Belles, your story is very familiar to a lot of us. Aren't you glad it's over?
Maybe, unless the "why" of it all can help you stay sober one way or another, you should focus more on your bright new AF future!
Right before Christmas, I was talking to someone about the guilt I was feeling for all the wasted (drunken) years. That person advised me to let it go and to focus on the future. Soon after that, I was reminded of the Serenity Prayer (Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference). It helps if you can do that.
As for the "why" of it all. It's addiction. And whether physical, mental, or both- it is extremely powerful. Right now, you are on the right path to tackle it- just stay on the path, Belles
![Smile](https://www.mywayout.org/community/core/images/smilies/smile.png)
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