Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Nanette, you are so funny!! I, too, found that I am still loud, tell jokes that aren't that funny, sing when I shouldn't....but I am SOBER!! That 'person' that you thought AL brought out is still down there just waiting to emerge! Amazing, isn't it!!

Litre2...welcome back! What got you, the holidays? Settle in and tell us when you are ready....2013 is going to be YOUR year! I KNOW you can do it....I've seen you!

Happy Sunday/Monday nesters....XO, B

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

finallydone;1447098 wrote: I see everyone is having fun with songs tonight. This song keeps me heading in the right direction when I feel that urge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6P4KwtZ0Ic[/video]]Will Hoge - Even if it breaks your heart - YouTube

finallydone - I listened to your song. It is beautiful. Thank you!

You have said in a previous post that we can "bend your ear" (my grandpa's phrase) if we would like to. I would like to.

About a year ago, four years into my struggle with alcoholism, I became somewhat obsessed with suicide. Yes, there was a part of me that rallied, "Never, never, never give up." But another part of me WAS giving up in the face of such enormous hopelessness. I had absolutely no hope that I would ever extract myself from the jaws of alcoholism.

So... I read nearly everything that there is to read about suicide. I decided that drowning was my best bet: nearly always works, no mess left in the house, plenty of bridges where I live. I chose a bridge and drove by it often. My plans were well-thought-out, leaving nothing to chance. It did not occur to me to leave a note.

One night I decided to perform a test run. I had no plans to jump that night. I needed to know things such as: how far would I need to walk from where I could park to where I would jump and how much time would that take, how high was the railing and how difficult to ascend it, how much traffic was there at 11:45 p.m. I was not drunk. Chances are that I had alcohol in my system, but it had been many hours since my last beer, so I was likely within the legal limits for driving.

I parked and walked onto the bridge. The railing was about chest high (not very high, right?). I was looking into the blackness of the river. Suddenly, a car pulled up next to me. A couple came to my side. I would guess them to be in their late 30s. The man asked, "Do you need help?" I assured him that I was quite well; that I had come out to look at the gorgeous river. He replied, "It's hard to see the river in pitch blackness." I was immediately a complete idiot. Well, the fresh air (that is freezing air) feels good, I replied.

The man said, "My wife is going to walk you to your car. It's very cold tonight." And his wife did walk me to my car. Once there, she gave me a gentle hug and said, "You are loved. No matter how bad it gets, you are loved." (This, from a complete stranger!) I thanked her.

They followed me part of the way home. I kept looking in my rearview mirror. Eventually they pulled off and I drove home.

finallydone - your song says, "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart." It did break my heart to keep on dreaming. I had no hope. Death stared me in the face every day.

Now I am 20 days alcohol free. 20 days!! 20 amazing, miserable, miraculous, unbelievable, delightful, crappy, beyond-belief days!!

Thank you for your song and thank you for listening. :iwin:

[honeysuckle]

Newbies Nest

Tess, I really enjoyed reading your story! congrats on 20!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

HoneySuckle! YAY!!! You found us!!! May I suggest you read back about 2 weeks so you will get to know who we are and just jump right in.....We are so glad you are here!!!! Byrdie

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Hi Honeysuckle :welcome:

Tess :l:l:l:l for you. I actually got goosebumps reading your story. I dont know what/who you believe in but that story makes me think you have an angel or something looking out for you.
So glad that couple came along when they did. Look at you now

Ive been thinking of a song and there's one i cant shift from my head but dunno how to do links. Its 'something inside so strong' check it out on youtube.

Be well and keep strong xo

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Swee'pea...you took the words right out of my mouth....Tess, that was a very powerful post. Somebody said a couple weeks ago that angels walk among us...I'n so glad you had them when you needed them. Hugs...B

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Back again, wiating for grandsons arrival. I'm roasting a chicken (not Stella - a supermarket chicken :H), I've made mac & cheese & cookies - all of their favorites. I know why they like me

Tess, I just grinned when I read your comment about me being level-headed!
So many people have said that about me including former employers, family members, friends, etc. Everyone except my husband. He gets pissed when I won't allow him to mentally bully me ~ that's why he took off a few years ago
I am grateful that you met the people you did & they talked you into going home:l
You are doing just great, I am very happy for you!

Nanette, you mentioned Stella......
I'm afraid Stella & her sisters are quite near 'retirement'. I am getting so few eggs these days that they are no longer able to buy their own feed. I hate to do it but sooner or later they will take a trip to the Amish farmer down the road. I can't/won't get into offing my chickens :upset:
I will likely being ordering new day old hatchlings in the early Spring so I'll have new baby pics to share!

I hope everyone is having a good Sunday, Byrdie is just partying her tailfeathers off :H

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Tess - amazing story.

Honeysuckle :welcome: and hiya! :hiya: You've found a great place.

Just moseying about me right now...

RC

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Almost forgot to say hello & welcome to Honeysuckle

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1447432 wrote: finallydone - I listened to your song. It is beautiful. Thank you!

