Newbies Nest

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Hi faithful, jenniech, and Litre2 - I am on day 21 of freedom from alcohol. When I started posting on the MWO site (12/31/12), I too wondered why people were not immediately responding to me. I was desperate, and I knew that if I continued to drink I would die.

The folks who have maintained a long period of sobriety will be along to encourage and guide you. Of course, they have lives to live and are not continually posting. But they care very much about all of us, they care much more than they have to, and they will be here soon.

In the meantime, read through previous posts. I learned so much from others who were struggling to stay alive too. As simple as this sounds, it helped me a lot to get ALL alcohol out of my home and replace it with a variety of alcohol-free beverages. This allowed me to keep a drink in my hand (something I was accustomed to) and to stay hydrated.

Stick around, read a lot, and know that you are loved. :heartsnflowers:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Faithful, Jenn, and Litre2....Believe me, I have felt just what you are feeling...I know you get sick of hearing that...but from one ALK to another...I do KNOW how much dispair you are feeling. First of all...if you are REALLY sick of this and are ready to make this your day one....put it down at the bottom of your page. THAT is a commitment. Litre, I notice you have lots of stops and starts, let's just erase all that and put today's date at the bottom and let's begin from here. GET ALL THE AL out of your house and out of your reach. ALL of it...you do not need a safety net. Having a safety net implies that you have a choice. Starting today, you are removing the choice to drink from your life. You are fighting for your life back and drinking takes that away so guess what has to go!!! ALCOHOL. Not one, not ever! You see, it IS out to kill us. No matter what and no matter who, dig your heels in and get thru this day. All 3 of you have done this before...you can do this!! Build up your investment (number of days) and you will not want to blow them. Check in here morning, noon, and night and POST. Say what is on your mind...if you are feeling weak, one of us will catch you....but we can't help if we don't know....so be accountable to us here. If you are sick and tired of this rollercoaster and are ready to get your life back, you KNOW you've come to the right place. I will PM each of you my cell phone number, call or text me. There is HOPE!!! I am living proof of it!!! Deal? The time is now!!! All you gotta do is get thru THIS day!!!! Byrdie

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

:damn:

OK... so I tooted my own horn too loud and then screwed up. It happens. Well, how do I know, I've never seen 7 days unless I was pregnant.

Anyway... ok... I can't blame anyone but myself. But I will state the circumstances.

1. Friday night went ok. JUST OK. Hubby got chinese takeout (but bought $70 worth of stuff that I didn't like). Thanks for thinking of me. I went to bed early to read and was very ticked off. I knew my husband (the drunk who said he was slowly detoxing by cutting back every night) got drunk. I knew he was. I found his booz. I found booz (wine and Triple Sec) that he had been drinking during the week behind my back. It stunk like booz all week! I was always the one to drink the crap (Triple Sec shots? Ewwww!) when there was nothing left, not HIM!

Anyway, I know he was hung over the next day. So what though. I figured he finished off what was there... now he was done. I gave him one of my topamax. Thought - this is great, he's now with me! On 12.5mg Topa, he started shaking like crazy. So I reluctantly gave him one of my Ativan pills. He calmed. We took the kids to a playground. Day was beautiful!

2. The rest of the day I did a TON of stuff around the house. I worked my ass off. I was exhausted, sore, proud, tired, everything that comes with majorly cleaning a neglected small house where 5 people and a cat reside (a majority who have ADHD - hubby and kids, and three people ages 8 and under!).

3. All of a sudden hubby has to go get ammunition for his guns. WTF? He hasn't bought ammunition in like 2 years! Says he has to get there by 5:00. Anyone know where this is leading to? So he gets home and I check the car. There hidden in the diaper bag is a bottle of booz. Third shot against me. I called him on it. Says he is still detoxing... WHATEVER!

4. Later in the evening... Hubby gets a call from an acquaintance's house. Used to be our neighbors, but moved a mile away. Have kids our kids ages - they play together sometimes. Mother is mentally ill and an addict. I knew she was drinking again. She called upon me for help many times. Long story short, her kids went to her mother's house because the grandma was scared for the kids. Dad/husband calls my hubby Saturday evening; please come over. He had just called the crisis hotline because she was slaughtering their cats. They had 5 cats and there was poop EVERYWHERE and she flipped.

