Newbies Nest

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1452943 wrote: HOT DANG, I did it!!!!!!!!!! Hippy, the nest is OURS! Spread the word, I say!!

I DID IT...I DID IT! But your signature looks so much neater and more well balanced than mine does Brydie. Oh well, That says alot...........Don't you think? :H :H :H

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

SUPER depressed today. Haven't felt this way for a few months.

I have been getting a lot accomplished at home. Caught up on a mountain of laundry from a house of five. Getting piles of stuff organized and off the floor. We live in a small house, but have tons of toys, paperwork, homework, etc, cluttering our house. I used to be so organized, but after starting Zoloft (medicine induced ADHD for me!), and then having 3 young kids and living with a husband with ADHD for 11 years, our house has become unmanageable. But I've been succeeding.

At work, I have been not so successful. Missing deadlines. Feel scattered. Foggy. I have too many interruptions at work, and it's always hard to get back on track. I should lock my door! Yesterday I talked with my coworker about the commute to work as it was icy out. Technically, I'm her boss, but I feel more like a coworker than a boss. I told her to take her time getting in because the roads were a sheet of ice. I called her later and told her I was taking a personal day because I didn't want to chance driving my 2 year old son down a very icy road that I would have to take to get him to my parents. I never thought to call my elected "boss" to tell him we would either be late, or not come in at all. He called the office yesterday morning and no one was in.

Well... he was pretty upset about it and "called me on it" today.

I hate being criticized. So that really set me off. He said he knew people coming from much further than us, and they didn't have any trouble getting to work.

I tried to make a joke of it later today as I usually do to ease the tension, and usually he softens, but he wasn't in the mood today.

Then on Facebook, I am following a little boy same age as my son who had a tree limb fell on his head Oct 29th. He has traumatic brain damage, and it's heartwrenching seeing how he was before to how he is now. I am actually following two boys, the other is 5, who is basically a total vegetable. At least the 2 year old is making very slow progress, like swallowing when ice cream is placed on his tongue.

I am just so emotional today.

Husband is working late every night. My kids have been a mess. Tantrums every day.

My kids guidance counselor called us last night. We knew she would be. Our 8-year old went to her because she was upset that we fight so much.

Here everyone thinks we have the perfect relationship... if they only knew...

Anyone else ever feel their brain and heart was swelling with grief? It must be chemical. But it's horrible.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Aww, Rainy :l
Of course, everyone feels like that from time to time. Some more than others. But the more distance we continue to put between ourselves and AL, the less "down" we feel.
Try to concentrate on the great work you are getting done around the house. Forget the boss's attitude. It too shall pass. And maybe, for right now, just try not to further your depression by dwelling on the situation with those poor little boys. It is very sad, but you cant really do anything about it (besides pray for them and maybe, if you know them personally, you can support the family with meals, etc.). Try concentrating on how FORTUNATE you are to have your family safe and sound. And above all, remember that you won't have 2 bad days in a row, Rainy. I bet you feel better tomorrow!
:h

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1452853 wrote: Hi all
I am back in reality....home from skiing Vail on my 49th birthday Sunday!! It was truly beautiful. And boy, did I get my exercise for the weekend!!

I did so well on the business part of my trip to CO. Stayed sober during the Thursday bore of a "bowling and drinks" party. Awoke Friday completely refreshed and ready to ski. Picked my husband up at the airport. He has a fear of flying so it took awhile for him to warm up to being away from the kids for the weekend. We went out to a fancy restaurant in Vail for dinner. Before I could launch in.....wait, I need to be completely honest.....I could not bring myself to launch in on trying to explain to him why I can't drink anymore. It was such a beautiful place and far from my personal reality. Do you know what I mean? To talk about my alcoholism would be to take us out of that fantasy which was only going to last a couple of days. So, I hit a bump. It was my birthday, I was in Vail, alone with my husband. Yes, all excuses....I must say, I did not overdo it but I did drink. Driving home from the airport last night in the sleet and rainy highways all I could think about was going out and buying a bottle of wine to relieve the stress of traveling all day...through the snowy rockies, rushing to get flight after dropping off rental, dealing with screaming child on plane, getting baggage....yuck....but I rejected that thought as an option. So I feel ok today but sorry I let myself down. But luckily for my sobriety, there won't be anymore fantasy trips unlike any other in the near and far future. That was really a once in a lifetime thing (wow, expensive even with the business part of expenses and flight, car service etc. paid for by company)
thanks for putting up with my ramble.
new day: january 28.

