Newbies Nest

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Belles, your story is very familiar to a lot of us. Aren't you glad it's over?
Maybe, unless the "why" of it all can help you stay sober one way or another, you should focus more on your bright new AF future!
Right before Christmas, I was talking to someone about the guilt I was feeling for all the wasted (drunken) years. That person advised me to let it go and to focus on the future. Soon after that, I was reminded of the Serenity Prayer (Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference). It helps if you can do that.
As for the "why" of it all. It's addiction. And whether physical, mental, or both- it is extremely powerful. Right now, you are on the right path to tackle it- just stay on the path, Belles

[moni]

Newbies Nest

Belles, I enjoyed reading your post.

I think we all deserve a better life. Unfortunately life with alcohol fools us into thinking we have a good, relaxing life (temporarily for a few hours in the evening). And that's all it is, a few hours. And boy, do you pay heavily for it. I know I did.
I only got 3 hours sleep last night. I twisted and turned half the night. I was still able to get up for work and despite not having time to apply make up etc, I haven't managed to scare anybody to death with my face. I look a hell of a lot better than I did after 8 hours sleep while drinking.
I was never going to start living life (any bit at all) while I rushed home to share my evenings with a bottle of wine.

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Newbies Nest

Good Morning to All,

I feel great after being sober for 48 hours. I was a "morning drinker" (for some odd reason my cravings started with sunrise and ended with sunset), so I am aware that the cravings are likely to begin within the hour.

Belles, i can relate to the routine that you had (except switching day for evening), especially the "I got pretty good at hiding it" part. I have asked myself WHY a million times, too. From all that I have read, I believe the accurate answer is that we developed a disease called alcoholism. It is a disease that we did not choose and do not want. So, I tell myself that all of the shame I feel, the countless ways that I beat myself up, the anxiety and fear and guilt, is misplaced. I wouldn't treat myself this way if I were diagnosed with any other disease, such as cancer. No. I would seek a way to be cured of the disease. I would enlist the help of others. For me, that is where I am starting with the MWO site.

I went to a yoga class yesterday afternoon for the first time in a very long time. My body is beat up and sick from all of the drinking. I was not able to do much during class. Still, I thought it was a miracle that I was even there, rather than being slumped over and nearly unconscious at home. For me, recovery will be one baby step at a time.

Star, thank you for all of the tips and encouragement. I really appreciate you!! :thanks:

[believer]

Newbies Nest

I'm jumping back into the nest...day 2 today. I've managed a month here, two months there...but always slipped back. This time, I've come prepared. For Christmas, I asked for a portable CD player (yes, they still make them, tho hard to find!) and headphones. I have a variety of meditation CDs and the MWO hypnosis CDs. I bought a new journal and intend to write every day.

I will revisit the toolbox.
I will try to post every day.
I will start and end the day with a thought of gratitude.
I will try to take small steps (Day 1...done; Day 3 to come; 1 week, etc.)
I will try to remember that Day 1 to 5 are the hardest, but also that the day I start to feel that "I can have just one..." is the most dangerous!

Seriously thinking about making an appointment with a Dr. in Burlington (I am in Montreal) to get a script for antabuse. It is no longer approved in Canada as there were too many visits to emergency rooms by people who had taken it and tried to drink.

Anything else anyone can think of???

Thanks for the support.
B

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1436805 wrote: From all that I have read, I believe the accurate answer is that we developed a disease called alcoholism. It is a disease that we did not choose and do not want. So, I tell myself that all of the shame I feel, the countless ways that I beat myself up, the anxiety and fear and guilt, is misplaced. I wouldn't treat myself this way if I were diagnosed with any other disease, such as cancer. No. I would seek a way to be cured of the disease. I would enlist the help of others. For me, that is where I am starting with the MWO site.

Appreciate you, too, Tess and I could not have said it better myself, about the disease- in fact, you said it much better! Thanks!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hey Believer- that sounds like a great plan to me.
I know everyone is tired of hearing me talk about EATING, but I truly believe that had been a key ingredient of my plan for success this time. I really think, for me, keeping a steady blood sugar level helps ward off the physical cravings. I have been following a high protein, low carb diet since Oct.1 and have almost 100 days AF this (last and most final) attempt.
Good luck!

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Believer-I am on AB as are a couple of others. Thank God for AB! It has been my lifesaver. I think there is a way to order online but I got mine from my doc and it has been my life line.

Good morning everyone. Back to the grind. Have a great AF day! Welcome to all the newbies, it's warm in here, snuggle in. Byrd-thinking of you.

[believer]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the reply Overit. Canada Customs is preventing ordering online (I een tried to order from a Canadian company!)

Starfish...there is quite a bit of info about low blood sugar and alcohol cravings. Some studies show that 98% of problem drinkers are hypoglycemic. I think your low carb diet makes a huge amount of sense. I just have to finish the shortbread cookies... :H

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

:lByrdie:l
Thinking of you in this difficult time...