Well... we got our precious kitten from them. I wanted to take one more because I knew they couldn't get rid of them, and I wanted to help them. We almost had one of the kittens. He came to our house. This is the kitten whose neck she BROKE because the battery fluid she tried drowning him in didn't kill him. The mother cat scratched the hell out of her BTW and now she's in the hospital facing felony charges. (can I drink now please?)

Anyway - that was the last straw. Adding to it, that besides the Chinese Food, I felt my hubby was so self-centered ALL weekend! Meanwhile my two good friends are getting into fresh relationships with guys who are so nurturing and giving, and I've been listening to that crap all week/weekend!

I didn't enjoy drinking. But I don't think I could have not drank. Not this early in sobriety. I didn't have enough days to deal with all of this, especially the cat situation and how much I fear her killing her own children!

I didn't get drunk thank God. Watched my drunk husband stumble all over the house. Pitiful. My eyes are yellow and red today. I don't look fresh like I did last week. A waste, yes.

But the good news? Checked our bank account; lots more money than there would have been if I would have drank all week and into the weekend with as much as I used to drink. Can pay off more bills! I have Yoga tonight... first class. And I look forward to sobriety again!

So... guess you can tell me I'm dumb, or maybe you're not even still reading, or maybe you understand.

Rainy Renee

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Quick hi to all you nesters, early start today and busy day.

Wow there is a lot going on today!

Jenni, litre and rainy.....team up and lean on one another during these first weeks maybe.

These repeats falls back into the bottle need to be understood so that you are armed to fight them.

This task IS doable but there are tricks and rules to be learned IMO

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

YEAH, What Brydie said!!! All true. It's the best and safest comfy place to land where so many others really care.Welcome to Peace and Karm and the other newcomers. It'll feel just like home, before you know it. The tools to stop the madness are here on this site and together we can Heal!!!

Byrdlady;1447725 wrote: First things first, welcome Peace and Karm! I am biased, but in my not so humble opinion, you've landed in THE best spot if you are ready to kick AL out of your life. So glad you are here!

Tess, I will take on that Rod Stewart song...for you! Because I DO love this nest. So, 'Have I Told You Lately' will be my theme song!! You are very perceptive also, Lav MAKES this place what it is....she is here first thing in the morning and last thing at night to make sure we are all tucked in. I owe that woman MY LIFE!! She is amazing, but you already picked up on that.

I have the day off! I'm going to enjoy it!! Have a happy day everyone!! Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

[QUOTE=Rainyday;1447827]:damn:

Anyway... ok... I can't blame anyone but myself. But I will state the circumstances.

3. All of a sudden hubby has to go get ammunition for his guns. WTF? He hasn't bought ammunition in like 2 years! Says he has to get there by 5:00. Anyone know where this is leading to? So he gets home and I check the car. There hidden in the diaper bag is a bottle of booz. Third shot against me. I called him on it. Says he is still detoxing... WHATEVER!

4. Later in the evening... Hubby gets a call from an acquaintance's house. Used to be our neighbors, but moved a mile away. Have kids our kids ages - they play together sometimes. Mother is mentally ill and an addict. I knew she was drinking again. She called upon me for help many times. Long story short, her kids went to her mother's house because the grandma was scared for the kids. Dad/husband calls my hubby Saturday evening; please come over. He had just called the crisis hotline because she was slaughtering their cats. They had 5 cats and there was poop EVERYWHERE and she flipped.

Well... we got our precious kitten from them. I wanted to take one more because I knew they couldn't get rid of them, and I wanted to help them. We almost had one of the kittens. He came to our house. This is the kitten whose neck she BROKE because the battery fluid she tried drowning him in didn't kill him. The mother cat scratched the hell out of her BTW and now she's in the hospital facing felony charges. (can I drink now please?)

I didn't enjoy drinking. But I don't think I could have not drank. Not this early in sobriety. I didn't have enough days to deal with all of this, especially the cat situation and how much I fear her killing her own children!