You have said in a previous post that we can "bend your ear" (my grandpa's phrase) if we would like to. I would like to.

About a year ago, four years into my struggle with alcoholism, I became somewhat obsessed with suicide. Yes, there was a part of me that rallied, "Never, never, never give up." But another part of me WAS giving up in the face of such enormous hopelessness. I had absolutely no hope that I would ever extract myself from the jaws of alcoholism.

So... I read nearly everything that there is to read about suicide. I decided that drowning was my best bet: nearly always works, no mess left in the house, plenty of bridges where I live. I chose a bridge and drove by it often. My plans were well-thought-out, leaving nothing to chance. It did not occur to me to leave a note.

One night I decided to perform a test run. I had no plans to jump that night. I needed to know things such as: how far would I need to walk from where I could park to where I would jump and how much time would that take, how high was the railing and how difficult to ascend it, how much traffic was there at 11:45 p.m. I was not drunk. Chances are that I had alcohol in my system, but it had been many hours since my last beer, so I was likely within the legal limits for driving.

I parked and walked onto the bridge. The railing was about chest high (not very high, right?). I was looking into the blackness of the river. Suddenly, a car pulled up next to me. A couple came to my side. I would guess them to be in their late 30s. The man asked, "Do you need help?" I assured him that I was quite well; that I had come out to look at the gorgeous river. He replied, "It's hard to see the river in pitch blackness." I was immediately a complete idiot. Well, the fresh air (that is freezing air) feels good, I replied.

The man said, "My wife is going to walk you to your car. It's very cold tonight." And his wife did walk me to my car. Once there, she gave me a gentle hug and said, "You are loved. No matter how bad it gets, you are loved." (This, from a complete stranger!) I thanked her.

They followed me part of the way home. I kept looking in my rearview mirror. Eventually they pulled off and I drove home.

finallydone - your song says, "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart." It did break my heart to keep on dreaming. I had no hope. Death stared me in the face every day.

Now I am 20 days alcohol free. 20 days!! 20 amazing, miserable, miraculous, unbelievable, delightful, crappy, beyond-belief days!!

Thank you for your song and thank you for listening. :iwin:

Thanks for sharing your story with us. GOD BLESS you!!!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1447448 wrote: ...Tess, I just grinned when I read your comment about me being level-headed! So many people have said that about me ...

...I hope everyone is having a good Sunday, Byrdie is just partying her tailfeathers off :H

Lav - I "get" the humiliation of being "level-headed" -- after all, I was "born grown-up" according to my parents. Really??...

This morning I put on a Beatles CD and was doing the twist while reading "The New York Times Sunday Business" section (required university reading). My husband just laughs -- he's used to it. I was born a few decades late!!

I'm going to find the perfect theme song for you, Lav. I completely understand that no one has put me in charge of discerning theme songs for Nest Dwellers. But I'm sort of appointing myself as head of this committee (me and the very sweet Nanette) because I see that people sometimes do not give themselves a fair shake.

"Byrdie is just partying her tailfeathers off," and rightfully so!! I really want her theme song to be Rod Stewart's Have I Told You. But, of course, Byrdie gets the final say -- it's HER theme song. :agreed:

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good evening, everybody!

Tess, thanks for the story. It got me thinking about how many sensitive, intuitive and reasonable people can feel that the conclusion of a life spent drinking is death. And since it is so painful to exist that way, many people choose to skip over the bad part and end their suffering. I'm glad you didn't! It never stops amazing me how much relief there is in AF life.

Honeysuckle, Welcome! :welcome:

I hope everyone has a great AF night, and beginning of their workweek.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Tess, please feel free to choose a theme song for me ~ think Jimi Hendrix, Erci Clapton & yes Rod Stewart

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest! Hang on tight because the north winds are picking up around here!!!
Lav

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1447520 wrote: Good evening Nesters,

Tess, please feel free to choose a theme song for me ~ think Jimi Hendrix, Erci Clapton & yes Rod Stewart

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest! Hang on tight because the north winds are picking up around here!!!
Lav

Dear Lav - I'm embarrassed to say that I am not familiar with the music of Jimi Hendrix. I Googled Little Wing, but listening to it kind of made my stomach hurt (very sorry to all Hendrix fans!!). So, Lav, I'm going to need to work on discovering your theme song.

It's still early here, only 6 pm, but I'm going to call it a day. I've finished my homework for the weekend. :whee: So, I'm going to soak in a lovely hot bath :bath2:, curl up with an excellent book :applaud:, and call it a day.

Sweet dreams to all of my friends in The Nest ~ :chick:

[peaceseeker]

Newbies Nest

New

Hi, I have only posted once here and thank you all for being here:new: I am now 20 days sober and have been going to AA (again) and have a home group, a sponsor and have been taking Topamax as well as most of the other viatimins/supps suggested on this site. I have to say that I do not crave alcohol at all since taking these. I know I have an allergy to alcohol and that if I take a drink it is highly likely that I will not be able to stop at just one and will drink until I pass out, black out or something else horrible will happen for sure, and then wake up and do it all over again. Insanity! Again, thank you all for being here