Newbies Nest

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdie, Overit, Sweetpea.

Sorry, didn't mean to take over the thread with this.......I just needed to vent and didn't have anywhere else to go. You are right, I will try to find a support site for parents of schizophrenics. I appreciate all of your kind words and prayers. Everyone have a great AF day!

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Almost,

You have no need to apologise! Vent away if it helps you. It is fantastic that you are dealing with this AF xo

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Sweetpea, I appreciate your kind words. Reading back, I'm embarrassed at how much space I took up on this problem. And it really has no relevance to what people are struggling with here. I wish now I hadn't posted about it. It just makes people feel bad that they can't help. At least those who aren't sick to death of this never-ending saga! LOL.

Other than dealing with the fear and panic, I'm just trying to move forward (AF) with what is in front of me. And praying for guidance and strength to get through whatever is ahead for me. Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support. Hugs to all of you!

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Almost,
I was under the impression that one of the purposes of this site was for people to air their troubles so to speak, rather than delve into a bottle of al for support. We all know what 'support' the bottle gives eh? Yes we may not have the answers to your specific trouble but if it keeps you away from a bottle of booze i reckon you should vent away! Certainly seek supoort for yourself with regard to dealing with a loved one who has mental illness. You need and deserve that.

Stay strong xo

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1443257 wrote: Tess...it's really a double life we were leading, no? My family has NO IDEA either...even hubs didn't know the total extent. Over time, it will get easier to discuss with your spouse...at first I wanted to keep it to myself, just in case I went back to AL I didn't want him to know how bad it was, after all, he might follow me to my closet or find my stash. Now, he pretty much knows and accepts everything...but he doesn't understand how the ALK brain works. 'Why don't you just quit for a while?' I would stare at him like a mime when he said that? What a great question....He still doesn't understand that ONE drink will set me back to the beginning. Oh well....that's why I have THIS PLACE! To be amongst like minded folks who know the day to day struggles...and successes!!...

Stay strong everyone....Byrdie

Hi Byrdie - I'm two weeks AF today, and I'm starting to feel that my drunken days are somewhat in the past. That is, drinking is not a totally CURRENT problem. Yes, the battle rages -- but I'm getting a bit of distance between the booze and myself.

So... I'm thinking about honesty. For me, as I made my descent into alcoholism (starting five years ago) I became a liar. I hate to have to say that -- but I did! One lie led to another and after a while the lies got all tangled together. The lies were all about keeping my drinking a secret. Prior to my "alcoholic career" I was quite honest because I didn't have much to hide. Some people even said that I was too honest for my own good.

Part of me thinks I should go around and explain to the people in my little corner of the world that I was lying to them. And part of me thinks that I should put the entire mess behind me, understanding it for what it was, and use my energy to move forward with my life. The people in my life don't seem to have been terribly offended or hurt by me. No one is angry with me (well, my parents don't want me to be fat) or looking for apologies. Mostly, people have been worried about me. Or they've just been clueless.

Do you -- or any other Nesters -- have any thoughts on this?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Tess, I don't think you owe anyone an explanation for the past. What counts is now, in my opinion. Over time, I was able to explain more and more to my husband, but it is on MY terms...so other than him, I am good with just trying to be the best person I can be today...Other than him, no one knows the extent of my problem or the extent of the solution (no AL). You will get confortable in your new skin...and do what feels right for you...(but you remind me of me, and I don't think it's anyone else's business).

Almost, I feel horrible for making you think badly for posting...we all want to fix it for you but don't know how...I just want you to find answers for these hard questions.....I hate for you to hope for answers ....and we don't have any. You are in a bad spot, no questions about it....I am so sorry. As long as you stay AF, that's at least one less thing on your very full plate.

Stay strong tonight nesters....there is never a good reason to drink! Not for us! XXOO, Byrdie

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1443998 wrote: Tess, I don't think you owe anyone an explanation for the past. What counts is now, in my opinion. Over time, I was able to explain more and more to my husband, but it is on MY terms...so other than him, I am good with just trying to be the best person I can be today...Other than him, no one knows the extent of my problem or the extent of the solution (no AL). You will get confortable in your new skin...and do what feels right for you...(but you remind me of me, and I don't think it's anyone else's business).

Almost, I feel horrible for making you think badly for posting...we all want to fix it for you but don't know how...I just want you to find answers for these hard questions.....I hate for you to hope for answers ....and we don't have any. You are in a bad spot, no questions about it....I am so sorry. As long as you stay AF, that's at least one less thing on your very full plate.

Stay strong tonight nesters....there is never a good reason to drink! Not for us! XXOO, Byrdie

Tess...when you have a dilemma like this your gut will tell you IMO. Just don't forget they are your parents, not the other way round.
I know others here, so intent on protecting their parents that they forget what is best for themselves.

