Newbies Nest

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

Slaythefear;1453174 wrote: Been there, love. You are not alone. I'm going through some tough heartache and such as well. Horrible...oh yeah! Just read back through some of my latest messages. Today is the first day I can really say I feel more positive and not so rung out. I'm not sure of what day you are on, but the AL REALLY makes everything worse. It won't change your current situation by being AF, but it will change you so you can change it with strength. Stay here and stay strong with us.:l:h

Love,

Slay

Thanks, and you are right. AL is what has actually made it all so WRONG.

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

SO MUCH HAPPINESS

by Naomi Shihab Nye

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.

With sadness there is something to rub against,

a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.

When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to

pick up.

something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs

or change.


But happiness floats.

It doesn't need you to hold it down.

It doesn't need anything.

Happiness lands on the roof of the next house singing,

and disappears when it wants to.

You are happy either way.

Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house

and now live in a quarry of noise and dust

cannot make you unhappy.

Everything has a life of its own,

it too could wake up filled with possibilities

of coffee cake and ripe peaches,

and love even the floor which needs to be swept,

the soiled linens and scratched records....


Since there is no place large enough

to contain so much happiness,

you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you

into everything you touch. You are not responsible.

You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit

for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,

and in that way, be known.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

That's a GREAT reminder, Brydlady. I remember my first 30 day mark. Not only did the 'What Next' come into play, but I went into a bad depression on that day as did Allan. I love the abusive relationship reference because even in those, we are comfortable in the regularity and uncomfortable to go through change. However, no growth comes, no great horizons to see if we don't make the change. Forever is such a scary word! Regardless of what we are letting go of, it is a loss and we will grieve and fear the 'forever gone' concept. It's tough.

Tess, stay close here. I became cocky when I reached day 39 and it began my first slip. I'm on my third attempt at long term sobriety, so stay here and be vigilant, but reward yourself for a great achievement so far. Congrats, girl!:l

Love,

Slay

Edit: Love the Poem, Tess!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I blamed an awful lot of my problems on other things...ANY thing really...like you compensate for a lover who you know you should let go. I blamed hormones, and bad luck and bad timing and my hubs and stress and my dad's ill health, I blamed the guy who puts the cheese on the nachos at ball games.... absolutely anything else but low and behold, the problem was ALCOHOL! The reason I had come here to begin with! Then once other things started being knocked aside and all I had left to blame were me and AL, well, the conversation got mighty short. One of us had to go and I didn't want it to be me! Will getting sober help everything? Just about. Is my life perfect? No, far from it, but I can sure COPE with it better, and roll with the punches instead of being knocked down by them. AL is the problem! That's why we're here! Byrdie

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1453176 wrote: X post Byrdie .....same advice though ! :H

OK Kuya, you should get paid for this as well....

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Rainyday;1453185 wrote: OK Kuya, you should get paid for this as well....

I am Rainy......I am sober

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1453171 wrote: Miss Tess...This is NORMAL!!! The 'What Next' Syndrome!! I went back to dust off a note I wrote to our own AllanKay...at his 30 day mark, he was LOW, and wasn't sure why....I wrote this in response to him:

I wish it were possible for me to post all the links that read like this, Allan. It's the 'Now what?' Syndrome....
Take heart, even tho you have your hat now....there are some things to remember.
We are, essentially, saying goodbye to a relationship...and that's hard to do even when the relationship is abusive. I've seen it named "Euphoric Recall" when we think about the good ole times we had with our companion...in the process of letting go, there are the stages of grief that will happen: Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You've been thru the first three...and now you are entering the phase when, naturally, you wonder 'is that all there is?'. This is NORMAL! I would bet my last penny that tomorrow you will be on top of the world...you never have 2 bad days in a row...and if you really look at it, the bad days aren't nearly as bad as they WERE! The next stage is acceptance, and I'll tell you, this is something to look forward to...at this point, you really can see AL for what it is...you can see its path of destruction...it becomes almost textbook in the way it operates in people.

I remember the first posts you had...I spotted you for a winner those 30 days ago... you had been to another site for support and weren't all that thrilled with it...you have been a great asset here, I can tell you. Not only getting support, but offering it, too. Please trust me when I say that this is a normal and necessary step in your recovery...you are doing a great job. You have made wonderful strides and made new friends. You have MUCH to be proud of!! I, for one, am VERY proud of you!! B

We are saying goodbye to a relationship, Yes, my sweet Byrdladie, I spent countless hours and countless dollars in my master bedroom closet. So scary!! I am free now. Free. How fortunate am I? There is no measure of my fortune. But, my sweet Byrdie, I am also a little tired. However, no matter. Nothing is as sweet as winning the battle against the Most Clever Player: Alcohol.

I am going to go pet my dogs. They are the picture of intelligence and integrity and love.

I am a little bit tired, my sweet friends, a little bit tired, ~

[Rainyday]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1453193 wrote: I am Rainy......I am sober

True be that!

Off to get the kids. Praying for an uneventful night! Last night the two oldest (girls 7 and 8) were in major temper tantrum mode. Unusual for the 8 year old, but I don't usually have them right after school as they go to my parent's house and do their homework there. I didn't even think to ask if they had homework!

