Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Totally fogged in here!
Grateful the fog is outside & not inside my head :H

Tess, my parents are long gone but I do remember the angst when I was around them. Most of it was due to my father. He was far from perfect yet expected perfection from everyone else As adults we owe it to ourselves to break free from that stuff. Even now, when I have a memory of him I quickly tell myself that he was the one with problems, not the rest of us! I just refuse to let him take up any of my head space anymore

Greetings to everyone & wishes for a terrific AF Sunday!
Lav

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Good mornin Nesters. Today's project is to put back up and fill my bird feeders,I also must find bird book and binoculars. They go to youtube and practice my bird-calls. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NixrHvecZ8c[/video]]Rose-breasted Grosbeak - YouTube

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Happy Sunday, everyone! I hope you enjoy your day - sober and happy.

As K9 says, you never wish you drank the night before. Well, that's the darn truth. I love waking up feeling refreshed and energetic about the day ahead.

New Day - OMG, you showed some SERIOUS strength not drinking that glass of wine. So I take it your husband is not aware of your mission here? You probably talked about that in an earlier post, and I confused it with someone else LOL

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Rooni......No, I haven't told him.....I can't bring myself to admit to him the extent of my drinking. I also dealt with my depression on my own.....just my way I guess.
Last night I just kept in mind everyone here and the fact that I really want my 30 days. I'm now on day 13 and this is the longest stretch I've EVER had. I feel so much better, even with the tossing and turning and 2 hours it takes me to get to sleep.

Here's to a great AF Sunday everyone!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1443133 wrote: Tess..... Don't know if you have answered this already, but why don't you tell your parents about your struggle with alcohol?

And we'll done on beating the cravings, did you eat enough?

kuya - When I read your post I was dumbstruck. I thought, "I would not, in ten million years, tell my parents about my struggle with alcohol. Never!" I spent a lot of mental energy over the last five years keeping the secret. If I tell them, they will be shattered. I just sat here a while staring at the computer monitor. Then I thought, "But don't I want their ridiculous image of me to be shattered?" Well, yes and no. I want them to see me as the average, flesh-and-blood human that I am. But... what? I don't know what! I honestly don't know the answer to the "But... what?" question.

While I was staring at the monitor, I re-read your signature: A lie is a lie even when everyone believes it... A lie is a lie. Period. And the truth is the truth. But is it really that simple? The thought of talking with my parents about my struggle with alcohol makes me feel lightheaded and nauseated.

Can you imagine what would have happened if I had gotten a DUI during my five-year drinking career? There were probably times when I deserved one (though I did most of my drinking in the closet). My parents would have had heart attacks and flat-out died on the spot. Tess in jail? Impossible!!

It was only a few months after I drank that first Miller 64-calorie beer to offset anxiety that I began to be hooked on alcohol. I felt it coming on. I told Hubby, I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. (This was before I moved my drinking to the closet.) He look incredulous and said, "Tess, that is impossible. You an alcoholic? No way! You don't even know what alcoholism is." And five years later, after many trips back and forth to hell, he still refuses to acknowledge that I am an alcoholic. It just absolutely does not match up with his vision of the young woman he fell in love with and married.

So... I have a lot to think about.

kuya, I don't think I did eat enough yesterday. That's a good point. I will be more careful with my eating today. Speaking of food, there's one more thing I want to say, and then I will end this post. (I hear you breathe a sigh of relief!) When my weight doubled due to beer consumption, everyone thought that I had suddenly become a glutton. And it was painful for me to have people thinking that. The truth is that there were many, many days when I ate no food at all. Just drank beer, and lots of it. I had to live with family and friends thinking that I was a glutton -- or tell them the truth. Much as it hurt, I chose the former.

Thanks again for letting me ramble.

Have a beautiful Sunday :lilheart:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Tess...it's really a double life we were leading, no? My family has NO IDEA either...even hubs didn't know the total extent. Over time, it will get easier to discuss with your spouse...at first I wanted to keep it to myself, just in case I went back to AL I didn't want him to know how bad it was, after all, he might follow me to my closet or find my stash. Now, he pretty much knows and accepts everything...but he doesn't understand how the ALK brain works. 'Why don't you just quit for a while?' I would stare at him like a mime when he said that? What a great question....He still doesn't understand that ONE drink will set me back to the beginning. Oh well....that's why I have THIS PLACE! To be amongst like minded folks who know the day to day struggles...and successes!!

New Day, I am SO PROUD of you for keeping your days in tact! I hope you find Day 13 to be a day that something just clicks! It was for me....after that, I knew that being AF was something that I could continue and be happy with. Just because someone orders you a wine doens't mean you gotta drink it!!! As you well know, it's NOT WORTH IT! I am so happy for you!! It's liberating, isn't it?

Finally Done, you are such a sweetie....hope you are thriving!!!

Stay strong everyone....Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Couldn't get dh up for church so we are just going to be slugs I guess..do have a train thingy later so I will push him to get dressed and get moving. UGH since he retired it is very hard to get him moving...when I was hung over I slept late with him so I guess he still expects that but I am wanting to get up and get going....very strange....
Dottie

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for you're support......Lav, byrdie, kuya, rooni, and sweetpea.
Byrdie....I do feel like last night was a breakthrough. It felt good to be watching the show and not just wishing it was over so I could get home and have more wine. When I'm out like that with people who are happy with 2 glasses of wine, it was a form of torture to have to try and sip slowly and pretend I was a normal drinker.
So I really enjoyed myself.......but I found my mind wondering back to the Nest at times.....but that's a much healthier distraction than wondering how long it was going to be to get home!
And this morning I feel great and instead of just putting in the day with a foggy brain and no energy, I feel alive.
I had popped into the nest just before I went out for reinforcement and then had some l-glut just before I headed out the door, and I had my drink order rehearsed........I'm glad I went well prepared......it was definitely worth it.
So thank you all again.......I know I will see day 14 tomorrow!

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Dottie Belle;1443272 wrote: Morning all,
Couldn't get dh up for church so we are just going to be slugs I guess..do have a train thingy later so I will push him to get dressed and get moving. UGH since he retired it is very hard to get him moving...when I was hung over I slept late with him so I guess he still expects that but I am wanting to get up and get going....very strange....
Dottie

Dottie - perhaps that is just your natural joie de vivre being allowed to express itself, not dulled by hangovers? Dottie wants to LIVE and DO things, yes?

Tess - hmmm, re telling your folks, to add to all your thinking, it might be that you just say you drink too much and so are not drinking. (This is what I told my folks). You're not saying and they're not hearing "alcoholic" / "alcohol dependency" / "alcohol abuse" "alcohol problem" ... all they hear is that you are looking at your health and taking action to promote Tess's good health. Which is true.

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

x-post New Day - really glad to hear the success of your Day 13. :goodjob:

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

RC - perhaps that is just your natural joie de vivre being allowed to express itself, not dulled by hangovers? Dottie wants to LIVE and DO things, yes? YES I think that is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Just in from work, im tired, hungry and bit grumpy! TRIGGER ALERT. I wont drink though as i couldnt be arsed going back outside, its freezing

Tess- well done on not giving-in to those cravings yesterday/today, im kinda mixed-up with what time zones we are all in! The situation with your parents sounds tricky, but if you feel the need to discuss your drinking with them, i think RCs advice is spot-on. Only if you need/want to discuss it mind.
I told my Father yrs ago that i thought i had a problem and wanted to stop. He gave me a lecture on moderation, a little of what you like does no harm, blah, blah... Dont get me wrong we are close and have a good relationship but i dont think he really understands this problem, and that is not his fault. There are quite a few 'alcoholics' in my Dads side of family, its actually scarey, so im not sure whether he doesn't want to know about it like maybe some form of denial. If my Mum was with us i know i could talk to her without fear and she would tell me everything will be ok.
Sorry for long post, but i think what im trying to say is that this is my problem, mine to research and learn about and develop means of dealing with. Yes support from others is vital and nice but ultimately it is ourselves we have to depend on and answer to. I really dont mean that to sound harsh tho! BTW my Dad (ex Phys Ed teacher) also loves giving advice on healthy eating/ exercise/weight loss, ive learned to nod and smile alot!

Thanks to all the long-termers for your advice and support on here, to me that is worth so much.

Better away and find something healthyish for dinner xo

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

kuya, Lav, Byrdie, RC, Sweetpea, and ALL - thank your for your wisdom and kindness! :hug:

A recurring theme in our posts is that non-alcoholics ("moderate drinkers") have no clue as to the real struggles of the alcoholic. And they don't! No clue whatsoever!!

Take yesterday for example. I spent the entire day battling cravings. And it was a real battle! All that I wanted was beer. My mind kept telling me, "Tess, you can't possibly go cold-turkey after drinking all day - nearly every day for five years. It's not reasonable. A couple of beers will help you ease out." Then another part of me would come back with, "Like hell I can't! Just stand by and watch. I am NOT going to drink beer. I can't. That is, if I do I may die." Back and forth it went. I couldn't focus, function, or do much of anything.

It was snowy, windy, and icy in my corner of the world, so I bundled up for a long walk. Our two dogs (Lab mix) were more than happy to join me. :dog: I thought, "If I don't get my homework done, I'm going to flunk my classes." But another part of me said, "To hell with the classes. If I flunk, I flunk. Staying AF is my absolute number one priority, no matter what it takes." So I walked and tossed toys for the pups, and took in deep breaths of cold winter air. The pups would run back with toys retrieved, eyes bright, ears perked, tails wagging. Our pets are lovely, aren't they? It was as if they were saying, "It's going to be okay Mom. All you really need in life is a good meal, a fresh bowl of water, a warm bed, and a friend to throw toys."

Once back home, I tried to do homework, but my mind was completely fuzzy. So I decided to take a long bubble bath. Everything in me was telling me to get dressed and go get some beer. Get the damn beer! You need it!

Finally, I joined Hubby on the sofa and stared blankly at a football game.

As I say, "moderate drinkers" (including Hubby) cannot begin to imagine what the world of the alcoholic is like. Doing battle is exhausting!!

Byrdie - I like what you say: That's why I have THIS PLACE. To be amongst like minded folks...

Yes, as far as I'm concerned, to be in The Nest is to be on Holy Ground. I am blessed to have found all of you. It is a place of healing -- because we all know the hell of alcoholism, and we give and receive love, care, support, wisdom, laughter, and so much more.

Thank you!! :wings:

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday! Enjoying a football game with out my all important beer. Feels good really I can enjoy simple things in life with out AL. Take care everyone!

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Tess- you do more than your fair share of sharing wisdom!
How you are able to describe your day, including your thoughts and actions is great. I wish i could do that. You said about staying AF and making that your no.1 priority, no matter what, that is so wise. We need to keep repeating that as a mantra. If we are not AF, everything else, like study, relationships (with others and ourselves), work, our physical, mental and spiritual health will eventually suffer.

Keep strong xo