Byrdie, I see no reason to apologise. The nest cannot be more than a day to day support and advice on problems related to alcohol and its removal.
When I came to the nest I was in dire financial straits ( still am), had severe professional problems that landed on me to severely test my early sobriety. My mother was 12000 miles away and wandering the streets at 2am with dementia, my roof was leaking and my car dying with no funds to fix them etc.
Life is filled with problems and pleasures......what we are learning here is that we cope with them much better sober and that drinking makes them worse.
I have made friends here that I can chat to in PM, valuable friends. But it takes time.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1443958 wrote: Part of me thinks I should go around and explain to the people in my little corner of the world that I was lying to them. And part of me thinks that I should put the entire mess behind me, understanding it for what it was, and use my energy to move forward with my life. The people in my life don't seem to have been terribly offended or hurt by me. No one is angry with me (well, my parents don't want me to be fat) or looking for apologies. Mostly, people have been worried about me. Or they've just been clueless.

Do you -- or any other Nesters -- have any thoughts on this?

Yes, I do. I think you should just focus on yourself right now. What you are doing is working well for you, so I would keep it up! Just keep on accruing the clarity that comes with time away from drinking and you will know what to do in your heart. It doesn't sound like you have broken any critical relationships over this, so I would let it fall naturally at a later point, if it needs to at all.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Greetings Sweetpea, Byrdie, Tess,

Had to run out for a bit. Am back for an hour, then out again.....

Tess, I agree with Byrdie, I would just take my time and do what feels comfortable. It doesn't sound like you have any pressing amends to make. The weight will come off, without all those extra AL calories, so you may not even have to come clean with your parents, if you are not comfortable doing it or you feel it will hurt them.

Byrdie, No worries! Remember, I, too, am a member of the Tough Broads Club. LOL. I am feeling much better now and I am a bit embarassed to have gone on and on. And on. (I can almost hear: Jeez, will this woman ever shut up?!) How are you holding up?

Sweetpea, you are such a kind person, thanks for you support. I feel much better since I got out and took care of a few things. The panic has subsided, thank God. Action helps a lot. Thank you all for listening.

Everyone have a great AF evening!

Sorry, got delayed with my post. Greetings to you, too, Kuya and Pinecone!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Boy - what a busy day in the nest!

Almost, just reading through your posts today reminded me that we need to focus on what we can change & let go of the rest. I'm sorry that you feel so responsible for your grown son but don't you think it's kind of out of your control at this point? At some point he is going to have to learn to take care of himself. What's wrong with now? I don't mean to sound harsh, it's just seems that you have done all you can do for him. Focus on you, be kind to yourself

Greetings to everyone & wishes for a safe night in the nest! Welcome back fin!
Lav

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1443768 wrote: Hi guys, back to it...hope y'all had a good new year and all that. I for one am very much looking forward to getting back to the regular routine which starts with coming back here.

Be good,
-Fin

I missed this post Fin......welcome back, and as you say.....back to work

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1443998 wrote: Tess, I don't think you owe anyone an explanation for the past. What counts is now, in my opinion. Over time, I was able to explain more and more to my husband, but it is on MY terms...so other than him, I am good with just trying to be the best person I can be today...Other than him, no one knows the extent of my problem or the extent of the solution (no AL). You will get confortable in your new skin...and do what feels right for you...(but you remind me of me, and I don't think it's anyone else's business)...

Byrdie - Thank you for your reply. What you say makes sense to me. I especially love, "What counts is now..."

kuya, Pinecone, almost free - Thanks for your replies too. You are thoughtful and generous. I feel much more centered and calm.

Goodnight to All Nest Dwellers,

I noticed today that the burn in my esophagus and stomach has cooled. When beer was my steady diet I felt "raw" inside, and I probably was! Our bodies want to heal -- and that is such a miracle that I tend to take for granted.

Congratulate yourself for every hour, day, week, month, year that you stay sober. It can be such hard work! But the reward is a new life that is full of possibilities. No more ball-and-chain attached to our ankles!

I hope All are cozy and peaceful in The Nest. :huggy

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Morning fellow-nesters,

Have awoke today with a heavy head cold and feeling miserable
Wish i could get back under my duvet with a hot-water bottle but have gotta work the late shift today.

Kuya- Im sorry to hear of all your troubles. How is your Mum now? I nurse people with dementia and know what a strain and worry that can be to families.

Almost- glad you are feeling much better.

Tess- I had awful burning in my gullet and stomach caused by painkillers prescribed for a bad knee and back, and drinking on top of them. Since ive stopped both that problem has defo eased. You are right to use your energy to move forward.

Hi everyone else, hope ye all have a good AF Tueday xo

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

I hope everyone had a safe night in the nest

Just wanted to mention something I've noticed around MWO over the years. A lot of us have something in common, that being a background of being a caregiver, in one form or another. Quite a few of us have backgrounds in nursing. Many, many of us are parents. Many of us are or have been caregivers to aging/ailing parents. The common denominator here is stress. How we handle our stress, most importantly. We can choose AL to soothe our fragile nervous systems or we can choose something healthier - I like mindfulness & meditation

Wishing everyone a wonderful & peaceful AF Tuesday!
Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

here again....apologizing for my absence. The kid is home sick again - and I have no privacy/time to get on here....I will try a little later in the day....but he has a knack for approaching me while I am deep in thought here...:-(