I didn't get drunk thank God. Watched my drunk husband stumble all over the house. Pitiful. My eyes are yellow and red today. I don't look fresh like I did last week. A waste, yes.

So... guess you can tell me I'm dumb, or maybe you're not even still reading, or maybe you understand.

Rainy Renee[/QUOTE/]

Rainyday - I am still reading, but I can't honestly say that I understand. I tend to be a gentle person. I'm all for peace, love, and goodwill. But if anyone, and I mean anyone (family, friend, neighbor) harmed or attempted to harm my pets, I would put an end to it or die trying. My husband calls it, "The wrath of Tess."

Be Strong. Be true to yourself. Easy for me to say -- Not so easy to do!! :upset:

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

[quote]Tess-2;1447840 wrote:

:Rainyday - I am still reading, but I can't honestly say that I understand. I tend to be a gentle person. I'm all for peace, love, and goodwill. But if anyone, and I mean anyone (family, friend, neighbor) harmed or attempted to harm my pets, I would put an end to it or die trying. My husband calls it, "The wrath of Tess."

Be Strong. Be true to yourself. Easy for me to say -- Not so easy to do!! :upset:

Hi Tess... yes, me too. But it wasn't our cat. We never took the cat because we found out our cat (who we also got from the insane lady) was a "one cat per home" kind of kitty. He sprayed when we brought the other kitten home. So we took the kitten back. That was months ago.

M.S. (The insane lady) had already killed the two cats by the time my husband got there. She was already at the hospital. My husband was called in the aftermath by her husband. I think her husband was in shock and needed to call someone, and they don't have anyone but us, even though we're not close friends. Not that he should have been in shock. She killed their dog a few years ago breaking it's neck. We only 'stick around" for the kids sake.

[honeysuckle]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, it is 9.30pm where I live. I would have had my second 1/2 pint glass of voddy diet by now but I had a soda water and lemon juice, and a mandarin

Does anyone ever get teeth clenching??????

I have decided to do 30 days challenge. And my hubby is also doing it, but for fitness reaons, but he doesnt know how hard it is for me and he doesnt know about the forum. My mum does and said she will support me, despite being over at home in the UK.

I will do 30 days, I hope, but then what? How can I quit..forever? You see, I will do 30 days and say, see.... I can do it so there is no reason why I should quit completely... and then it will start again. My hubby says just drink on Fri/sat... but I cant and dont want to. I just love drinkin every night, it relaxes me and makes me feel so chilled. But I think about it all the time, that is not normal. The other people picking their kids up on a mon, tue, wed, thur are not going home and waiting for 8pm to come so they can mix a strong one. They dont make excuses to go to the supermarket for 'bread' plus a bottle of voddy diet. ugggghhhh. it is like something stuck on my back or something.

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

[quote]Rainyday;1447846 wrote:

Hi Tess... yes, me too. But it wasn't our cat. We never took the cat because we found out our cat (who we also got from the insane lady) was a "one cat per home" kind of kitty. He sprayed when we brought the other kitten home. So we took the kitten back. That was months ago.

M.S. (The insane lady) had already killed the two cats by the time my husband got there. She was already at the hospital. My husband was called in the aftermath by her husband. I think her husband was in shock and needed to call someone, and they don't have anyone but us, even though we're not close friends. Not that he should have been in shock. She killed their dog a few years ago breaking it's neck. We only 'stick around" for the kids sake.

Rainy, My heart goes out to you and my eyes are tearing up as I type. I love animals so much.SOME People can be so cruel. You must let go and let God deal with this. I lite a prayer candle for you and the kitties. I want you to try to listen to me for one minute here...Please! Nothing is so bad that a drink won't make it WORSE!!! May God bless!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Rainyday;1447827 wrote: :

...I have Yoga tonight... first class. And I look forward to sobriety again!

Rainy Renee

Focus on yoga and your sobriety. Be safe!! :surrender:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rainy...not sure if you are just getting this off your chest or needed to state it, but you didn't ask for any advice. However!!!