Turns out there was ALOT of homework, and no one told me till just before bed! Not that it wasn't my fault for not asking, but nonetheless, it all ended with them being tired, me freaking out because there was so much to do, dad just walking in the door, son not having a nap and more than ready for bed... and the whole saga was too much!

We'll see what we have this evening.

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Let's all hope Byrdie is right about never having 2 bad days in a row!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1453173 wrote: The terror you are feeling Tess is probably fear of success.
When we start this process we are stepping into the unknown, convinced we will fail. At 30 days sober, we KNOW we can STAY sober. This major change is terrifying and many will subconsciously self sabotage at this point.

I think that as well as being VERY proud it would be cathartic to weep. Something that was a massive part of your life is now gone. You must grieve to allow the next part of the journey to take root......LIVING sober.

This is completely different to GETTING sober, new habits and hobbies must be tried as you find out who the sober YOU is. Everyone will strike out on different paths as we are all diverse beings.

At this point I started posting on the daily ABS thread as well as here. It helped and still does. Changes to diet, exercise took me longer but sharing day to day life rather than constant alcohol talk was vital.

And an early congratulations on your 30 days Tess. It has been a pleasure.

... it would be cathartic to weep... I can't seem to stop the tears... But, still, I now picture myself as a tender child in the arms of a loving parent. A loving parent. A loving parent.

I am tired.

It's been such a fight. If anyone says the first 30 days (ok, 29 days) are easy, they are not being honest. Yes, successes (highs) and fights to the death with AL (lows), but , God love us All, we are victors in a fight to the death.

Ok, so I think the best thing for me right now is to get in bed and rest. Rest.

I love All of you, as I have probably said before!! Thank you for new life: For New Life!! :wow3:

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

oh BOY - is that an understatement...those first 30 days seemed to me to last an eternity. I felt that for most of them, i was just white knuckling it to get to bed time. There were occasional joys and amazements - how good it felt to snuggle into bed at night - and waking up, and driving without worrying about my impairment...all of it - it was a really good feeling and lots of pride, but so very hard.

((Byrdie, that guy who puts the cheese on the nachos???? :H I hadn't thought of HIM!))

You will have the doldrums....the bad days....the boredom....the irritable kids.....and for awhile, your first instinct will be to drink. Because that's how you USED to deal with those things....It's how I used to deal with everything...but you've got to give yourself the chance to experience those things WITHOUT alcohol....and use it as a learning experience...because it will be a very valuable one. Every one you make it through, you gain that much more experience and confidence in yourself at dealing with things without alcohol.

Just be wary of using things to justify drinking....Most situations can be diffused pretty easily if you take some deep breaths and use some coping skills....I often found that I would almost get caught up in the drama of things...almost get excited when the anxiety started to rise - because then I had a "good reason" to drink....and I know at times, I sought out tense situations and probably made them even more tense - in some weird attempt at justifying the drinking.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

lolab;1453227 wrote: ((Byrdie, that guy who puts the cheese on the nachos???? :H I hadn't thought of HIM!))

I always blamed the guy that put the butter on the popcorn at the movies (he put too much on, that's why I had to sneak in a 6 pack of beer to wash it down).

Siren - Byrdie is right...no 2 bad days in a row...say it with me a few times

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1453259 wrote: I always blamed the guy that put the butter on the popcorn at the movies (he put too much on, that's why I had to sneak in a 6 pack of beer to wash it down).

Siren - Byrdie is right...no 2 bad days in a row...say it with me a few times

:H....you too????

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

aren't we all extremely skilled at making up excuses and justifications!!!!! thanks for your continued support....I feel like I not only let myself down, but I let the nest down as well. The good news is, I have simply brushed myself off and jumped right back into the nest. In prior slips, I would just slink away for months at a time. You guys inspire me, you make me laugh and you help me through the cravings.

As for the 30 day conundrum, I can totally relate. Wait until you approach 90 days!! I didn't make it. So, as much as it is important to count the days, I no longer try to place too much emphasis on it....afterall, the goal is to remain free from alcohol, not just free for a short and/or long period of time. Treat yourself to something out of the ordinary, but don't think about it too much.....just a day at a time is all that really matters.

And Tess, thanks so much for your vote of confidence! It helps a TON to know that the support is still here....
:thanks:

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

I too am approaching the 30 day mark....tomorrow. I have been so busy I haven't been able to think past that 30 day goal. I had considered a week or so ago what my plans were going to be, and at the time it still seemed off in the distance a bit. Now it's almost here! What to do, what to do?
I know my original intention was to learn to moderate but had read here that in order to know if you can, it was a good idea to first do 30 days.
I suppose my desire is still to know whether that is possible. I had never given myself a 30 days break before......had always been afraid of quitting because I was afraid I would find out that I wasn't able to. Now I know I can .....with the support I've found through MWO and The Nest in particular.
I'm not sure what my long term goal is just yet. I may continue to take it done day at a time for the time being.
Whatever my long term plans turn out to be, I want to thank everyone here for their encouragement, advice and friendship. Two who helped me over a rough spot a couple of weeks ago, Lav and Byrdie.....you have been so supportive of not only me, but countless others here.
I have never had this success on my own......so I am very grateful to all of you
I will most definitely still be around to maintain the strength I have gains by being a part of this wonderful place we call The Nest. :h:thanks: