Newbies Nest

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie - as ever an inspiration. YOU are showing us the reward (actually, you and your dad are both). xo

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Hello to All in The Nest,

I am 36 hours AF. Yesterday afternoon a depression descended upon me, but I told myself that it is okay to feel depressed. No need to attempt to drink it away. Last night was fitful with nightmares and such, which I hated, but I reminded myself that my body is accustomed to a continual flow of AL, so this is a sudden and tremendous change. I also thought about how our bodies are self-healing, if they are given half a chance.

It helps so much to hear from all of you. I gain strength from your struggles and your victories.

Yes, there are several of us on Day 3. We can do this together!! :thumbs:

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

I have been thinking a lot about this latest relapse - how it happened....why I LET it happen....

As most of you know, I've been taking Antabuse off and on for about five months. Since August 4 of last year, I've drank 23 days. You may be thinking that doesn't sound so bad (almost four months sober, one month not sober), but it's not good at all. I take it for several days and then stop occasionally just to see if I can continue on my own. I've also stopped a couple of times so I could drink at a particular event (with the intention of starting to take it again soon after.)

Each time I stop taking the Antabuse, I drink more and harder that I did the last time. I feel like I've got to take in all I can while I can. It's like I'm getting ready to go back to prison, so I have to have all the fun I can.

But not drinking is NOT at all like prison. It's the greatest thing EVER! I love being sober. I love being in control.

It's just the beast trying to tell me otherwise.

I've just realized why I've only been partially successful with Antabuse. Because I'm using it as an end all be all. I have not been combining it with other tools. I have not been learning how to deal with urges and fight off cravings. I've just told myself that I'm taking Antabuse, so I can't drink. And that's that. So that's why I'm back to my old ways when I'm off the pill.

NOT GOOD.

That's setting myself up for failure.

So, if you are planning to use Antabuse to get sober, remember that it's just ONE of many tools that you should be using. It's not the cure. Take it from me!

Thinking about you, Byrdie. :l

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

I just took my little white pill. F U BEAST.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Rooni-I agree with you regarding the Antabuse. It is not the final answer.

But for me, right now, IT IS STOPPING ME FROM DRINKING. I can't, there is no option. I have no intention of stopping it to drink at special occasions, etc. I want to stop. I have mentioned that others have said "just get through the first 30 days, no matter what, no matter what you have to do, just get through it" so that is what I'm doing. It is a tool, my first one. After the 30 days then I'm going to have to evaluate and research and expand my shed of tools so that I can find lasting permanent ways to not have a drink. At this point, I'm just giving myself the tool to help clear my head, my body, my mind, and find other alternatives and break this "habit". My drinking is more mental than physical. Maybe that's what make the difference in some people.

Good morning to everyone else. I hope you have a really terrific AF day. Even if it's not a great day, it's better than bumping through it with a hangover and the beast knocking at the door every few minutes until you let him in. Just put your head down like a bull and charge through.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Overit - yep, I totally agree that stopping it for special occasions is defeating the whole purpose of taking it. I also want to stop FOR GOOD - completely. I don't know why I had that whole mindset in the first place - well, yes I do - the beast has been telling me that I can stop on special occasions because I can just start taking it again and get back on track.

Such BS.

I don't want to drink on ANY occasion.

So my goal is to get to 30 days AF and learn about/practice some of those tools that will allow me to keep this goals after 30 days and for the rest of my life.

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

I have started my Campral, hopefully this will help. I've been on it before but the beast just sucks it right out and pours white wine down my throat.

I am determined this time, I have had alot of day one's, but this time it's more helpful because my DH has decided to quit doing what he was doing too. So were both on day 3, I think this is going to be such a good thing. I am just a little worried because were are both quittting what we like to do. So, the irritability kicks in and I'm trying to watch it but it's hard not to snap with his comments or snap on him.

But we both know it is for the best.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Overit - sorry to dwell on this, but I re-read what you posted earlier. Please don't take offense, but see, I did the same thing as you, and I failed. I said to myself to just get through those days sober and then I would tackle the beast. I went 47 days before I had my first relapse, and then I had 30 more days. But the problem was that I was ONLY relying on the pill during those sober periods. I was relying completely on my Antabuse (I CAN'T drink), so I was only partially working on a resolution.

You may be completely on the right track and doing all the right things. I just don't want you or anyone else to make the same mistake I did.

I really think getting sober is a combination of things. Taking Antabuse is a good way to get sober, but I don't plan to take it the rest of my life. That's why it's so important to learn how to deal with all the other things involved in getting sober - changing routines and friends, dealing with urges, etc.

Although Antabuse is a lifesaver for getting sober, it can be a good way to avoid the real problem, in my opinion. But like I said, that's just my opinion.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

dwelling?

rooniferd;1437456 wrote: Overit - sorry to dwell on this, but I re-read what you posted earlier. Please don't take offense, .

Rooni-like I said earlier, I completey agree with you. I do. No offense taken whatsoever.

We are here to learn and take what works for us and find our own AF. I just know that I will never let go of my AF, never, not for anyone or anything, it is too important to me, and I am so proud of myself for this accomplishment. Life is worth living and not killing myself daily with the poison. I am much more valuable than that stupid beast tells me I am.

I wish you luck and so glad you're back!:goodjob:

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Big Hugs Byrdie!!! :l:l:l Love you!

I have to chime in on the Antabuse topic...I am a huge advocate of AB, but like you gals pointed out, it's a TOOL, not the answer, or magic pill. If you want to drink, you're gonna drink. So the key is to change your thinking...and AB gives you that chance. Before you know it, days will go by and you'll forget all about drinking...seems impossible now, but it can and does happen.

Good job everyone...we can make 2013 the best year yet.

Hi Lav, Stella, and Lolab!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Overit - I admire your confidence and determination. I think you just identified a tool that I need to use to fight the beast. I need to face the reasons why I am weak and be ready to defend myself against that bastard when he comes a-calling. My self confidence needs work. A lot of work. I also need to be 100% committed to saving my own life. Shouldn't that be a no brainer?

Thank you for that. :-)

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

ahhhhhh! K9! I was totally MIA for your one year celebration - the 26th right??? I'm so sorry! I think I was supposed to bring the pizza...or was the whipped cream? :-)

Anyway, congratulations to YOU - you're amazing. :h

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

No worries Lola....although I did MISS YOU!!!

Since it's the new year we'll have to have rice cakes and carrots instead of pizza and whipped cream...darn.

Rooni - you just had a "lightbulb" moment. Only YOU can save YOU, and that should be THE most important thing you do. And yeah, it should be a no-brainer, but sometimes us alkies don't see the obvious right away. But eventually we DO see it. :goodjob:

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover - Are you still on AB and if so, when do you plan on getting off? If you do, how do you think you will do then?

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Honey! Yep, still on AB...been on it well over a year now (a couple actually, on and off obviously). I take it every other day. I have no plans in the forseeable future to quit. Next month I plan to take it every 3rd day just to keep it in my system. I have to put a little dot on my calendar for AB days...otherwise I may "forget" and who knows where that will lead. The fact that I say that shows I'm not ready (still) to go off of it completely...I recognize it, and will continue to take AB accordingly. Many worry about the effects on the liver, but anyway you slice it...one pill every day, every other day or 3 times a week CANNOT be as bad as 14 beers a day (in my case). The "it's bad for your liver" excuse is sometimes just a cop out. Wow, I went off on a tangent on that one...sorry. LOL