just hollering directions from the sofa? And knowing that my 13 year old knows what I'm up to and doesn't approve. That hurts.... So, how can I be there for them in the evenings and keep myself safe from myself at the same time? The habit of the glass of wine is hard to break. I've tried tea, water, etc. But, the nights when I have not had anything to drink.....ahhhh... I love the feeling of feeling good in the morning!!
Okay, and here's another thing just to keep you spinning. I sleep better when I have been drinking. I know, it's not quality REM's, but in the midst of a brutal divorce and beginning menopause, the AF nights are so hard. I lay awake and toss & turn and sweat and think about how unhappy I am. Any thoughts as to how I can get through this catch 22?
Comment