Love you!

[Nanette]

Newbies Nest

Well two months for me. I can't believe it. This is the longest quit I have ever had. What is different this time? Well let's see:

1. I told people. I told, my children, my husband, my bosses at work, some of my co-workers and my Doctor who signed me off work for two weeks. Did these people not know I drank? Of course they did. They just didn't know how often or how much it had gotten to. I too could hide it well. Plus my husband works away 8 days and home for 4. This leaves alot of just me time. This made me accountable to people.

2. I took two weeks off work. My job is really crazy and I am surrounded by chaos all day. I could not get sober and stay there. I took the two weeks to get healthy physically, mentally and spiritually. I kind of felt guilty taking two weeks off work because I drank too much. This kept me from drinking because after everyone was so supportive how could I drink?

3. Belles your story rings true for me also. In the middle of the night I could not sleep because I was beating myself up for drinking again after work and going to bed hungover already. That is when I stumbled upon My Way Out webiste. Reading and posting really helped me focus on something else other than not drinking. It really helped me figure out why I drank by typing how I was feeling when I wanted a drink. When I have had the urge to drink I think, "Do I want to have to post DAY 1 on the Nest? No!

4. I have started eating because I have found a new appreciation for food. I have always had an issue with food. I am afraid if I eat I will gain weight. Not thinking about how many calories are in alcohol! Funny, but I know I am not the only one. Many people say in the Nest, Eat! They are right.

5. I have found new alternatives to alcohol. Tonic with slice of lime is my favorite. Sparkling cranberry juice is very nice. I bought some non Al beer and wine at the grocery store and it got me through New Years Eve. Herbal teas make me very happy. Especially drinking them from this new tea pot and mug my kids got me for Christmas -

6. The first week I slept alot because it really did feel like I had the flu. Sometimes when I want a drink I have a nap instead. I love naps. They too make me very happy! I believe this allowed my body and mind to heal.

7. I have made a conscious decision that "Drinking CAN NOT be an option". Not under any circumstance. Sometimes I have wanted a drink so bad that it physically hurt in my throat! Really! I told myself no, this will pass (I learned in the nest). And it does pass.

I am sure that a lot of these points are the the MWO tool box but I wanted to share them with the new nesters in case any of these points help them. I also wanted to post my thoughts for me.

believer - It is nice to see another Canadian on here. I am originally from St. Catharines, Ontario and now I am way up north in Saskatchewan. Brrrrr. I look forward to reading about your journey. Read and post a lot. It really does help.

Welcome Travistock and Kairos - I hope some of the words I have typed today will help a little on your journey to your new life.

Byrdie - Hugs.

Well those are my thoughts for today. Nanette - out! Attached files [img]/converted_files/2018650=7295-attachment.jpg[/img]

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

AWESOME NANNERS!

That is SO GOOD to read... I really appreciate hearing that, so much rings true with me also. Thank you :l I have no doubt that it will both be a help and an inspiration to many in the nest and newbies here and newbies to come.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Great post, Nanette- thanks

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Great post nanette!!!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

believer;1436820 wrote: Thanks for the reply Overit. Canada Customs is preventing ordering online (I een tried to order from a Canadian company!)

Starfish...there is quite a bit of info about low blood sugar and alcohol cravings. Some studies show that 98% of problem drinkers are hypoglycemic. I think your low carb diet makes a huge amount of sense. I just have to finish the shortbread cookies... :H

I feel better when I eat low carb!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

lolab;1436721 wrote: Nanette, and cat, good job on not drinking ? sometimes you can be tempted to escape things, but they are always there waiting for you?.

Moni ? glad that you can close the book on 2012 and look forward to a brighter 2013.

Allan, last night I saw something you wrote in roll call that I liked?.I have to look that up.

Hippyman ? I have been MIA since you started posting ? but congratulations on 100 days!!!

Tess, I love it ? MWO is a gift that I did not see coming?.that it is. Fumbling my way through ? never knowing how to stop the daily nonsense?.the risks I was taking and the regret that I felt. But through the support of the people right here, I finally WAS able to stop it. This holiday was far from perfect ? but I do know for sure, that drinking would have only made it worse.

Byrdie?:l

As for me - I'm back to my routine - which is comforting to me. as I got up and went through the morning routine today, I thought a bit about 2 years ago. This time of year was my "rock bottom" . It was a chore putting one foot in front of the other trying to get my family out the door. I had usually already had a good swig of vodka by then- knowing that there would be no turning the day around once I did that. It was a terrible trap that I felt that I was stuck in- funny, looking back, I was intentionally keeping myself there....for the short term, it was easier to stay in the trap than it was to put myself through the discomfort of walking away from it. It makes me so sad to think of that person that was me.

kuya, what's your famous quote about staying there for how many years just to avoid one fecking week of discomfort...???? I know I've got it wrong....but in theory, you know what I mean.

Nice to met you!