Newbies Nest

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

New Day;1445903 wrote: ...I guess he misses to some extent the odd glass that he'd have with dinner with me. But he would only have that one glass!...

New Day - I don't have any advice about who to tell what. I'm newly sober too. I just want to say that my husband is like yours in that he can have a glass or two of alcohol and be done with it. And he would like me to be able to join him. I can't join him. I am like a "brittle" diabetic who can't eat a chocolate cupcake without becoming ill.

Goodnight to All in The Nest,

I am taking a PE class this term because it is required for graduation. I am taking yoga. (It is not Hot Yoga -- that is something that I am doing on my own.) The instructor today explained that one translation of "Namaste" is: The light in me honors the light in you . I love that!!

I am very honored to be on this journey with ALL of you.

Namaste :lilangel:

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

New Day;1445860 wrote: I was so terrified of running out of wine during an evening .....I did not know, and did not want to find out how I would react, so I always made sure I had plenty of wine on hand. Even if my cheap stuff in the big box was only 1/2 empty, I would make sure to get a back up the next day.
AL just takes over your life!

New Day - Well, I'm not sleeping. That's not terribly unusual for me. I've struggled with insomnia since my teens. I don't feel much like doing homework right now. It's one of those moments when it feels like the entire world is asleep.

The more I learn from other Nesters about their struggle with alcohol, the more I see how odd my experience of alcoholism was. For me, for some odd reason, my cravings began with sunrise and stopped with sunset. And every evening, every evening, I was certain that I was done with drinking. Any beer that remained in my stash would be secretly dumped down the drain. I would breathe a big sigh of relief that my drinking was over. Whew! I would lay in bed and try to reconstruct my life -- in my mind. I mean, I would imagine the steps I would need to take to make everything okay again.

Then the sun would come up. And I would feel absolutely desperate for beer. I had to have it. I had long since stopped eating much real food. My diet was beer. But I had to be sneaky about getting and drinking the beer. It was all a big secret, right? But sometimes I didn't buy enough to last the day. So... out I would go to get more.

And somehow, in the midst of this nightmare, I continued with school part-time and kept the house clean and appeared to be living a somewhat normal life (except that I had gained a tremendous amount of weight and had developed numerous medical issues).

In a way, my "drinking career" is now like a blur to me. I ask myself how five years of my young life can just be a blur. Five years! I don't know. I went unexpectedly into alcoholism, suffered terribly for five years, and now am out on the other side. Could I fall back into it? Absolutely!! The thought of it terrifies me. I am vigilant and will forever be. Still... somehow I think that the "alcoholic" chapter of my life has been written and read. There are other chapters, now, to write. I don't know what they are. Time will tell...

[moni]

Newbies Nest

Well done to Patrick on 100 days :wd::wd::wd:

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Morning everyone! I hope everyone had a restful night!

Mine was not great but better than the one before.

Insomnia? Check
Night sweats? Check
Crazy dreams? Check check

Good luck to all on this happy Friday!

[odat1234]

Newbies Nest

Tess, your drinking sounds much like my drinking in a way. I really have only been alcoholicly drinking for 3 1/2 years. I have never had legal problems or really any problems with it except I feel like sh%t every morning and I HATE that! I have never woken up at 3 am in a panic, I have never blacked out or puked on a regular basis, not to say I haven't ever but maybe 2 times a year, which is still to much. I read on here and I so feel for everyone but I think hey thats not how I am, I could never do that but al is progressive, maybe I have not gotten there yet? Anyway I just wanted to say I get where your comming from and I am happy that you are doing so well here!

Today I start again. I HATE feeling like shite in the morning! I love mornings and I want to be happy to be alive in the morning not wondering how I will make it through the day! Friday is just another day. I will not be drinking vodka today period!

I hope everyone has a perfect AF day today and I really love and respect you all!

[odat1234]

Newbies Nest

Siren you sound sooo good! I hope you have a wonderful AF friday!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Siren136;1445921 wrote: I'm not telling anyone I quit because I have a problem yet, either. I plan to tell people I quit because I want to lose some weight and that alcohol has too many calories. No one knows the extent of my drinking - I'm a closet drinker, too.

That is so very wise. I wished I had stopped before I put myself thru all the horrors of late stage alcoholism. It took me way down to the bottom but I'm on my way back up from there. Sobriety is the way to go! :goodjob:

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

TGIF! I actually see a bit of sunshine today, nice after a week of rain

odat, did you drink yesterday? I'm confused by your post. What's going on?

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Friday!
Lav

[odat1234]

Newbies Nest

Yes I did lav, yes I did

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Tess, I'll see your 5 years of not remembering and raise you another 5. I barely remember 2000-2010...it's just nuts to go back and look at pictures and I'm smashed in nearly all of them! I can relate...but here's the good news (and there's a lot of it)....you regain that self respect, AND your memory, AND you make new wonderful ones!! I don't remember much of of that bad 10 years, but my mind is sharp as ever now. I don't forget a thing. This came with time, tho...I'd say it took 6 months or so to stop feeling scatterbrained, but once it returned, it is in full on operation. In retrospect, my mind was one of the biggest things I missed. I hated not remembering important things and acting like I did....who was I kidding, really?