If you want to find a reason to drink, you don't have to go far to find it. Daisy has a saying in her byline that says that the slip is planned well before the slip occurs, or something like that. Maybe you were looking for reasons, but whatever happened....this is YOUR problem. Not his, not the neighbor's, not anyone's. It belongs to you. Just like they say in the airplane, you must secure YOUR mask before assisting others. If you aren't fixed yourself, you really aren't in a position to help your hubs...would you agree? As you well know, this disease is a bitch. I sneaked around and hid my booze, too. I also lied about it. Like you are owning YOUR problem, he's gonna have to own his, too, but no amount of your 'reminding' him about it is going to matter...just like it didn't matter to me when my hubs nagged. I was an addict. (am an addict). But how can you point out the error of his ways when you are drinking, too?

In your post, you have blamed many things....Chinese food, the hubs, the neighbor...etc...but I never heard you blame Alcohol. Also, your access to it....GET IT OUT. If your hubs is still drinking, then ask him to keep it out of your reach, that is the least he can do. Remember, the only relationships you can control are the ones you are in. Yours with AL is front and center.

I am also really worried about your small children are they seeing all this mayhem??? Is there driving involved?

If nothing changes....nothing will change. This is a major lifestyle change....it takes work. For us, ONE drink is too many. If you can get yourself in order, maybe your husband will follow your example. There's one thing for sure...your children will (either way). All you can control is yourself....if you need some professional help...get it.

What is your plan?? Really, do you have a plan? Are you ready to get sober?
I hope so...I was so afraid of it, but what scares the hell out of me now is if I hadn't. Life is SO much better now. I hope you wll make the commitment and take that leap of faith. Hugs....Byrdie

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Hippy. (LOL, I just love your name... I went to UC Santa Cruz and was a hippy miyself for a time!)

I love animals too! My sister-in-law (also has adhd) wasn't thinking and posted a picture of the little kitten we almost took and said R.I.P. Boots! on my Facebook page. I wasn't impressed!

Anyway, yes, you are right. I felt sick drinking. Thank God I didn't get drunk. Just sick. That was a great reminder of the poison!

Honey... I understand not "fitting" in with those mommies who don't think about booz all day and week, and who go to bed sober! My kiddos are in a Christian School, so it's even worse, because it's mostly a Mennonite School, and I bet many don't even drink at all!

The thing is THEY are the normal ones, we are not. I used to think "whatever... so I drink, they don't who cares?" It wasn't such a problem when my kids were younger, but now it is because my kids know something is different.

I haven't gotten teeth clenching. Maybe you should check with an Eye, Ears and Throat specialist. Maybe it's not related to the alcohol at all?

I went to Turkey in College with an exboyfriend. LOVED it. They had better red wine than Greece.

ha ha... guess that's about all I remember of THAT trip!

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Rainyday, I certainly understand a drunk husband who is in denial of his own disease. Mine will tell me something and then claim he didn't or will NOT tell me something important and then swear he did. He blames it on Gulf War Syndrome, so who am I to challenge that? All I know is that the 10 beers he drinks each day don't help at all. He gets so drunk he can't speak.

I also work do a bunch of dog and cat rescue work (well, I used to until you-know-who said he didn't want to anymore). I have seen horrible situations of puppy mills and horses worked to death on Amish farms. So I do understand a little piece of what you are going through. I never want to see that again!

I'm just so glad the kids weren't home to see her do that or to be the targets of her rage. You are very special for remaining in contact with them for the sake of the kids.

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters! Hope everyone is doing well today! Today has not been a easy one as I don't have to school today because the MLK holiday and it's COLD as heck outside so I am stuck at home. That old mind game is creeping on me today. It sucks! But when I first had that thought to go down to the store and buy a 12 pack I took a huge step outside myself and came out with a battle plan for today. EAT! Exercise in doors today. Drink water with lemon juice. Read books. Read posts on MWO. I know If I cave I will be another drinking spree. I just can't do this again. So keeping close to the nest today and reading a lot. Thank you everyone!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

FinallyDone...I'm glad you came here first! Hippy is so right...just when you think things can't get worse, they can!! By drinking! Push those thoughts out like you know to do...eat til you can't hold another bite!
I'm so proud of you! Hang in there, it IS worth it! XXOO, Byrdie