Jenniech - This is just my opinion, but I believe your honesty and self-knowledge are going to save you. Honesty and Self-Knowledge. Alcohol is brilliant!! It is going to wait for you, "be there for you," make promises to you ALL of the time: weddings, birthdays, funerals, Super Bowl, job loss, new job, dinner party, night out, boring day, you get the idea... But I believe that you SEE alcohol for what it is. Again, my opinion, but it is critically important to your sobriety and happiness that you not make any further excuses. None. Because (just ask ANY of us) there is always going to be an excuse to drink.

Jenni - you are going to make it. With or without your husband's ability to understand alcoholism. My husband does not understand. Goodness!! My husband brought home wine to have with dinner just a couple of nights ago. I said, "No, thank you." (Ok, my rejection of the wine was a little more colorful than that...)

I believe the general public, which includes your husband and mine, hears "alcoholic" and thinks of a homeless person with a gallon of Gallo. That could not be further from the truth. Alcohol is an equal-opportunity employer. EVERYONE is invited to the party -- the party of self-destruction.

Someone on this post, someone very wise but I don't remember their name, suggested that I use other terms with my husband than, alcoholic, alcohol abuse, (hmm.. can't recall the list just now.) But it was suggested that I simply say that I am no longer drinking. That seemed like wise counsel to me.

Welcome back to The Nest. We are happy that you are here!! :groupluv:

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[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rainy...so sorry you are having a down day....What day are you on? As I asked Slay the other day, What's your body count?

Jenn, I'm with Tess...vacations are part of real life, too. I can't take a vacation from my alcoholism...well, I quess I can, but that is a disaster. When I say protect your quit no matter what and no matter who...well, that goes for ALL the things life throws out. Maybe I was one bottle short from being that bum in the street, and maybe you aren't as bad as I was, but you gotta build up your immunity to things like that. Starting back at Day 1 sucks. And Kuya has so aptly said, each time you cave and let AL have its way IT gets stronger... and quitting gets harder, not easier. Just my 2 cents...

Stay strong everyone, AL IS out to get you! Down let your shields down for a moment! Byrdie

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends, good to see you all here!

Jenni, as hard as it is to come here and post what you did, I'm glad you posted it here instead of just wandering away.

Rainy, sending you some strength.

Slay, you started on a Friday...High Five! You got some guts!

I'll check in later, but wanted to say hi. Have a great AF afternoon!

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

Went to get some of my antidetox tea. As I was taking the bag out of the paper it comes in, I was thinking "DAMN! I'm so depressed, I could puke"! Threw the paper out and went to read the one word saying it always has on the paper attached to the tea bag. Today's word was "SMILE". ha ha. Good one.

So I forced a smile and it helped. I once read even if you don't feel like smiling, the act alone is healthy and helpful. Even stimulates your organs! Guess it did something for me so anyway!

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters, another beautiful day here in NZ

Jenni......that must have felt hard, good on you for fessing up. Honesty is the ONLY way. What is, is, and denial was all part of the original problem. When you are longer and stronger in your quit you will be able to share this with him. I am NOW very proud to tell people 'I don't drink' because I am confident I WON'T drink. But that took time, a couple of months.

Slay... Glad you are back on track. I can relate to the frustration you have felt, I have the same with smoking. I was quit buddy with Yah on my daily ABS thread, she is now six weeks quit and I am still quietly shortening my life. But I listen to her and realise it CAN be done, I admire what she has achieved. When I do quit it will be MY achievement, her extra six or sixty weeks are irrelevant.
May I also counsel that you focus on you till you are strong. You give too much too soon and wear yourself out. Trying to be superhuman is part of addictive thinking.

Rainy...do yourself a favour during your early days and stay away from deeply emotional stuff. I STILL do, if I can after five months I am still too fragile. The problems in the world will still be there when you are well :h

On the subject of repeat slips, on which there is much debate, Paulywogg drew a useful analogy a couple of days ago.

She likened quitting to a wound healing and when we drink, even once, we have picked the scab off. The body will immediately start to heal again BUT keep picking that scab off and the wound gets deeper and slower to heal. People who repeatedly slip find it harder to remain abstainant.
Remain vigilant and leave that scab alone.....no matter how tempting and temporarily rewarding picking at it is.

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Dear Loving and Wise Friends in Newbies Nest,

Most importantly: I love All of you!! Yes, I am not able to help myself. I am such a lover and not a fighter. But... cross someone that I love and I will fight to the death...

Here's my conundrum, sweet and wise Birds (we are in a nest, right?) who have gone before me: tomorrow is AF Day 30. I don't have any specific goals in terms of days. I don't plan to ever drink the sly and deceitful AL again, BUT I am like a bride the day before her wedding: glorious and scared to death. Cold Feet!!

Honestly, my heart is racing. I have chosen my True Love (sobriety) and am bejeweled for my wedding day, but (and please help me here) why am I somewhat terrified?