ODAT, I'm sorry you fell. What got you? I was a little confused, too, but became concerned with your post when it sounded like you were justifying not being so bad. Hippy is so right, this is a progressive disease...it's like stops on the subway train...it is inevitable where you end up, but it's totally up to you where you choose to exit the train. I wasn't Stage 4....but I sure had a reservation to be in the team photo. If I had stopped at stage 2, gosh, what a load of grief I could have saved myself. But no, I'm a stubborn one...I had to see for myself. All I can say it I feel for you....grab a wing and get back on like I did 100 times myself!! Waking up with the G/S/R Brothers sucks (Guilt/Shame/Remorse). It only takes a couple of AF days to get your head back and spirits lifted. You can do this! THIS is your time!!!

K9 will be along with the Pep Squad shortly, I'm sure with their wise cheers....they are cheers for a reason, THEY WORK!!
Have a happy day!!! B

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

odat1234;1446025 wrote: Siren you sound sooo good! I hope you have a wonderful AF friday!

I am good, Odat, thanks! Sending you some of the strength and resolve I have been feeling these last few days. Go back and read over some of the reasons I listed for being alcohol free and see if you can relate. Or start your own list!

XOXO

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Fellow Nest Dwellers,

I am starting the day with a cup of "Antioxidant Blend" coffee. Who ever thought that there would be antioxidant coffee! Seriously?? :H

Lav - I always enjoy your Good Morning post. I loved the photo of your tiny chick. I looked at the chick for quite a few minutes. It's the picture of innocence. Ah, sweet innocence...

Siren - You sound strong. I love you sense of humor!

ODAT, my friend - Our drinking pattern does sound similar in many ways. Thanks for your encouragement. Yes, drinking IS progressive. In my mind, it is like a form of cancer. Left untreated, it will grow and grow until it destroys its host: that is you and me! A shift could occur in your brain and your drinking become much more compulsive and serious. It has happened to many folks -- who are no longer with us to tell their story.

Happy Hippy - Getting from the bottom back up to the top is no small miracle. Way to go!!

Byrdie - 10 years of your life spent in a haze! Such a needless loss - for all of us!! But light HAS come out of darkness, and you light the way for so many of us. Thank you!! I agree 100% that waking up with the Guilt/Shame/Remorse brothers is a completely miserable experience. They make terrible bedfellows. :yuk: Yes, K9 will be along with the Pep Squad shortly. Love it!! She, too, has turned darkness to light.

I hope Everyone has a safe and AF Friday. :huggy

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, some of your posts are talking about wasted time - wasted years - even wasted decades. I understand completely. I have spent many many years drowning myself in the bottle....

But let me fill you in on something that makes me feel better about things. Surely you didn't waste every single moment of every single day, did you? I mean, you did have some positive experiences throughout it all, didn't you? I know I did.

Don't think for one second that I'm trying to sugar coat drinking. I'm not! I'm just trying to get you to focus on the good times. We can't go back and change things, so why dwell on the negative? (Of course, sometimes you want to dwell on the negative when you start having those feelings of euphoric recall).

Also, this may sound silly to some, but think of the advantage you have over the majority of people now that you are overcoming this addiction? Don't you wake up every morning with a feeling of pure joy and thankfulness now? Don't you cherish every sober moment and day now? Don't you have a renewed appreciation for life?

I'm not suggesting that people who have never had an addiction don't also have these feelings, but I'd be willing to bet that you have them more often. You've been to the other side. You've stared death square in the face. They haven't. You don't take anything for granted any more. They've never been to that dark side, so living in the light is just another day. For you, it's a blessing for which you are grateful beyond words.

Think about it....

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1445894 wrote: I have my health, home, job, children, peace, food, comfort, freedom and future.

Simply quitting ONE thing allows me to keep all of these. Continuing that one thing will cost me ALL of these things.

Not a bad trade IMO

Kuya - this is brilliant, and something I've been thinking, but haven't put down on paper. I know you are athiest, but for me, if you don't mind, I'm going to add that after quitting that ONE thing, I now have myself available to those who need me most - God, my family, my friends, and my community.

I LOVE THIS!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

:yougo::yougo:Good Morning Nesters!:yougo::yougo:

Happy Friday everyone!

Excellent post Kuya...think of all that we could lose because of one thing, because of a poison that we choose to drink. Like many of you, I feel like I had about a decade in an alcoholic haze, but as Rooni pointed out, it wasn't ALL wasted. There were good times in there too, she's right. BUT there were a lot of times that would have been better without AL involved. When my daughter was 7, she and I went on a 4 day cruise. During the day I was practically a saint, no smoking, no drinking...every minute spent with her. But once dinner was over, I'd pack her off to the "daycare" and I'd go to the casino where I proceeded to drink and smoke until about 3am, when I'd stumble back to the daycare to pick her up...she had to lead us back to our room because I never could have found it! The next day I'd feel like crap but pretend I didn't. We'd do all the touristy things, then the madness would start again for me. Jeesh...I'm just glad she doesn't really know all of that, she just knows we had fun during the day...but I look at pictures of us and just KNOW I had a hangover

Anyway....back to the here and now! It's Friday and some of us have a 3 day weekend...YAY! I hope you all have a great sober weekend...remember that weekends are not a pass to drink, they're just days...and cravings are just thoughts, you don't have to act on them. You never have to drink again, even if you want to.

Stick close to the Nest everyone!

xoxoxo
K9