Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Well, quite frankly, the whole NEST sounds good! It is amazing the support and understanding ONLY WE can give each other! I don't know how people have ever conquered this alone...it would be a hard road to navigate without 'scouts' ahead to tell us what's coming...I've got Lav ahead of me and I appreciate that so much!!

My hubs is like all of yours, he just doesn't understand WHY. He knows I can't, but why I can't stop like he does just doesn't register. That's ok. I don't know why he likes cars either....a little mystery in the relationship, I guess!

When I was about 3 weeks in I was having a heck of a time one weekend...a quit buddy of mine was exactly 2 weeks ahead of me. The words she wrote could have been my own!! We really were 'of one mind'...anyway, she had a shopping trip planned with her sisters and afterwards they were going to stop at this little cafe and have a glass of wine. She said she would not be particpating in the wine, but would go....her next words became a mantra to me. "Besides, what's ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?" Those times that I said, what I'd give for one glass of _____. What a crock, I would NEVER be happy with that...I would be even MORE agitated with one until I got the next one...then the next. When you REALLY look at it, NONE is much better than a tease. We cannot take a tease...we go for the whole enchalada. A tease is nothing more than torture for us. At least for me....

I have a load of wash going and have a hot date with a dust rag today. Jealous? Anyone?
Well done Rednose!! So good to see you, on day 3 you are now operating under your own power! Keep going to Day 7 and Star will flash you one her of world famous MOONS!!
Jenn....I KNEW you could do it! I'm so happy for you!!! Everyone else, stay the course! You will NEVER be sorry you are sober!!! Have a happy day! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

I love waking up and reading the positive, supportive posts of the night before! There are many cool things about the way the internet has "shrunk" the world and this forum is one of them.

I've changed my avatar to specifically state my goal: No Wine. For me, AF means WF because I don't like anything else. I don't even really like white wine.

I also have changed my signature because I've noticed in all of your posts, I understand them better when I can see where you are on this journey.

Only 2 days AF doesn't feel like something to brag about (and I've been at day 2 many times since July) but I'm trying to see each day as an accomplishment and hope that by sharing details, I will be more likely to make this my last, successful attempt.

I have an extra incentive today! -- Yesterday I accidently marked today as an AF day in the default calendar on my iPod touch. Well, it turns out that even though the entry can be erased, the little dot that shows up indicating that there is a daily entry on the monthly calendar (the view I use to see my overall progress), won't go away! So, my calendar will be 'wrong' if I drink today. Not to say that a correct calendar is more important than simply not drinking, but I'll take any extra reasons I can get.

I hope all of you have wonderful, sober, weekends!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

You can do it, no sugar!! We believe in you!! I partially credit the success I have had this time to staying away from carbs, myself!! Just remember to eat plenty today!
Honeysuckle, if you happen to pop in over here, you have a prize waiting for you over in roll call. Well done on Seven days, dear!
Hey Byrdie- my cleaning supplies are courting me today too! What fun!
Have a great day, all!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Yes, Star...the whole staff has taken the week off and I'm left to clean my winter home alone! Hand to forehead!! (see the part where there IS no staff and my home is the size of a postage stamp and it's the only one I got).
Well done Honeysuckle!!! 7 Days is a BIG WIN!!! Byrdie

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

EVERY LAST ONE OF US CAN DO BETTER THAN GIVE UP."

Tess, I love this quote you posted today....it rings true for all of us......thank you.
I have been very busy back and forth to hospital, getting a hospital bed, equipment and services set up for FIL when he is finally discharged. Never know if it is going to be today, tomorrow or longer at this point. They really do try to get patients out before they are ready.

Just wanted to pop into the Nest for a quick hello. Lots of activity here as usual, and lots of positive things happening for so many. Jenni.....I haven't had the chance to say congratulations on your success at the conference, but you did a great job. You thought it out and planned ahead, and the next challenge will be easier after this experience. Well done!