I am SO UNSPEAKABLY GRATEFUL to all of you (I am afraid to name names for fear I will forget one of you) for saving me from jumping in the river to my death.

I was going to jump.

Any advice for my honeymoon?

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Treat yourself to a spa treatment with all the money you have saved from being 30 days being AF. Get a massage or a mani/pedi or a facial. Or mix and match!

My 30 day celebration is going to be to put my accomplishment into my signature line here.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Miss Tess...This is NORMAL!!! The 'What Next' Syndrome!! I went back to dust off a note I wrote to our own AllanKay...at his 30 day mark, he was LOW, and wasn't sure why....I wrote this in response to him:

I wish it were possible for me to post all the links that read like this, Allan. It's the 'Now what?' Syndrome....
Take heart, even tho you have your hat now....there are some things to remember.
We are, essentially, saying goodbye to a relationship...and that's hard to do even when the relationship is abusive. I've seen it named "Euphoric Recall" when we think about the good ole times we had with our companion...in the process of letting go, there are the stages of grief that will happen: Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You've been thru the first three...and now you are entering the phase when, naturally, you wonder 'is that all there is?'. This is NORMAL! I would bet my last penny that tomorrow you will be on top of the world...you never have 2 bad days in a row...and if you really look at it, the bad days aren't nearly as bad as they WERE! The next stage is acceptance, and I'll tell you, this is something to look forward to...at this point, you really can see AL for what it is...you can see its path of destruction...it becomes almost textbook in the way it operates in people.

I remember the first posts you had...I spotted you for a winner those 30 days ago... you had been to another site for support and weren't all that thrilled with it...you have been a great asset here, I can tell you. Not only getting support, but offering it, too. Please trust me when I say that this is a normal and necessary step in your recovery...you are doing a great job. You have made wonderful strides and made new friends. You have MUCH to be proud of!! I, for one, am VERY proud of you!! B

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

The terror you are feeling Tess is probably fear of success.
When we start this process we are stepping into the unknown, convinced we will fail. At 30 days sober, we KNOW we can STAY sober. This major change is terrifying and many will subconsciously self sabotage at this point.

I think that as well as being VERY proud it would be cathartic to weep. Something that was a massive part of your life is now gone. You must grieve to allow the next part of the journey to take root......LIVING sober.

This is completely different to GETTING sober, new habits and hobbies must be tried as you find out who the sober YOU is. Everyone will strike out on different paths as we are all diverse beings.

At this point I started posting on the daily ABS thread as well as here. It helped and still does. Changes to diet, exercise took me longer but sharing day to day life rather than constant alcohol talk was vital.

And an early congratulations on your 30 days Tess. It has been a pleasure.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Kuya, my ever wise MWO friend, you make so much more sense to me when I'm not completely encompassed in dark clouds of grief and gloom.

Honesty is the ONLY way. What is, is, and denial was all part of the original problem.
I just picked this up off of an inspirational fb page:

"Just say YES to whatever is happening in your life then if need be go about changing it. We can not change anything we reject."
Shanti Ananda

We can certainly carry enough anger around until we do stop rejecting the truth and a bit longer when we do accept what we don't want to accept. So, I like this quote.

When I do quit it will be MY achievement, her extra six or sixty weeks are irrelevant. May I also counsel that you focus on you till you are strong. You give too much too soon and wear yourself out. Trying to be superhuman is part of addictive thinking.

I like that philosophy! In your time, it will be YOUR achievement. You are a wise and reasoned woman, you'll conquer that demon, too, when you are ready. I have no doubt.

As far as trying to be superhuman, yes, guilty. That was in my post to RC...the logo on the front of our shield that we have so much trouble putting down in the daylight hours. I actually understand that this time around. I've humbled myself a bit more to admit I need some helping hands and accountability factors and to read, listen and absorb more vs. rapid participation. You aren't the first one to say that to me. lol SLOW DOWN, SLAY! So that's a part of our addictive personality...hmmm...have to give that a bit more thought.:l

Thanks Pinecone. Holds up hand for the slap. Alright, we are into slaps today.

Rainyday quote:
Here everyone thinks we have the perfect relationship... if they only knew...

Anyone else ever feel their brain and heart was swelling with grief? It must be chemical. But it's horrible.

Been there, love. You are not alone. I'm going through some tough heartache and such as well. Horrible...oh yeah! Just read back through some of my latest messages. Today is the first day I can really say I feel more positive and not so rung out. I'm not sure of what day you are on, but the AL REALLY makes everything worse. It won't change your current situation by being AF, but it will change you so you can change it with strength. Stay here and stay strong with us.:l:h

Love,

Slay

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

Brydie, do you get paid for this.... :youwish: you did! YOU SHOULD!

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

X post Byrdie .....same advice though ! :H