Byrdie and Star....today is a catch up day for me as well.....loads of laundry waiting for me as well as bathrooms to clean. Also need to get out and get some fresh air (even though its -8 Celsius)...the sun is out and the wind is calm. Have been indoors for far too many days.

Have a good day everyone!

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone!

Long time no see. I have missed many of you! It’s not that I don’t visit and read but I just didn’t have the time to post and I guess I could not find the right things to say.

Today I wish I could learn to let the little things go. I refer to the pity fights over nothing. Especially with strangers that have massive egos or just looking for an argument. Today a girl started swearing at me because I didn’t answer her as I was wearing my earphones. When I finally heard her swears past my music I turned around and answered. I guess at this point she was past the point of logical thinking. I answered her original question. However, that prompted even more swears. As I started to walk away her boyfriend finally found his voice and threw a couple F*** yous my way. I found the will not to be rude back and just walked away. However, I must say my ego was slightly hurt. Not because people swore at me but because I felt like I let them get away with it. I am a pretty tall and in pretty good shape man so it hurts me on the inside when a girl half my size and her boyfriend who is much smaller than me decide to dump their problems on me.

I know it takes a bigger person to walk away from an argument. But how do I learn to let these things go once I do walk away???

And why do so many women these days try to pick fights with guys? Some of them get physical. However, god forbids a guy returns a push or a punch he will get a beat down by men around him or get in trouble with police. So much for equality. Just stay there and get hit by a tiny girl.

Sorry for my rumble I just feel very steamy right now. Needed to share. As there are so many women on this site. May be it would be good to hear your opinion. Why is it ok for women to be violent towards men or should I say why are men not allowed to return the aggression if pushed that far by women.

Allan

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

so many posts
no sugar-I'm a stickler for that stuff too. My quit date was 12/12/12, pretty easy to remember. That's just one more reason to not have to go back to day one, I'ld have a date I couldn't remember.
Rednose-be careful thinking running out naked to get booze is silly, just ask K9 with her torn up PJ's flashing the guy at the liquor store.
You all are so profound, I'll have to come back later when I can actually pay attention. Gotta get busy and work.

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

allankay;1450959 wrote: Hello everyone!

Long time no see. I have missed many of you! It?s not that I don?t visit and read but I just didn?t have the time to post and I guess I could not find the right things to say.

Today I wish I could learn to let the little things go. I refer to the pity fights over nothing. Especially with strangers that have massive egos or just looking for an argument. Today a girl started swearing at me because I didn?t answer her as I was wearing my earphones. When I finally heard her swears past my music I turned around and answered. I guess at this point she was past the point of logical thinking. I answered her original question. However, that prompted even more swears. As I started to walk away her boyfriend finally found his voice and threw a couple F*** yous my way. I found the will not to be rude back and just walked away. However, I must say my ego was slightly hurt. Not because people swore at me but because I felt like I let them get away with it. I am a pretty tall and in pretty good shape man so it hurts me on the inside when a girl half my size and her boyfriend who is much smaller than me decide to dump their problems on me.

I know it takes a bigger person to walk away from an argument. But how do I learn to let these things go once I do walk away???

And why do so many women these days try to pick fights with guys? Some of them get physical. However, god forbids a guy returns a push or a punch he will get a beat down by men around him or get in trouble with police. So much for equality. Just stay there and get hit by a tiny girl.

Sorry for my rumble I just feel very steamy right now. Needed to share. As there are so many women on this site. May be it would be good to hear your opinion. Why is it ok for women to be violent towards men or should I say why are men not allowed to return the aggression if pushed that far by women.

Allan

Hi Allan,

Pleased to 'meet' you
Im really sorry to hear of your horrible experience today. Im not sure in what context it occured, were the people strangers etc.?
No matter tho as their behaviour was downright wrong. In my humble opinion your reaction to walk away was the correct one. You did not bring yourself down to their level. I totally empathise with you feeling angry and bewildered, would feel same way myself. It is good that you can and have voiced yourself here and not on that street.

I cant really comment on violence from woman toward men, think any sort of violence is wrong end of.

Hope you are feeling better having posted your feelings, and that you dont ever have to come across that delightful pair again xo

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hey Allan. What sweet pea said!!!
I tend to "stew" about those kinds of things myself and I think it's because I keep wondering what I did wrong. Well the answer is - you did nothing wrong!! You did the best thing and you are the better person. So just disregard the whole incident. Just like lav told me yesterday - negative people aren't happy unless they are trying to bring others down to their level. So Allan, don't give them the satisfaction. Hope the rest of your day is much better!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I'm with SweatPea and Star...it's harder to do what you did, Allan, than to engage with those two. There is a saying that I've always heard: If you argue with a fool, a bystander can't tell the difference. I look at some our political leaders here in the U.S. (perhaps a bad example) especially during the debates...the ones that flailed and raised their voices look like a bunch of blooming idiots...the ones with the cool heads had and hold my respect. It isn't easy, but I think you did the right thing. I think our whole culture has lost its civility.
My mother yelled at me a lot. To this day, it is the most ineffective way to get a point across to me. In fact, I can't think of a worse way to try and sway me. Those that use it are cutting out some very important steps in the process...that of reasoning and understanding. I guess it's a shortcut.
Imagine how you'd feel now had you engaged in a face to face shouting match? Prolly pretty stupid. Shake it off and chalk it up to experience. We still love and respect you for it!!! Byrdie

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys...Im just joining in on the good vibes here....It's a good day and i'm very proud of my boy today...:-)

Allan, I do struggle too with "letting go" of it when someone is confrontational to me. It eats away at me. I wish I had some answers, but I do hope that venting to us here, helped in some way. And it's pretty funny - as I was waiting at school to pick up my son yesterday, I saw some high school girls that acted "tough" - confrontational even in the way they looked at someone else....and I started to wonder when it became "cool" to not be a nice person. To look down on others and have an "attitude". I mean I "kinda" get it with guys - the attitude and acting tough - but since when do girls/women think they have to be like that rather than be classy or kind? I'm not trying to get in the middle of some men vs. women appropriateness debate here - but why can't people in general just be kind and respect each other....

Byrdie, I hope you haven't been abducted by dust bunnies. I laughed at the whole help has the week off - bit....LOL.

Love you guys....if you're in trouble - reach out and ask for some help, OK? Byrdie's right - I can't imagine....no wait - I can....I TRIED to go it alone for years. I cried in the night many times....I wanted to ask my hubs for help...but chickened out....I wanted to end the nightmare....but I never was able until I found this place.:l

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

oh and Allan - my arms and shoulders are SCREAMING after this morning's workout....so if you need to call on a "girl" to kick some arse back - I'm workin on it - LOL!!!!!

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Hi Allan, I've been doing krav maga for 5 years - send them my way. I could use the real-life practice.

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Thanks everybody! I feel much better after posting here and after all of your responses. I do need to make an effort to post more often 1) to support others like you did for me and 2) to help myself through tough times.

Lola, the last time we talked you planned on attempting P90x I believe. How is it going?

Byrdie, thanks you are supportive as always. Love you!

Siren, I have watched some krav maga demonstrations on YouTube and I was very impressed. I think it’s the most practical self defence course out there.

Star, I have been following your progress. You are doing an amazing job. I now feel a little guilty that I didn’t post a quick reply when you were having issues with people a few days ago. Thank you.

Sweetpea, nice to meet you too. Look forward to chatting with you soon.

ALLAN

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Hi Allan, how are you my quit buddy?

The culture of 'feck you' is now so common. Women will instigate knowing they won't be hit. I also think that the rise in drinking in women means many are just hungover and mean.

When I encounter this behaviour I just feel sorry for them knowing their lives are NOT happy.

Isn't Honeysuckle due a moon? Or am I confusing her with someone else?